The Teachers Filmed Playing "Fuck, Marry, Kill" About Their Students In A Bar Kept Their Jobs2/15/2017 9News- Parents at a US school are livid that six teachers filmed playing the game "f---, marry, kill" about students during a drinking session at a local bar have kept their jobs.
The group of teachers were filmed surreptitiously sometime in mid-January at the Bangor Tavern in Michigan discussing students and other staff members. The premise of the game involves a person being given three names, and having to select which of the three they would hypothetically kill, marry, or have sex with. The video circulated around the small town several weeks ago before coming to public attention on Monday when it was posted on YouTube. But after a school and police investigation, it was concluded that no teacher would lose their jobs, although a secretary resigned. The teachers were instead given written or verbal reprimands, angering parents at a fiery meeting held yesterday. "When I hear off-campus or off-duty conduct, we can't regulate what teachers, school staff, bus drivers do, unless it has an adverse effect on the school setting," school attorney Robert Huber said. (Disclaimer: I'm assuming these are high school teachers, and if they aren't then completely ignore the following.) I can't believe it. I simply can't believe it. A bunch of whiney parents who are probably lucky their kids' teachers aren't actually fucking, marrying, or (mostly) killing their bratty sons and daughters threw a fit and an employer actually stood by its employees?! Maybe there is hope for humanity after all! Take notes ESPN, because this is a win for society. Hell, this is a win for anyone that's sat in a bar, had a drink, and said whatever the fuck they were feeling at the time. As far as I am concerned, an Irish pub is basically the non-churchgoer's confessional. Whatever gets said inside the friendly confines of the local watering hole should be confidential. Especially when it's said during a harmless game about kids that undoubtedly give the "players" an endless amount of grief. If you think teachers - that aren't paid nearly enough to deal with the bullshit that results from a room full of teenagers - stand on some moral high ground then you should have been deemed too stupid to conceive. Shit, show me a teacher that isn't a borderline alcoholic who has no problem putting a voice to their homicidal fantasies and I'll show you a teacher that's at risk of murdering his/her students. You know what kind of teacher is too scared to talk about boning a student in a hypothetical scenario? The type of teacher that ends up in a mugshot after turning an inexperienced boy into one lucky man. If I asked one of the many (often irresponsible) teachers that I know to do a 'FMK' featuring their students in confidence and they scoffed at me then I would instantly hire a private investigator. If people who put up with shit from hormonal assholes all goddamned day won't get their frustrations out by saying something fucked up then they are absolutely at risk of doing it.
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I'm almost ashamed to say this, but I had my doubts about Johnny Football's attempt at...well...actually playing football. I thought that the noise he was making about a comeback was potentially just the liquor talking, but carefully crafted workout montages set to intense, adrenaline inducing hip hop songs don't lie, and this one makes it pretty clear that the man who drank his way out of a job is ready to fight to get it back. In the interest of full disclosure, I would usually consider the person lifting weights in a snapback to be a try-hard douchebag that's not even remotely concerned with anything other than keeping up the illusion of hard work. However, you don't do ab exercises in a winter beanie unless you're serious about sweating all the booze out of your system. Watch out NFL, because if Johnny Manziel's camo shorts are any indication then he is on the war path to success and he's only a couple of Instagrammed sets of pull-ups away from taking no prisoners. AwfulAnnouncing- Last month at the Australian Open, Doug Adler who was calling matches on ESPN3 and DirecTV was fired by the Worldwide Leader. It over a comment during the Venus Williams-Stefanie Voegele match which he claims was misinterpreted.
Adler said the comment he used was “guerrilla” as in a soldier or military tactics. There was outrage on Twitter saying Adler said “gorilla” instead of “guerrilla” The comment was “You see Venus move in and put the guerrilla effect on … charging.” TMZ is reporting that Adler is suing ESPN over the incident and that now he can’t find work because “no one will hire a ‘racist.'” And he points out that he’s “anything but a racist.” Adler says Twitter freaked out and misunderstood what he was trying to say — wrongly interpreting the comment as racist. Instead, Adler says the term is NOT racist, but rather a “frequently used” word in tennis to describe an aggressive style of play. In fact, Adler says Nike ran a tennis campaign back in the ’90s called “Guerrilla Tennis.” Adler says ESPN understood what he meant but made him apologize anyway … only to fire him a short time later. Welp, you can throw this lawsuit out the window. I mean, it's about damn time we got serious about racism in sports, and what better place to start than blackballing (I swear that's not a racial term, don't fire me!) a tennis announcer that attempted to veil his prejudice through the matter-of-fact use of a homophone? Can you fucking believe this guy? Trying to use a calm, hushed tone and obvious athletic context to sneak his belief that all African Americans are monkeys into the broadcast? Here I was thinking that most prejudice assholes tend to sound overly emotional and spiteful when they use dangerously discriminatory rhetoric. As it turns out, Doug Alder just proved that the real people you have to look out for are those whose blatant bigotry could easily be misinterpreted as jargon for the sport they are being paid to explain in detail to a viewing audience. Seriously though, Doug Alder was fired because of this one insanely innocent incident? I still don't know if "guerrilla" is a commonly used term in tennis, but I'm pretty certain that an old white guy didn't pause to collect his thoughts only to nickname a black woman's in-game strategy after an ape. I realize that giving anyone the benefit of the doubt in 2017 is a huge risk and I apologize if I am actually defending the most subtle, creative, intolerant dickhead of all time, but I hope he wins this lawsuit. If only to prove that common sense - as rare as it may be - still has a place in society. What Doug Alder said was unfortunate and dumb given the current PC culture, but calling it "racist" is an insult to actual victims of racism. Klay Thompson Reading The Newspaper Before Games Is Further Proof That He's Some Sort Of Strange2/15/2017 FTW- Before every game, Klay Thompson sits at his locker and reads the newspaper, devouring the sports section, keeping up on current events and skimming through the movie reviews and financial reports.
It’s a little-known ritual for someone who is much more inquisitive than his public perception would suggest, and that’s just the way the Warriors’ shooting guard would have preferred it to remain. “I just think, especially my generation, we’re on our phones so much, all the time, even me, I’m a bad culprit of it, that my mom actually suggested this to me. She said, ‘Klay, instead of standing at your phone pregame all the time, why don’t you get a newspaper or a book and read that before a game, try to take your mind off things.’ “I was like, ‘Mom, that’s a great idea. So I started reading the sports section … I like reading the sports section about high school hoops or college basketball, and just like that old school feel. I like to feel the newspaper, so shoutout to my mom for helping me with my pregame ritual.” A 10 year old sitting in the breakfast nook reading the cartoon section while imitating his father's morning ritual is adorable. A professional athlete that grew up in the internet era taking his mother's advice to read the newspaper at his locker prior to a game is just fucking weird. I don't even care that this is just further evidence that Klay Thompson is a type of awkward that I just can't put my finger on. I care that he's trying to play the overly sophisticated, "well read" card when all he is doing is getting his information in a less efficient manner. It's 2017. Word of mouth is damn near a more timely way to gather news than reading it in ink 12 hours after it was topical. As far as I am concerned, Klay Thompson is doing a disservice to every senior citizen that's incapable of understanding what an app is by not making better use of the tools at his disposal. What he calls "old school", I call antiquated. If I were a 60 year old man that couldn't understand technology I would violently shake a rolled up gazette at Klay Thompson for shamelessly appropriating my culture. Staying up to date with current events might make you smarter, but carrying around an inconveniently sized source that's filled with stories that start on one page and continue on another, non-consecutive page makes you a dummy. I doubt that Klay Thompson could find this little piece of information on the back page, but we are about five years past blindly viewing newspaper readers as more intelligent now that CNN has pop-up notifications. TheBigLead- A 5th grade CYO basketball team in New Jersey will end its season early after it was determined that they could not have two girls on the team. The team in question has been together for 4-years according to NJ.com. The team was given the choice of forfeiting their remaining games or playing without the two girls. The team chose to stand with their teammates. It’s your classic tale of adults messing something up and kids doing something good. The worst part? They have to vacate all their wins.
Two weeks prior, the team was told by the league’s director that they should never have played as a coed team and the girls would not be allowed to play on the team for the last two games of the season. Parents said the team’s record was wiped, too, since the girls had played in those games “illegally.” That’s right St. John’s from the JV black league has to vacate four seasons worth of wins because of illegal use of girls. So you are telling me that four years worth of negligence that led to the prolonged, yet obvious breaking of a rule is being retroactively "fixed" by delegitimizing the results of games that already took place? I know a lot of people are going to want to criticize the self-important, shit-for-brains overseer of a youth basketball league, but it looks to me like he's just taking instruction from the top. If the NCAA has taught us anything it's that vacating wins and retracting trophies is the only way to make people forget that you ignored what was taking place directly under your nose for extensive periods of time. Not being able to reference their wins from when they were 7 years old should really make these 11 year olds think lonnnng and hard about being inclusive in the future. Just take Reggie Bush for example. I bet he regrets all his years as a celebrity running back in Southern California now that he doesn't have possession of the Heisman Trophy that he knows he earned. I think we can all agree that temporarily taking away all 409 of Joe Paterno's wins really set Penn State straight and helped them to realize that knowingly giving sexual predators a hunting ground is actually quite dangerous. As far as belated discipline goes, this is all you can really ask of a league that's segregating the genders in the gym faster than the playing of the slow song during their first coed dance. Realistically, this is a win for the feminist movement. When I was a kid, putting a girl on the rec team was considered a handicap and a way to even the playing field. Now it's viewed as stacking the deck so high that tone deaf idiots feel they need to chop the "cheaters" down to size by expunging the record books of a 5th grade church league. Clearly girls don't run youth basketball, but maybe Beyonce was right and they do run the world.
Oh, come on stripes! Clearly he was just trying to...well...I mean, the puck was...uhh...any chance we can get a minute to conjure up a doctor's note diagnosing him with a mild case of Tourette's? I am really trying over here, but an involuntary tick is the only justification I can think of. It's pretty inexcusable for any player to swing a stick at a ref in any situation, but the fact that Antoine Vermette has been in the league for over a decade and didn't even have the wherewithal to be mildly subtle about it actually makes it more egregious in my eyes. I'm over here trying to defend the guy for being a goddamned jackass, but his only path to righteousness passes through his potentially compromised nervous system. I actually feel bad for his teammates here. Everyone that has ever played hockey knows that a huge part of the game is blindly arguing on behalf of the integrity of others. Given how high emotions tend to run, it shouldn't be surprising that more often than not that opens you up to looking like a moron in retrospect. I genuinely don't think a member of the defense has ever been left with a weaker argument than Kevin Bieksa. Antoine Vermette better hope he plays with gloves that are a size too small, because he would need to summon the ghost of Johnnie Cochran to get a reduced sentence after assaulting an official so blatantly that not one of the hundreds of cameras in the building could possibly used as evidence in his case. Hey Antoine, what would you say you do in Anaheim? I'm pretty 34 year old's who have reached the journeyman stage of their career are expected to provide at least enough veteran savviness to have a rational explanation other than "he deserved it" when their stick makes solid contact with a referee's calf.
Hey Boston.... BOO! Look, there were reasons that the Bruins just underwent a head coaching change. A lot of their fans would argue those reasons were shitty, disjointed, and had much more to do with failures of their management than the pedigree of the guy behind the bench, but that's neither here nor there. The fact is that it will probably be some time before we are accurately able to judge whether or not Boston did the right thing by firing Claude Julien, just as it will be some time before we are able to assess whether or not Montreal did the right thing by hiring Claude Julien. Personally? I think Michel Therrien ran P.K. Subban out of town and the Canadiens are in better shape now than they were an hour ago, but that's not why I am writing this. I am writing this to tip my cap to what has to be considered the closest thing we will ever see to trolling at an executive level. I know an experienced head coach with a Stanley Cup to his name wasn't acquired by his old employer just to stick it to the team he won said Stanley Cup with, but I'll be damned if the Canadiens front office didn't consider it a bonus that they were adding a guy that still had the support of the majority of their nemesis' fanbase. A polarizing head coach quickly flipping back to the opposite side of an ongoing, international feud is the NHL equivalent of a diabolical, WWE-esque plot twist. I don't know how this heel turn (or face turn, depending which side of the border you're on) ends up affecting the two teams involved. However, I do know it just added a hell of a lot of sizzle to an already heated rivalry, and that is good news for the league and anyone else that enjoys some good old fashioned sports drama. Already frustrated Bruins fans must feel like they just got blindsided by a steel chair, and I can't wait for the proverbial PPV's. There are certain characteristics that every great defense in the history of football has possessed. None the least of which are a high level of focus and the prioritization of paying attention to detail. After all, it's all about moving parts working together in unison to accomplish a well-defined goal. How could a group of players whose responsibilities are entirely reactionary succeed if they aren't all completely familiar with all their cues? The truth of the matter is that they can't. If your defense can't follow strict, yet simple instructions then they are doomed to fail regardless of how many playmakers they have. Anyway, anyone have any guesses as to why the Ryan brothers got so fucking fired? Some Brand Spankin' New Canadian Citizens Helped "Sing" The National Anthem At The Flames Game2/14/2017
I see we are really stretching the definition of "sing" these days, huh? I suppose I should be glad, because if these newly Canadian citizens can get away with saying they sung the national anthem then I can go back to my third grade teacher and make a solid argument that I actually played 'Hot Cross Buns' on the recorder instead of sitting there silently imitating my classmates hand motions during the school-wide assembly. Not to take anything away from a pretty cool moment for a diverse collection of people who were about to get a first hand look at their new national pastime, but I see a lot of lips moving and they aren't all moving in unison. I don't want to toss out any allegations, but I think it's probably a good thing there was only one mic on hand. As someone who is pretty confident they would trip over a line or two if forced to belt out 'The Star Spangled Banner' in front of an entire stadium of people after three decades as an American, I think I am at liberty to say that these kids don't know all fourteen words of 'O Canada' by heart after 6 hours. I doubt border patrol is all that concerned, but they should definitely be wary of every "Sherlock Holmes" that kept adjusting their monocles to pick off lip-syncers and call them out on Twitter during the Grammy's on Sunday night. It's either that or risk being taken less seriously than Mariah Carey after her New Year's Eve "performance". The Bruins Play-By-Play Announcer Made An On-Air Joke About "The Bowling Green Massacre" Mid-Game2/14/2017 PuckDaddy- Jack Edwards, Boston Bruins play-by-play guy and noted American war historian, was calling the B’s game against the San Jose Sharks last week when he paused to remember one of the greatest tragedies in our nation’s history that never actually happened:
The Bowling Green Massacre. Edwards noted that Sharks center Ryan Carpenter was ready to take the faceoff, and that he was a product of Bowling Green University. “Three years at Bowling Green, and miraculously, was not killed in the Bowling Green Massacre. Which of course never happened,” he said. Relatively funny? Yup. Attention grabbing? Uh huh. Topical? Definitely. Make at least half the people that heard it yell "stick to sports!" at their television? You bet your ass. Yup, looks like Jack Edwards checked all the boxes as they apply to a solid, albeit harmless, political joke in 2017. I wish he had left out the "which of course never happened" because he treaded dangerously close to making his joke less funny by explaining it, but I understand why he didn't want those less in tune with completely fabricated tragedies to think he was trying to insert actual mass shootings into the broadcast for no reason. All in all, I give him a 'B+'. It felt a little forced, but what liners about fictitious terrorist attacks can only sit on the tip of the tongue for so long. I'm not usually one to give extra credit, but he gets additional points from me for managing to hold out more than one commercial break. More importantly, how much does it suck for Bowling Green that Kellyanne Conway's dumbass temporarily turned the entirety of their university into a punchline? I feel pretty comfortable saying that gone are the days in which people heard "Bowling Green" and instantly thought of a second tier football program in the MAC. From here on out, they will always be associated with a "massacre" that never even fucking happened. If your degree happened to come from a certain institution in rural Ohio then it might be time to take it down off the wall for awhile, because there's a good chance that your "libtarded" friends and family won't be able to help themselves. Before I go on record railing against the vast minority of a raucous college basketball fanbase let me say this - every team in every sport at every level has supporters that value the beating of traffic over the ever-so-slight chance of potentially witnessing history. Kansas is far from the only team with nonbelievers, it's just that their nonbelievers had way more reason to believe than almost every nonbeliever that didn't spend overtime of Game 6 during the 2013 NBA Finals desperately banging on the glass outside AmericanAirlines Arena. Considering Bill Self's players weren't all dealing with their parents' imminent divorce, Dickie V. definitely took it a little far by going the "what about the poor kids!?" route, but that's because Dickie V. has made a career out of going over the top. The point remains that he couldn't be more correct in saying it was absurd for JayHawks fans to leave a 14 point game with that much time left. We are talking about a program that is able to claim ownership of this absolutely asinine piece of trivia...
If there is a team that should be trusted to summon their home court advantage when all seems lost then it's Kansas, and if there's a sport where all is never lost then it's college basketball. I can't even tell you that I think this thrilling victory was miraculous, because miracles are supposed to be few and far between and I saw at least two leads that were equally as absurd blown in last year's NCAA tournament. These are 18-22 year old kids with fragile minds that tend to turn to absolute mush with one turn of momentum. I didn't expect to see it against a team that goes by "Press Virginia", but we have seen this same scenario play out countless times. Instituting the full court press against young, inexperienced athletes is like sending a couple of tireless Jack Russells into a chicken coop. They start running around like they've had their heads cut off and they almost instantly get preyed upon because of it. Statistically speaking, there's no place that an opponent is more likely to make laughably dumb decisions under pressure than in a building that serves as a source of intimidation for the team that calls it home. That building is called 'Allen Fieldhouse', and if you walked out of it with 2:43 on the clock after having lost faith in your team that has spent decades doing everything in their power to make you keep it then you're a goddamned fool. Probably a goddamned fool with kids that are insanely bitchy when they don't get enough sleep, but a goddamned fool that's going to wake up wishing they had slightly more grumpy children and a first hand memory of an amazing comeback. There's not many things that I will refuse to argue with, but results are undoubtedly on the top of that short list. That's why I can't - in good conscience - find anything negative to say about the most dominant team in the history of competitive sports. Well, other than the fact that they are without a doubt the most dominant team in the history of competitive sports. You see, as impressive as it is to win 100 straight games spanning over multiple seasons, it's much more impressive that the Lady Huskies have reached a level of superiority that a string of victories reaching triple digits doesn't even seem all that surprising. Geno Auriemma is undoubtedly a hell of a head coach, but his biggest claim to fame should be achieving such a Nick Saban-esque command over the talent pool that it would make John Calipari complain and the ghost of George Steinbrenner take out his checkbook. You can't blame UConn for doing what literally every other collegiate program aspires to do by becoming thee place that you absolutely have to go to if you are a women's basketball player that's worth a shit, but you also can't blame the casual observer for being less than floored by an unforeseen winning streak when it came over inferior competition. The fact of the matter is that UConn has been at risk of losing maybe 3-4 games out of the last 100, and their execution isn't the only reason that's the case. Basketball is inherently a game of percentages and there's not a team on the planet that plays well 96% of the time. As well coached as they are, they could sleepwalk to over half their wins due to skill alone. I haven't watched more than five straight minutes of a women's basketball game since Rutgers miraculously made it to the National Championship and gave me even more reason to go to the bar and get blind drunk on a "school night", but watching single game highlights of UConn is the equivalent of watching a team of big sisters take on their little sisters. Every game is basically a rematch of David versus Goliath, and - unfortunately for David - there's no biblical forces at work. The biggest criticism people have of the NBA is a lack of parity, and the winningest team in their history topped out 24 wins in a row that required more than a handful of lucky bounces. No one expects UConn to apologize for their success, but - to stay consistent with my original criticism of Kevin Durant when he joined the Warriors - I also can't ignore that the only time they compete on an even playing field is during practice. Y'all wanna see a dead body....
— New Orleans Saints (@Saints) February 13, 2017 Hey Anjelica, DELETE. YOUR. ACCOUNT. I want to say this poor girl - who would probably wish death upon a friend's cancer stricken mother if she made of her haircut - just got dunked on, but that wouldn't even do it justice. She got dunked in battery acid. She's an internet corpse. The body is in the Twitter morgue, but it is HARDLY identifiable. The tombstone is in production and it's going to read... "Here Lies Anjelica. Killed By Kindness And Light Trolling. The Only Thing Thinner Than Her Skin Was The Atlanta Falcons' Stack Of Accomplishments, And The Only Thing Worse Than Her Sense Of Humor Was Her Team's 4th Quarter Play Calling. Rest In Online Purgatory." Talk about dealing from the bottom of the deck. This is the perfect representation of just how bad of a hand Falcons' fans were dealt by their former offensive coordinator going full 'Madden' and refusing to call a situational running play. The Saints have no shortage of comically embarrassing losses on their organizational resume and Anjelica is out here referencing decade old, region dismantling hurricanes, because not even at their most "Aints" do they have something that remotely resembles blowing a 25 point lead in the Super Bowl. Personally? I would never trivialize a natural disaster with a massive death toll by comparing it to the result of a fucking football game...but if I were the type of person to do that...
Damn, and here I was wasting my compassion on the guy who - while compromised by the "parental advisory" of a pedophile - actually did something that was deserving of having internet venom spewed at him from every direction. Meanwhile, the voice of the Ravens is watching his mentions pile up with the most disturbing threats imaginable meant for the guy who made his name forever synonymous with child molestation. I guess if one were to look at the dimly lit side then you could say that he'll never be late to the party on any Sandusky-related news. However, on the deep, dark side he gets a first hand look at the vile thoughts of people who think that literally any of their most twisted acts of retributions would be justifiable given the person they think they are directing them at. Considering the sick shit that gets said anonymously on the internet, I do not envy being on the receiving end of tweets that are a blank canvas for the inexplicably abominable from the people who are too dumb to differentiate a 'J' from a 'G'. Hopefully Jerry's adopted son getting locked up for being a chip off the old block is the last that we hear about from that dysfunctional "family" for awhile. but if it's not then Gerry might have to consider switching up the handle. Not sure what I would resort to if I were him. He is not only far too accomplished to make it @NotTheRealSandusky, but being mistaken for a parody account of a serial child rapist is probably just as bad as being mistaken for the serial child rapist himself.
LBS- According to WKBN, the younger Sandusky has been charged with statutory sexual assault; involuntary deviate sexual intercourse; photographing, video graphing, depicting on computer or filming sexual acts; and unlawful contact with a minor after he allegedly sent inappropriate text messages to a minor that included asking the victim for nude photos. Pennsylvania State Police say Jeff Sandusky has been accused of sexually abusing multiple children, one of whom he watched through a bathroom door while the victim was showering.
Sandusky was arraigned on Monday and held on $200,000 bail. He has been prohibited from having any form of contact with minors. Jeff Sandusky was one of the people who defended his father Jerry, claiming the 73-year-old never sexually abused young boys...
The intent of what I am about to say is not to downplay the severity of an egregious crime committed by someone who - regardless of his upbringing - knew full well that what he was doing was illegal and disgusting; The intent is state a fact. Jerry Sandusky should have another - although meaningless, given his life sentence - charge levied toward him for the actions of his fully grown, adopted son. I'm no kiddie touching expert, but I know that this is one of the ways in which the long term effects of a despicable act towards a child manifests it's itself in that child's future. Those that grow up watching their father beat their mother are more at risk to repeat that behavior, and those who have their innocence stolen by the perverted tendencies of an authority figure are more likely to trick themselves into enabling and excusing that type of assault. I don't have the numbers in front of me to back up how often childhood molestation has a residual affect on it's victim, and - to be quite honest - I'd rather remain blissfully ignorant considering the laundry list of people put at odds by Jerry Sandusky. That said, his son was either coincidentally brought into the Sandusky house (without blood relation) as an inherently, morally reprehensible dickhead, or being raised - and more than likely diddled - by the standard by which all morally reprehensible dickheads are measured had a hand in turning him into one. Regardless of which is true, both of them should rot in a cell for all of eternity after following through on their looks by becoming rapey sons of bitches. However, one of those cases is exponentially more likely than the other, and it makes the smallest, most understanding part of my heart weep for a guy whose non-biological father's obsessive delinquency will continue to have ramifications well after he took his last breath as a free man.
This is it. This is such an egregious level of pettiness that I think it might be time to "float" idea of coining a new term whose definition is simply "excessive pettiness". Putting together a vehicle that's essentially a commemorative grave sight to a Falcons' season that ended in near-suicidal fashion, but also serves as a dance floor to a bunch of drunken, degenerate fans of their biggest rival? That is hatred in it's highest form. A public trolling to put all other acts of public trolling to shame during an era where public trolling is the norm. Forget the entire state of Oklahoma developing a weekend-long fascination with handheld pastries in disparagement of their former superstar who iced their chances at winning a championship in order to enhance his own. That's kid stuff. LeBron dedicating the entire Cavaliers' Halloween party to the metaphorical death of the Golden State Warriors and their attempt at going back-to-back? Child's play. Some fine, detail oriented folks in New Orleans just reigned supreme over anyone and everyone that has gone out of their way to poke and prod an opponent with an undeniably trivial gesture - on the most celebratory (Also See: Inebriated) of holidays - at the expense of those for which they have no love lost, and that's not even the best part. The best part is that there is nothing that the Falcons or their fans can say or do in response. Sure, the Saints are coming off three straight losing seasons and were a laughing stock for much longer than the Falcons. Who cares? The Saints set a record for overcoming what was then the biggest blown lead in Super Bowl history to become World Champions. The Falcons were on the ass end of having that record demolished 2.5x over during the last half of the biggest game in their franchise's history. Never has a perpetually 7-9 team with an aging quarterback and a coach whose seat is seemingly perma-hot been so impenetrable. Drink 'em up NOLA! The only thing that contends with the Saints winning is the Falcons losing, and they did so in such mind-numbingly excruciating fashion that they gave their haters enough ammo to literally build a comparison of their best players to mentally unstable soap opera characters and literally parade it around town. When it comes to looking at their enemies lying face down in a pile of shit and pushing their nose right back into it... Who dat say dey gonna beat 'dem Saints (fans)!?!? 'When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong' Featuring A Selfless North Dakota State Basketball Player2/13/2017
Honestly, it feels like Khy Kabellis was robbed here. Obviously it was an accidental, desperation, no-look toss that somehow made it's way into his own hoop so he wouldn't get credit for scoring them anyway, but something that impressive should count for more points than a layup - regardless of who they get awarded to. That once-in-a-lifetime misfortune needed to have a bigger impact on the scoreboard, and I'm not even sure which side of it. We see own baskets all the time, but I feel like a difference in numerical worth would help distinguish how much more outlandish this was than any tipped rebound gone awry. There might not be a more unforgiving play in sports than the attempted save. Not only is basketball thee sport in which success is most measured by offensive statistics, but - more often than not -diving into a row of chairs while blindly throwing the ball behind you results in an easy basket for your opposition or a continuation of their possession when you step out of bounds. The risk greatly exceeds the reward, and the people taking that risk so rarely get their due outside of a 5 second shoutout on the broadcast. Hustle plays like the one Khy Kabbellis just historically botched are often thankless, and that's why this should have counted as a three...so Denver would have felt obligated to give him the proper thanks for his efforts. I don't know if a pat on the ass from the other team would have made him feel better about himself, but it would have been worth a shot as unlikely as the one he just made...
Uproxx- While expected, the venom with which the Thunder faithful hurled insults and hatred towards Durant caught his mother Wanda, who attended nearly every Oklahoma City home game while Durant was there, off guard.
“The most vicious things you could say, they said about my son tonight. It’s hurtful,” Wanda Durant told ESPN’s Ramona Shelbourne. “They called him a snake, a sellout, a b—h,” she said. “It’s just a sad day. I understand that they loved him. I do understand it. But the name calling. The people with the cupcakes on their backs. … It didn’t have to be like this.” “It’s the people who make it so personal, and attack his character so viciously, like they know him – (all) because he decided to play somewhere else,” she told USA Today’s Sam Amick. “But then, the bold thing is they’re standing in my face. They’re bold enough to call him a snake and a coward. One guy even called him – I can’t even say it – the p-word. In my face.” Wanda Durant is absolutely right. The response that Kevin Durant got upon returning to the building he called home while developing into the transcendent player he is today didn't have to be harsh as it was. For one, she could have given birth to a less skilled child. That child could have gone on to become something less than a generational superstar. That superstar - that helped usher in a brand new era of basketball in Oklahoma City - could have stayed with the franchise that was fortunate enough to benefit from an oversight that makes Portland feel ever-so-slightly better about their selection of Sam Bowie. Kevin Durant didn't have to arrive back to the place where he accomplished so much as a villain. He could have arrived back a hero after toppling the winningest regular season team in NBA history, but that went out the window when he chose to bolt to the already stacked team that he had three chances to dethrone en route to the finals. Trust me when I say that this isn't a criticism of Kevin Durant's decision, nor is it an advocacy of stepping to the mother of an NBA player and screaming "your son is a huge pussy!" right in her face. There's no excusing the people that went that far in making the former love of their sports lives feel un-welcomed. It's simply a rationalization of the spiteful chants, signs, and t-shirts that K(owar)D was on the receiving end of. Calling a guy who gave some of the best years of his career in producing some of the most successful seasons in a franchise's history a "bitch" seems excessive, but so does using the same insult to refer to your ex-girlfriend that did nothing wrong other than breaking your heart by falling for someone else. Wanda Durant is correct. It didn't have to be like it was. Kevin Durant could've been a bench player whose one season stand with the team was merely a forgettable memory come the following October. He could have been a face-in-the-crowd passenger on the ride to the top, but instead he was the one driving the bus. He got all the love and every benefit of the doubt because of how much he meant to Thunder fans, and that's why - at least temporarily - he'll get all the hate and every petty, vindictive show of frustration from those very same people. They say "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". "They" must be casual fans at best, because becoming overly emotional towards the choices of supremely talented human beings that affect our rooting interests is all part of the territory when it comes to caring way too much about games that we aren't even participating in. Andre Burakovsky Got A Free Lyft When He Mistook A Car Full Of Understanding Black Guys For His Uber2/13/2017
There are a couple factors that make this scenario way funnier than it would have been otherwise. For starters, I would be doing a disservice to the readers if I didn't mention that the guy on the right is so baked that he makes the frozen pizza I fell asleep making seem undercooked. I'm no narc, but either that dude is stoned or he's got way more Chinese lineage than his skin color would suggest. I totalllllly don't know from experience or anything, but everything is funnier when you're high and I would assume that includes strange European dudes sliding into your backseat unannounced. Secondly, the fact that Andre Burakovsky is a foreigner absolutely had to make this interaction go more smoothly, right? I'm not here to make declarations about how accepting a couple random black guys are of generic white dudes in backwards snapbacks and v-necks, but I think Brad from Arlington's estimated trip time would have been far shorten than that of the Austrian-Born Swede who was undoubtedly quick to turn into the confused tourist. I know how I would react if someone jumped in my car without notice, so I think I'm at liberty to say that their response went from "what the fuck" to full blown hysterics once the Capitals' winger gave them a little taste of his accent. Mix in the fact that he probably dropped that he was an NHLer shortly after and you got a recipe for a hilarious viral story. That said, I wouldn't encourage bros that look like they just stumbled out a frat's basement to go around diverse cities hopping in random whips with the hopes that they their presence is met with 'Like'-worthy laughter and free Lyft's. FTW- “Is your decision to play the game without the two young ladies on the team, or do you want to stay as a team as you have all year?” asked parent Matthew Dohn. “Show of hands for play as a team?”
Eleven hands shot up in unison. No one raised a hand when asked the alternative. Assistant coach Keisha Martel, who is also the mom of one of the girls, Kayla Martel, reminded the team of the consequences. They had been told that playing the girls in any game would mean the rest of the season would be forfeited. “But if the girls play, this will be the end of your season. You won’t play in the playoffs,” she warned. “It doesn’t matter,” one boy replied and others echoed, before the team began to chant, “Unity!” In the crowd, supporters cheered along. Several parents began to cry. Would you believe it? A UNANIMOUS VOTE! Not only did a bunch of 5th graders collectively give up their chance at a championship in favor of equal rights, but they didn't even need to be told to do so! I suppose the fact that they were given #unitygames shirts and had a television camera pointed at them while their female teammates and coaches were present for the voting may have given them a slight nudge in the right direction, but good on the one or two kids that really wanted to win that trophy for suppressing their desire due to peer pressure. They may have been strong-armed into making the correct choice by a wealth of external factors that provided an audience so easily readable that even the dyslexic shooting guard could sound it out, but they didn't need to be verbally implored to avoid being social misfits and that makes all the difference! Nothing brings light to sexist rules set forth by some wack-a-doo Catholic church league like some good all fashioned forced groupthink amongst middle schoolers! What we just witnessed was essentially the same kind of thought process that inevitably encourages the innocent kid on the block to smoke pot for the first time, but we can ignore that because it was an inclusive show of support instead of the normalization of recreational drug use. In all seriousness, the tears were about as melodramatic as Beyonce turning the Grammy's into an overblown nativity scene, but this particular organization should be commended for standing up against the institution of legislation that would make Susan B. Anthony roll over in her grave. I understand the idea behind separating boys and girls once puberty starts to kick in, but any youth league that goes full 'He-Man Woman-Hater's Club' deserves to have shame brought upon them for leaving their rulebook untouched since the 60's. It makes perfect sense that people who use a literary piece that was transcribed before the existence of publishing companies as a word-for-word guide to life in 2017 would do so, but this video is more of a "fuck you" to them for being absolute morons that are incapable of rational thought than it is an awe-inspiring, prideful parenting moment. |
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