Enjoy It Folks, Because It's Going To Be A While Before We Have Another President That Can Deliver A Phil Kessel Joke
Ahhh, would you look at that? That delivery? So smooth. So polished. So...uhh...free of an ulterior motive. So unlike anything we are going to see or hear once one of these two unbearably inarticulate, completely oblivious assholes get into office. I don't even care that Barack Obama has someone informing him of the litany of ironic-turned-genuine Phil Kessel love floating around the internet. The fact that he could seamlessly allude to it without falling directly on his face is a skill that his position will be without come November.
And trust me, I know that the fact that our new President won't be able to discuss sports in a pseudo-educated way isn't even remotely close to this country's biggest problem. It is, however, one problem that isn't downright frightening to think about. I'd rather focus on the changes that are going to make me sad instead of the changes that are going to make me fearful of our nation's future.
That's why I am concerning myself with having a Commander-In-Chief that doesn't know the Cavaliers play in Cleveland without slowly and painfully reading it off a script. That's why I am truly appreciating a leader that loves sports before I am potentially subjected to a leader that uses the deaths of popular athlete's family members to sway public opinion. I don't pay enough attention to politics to grade how good of a job Barack Obama did in office. I can tell you that he always seemed like a relatable dude with the uncanny ability to speak publicly about anything and everything. I didn't think that ability was helping me sleep better at night until I started watching Hillary blink aimlessly at Mary J. Blige while she sang about police brutality or Donald Trump wax poetic about Joe Paterno on a rival campus.
I'm not at all religious, but God bless Barack Obama, God bless Phil Kessel, and - most importantly - God bless Barack Obama's competence in making a Phil Kessel joke without making me want to Van Gogh myself into deafness.