You know, you would think that a franchise so inundated with loss would have a better understanding of the necessity of grieving periods. Don't get me wrong, the preachy narrator was on point and the production was pretty uplifting, but - christ - at the time of posting it had been FIVE days! Could they let the proverbial body get cold before they asked their loved ones to move on from the mourning? You know the part of the movie where the down on his luck guy is shacked up in his apartment in the same sweats for weeks (cinematic seconds) at a time before one of his friends shows up and helps him see the light at the end of the self loathing tunnel? The Atlanta Falcons basically knocked on their fans' doors during the first cut of that montage. There's a whole damn offseason. Just let them sit in the dark while washing cold Chinese food out of the carton down with warm whiskey out of the bottle before asking them to pull up their big boy pants and get back out into the world. Of course they will live to see another day, but zooming in on the faces of players that choked away a TWENTY-FIVE point lead while celebratory confetti rains on their head is absolutely not defibrillating any life into people who are temporarily dead inside. You take away the poor man's Morgan Freeman and the church music and you basically have the scene directly out of the nightmares of your target audience. I appreciate the attempt (as much as a Saints' fan that lovvvves to see the Falcons fail can), but the timing on this is egregious. I'm all for the "brotherhood" angle, but sometimes you just need to get away from the family for a bit and this is - without question - one of those times.
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Myles Garrett Is Now Publicly Begging Jerry Jones To Trade Up With Cleveland And Draft Him2/10/2017
So, uhhh, would it be fair to say that Myles Garrett didn't think the decision to watch the NFL draft from his couch as the surefire #1 pick sent a strong enough message to the team he is now actively trying to dodge at all costs?
It's almost like he started to think it through and was afraid that the Cleveland Browns would take him at his politically word when he said he just wanted to be around people close to him. Panic must have really set in between 5PM and 6PM, because I've never seen a college kid be so quick to go from taking a stand on behalf of his family to virtually kneeling at the feet of a 74 year old white guy. Now granted, we have seen high profile prospects weasel their way out of destinations they've deemed undesirable before, but nothing - and I mean nothing - quite like this. A kid who has the potential to a generational talent casting aside every ounce of his own pride to not only shamelessly beg for a trade, but also try his hand at Assistant GM by piecing together the transaction like he's playing 'Madden'? That's a move that has Eli Manning thinking he was noble for moping to Daddy. It makes John Elway threatening to throw fastballs instead of fade routes look honorable. I don't really care that Myles Garrett is doing everything in his power to avoid NFL purgatory because I would probably do the same. However, let's not act like literally putting his hands together and pleading with Jerry Jones isn't one of the more patently ridiculous things we have seen pre-draft. I'm sure there are plenty of reasons he wants to be Cowboy. What pass rusher wouldn't want to join a good, young team that needs help on defense and plays in their hometown? That said, Myles Garrett doing everything short of clasping himself to Jerry Jones ankle and screaming "pleasssssssse" until he said "okay fine, just get off me" has a lot more to do with Cleveland than it does Dallas. Only the Browns could bring a freakishly athletic specimen to his knees in desperate hopes of never, ever playing a single down for them. P.S. The chances this happens range from none to slimmer than none, but if the Cowboys even consider trading Tony Romo to the Browns after the year he's had then their hearts are colder than the chill that goes down my spine when Jerry Jones smiles maniacally. LBS- Lynch told NFL Network’s Mike Silver how his 9-year-old daughter Leah began crying upon learning of the move – because her father had accepted a job offer with, in her mind, a terrible team. “I think the toughest one — I haven’t told this yet to the media — all my kids took it really well,” Lynch said, via Will Brinson of CBS Sports. “They were shocked but they took it really well. My 9-year-old started bawling, and she’s not that girl. She’s the one that was always happy. And she was crying, and I said, ‘What’s wrong Leah? Are you afraid? Is there some nervous anxiety about moving?’ And she said, ‘No daddy,’ and she was sobbing. And I said, ‘What’s wrong?’ And she said, ‘The 49ers are horrible.’ “So, I said, ‘Well, I think that’s why they hired your daddy.'” I think we just learned that taking a look at the San Francisco 49ers 2-14 record doesn't even do justice to how woefully inept they were. Hell, not even an 0-16 season should be capable of what Chip Kelly and the gang were able to do, and that is bring a 9 year old girl to hysterics while making her view her father as merely mortal. Do you know how hard that is to accomplish? When you are that young you're supposed to automatically assume that there's nothing your dad can't do. He's legitimately supposed to be the family superhero. If John Lynch had gone anywhere else besides San Francisco (or Cleveland, obviously) then Leah Lynch would already be drawing up a stick figure of him hoisting a Lombardi Trophy, but even she can't be that blissfully ignorant. The 49ers are so goddamn bad that they turned a third grader into something most adults struggle to be - a rational, objective sports fan. Remember the first funeral you went to and how it stole your childlike innocence? The news of her dad accepting the 49ers GM job - that he wasn't even qualified for, mind you - was such a harsh lesson of how cruel the world can be that it basically made John Lynch's daughter mature a decade on the spot. There will be no telling her "it's going to be alright hunny". The roster that he just inherited is so talent barren that no amount of sugarcoating could mask the bitterness of the pill she's swallowing. At this point, she's more likely to believe in Santa Clause than a San Francisco Super Bowl appearance. Once she wiped those tears she basically completed her transformation into the little girl from 'Remember The Titans', because - when it comes to daddy's football team - she is no longer about the bullshit... Let's just hope that John Lynch doesn't make an empty promises that he can't keep. Building from rock bottom with no experience is hard enough. He starts guaranteeing his kid win totals, and he's going to need a fucking stable for all the ponies he'll be purchasing to make it up to her. Uproxx- With Durant having infamously signing to Roc Nation Sports in 2013, reportedly to help build his brand, it’s no shocker to hear that Jay was an influence on the biggest business decision of Durant’s life and of their partnership. What is interesting, however, is finding out what his role in the process was exactly. Rich Kleiman: My best friend moved from New York to Los Angeles and he’s making more money now than when he lived in New York, by I wasn’t like ‘Yo, how you going to leave me in New York man and move to LA when you can make more money in LA.’ He just did what the right thing was. I know it sounds crazy, but that’s really how practical we were about it. You know, somebody — I’m not name dropping at all but — Jay Z was like the king of pra- Bill Simmons: That’s phenomenal. Kevin Durant: You are name dropping bro. BS: I love that. ‘I’m not name dropping at all but Jay Z…’ RK: You know what, f*ck it. If he’s one of your best friends, I mean, he’s Jay Z, you’ve got to name drop him. He was like the king of practicality to us. We would call him in the middle of it, (Durant: Yeah) and we would ask him these questions that would make our minds spin, and he would answer it so matter-of-factly that we were like ‘Damn, you’re right it is that simple.’ It’s that simple sometimes KD: Life is simple man. Live look at Russell Westbrook... I don't know much about Russell Westbrook personally, but I think it's safe to say that - from here on out - 'Ether' is getting more spins than 'Takeover' when he's trying to get in that no-holds-barred headspace. I think we can all agree - beyond a 'Reasonable Doubt' - that 'Illmatic' just moved a bit higher in the rotation. Hova is not a businessman, he's a business...maaaaaan, so it made perfect sense for Kevin Durant to seek his advice regarding a largely financial decision, but you know what emotions transcend logic? Spite. Vengeance. Malice. This is the exact way I picture Russell Westbrook after reading the transcript of this interview, and I will let none of you tell me differently... Now all the Jigga Man has to do is get partial ownership of a franchise that's currently worth a damn so the game will be watchable when Westbrook puts up a triple double in the first ten minutes and follows every bucket with a penetrating side-eye to the power couple in the courtside seats. Hatred - no matter how loosely affiliated it may be - fuels him, and the NBA is more fun when Russell is playing like there's a fire up his ass. MMQB- Mixon probably is a candidate to go in the first round. And outside of an altercation over a parking ticket, Mixon’s kept his nose clean since. “It needs to be the right market, a team that can handle the onslaught, the right PR staff, because you’ll have to weather the storm,” said one area scout assigned to the Sooners. “But the guy the Chiefs drafted [Tyreek Hill], Joe Mixon isn’t half the d-----bag that guy was. You’d have to search to find people that don’t like him. Maybe the parking-lot attendant. Everyone there loves him. And I believe them.” ------ There it is, time to update the scouting report! Name: Joe Mixon Position: Running Back Height/Weight: 6'1, 225 lbs. Strengths: Good lateral quickness, solid pass-catcher out of the backfield, adequate at pass protection, violent hands, surprisingly fast escapability, comparatively speaking - less than a half-full bag of dicks. Weaknesses: Requires a babysitter with a watchful eye, demands his own VIP parking spot, may punch women that refuse him sex and/or use homophobic slurs. Notes: Never knowingly assaulted a pregnant woman. Highlight Reel: Gee, I wonder what it's going to take to trade up for that guy?! I wasn't on board the Joe Mixon train before, but now I'm ready to throw on the conductor hat and toot his fucking horn all the way to the top of my hypothetical draft board. How could I not after that rave review? Everyone in the program that kept the video of his assault of a woman under wraps for years loves him? Say no more. Forfeit the rights to the war room. Just take the draft picks. Take all the draft picks. I need the guy that threatened to run over a parking attendant with his car on my team and I need him at all costs. I know he shattered a woman's facial structure like a lightbulb, but did you see how much success Tyreek Hill had this year? Think about putting a guy of that caliber in the backfield, but only having to be slightly less worried that he'll commit some sort of egregious felony like beating the piss out of any female that doesn't immediately drop to their knees upon his entrance into a room. Someone pinch me. I must be dreaming, because Joe Mixon sounds like a prospect that is too good to be true! In all seriousness, Joe Mixon deserves a chance to make his NFL dream a reality. He was an 18 year old kid that made a horrible, inexcusable mistake. He followed it up with another transgression that is mildly more acceptable because collegiate meter maids are the work of lucifer himself. He dug his own hole and he should be given the chance to climb out of it. That does not mean he should get the benefit of the doubt, and it damn sure doesn't mean there should be an NFL scout making him sound like he's the goddamn toast of the town by comparing his likability to someone that kicked the crap out of the soon-to-be mother of his child. Maybe let the kid try to shed an amount of red flags that would put Minesweeper to shame instead of flowering him with insanely relative compliments, because I could make Tyreek Hill look like Mother Teresa by putting him on a draft board with Hitler...or maybe just Greg Hardy on a bad day.
I think we - as hockey fans - need to come together, fight through the darkest of black clouds, and find the bright side here. Not just because the Dallas Stars are in desperate need of reasons to back off the ledge, but because Jiri Hudler seems like a nice guy. I really don't want him to have to bear the full weight of yet another loss for a team that's stockpiling them like they are planning on using their disappointments for nourishment during the next big windstorm. So, here goes... The definitive list of reasons why that play wasn't that comically disastrous : - It happened on a delayed call in the 1st period. In all my years of playing I never encountered the "right" time to accidentally shoot a puck into my own net, but - to find the silver lining on something that has never been in anyone's playbook - doing so early in a close game with a powerplay on the horizon is probably not the most wrong time. - It doesn't count as a goal against anyone's average. If I know anything about the Dallas Stars then I know they were going to give up a weak one at some point last night. It sucks that they were directly responsible for it, but - for a goaltending duo who gets/deserves as much respect as a pitcher at the plate - it was probably a breath of fresh air to see someone else sweat under a spotlight as hot as the Texas sun. - It wasn't the game winning goal. Well, technically it ended up being the difference between losing in regulation and heading to overtime knotted at two. Still, it wasn't a tally that ended up as a specialty statistic with its own column. If everyone just ignores the fact that a goal into an empty net is trending on social media and naps through the 1st period highlights then it might just get lost in the shuffle. - It exposed the holes in their breakout before the other team could. This is probably something that would have been better learned during practice, but you can't truly take your vulnerabilities seriously until they are exposed for all to laugh at when it actually matters. Embarrassment is the quickest elixir so I wouldn't expect to see the Stars get their defense split anytime in the near future. - It happened on the road. If you're going to score on yourself then it's always nice to be surrounded by celebratory bells and whistles after you do. Granted, their flat out ineptitude was what was getting cheered, but it's better background noise than the collective grown and the sprinkling of adult beverages that would have came from an overly pessimistic crowd had it happened in Dallas. So buck up Jiri! Keep your head held high Dallas! Seize the day Stars' fans! Remember that someone's always got it worse than you. That "someone" might not currently reside in the NHL, but you got to take what you can get when you're literally digging your own graves. These Rangers Fans Chanting For Charles Oakley Serve As The Perfect Defense Of Charles Oakley2/10/2017
Were you looking for a bulletproof reason why Charles Oakley shouldn't have been dragged out of MSG by two dozen security guards who completely comprised their power by treating a former - outspoken yet beloved - athlete like he yelled "bomb" on an airplane? Well, guess what? It's your lucky day! It's not that a couple drunk jackasses who stood up mid-period to start irrelevant chants are the proof we needed that the vast majority of Garden faithful have sided with the man that protected the paint the last time the Knicks were relevant. We didn't need help from the type of douchebags that instantly start yammering how about how smart they are (like Excel spreadsheets don't do the math for you) and threaten to take legal action when someone suggests that they be a little less obnoxious to know that Charles Oakley is held in a high regard. Especially when it's in comparison to the guy who has the Knickerbockers in perfect position to take over 'The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey' as the preeminent circus in town. Hell, that could have been Eddie Curry getting carried out after starting a kerfuffle and he still would have had the fan's support. The enemy of your enemy is your friend, and there's no bigger enemy to anyone and everyone invested in New York sports than James Dolan. What these bros did manage to shed light on is that MSG security has far too much to worry about to dedicate half of their staff to Charles Oakley. I don't know what he did or didn't say that got him not-so-promptly removed, but there's no way it was as distracting to the already shitty viewing experience as the insufferable assholes littering the 300's thinking their voice absolutely had to be heard. Think about how many loudmouth blowhards went unchecked because every Rent-A-Cop on the isle of Manhattan was tending to the person with the most legitimate reason to be pissed off. Never mind the probability that Charles Oakley was only removed so that James Dolan could watch the game without fearfully peaking over his shoulder with his dick tucked between his legs. He should have been allowed to stay simply because the manpower necessary to remove him required a dangerously irresponsible dispersement of authority that probably had hundreds of idiots acting a fool and spewing nonsensical bullshit about Carmelo Anthony. TheBigLead- Ken Starr was the president of Baylor University until last summer when the two parties agreed to a “mutual separation” in the wake of an investigation into sexual assault allegations against multiple players. Some Baylor alumni still stand by Starr so they’ll be happy to know he’s in line for a spot in Donald Trump’s administration. According to Foreign Policy, Starr is a front-runner for ambassador-at-large for international religious freedom. The job is apparently his if he wants it.
I feel like I could stop typing this very second and let the jokes write themselves. I wanted to say something to the effect of "well, he certainly has experience lending a helping hand to pussy grabbers", but anyone that has paid any attention to what happened at Baylor under the "watchful" (Also See: willfully blind) eye of Ken Starr already had that thought go through their head as they read the headline. The man that was partly responsible for a college football program turning into a third world country where non-consensual sex is decriminalized/enabled has an open invite to oversee international religious freedoms. Just perfect. Now granted, the President he could potentially be working for literally just tried to compromise international affairs and national religious freedoms, but that actually seems like a good fit for the former Baylor President who successfully comprised the safety of women by blissfully whistling in the opposite direction while they got sexually assaulted. In the sense that Ken Starr completely lacks ethics and has no problem failing to uphold the responsibilities enlisted to him by an empty title, this is actual the perfect hire! Look at him raising that right hand like he's capable of deciphering the whole truth from the heaping load of bullshit used to exonerate himself. It takes a real subhuman son of a bitch to do that, and I can't think of anyone better suited to justify unconstitutional legislation than the man who justified 53 rapes and countless other crimes in the pursuit of a Big 12 championship. Start him slow and in no time he'll be able to take the reigns on the 'Supervisor of Basic Human Rights' position as his boss outlaws abortion and birth control, and his former players face the belated discipline that he was negligent in administering!
The sad truth is that some people just weren't cut out to be heroes. This poor bastard that forgot to wear his savior soles and ended up performing a WWE finishing move on a hobbled cheerleader likely falls in that category. He may have the spirit of a knight in shining armor but he's got the motor skills of a half-drunk coed, and those are two things that undoubtedly do not go well together. You have to respect that his heart was in the right place but his footwork was not, and he'll forever be hesitant in distressful situations because of it. I can already picture him frozen in fear as he stares up at a cat stuck in a tree. Unless he's got a bad memory then his days of being a Good Samaritan are all but over. We're talking about a guy that from here on out would have to look both ways as many times as a paranoid stoner standing alone in a forest if he were to help an elderly woman across the street, and ain't no mildly handicapped senior citizen got time for that. That towel came out of nowhere and it took his legs and his nobility right out from under him. Seriously, how is a man supposed to be able to pursue a streetwise purse snatcher if he his confidence is rattled and he doesn't even feel comfortable in his first step? From here on not he'll basically be the aging athlete that's recovering from his third torn ACL. Still has the prowess to be a guardian angel, but has little to no faith in his wings. Sucks To Get Turned Down For A Job With A Crying Face Emoji, But At Least It Gets The Message Across2/9/2017 Metro- Job rejections are always tough, even when your interviewer is really diplomatic about it. So imagine how bad it must have been for 18-year-old Megan Dixon, who was turned down for a role by text – complete with a laugh-cry emoji. Megan was interviewed for a waitressing position at a new branch of the Miller and Carter steakhouse in Leicester. After the interview the assistant manager apparently told her she’d get an email in a few days with their decision. But just a few minutes after she left the restaurant, Megan got a text from her interviewer saying: ‘It’s a no.’ ‘We can’t apologise enough to Megan,’ they said. ‘It was never our intention to be disrespectful or upset her in any way. The texts were sent in error and were intended for our manager, not the candidate. ‘However, we expect our team to act professionally at all times and to give constructive feedback after any interview via email. We are taking this extremely seriously and will be investigating to ensure it never happens again.’ ----- I can't say I know what level of "basic" is too basic to wait tables. I don't know how many "likes" is too many "likes" to take orders in a timely fashion. I would assume that when you look like this a lot of your character flaws could be glossed (no pun intended) right over... That is, unless you can't even hold a conversation for 10 minutes. Seriously Megan? I know you're young and naive, but check the timestamps. You really had to ask why you got turned down when you were back in your car 11 minutes after the interview began? Little life lesson for ya, no one has ever been hired off a back-and-forth that could barely make it to a commercial break. Maybe the crying laughing emoji was a bit harsh, but accidents happen and sometimes it's good when they happen to people who need things spelled out in the boldest, most capitalized of fonts before they are able to read a room. Just think about it this way, you can use the extra time you would have spent waiting for an inevitably disappointing e-mail to study up on basic human facial expressions and what they mean. For instance, that eye-roll you were given when you managed to sneak 16 filler words into your answer about why you wanted the position. Something like this look familiar?
An hour and a half. The Saskatchewan Rough Riders are contemplating filing a lawsuit in response to a fraudulent 90 minute association with Johnny Football. I know his "attempted comeback" is still in its infantile stages, but a CFL team becoming so insulted that an unreliable news source thought they could benefit from bringing in a disgraced first round pick for a harmless workout that they are considering legal action is the reality check of all reality checks. I highly doubt he's talented enough for his fortunes to turn as fast as Steve Sarkisian's or Michael Floyd's, so Johnny Manziel is probably going to have to take baby steps to get even remotely close to the league he drunked out of. That said, having a bunch of Canucks that don't even play by the real rules of football attempt to litigate their way out of a temporary affiliation with him must feel like he tripped over his own feet and fell flat onto the diaper full of shit he's gotten himself into. There's not one single lie that's been told about me that's made me consider retribution, never mind prosecution. Meanwhile, some Canadian football team from a place I have probably used as a punchline unsure of whether or not it existed is like "What are they saying about us? You mean that douchebag that somehow drank too much for the city of Cleveland? Call the lawyers, STAT". Probably wishes he was back on the sauce to ease the pain of that fall from grace. Independent- One of Russia’s most popular newspapers has told women to be “proud of their bruises”, as the country partially decriminalises domestic abuse.
The article, published by Komsomolskaya Pravda, came ahead of Russian President Vladimir Putin signing into law a new measure that will see offenders face fewer penalties. Yaroslav Korobatov, a columnist for the paper, said: “For years, women who have been smacked around by their husbands have found solace in the rather hypocritical proverb, ‘If he beats you, it means he loves you!’ “However, a new scientific study is giving women with irascible husbands new grounds to be proud of their bruises, insofar as women who are beaten, biologists confirm, have a valuable advantage: they’re more likely to give birth to boys!” In 2005 Mr Kanazawa published an article titled ‘Violent men have more sons’, and three years later another titled ‘Why do some battered women stay?’, in which he stated women “may have been selected to tolerate a certain level of nonlethal violence in their mates”. Hey, you can't argue with that logic. Well, unless you Iive in America or any other civilized country that values the basic human right to not getting your ass beaten. Still, it's a pretty nice attempt at turning the tables on Russian women who are probably pretty tired of wearing long sleeved turtlenecks to cover up the results of their husbands having one too many vodka and vodkas with a splash of vodka. Time to show some skin ladies, because bruises are officially in style! And why wouldn't they be? Nothing women love more than being empowered! If period blood can become a source of pride so who's to say that visual evidence of completely unnecessary violence can't be the feminine version of showing off a really bad ass scar? Sure, this "scientific study" is just a piss poor attempt at justifying the decriminalization of a blatantly heinous crime, but think of the inherent benefits! If more mommy's take pride in their ability to take a punch then more daddy's will get to become physically abusive role models for more sons. That sounds like a pretty shitty "best case scenario", but it could be worse - you could be trying to raise an at-risk daughter in a society that will eventually think of her as nothing more than a homemaking punching bag!
Hook, line, and sinker. My goodness. Just keep giving Will Wade that dry erase pen and let him do his thing, because apparently he's drawing up masterpieces on the VCU sideline. Considering I had no idea what I was looking at until it was fully executed, I think it's fair to say that was a Picasso-esque play call. Gamesmanship at it's most majestic. He should have a picture of that charge/block blown up so he can sign the bottom of it and name is 'Stealing Victory From The Jaws Of Defeat', because if the court is a basketball coach's canvas then that game winning decision might just be his life's work. Now granted, it ended up giving VCU it's second undeserved victory in two games and served a soul-shattering defeat to the team that should have/already kinda had won, but I'm of the school of thought that you don't apologize for winning. Especially when an act of sheer genius is responsible for it. If I were a George Washington fan I would be cursing that official into a line of work where public scrutiny isn't a forgone conclusion, but Will Wade deserves all the credit in the world for putting him in the undesirable position to have to call a foul a foul even though it had no effect on a likely futile play. You can say that divine intervention has played a part in VCU's last couple of games, but I think we have to tip our caps to the man whose calculated prayer was answered...
There aren't many things that I am absolutely certain of in this world, but I'm damn near convinced that I will be able to accurately spell Giannis' last name without using the copy/paste feature before I am even close to understanding what he's able to do on the basketball court. This wasn't the first self alley-oop and it won't be the last, but it might be the only one that wasn't premeditated before liftoff and it's definitely the only one that was slammed home by a person who was awkwardly fading away from the basket when he took his original shot. High school physics was a long time ago, but I don't remember reading that momentum becomes moot at a certain level of athleticism. I didn't think there were genes that were superior to the most basic forces of nature, but I just watched a guy awkwardly land on one foot with his lower body facing a completely different direction and still manage to out-leap his opponents to his own rebound a millisecond later. Maybe my anatomy professor failed me, but I was of the belief that the human body wasn't capable of that type of contortion that's usually reserved for 'Stretch Armstrong' action figures. Either 'The Skeleton Dance' is a load of bullshit or the 6'11 freak of a Greek point guard has a vastly different version of it, because the bone structure of normal people isn't supposed to allow them to move like that... Previously on 'Giannis Antetokounmpo Is Not Originally Of This Planet':
— NY_KnicksPR (@NY_KnicksPR) February 9, 2017
That's it, I am ready to call it. Without doing too much research I think it's safe to proclaim that the New York Knicks - as currently constructed - are the most dysfunctional organization in sports history. A beloved figure getting dragged out and arrested for feuding with an incompetent owner might not definitively be the craziest thing to ever happen (thanks to Geno Smith losing his starting spot due to a right hook from a special teamer). However, you mix in the Derrick Rose disappearing act and Phil Jackson's coded, cryptic subtweets disparaging the player he's in the process of trying to trade and you get a volatile recipe for unforeseen, abject disaster. We are talking about a level of absurdity that has only been intentionally reached for comic relief in movies that are meant to parody locker room dynamics. The last time I remember this much in-fighting was in 'Major League' the the Indians got kicked out for starting a bench clearing brawl with themselves. I bet if you called any self-respecting coach/GM to take over the Knicks you'd probably get an answer similar to this... The Knicks are such a mess that the fans don't even want to hear that Charles Oakley was wronged. They would collectively be disappointed if he wasn't verbally assaulting James Dolan from a few rows back. Sure, they are pissed that he was kicked out, but they are a lot more pissed he wasn't able to wrap his hands around a franchise crippling buffoon's neck to make that ejection worthwhile. The product on the court has been so laughable that the fans have taken to cheering on an esteemed former athlete who is getting into the type of shoving match with security that you'd expect from a belligerently drunk 20-something. If you filmed a documentary revolving around the 2016-2017 New York Knicks it would legitimately play like a mockumentary. All this un-ironic lampoon is missing is one member of the organization sleeping with another member's wife. This shitshow is only going to get worse and I don't know how much worse you can get than instigating a physical altercation with one of the baddest men on the planet in front of an arena full of people. P.S. Let us all pray that this man's family wasn't watching so he'll be able to retain the household "pants"...
PitchFork- Last month, iLoveMakonnen publicly announced, “I’m gay.” A new interview with Rolling Stone has revealed Migos’ reaction to the news (as Spin points out). After Quavo says he loves Atlanta’s “diversity,” writer Jonah Weiner said he mentioned Makonnen’s coming out, which led to “an awkward interlude.” Quavo then shouted, “Damn, Makonnen!” Read the full excerpt below.
And so I’m surprised by Migos’ reaction when I mention iLoveMakonnen, the local MC who just came out as gay on Twitter. “Damn, Makonnen!” Quavo bellows after an awkward interlude. I mention support I saw online for Makonnen’s decision. “They supported him?” Quavo asks, raising an eyebrow. “That’s because the world is fucked up,” says Offset. “This world is not right,” Takeoff says. “We ain’t saying it’s nothing wrong with the gays,” says Quavo. But he suggests that Makonnen’s sexuality undermines his credibility, given the fact that “he first came out talking about trapping and selling Molly, doing all that.” He frowns. “That’s wack, bro.” To recap: Gays...cool in general, but wack in the (t)rap game? Someone ready the cameras. Might as well get a head start on shooting the Migos' 'Where Are They Now?' documentary, because there's not a hit song hot enough to withstand the backlash of taking an unprovoked shot at the LGBT community. Always thought of them as more of a one hit wonder anyway, but it's pretty impressive to fuck up a 'Golden Globe' shoutout from a well known, multifaceted artist that transcends demographics this quickly. White people were jusssst getting started ruining 'Bad and Boujee', and Migos couldn't hold back on an oddly specific, occupational forbiddance of those living an alternative lifestyle? Literally all they had to do was keep talking about manufacturing their drugs in kitchen appliances and they could have road the wave of Donald Glover's endorsement to at least another couple months of popularity. If they just kept rapping about raindrops they wouldn't have to worry about the rainbow that was coming for their ass the second they tried to speak eloquently about a delicate issue. Now they have to await the wrath of homosexuality that is about to drop on their top with the fire of 1,000 suns, and it's all because they like their molly dealers to be of a certain sexual persuasion? As dumb and irrational as that opinion sounds, it actually makes more sense than thinking the world is fucked up because some rappers talk about things they haven't really lived through. Maybe Migos' has spent too much time "cookin' up dope with an uzi", but if they are bothered by people saying random shit solely because it sounds good then they probably have more of a future in homophobia than they do in hip hop... — MIGOS™ (@Migos) February 8, 2017 Big12- The Big 12 Conference Board of Directors voted unanimously to withhold one-quarter (25 percent) of future revenue distribution payments to Baylor University, pending the outcome of third-party verification review of required changes to Baylor’s athletics procedures and to institutional governance of its intercollegiate athletics programs, among other matters.
“The Board is unified in establishing a process to verify that proper institutional controls are in place and sustainable,” said University of Oklahoma president and Big 12 Conference Board of Directors chairman David Boren. “Effective immediately, the Conference is withholding 25 percent of Baylor’s share of any future revenue distribution until the proper execution of controls is independently verified. By taking these actions the Board desires to ensure that the changes that were promised are actually made and that systems are in place to avoid future problems. The proportional withholding of revenue distribution payments will be in effect until the Board has determined that Baylor is in compliance with Conference bylaws and regulations as well as all components of Title IX.” Baylor was not included in the Board vote and will be responsible for all associated costs. And there you have it folks. I'm sure that you - much like myself - were wondering what the conference-instituted discipline would be for a football program that was so complicit in covering up the criminal activity of their players that they had rung up a grand total of 52 sexual assaults by the time their rape ring got uncovered. Would they get the death penalty? A postseason ban? A significant restriction on scholarships? Turns out it's worse than that. The punishment for the prolonged veiling of a heinous felony that became a team-wide epidemic is...dun-dun-dun...A TEMPORARY DEFERMENT OF A VAST MINORITY OF THEIR YEARLY ALLOWANCE!!! That's right Baylor, you go to our room and you'll get the rest of your precious spending money back when your athletes stop making coitus with the hardly conscious for a period of time that's yet to be determined. Until then, the Big 12 has penalized you by essentially opening a bank account in your name. Unfortunately you can't access it and the funds won't be collecting any interest, but that's just so you learn your damn lesson and stop valuing wins over the basic human rights of anyone on campus that doesn't happen to play football. I know it sucks that you may have to go a year or two without introducing a new egregiously gold helmet and have to limit your wardrobe to merely five different jerseys a season. However, tightening the strings of the one purse your players haven't stolen yet and putting you on a budget is the only way to make it up to the countless traumatized victims and their loved ones. Sorry for the minor inconvenience, but the punishment has to fit the egregious crime(s)!
All this time and no one told me the key to making my golf game just a little less handicapped was to start playing in the dead of winter? Someone owes me an explanation, because if I knew that February tee times were the key to bringing my score back down to something that could be kicked mildly close to par then I would have started showing up to the clubhouse in my Christmas long johns years ago. Sand traps don't naturally freeze over, right? Oh well, guess I'll have to start showing up a day early and hosing them down too. Let's throw some snow tires on the golf carts and get crazy, because fortune apparently favors the cold and my iron game needs all the damn bounces it can get.
Live look at Michael Floyd checking his mentions... I believe in second chances so if you had asked me five minutes ago if I was bothered by the fact that Michael Floyd is a Super Bowl Champion then I would have told you no. That is, assuming I actually remembered that he was on the Patriots. I know winning coaches tend to haphazardly spew the empty, baseless rhetoric that truly successful teams require every single player to fulfill a vital role, but - during the handful of times New England actually called upon his services - Michael Floyd's YAC paled in comparison to the BAC that got him there. We are talking about a wide receiver that was inactive for a Super Bowl in which the people in front of him on the depth chart spent the entire first half dropping passes. A former first round pick that got axed by a struggling team because they couldn't find the English words to justify the drunken Spanglish he was muttering to an officer during a mid-lane stop. Ready for this stat line? One catch for nine yards in three playoff games. Michael Floyd was as much of a passenger during the Patriots title run as he was when he was while laying unconscious in the driver's seat of a running motor vehicle while in traffic. That's not to say that he's not a champion. Hell, it's not even to say that he shouldn't take some sort of illusionary, fictitious pride in the ring he did nothing to earn. It just means that he probably shouldn't be on social media acting as if a piece of jewelry that symbolizes his stupidity serves as some sort of redemption for getting blackout drunk, disgracing himself and his former organization, and putting the lives of innocent strangers in imminent danger. Michael Floyd fell ass backwards onto an upward moving escalator. It doesn't bother me that he got to the top. It bothers me that he's talking about the climb as if it's some heroic tale of perseverance when he was absolutely nothing more than dead weight during it. LBS- In anticipation of returning to Oklahoma City on Saturday night for the first time as a visiting player, Durant spoke with ESPN’s Marc Stein about his relationship with Westbrook. The so-called “feud” between the two, he says, was fabricated by the media. “Early on in the season I was doing an interview with someone and I used the word ‘unselfish’ to describe my (Warriors) teammates,” Durant recalled. “Someone asked Russell if he heard what I said about being unselfish, and (the reporter) phrased the question as if I was saying the Thunder and their organization and team are selfish. Once I heard that I was like, ‘They’re trying to get in between this thing and make it bigger than what it is.’ “Obviously Russell wasn’t going to hear that interview I had about me just talking about my teammates I have now. It’s that easy for the media to twist something up and for the media to make a feud between us.” Ugh, the media. Of course it was the media. With their deceitful narratives and maniacal search for hidden agendas. I can't believe they used their platforms to ruin such a strong, seemingly everlasting bond between a player and his now former teammate that bolted to the team they choked against without so much as a text message. Have they no shame? Publicizing interviews that were done in front of multiple cameras? Putting the most basic of critical thought into quotes from both parties that seemed extremely pointed? I bet Russell Westbrook immediately posted that picture of cupcakes on his Instagram as a sign of good will towards the guy that he worked alongside for eight years who still hasn't given him a single phone call six months later. It's too bad the media had to step in with their undying pessimism and misinterpret such a generous going away present. I can't help but think we would be better off if there were a way for athletes to control their own media. Ya know, perhaps more socially than having it regurgitated by people whose job it is to get clicks. Wouldn't that make it far easier for them to clear the air when unfortunate things like undeniable context and not-so-subliminal messages cloud their actual thoughts? Can't believe nothing like that exists, because surely Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant would still be FaceTiming each other for pillow talk and have weekly picnics planned throughout the offseason if it did. Right Russ... |
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