Is this written from a place of angst? Written by a person that received a seatbelt ticket at 6:30AM on a Saturday as he calmly navigated the open roads of California? Written by a person that would prefer not to shell out unnecessary money for an action that only compromises his own health? I think we all know the answer to that. Still, What kind of police state are we living in? I get that we need to the rules of the road. That's fine. The road is an unstable beast. Simply cannot have the anarchy of people making lefts on red or winding through traffic with no regard for the general pubic safety.
However, what I do in my car should be my business. I'm not saying I should be allowed to chug malt liquor or tie off for a quick heroin sesh, but when I start being prosecuted for comfort is where I draw the line. You can't eat in the car anymore, You can't drink. You can't play on your phone. If cars weren't designed with basic human rights in mind than I don't know why they have cup holders. I don't know why the phone charger is so conveniently placed. I don't know why fast food places always make the french fries so easy to get to. If I absolutely have to wear my seatbelt how come the seatbelt alert turns off after 15 seconds? I shouldn't be able to face conviction for exploiting the system to my convenience. Attack car manufacturers. Attack fast food restaurants. Attack the cell phone industry for making Bluetooths look so queer. Attack those that profit off my ability to multitask while behind a wheel. The way I think of my car is as a residence on wheels. As long as you are paying for your car you should be able to do whatever you want in it. You start by ripping the road burger out of my mouth and next thing you now you will be telling me I can't walk around my apartment naked. Ticketing me for changing songs on the move is just another instance of the shackles of society becoming tighter and tighter. Yeah, some of these things can be dangerous. That's why we need to modernize the driving test. Finish a large fry, a chocolate shake, scroll through 10 songs, and text at least 3 people 'happy birthday' before you finish your 15 minute driving test. No matter how many tickets you give out people aren't going to stop doing these things. Might as well embrace it, and make it safer. Look at how stupid most of our peers are. You think their inability to text on the go is going to stop them from ending up embedded in a telephone pool? Hell no. There are people I know that are a danger to society before they even put the key in the ignition, and it has nothing to do with the amenities that their car provides. We are a people on the go. Can't I just eat, drink, and be merry without someone turning it into a court case. Keep ticketing everything that people do for entertainment behind the wheel and road rage related incidents will go up ten fold. If you're not part of the solution you are part of the problem.
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Yahoo Sports- He’s now spent two seasons with SKA St. Petersburg in the KHL, scoring 137 points in 135 games and 12 more in 20 playoff games. Next season is the third year of his deal, which reportedly pays him as much as $15 million Euros annually “tax free” in Russia.
What’s the future hold for him? A source close to the situation tells Finland’s Iltalehti that Kovalchuk has had discussions with SKA management about returning to the NHL for the 2016-17 season, with one more year on his deal. The story details some of the KHL’s financial issues that could impact Kovalchuk’s decision, as the collapse of the Ruble has affected the economic stability of several of the League’s teams. What happened to being 'homesick' Kovy? I thought you just wanted to spend more time around your family? Silly Russian, family time is for miserable old men, not $100 million dollar hockey players. If you wanted to know how being home more often would work out you could have just asked the thousands of husbands that paid to watch you play while simultaneously getting out of the house for the night. Wait, he's in the KHL, right? The league that was responsible for the death of Alexei Cherapanov because they didn't have the necessary medical equipment on site? A league that had an ENTIRE TEAM meet an untimely demise because the aircraft didn't meet proper standards? You mean to tell that league has fallen on hard times financially? You don't say. I have a better chance of surviving a heart attack during an American men's league game than surviving the common cold in Russia. I don't mean to make light of these situations, but facts are facts. In Russia, human safety is an oxymoron. Well Kovy, I have a message for you. A message from Lou Lamoriello. A message from the Devils organization and fans. A message from NHL and all hockey fans. A message from every warm blooded American male. Kiss every inch of our asses. I don't care that he wanted to go play back home. That's semi respectable. I care that he held a league, and more so, The New Jersey Devils, hostage as he begged and pleaded for his contract to reach nine digits. He cost the Devils money and draft picks, on top of the uncanny amount of time and effort it took to enlist his services. Then two years into a 15 year commitment he left and claimed it wasn't about the money. It's not about the money Ilya? Then why did it take the collapse of the worth of the Ruble for you to express interest in returning? What the fuck is a 'ruble' anyway? It sounds like they are compensated in table scraps. Like they go find metal from the wake of explosions and use it to pay for goods and services. Be more of a shitshow Russia, seriously. People in America are complaining about Obamacare while Putin is out there running the communist version of Afghanistan. Next time you want to complain about the president take a look at Russia paying their athletes in glorified gravel. This isn't about family, or a loyalty to your hometown. It never was. You're simply a Russian mercenary chasing the closest tax free dollar. Too bad tax free dollars come at the cost of volatile surroundings and impending death. You want to come back Ilya, check your ego and your Russian currency at the door. Us Americans don't take kindly to being a backup plan. I'm sure Kovy will play in the NHL again, and I hope he gets booed mercilessly. Actually I hope he books his flight on Malaysian Airlines. It's about time they lost something we are better off without. I know what you are thinking, what the fuck is he talking about? How could a quasi-adult, quasi-binge drinking, quasi-mature male such as myself be a primary caregiver? Well, that's a hell of a question. In contrast, however, which of these scenarios is more feasible? That I could feed a baby, wipe it's ass, and make sure it doesn't die, or that I can find someone that I want to interact with every single day? I feed myself, wipe my ass, and do I relatively good job of making sure I don't die everyday, I would just have to double the work load. Never mind finding someone that wants to interact with me everyday. If marrying yourself was a thing I would do it for the party and get an annulment the next day. You're welcome family and friends. I already know my faults. I would have a laundry list of complaints before I even 'consummated' the marriage. That's half the problem with relationships. People don't get married because they accept the other person for who they are, they marry a person because that person has done a wonderful job of hiding all the crap that comes with a lifetime of their company. Either that or they see the potential of what the glorified version of that person could become.
What are the pros of marriage? Sexual gratification? That's a pretty cool concept until 3 months into the marriage when you are about as sexually active as Neil Patrick Harris in a convent. Avoiding loneliness? Bet you that baby isn't serving you divorce papers anytime soon. Generally people want company when they are younger and seek alone time as they grow old. Why enter into a contract that will only offer me more unwanted company and more distractions from what I actually want to do? Unconditional love? Let me tell you something. When it comes to love there is always one condition. The condition that you don't grow to resent the other person's very existence. How often do marriages flourish into a lifetime of love? Let's say 50% of marriages end in divorce, and 25% of the remaining marriages are full of resentment and people trying to get to their grave without having to wear the scarlet letter of an ex-spouse. So liberally speaking, 25% of marriages are good and healthy. 25% is pretty good odds if you are talking about throwing a couple bucks at a lottery ticket, not mortgaging your net worth. How often does having a child result in unconditional love? Mathematically speaking, having a child is simply more efficient in regards to having a mutually beneficial relationship. So what are the 'downsides' of having a child? You got to feed it, listen to it, dedicate all of your finances to it? Sounds like a wife is just a more opinionated, volatile version of a toddler. I would rather sit in room full of crying babies than have a public argument with my spouse. I have contemplated suicide just watching other couples fight. What's the more preferred alternative? Being molded into a barely recognizable shell of yourself, or molding someone into your likeness? You think little Robbie is going to tell me to put the seat down or go to dinner with one of his stupid, unbearable friends? Nope. Rather watch that kid dance all over the souls of other prepubescent suckers on the hockey rink than visit my hypothetical wife's family for the weekend. My child will always depend on me for his livelihood. He, with any luck, will forever be indebted to me. My wife will depend on me to provide a scapegoat everytime she has a shitty day at work, or needs someone to talk to/at. There is at least once a day where I find myself smiling and nodding and not giving a shit what someone has to say. It would take plastic surgery and enough valium to quarantine a horse to keep up that facade for a lifetime. In my opinion a relationship should start with marriage and then after a year or two you should start dating. Couple months after that you should start casually fucking, and then before you know it you don't even know each other any more. Why not have marriage coincide with the time in the partnership where you actually love everything about the other person? The time when you find their quirks cute, and not irrationally aggravating. You can bet your ass the divorce rate would be cut in half if that were the case. It's not that true love doesn't exist. I'm sure it does. I'm sure in the same way that I am sure that the bald eagle still exists. You rarely see them so most of the time you are just hoping they haven't died off completely. I hate a large majority of people. So you are telling me I should devote hundreds of thousands of dollars to a person I love just so that we can hate each other a decade later? How about I save everyone a lot of time and money and go to the bar for 3 minutes. That's certainly a more efficient way for me to gain an enemy. I think it's pretty obvious I have never been in love. Well, maybe with myself. However, with the increasing narcissistic nature of society, I may never get the chance. Why do you think the happiest couples you see are the ones that are too old and technologically impaired to realize how self absorbed everyone else is? The entire phenomenon of monogamy and marriage, much like organized religion, may prove to be obsolete before I am even prepared to undergo it's wrath. It's not natural to want to wake next to the same person everyday. There are days when I wake up and look in the mirror and say 'ah fuck, not you again'. Shit, I get bored with some of my best friends after a few beers. If I was able to play God and systematically create my 'perfect wife' I would probably be at the bar 6 months later complaining about her to anyone that will listen. Meanwhile, My kid could come out with a dick growing out of his/her forehead and I would gloat about it being the most veiny triumphant bastard I have ever seen. P.S. This hypothetical completely disregards the presence of a baby momma. If there is anything worse than an overbearing wife it's an overbearing mother. P.P.S. I'm not actually this cynical, but when you know what they say about being on a heater. Plus this look is swagalicious... Eater.com- Beer drinkers are fiercely loyal to their brands of choice, as evidenced by this story out of New Orleans: "An argument between years-long friends over which beer is better —Budweiser or Busch — ended Saturday in Harvey with a shotgun blast," says NOLA.com.
64-year-old Clarence Sturdivant and his 66-year-old neighbor Walter Merrick were reportedly hanging out in the parking lot of their apartment complex when Sturdivant asked Merrick for a beer, and that's when things went awry: Merrick returned with a can of Busch beer -— apparently not Sturdivant's brew of choice. An angry Sturdivant declared his preference for Budweiser, according to the report. The two men continued to quarrel over beer brands until Merrick said Sturdivant shot him and left, the incident report said. I was all set to say that when you have someone else get you a beer you can't complain if they get you the wrong kind. All set to say that if you want something done right you have to do it yourself. Then I realized something. These guys are in their 60's. They have probably spent 5 days a week for the last 15 years years drinking together in that very same parking lot. Walter knows what Clarence drinks and Clarence knows what Walter drinks. They have probably argued over the legitimacy of their beer choices for a longer amount of time than any sane individual should. You think this is the first time Walter has pulled this stunt. Probably brings him the wrong beer every time they get in to this stupid debate. This is basically what would have happened if 'Grumpier Old Men' was based on a true story. You know when you are messing around with your friend and he takes it a little too far. To the point where one person isn't laughing anymore and it becomes serious. That's exactly what this is. Walter stepped over the line one too many times. Clarence has bad knees. Can't be trudging over to the cooler every time Walter wants to be a dick and toss him the wrong can of suds. He just wants to drink his beer of choice in the parking lot of his apartment complex and forget he has a wife and kids that he's undoubtedly grown tired of. This gunshot wasn't in malice, it was out of principal. These guys are supposed to be in this together. They are supposed to be each others escape. Bet Walter never pulls that stunt again. Just fire one off into his kneecap to show him you mean business. It's not like he was shooting to kill. I can't blame him. Old people treat their Budweiser like it's life blood. They are more protective of the King of Beers than their own grandchildren. Plus, anyone that is still drinking Busch after the age of 18 deserves to be shot. Not only has he been guzzling piss water since 'Nam, but he's been bragging about it. That hospital visit is for his own good. Hopefully it gives him a chance to reflect on his alcoholic transgressions. Woman Who Entered Arranged Marriage For Television Wasn't Originally AtTracted To Her Now Husband3/20/2015 DailyMail- I first see Ryan, my gut just says: "Oh man, like this is him?"' she told the cameras. 'The initial physical attraction really isn't there right now.’
She continued: 'When I saw him face-to-face, I felt a little disappointed. It just doesn't feel like this is the man who is my husband. I don't know if I can do this.' But Ryan, a Long Island real estate agent, did not have to think twice when it came to his betrothed's appearance, and Jaclyn's Today show interview confirmed that she would eventually say 'I do'. After watching the clip from the episode, Hoda said that Ryan looked like he had won the jackpot when he saw Jaclyn walk through the door but noted that her initial reaction was filled with a lot of expletives that had to be bleeped out during the episode. Both she and Kathie Lee were stunned that Jaclyn thought that it would be love at first sight. 'Why would you think that?' they both asked her. Jaclyn, who hadn't been serious with any man in the past seven years, said: 'Because I was single for so long. I watched too many rom-coms.’ Oh, you don't say. The man that agreed to marry a woman he didn't know wasn't a Ryan Gosling doppelgänger? Fuck the NCAA tournament, this is the shocker of the day. I can't believe that two people that couldn't find a life partner on their own aren't physically flawless people. All things considered this dude Ryan isn't all that bad looking. Maybe lower your standards bit when you are depending on television producers to pick your mate, okay babe? I have an idea of what kind of person agrees to these types of situations and it's safe to say that this guy is basically Ryan Reynolds compared to the person I was envisioning. Know why this girl is single? You know why she's been lonely as shit for the last 7 years? Because she doesn't even understand how relationships work. You know how many relationships are based off a woman having a strong initial physical attraction to the man? Like 10% maybe. That's old hat hun. Love at first sight is reserved for people that are far too hot for an arranged marriage. Relationships are based off men tricking women into thinking they are suitable life partners. Let's be honest, most men are not. Hell, most women are not. Just look at the divorce rate. There are not many Brad Pitts out there. Most of us have to use our humor, or our charm, or an overall abundance of bullshit. Maybe even a little free alcohol. Anything we have at our disposable to exaggerate how good of a decision we would be. Be more desperate Ryan. A girl, who is decidedly in the same league as you says you aren't hot enough on your wedding day and you still marry her? Have a little dignity dude. That's not a situation where you swallow your pride. You spit your pride on the ground and knock her off her proverbial pedestal. Give her a couple backhanded compliments. Neg the shit out of her. Tell her she's beautiful despite her drawn on eyebrows and quickly aging skin. Make her feel like less of a catch so you in turn look like more of a catch. Come on man, dating 101. I don't need my future wife to think I am the hottest dude on the planet, but I'll turn into the runaway husband if she tries to emasculate me in front of all my peers, or in this case, on national television.
Is this a goal tend? Honestly, I don't know. I don't even know if that ball was going to touch the rim, and even if it did, it certainly wasn't going in. Pretty sure the reason the rule exists is to stop players from blocking or interfering with potential points. That shot was a couple of things. A terrible decision. A pretty awful shot. However, if there is one thing it wasn't it's a potential basket. Yes, the ball had reached it's downward trajectory. Yes, it was still above the rim. No, it had no possibility of going in. I don't want to kill the official too much. With a split second decision he sided with the letter of the law and not the spirit of the rule. However, don't try to tell me that it wasn't the wrong call. Don't expect me to feel okay about a game winning shot that would have merely scrapped the underside of the rim. These NCAA tournament games are full of glory and despair. There is always going to be a winner and a loser. However, what no one wants to see is a judgement call decide the fates of these kids with so much at stake. When in doubt, put the whistles away. Let the game decide itself. It's why the level of play becomes more physical in the NBA and NHL playoffs. It's why penalties in overtime are more scarce. It's why you generally don't call a shooting foul on a game winning attempt. The officials job is to make sure the game goes smoothly without having a effect on the result. If he let's that play develop as is no one would be complaining that goaltending wasn't called. Generally speaking, the less controversial option is the right option.
How about UCLA, huh? I feel like they are a blind kid that keeps bowling strikes. Just winning and advancing on no merit of their own. Blind luck at it's finest. First they get into the tournament by accident, and now they advance on a game winning shot that didn't even graze the rim. If you were supposed to advance by being oh-so-close the entire plot of 'The Mighty Ducks' would change. Gordon Bombay would have 'scored' on the breakaway because hitting the post is "close enough". Coach Reilly would be 15 years into retirement and Gordon would be coaching the dreaded Hawks. That's not how that movie was supposed to go, and it's not how this game was supposed to go. Take everything else out of it, does it feel right that UCLA advances on that shot? I know it doesn't feel right to me. Certainly will be quite the story if UCLA is able to turn this into a Cinderella run of sorts. At some point that might require more than dumb luck and the benefit of discretionary calls. NJ.com- "You know what I think would be great for Jersey basketball? Why don't we get a $50 million god darn arena? How's that?'' Stringer said. "That's what I think would be real great. Because you try recruiting to this. Have you gone to the other facilities? Come on, people. Let's get involved in the things we need to do. "And I'll play everybody, anybody, whenever they get ready. I need a facility so that we can attract the same kinds of kids that everybody else does. I'm sitting up here and I walk into that facility at Ohio State — are you kidding me? It's the most incredible thing there is. "We gotta do more than just talking. We gotta do something about this. NJIT, how much are they spending on a facility? Please.'' "Here's our problem: When our kids walk in other places, I'm embarrassed," Stringer said. "I walk into the University of Maryland and they've got a place where these kids can practice the dunk. When I came from the University of Iowa, the weights were women's weights because our shoulders aren't as broad as guys. Everything was tailored down. Everything was catered. You're thinking, 'That's pretty darn good,' because you know that people care and everybody wants to be cared for.'' "I'm seeing the real big picture,'' she said. "We need to bring the big-time people in here. We're not getting the same level quality of depth. We're not getting it. What I'm suggesting is there are a lot of things that are in play. But this is kind of a fixable thing. This is really fixable. We need to take advantage of the talent we have." "There could a lot of reasons for us not getting back, but I promise you've got to have the quality of depth. And people might say, 'Just get them.' Just get them?' You know what's happening at other places?'' Do you want to be the one to say no to that face? Jesus Vivian, looking like Ice Cube meets women's basketball in that picture. Mean mug on a hundred, thousand, trillion. 'Gangsta Lean' meets 'Lean On Me'. No choice but to turn up 'Move Bitch' and get out the way when she walks in the room.
In all seriousness, when the women that has brought three different programs to the Final Four speaks, you listen. C. Vivian Stringer, who sits at 3rd in womens basketball history with over 950 wins, is without a doubt the most successful person associated the university. This isn't a woman that was hired and came in her first year and started demanding new facilities. This isn't her first rodeo. She transformed the program into a national power. She took Rutgers basketball to a national championship game, and now her success has plateaued, due in large part to average facilities on a far above average campus. Consider me on board. There will always be a certain amount of nostalgia associated with walking into the RAC, there is no question about that. However, the sentimental value it holds indirectly correlates with the amount of aesthetic value it holds. The old barn needs to go, and that's exactly what the RAC is. Both in appearance and what it represents. It represents a time when Rutgers athletics weren't seen on a national scale. It doesn't properly symbolize the growth the university has seen on both an academic and athletic level. People will argue that the rough estimate of 50 million dollars Stringer suggests be allocated to a new arena and subsequent training facilities could be better spent elsewhere. While I understand their point, they certainly don't give enough credence to what athletics have done for the university globally. Other than it's proximity to New York City and the allure of the Northeast television market, the reason Rutgers even has 50 million dollars to distribute is the state of the football program and thus it's entrance into the Big Ten. If we are looking at Rutgers history they have been far more reactive than proactive. The expansion to the football stadium came only after the 2006 season when Rutgers showed they can compete with some of the biggest names amongst the landscape college sports. And you know what, that season in itself was enough to grow the prestige of the Rutgers name. The amount of people asking "what's Rutgers?" and "where is Rutgers?" decreased dramatically. The quality of academics has always been there, but academics don't sell. Sports sell. State of the art arenas and soldout stadiums sell. Modern and innovative amenities sell. These are 18 and 19 year old kids we are talking about. They want to see a University that is dedicated to success. The resources shouldn't be dependent on the basketball program flourishing on it's own, the resources should be put in place to help the program flourish. It's time for Rutgers to start thinking B1G. The Big Ten is an opportunity to turn just another school that happens to be in the state in to a true state university. It's an opportunity for brand expansion. An opportunity to continue to increase the reputation that has been steadily growing over the years. The finances are there. The talent, both academically and athletically, is there to be had. Just look at some of the premiere recruits the football program has brought in since they have taken a more dedicated approach to upgrading the stadium and training facilities. It's time to get aggressive. As I sit here on the couch, taking in the Madness that March brings, I can only hope the pride of New Jersey can one day become a staple in one of the biggest events sports has to offer. At this point, with the assets Rutgers possesses there is no reason they shouldn't. You don't take the opinion of one of most successful people in college athletics with a grain of salt. The time is now. After all... WE'RE GETTING BIG TEN MONEY!!!!
I guess when you are on the edge of your seat rule number one is to make sure that your seat has a back to it. Can't fault him though. We have all been there. Whether it is spilling your beer after a big play, or falling down into a mob of people celebrating, there are just moments in sports that are too emotional for motor skills. Hell, that's the reason Coach Hunter has a torn ACL in the first place. If a coaches' main objective is to win then his second objective is to make a name for his program. First he tears his ACL celebrating with his son, now he nose dives off a stool. No publicity is bad publicity. Safe to say I won't forget that Georgia State exists ever again.
Who is responsible for this? The guy was basically using a rolling barstool. The NCAA tournament and they got the guy with a torn ACL sitting on the most volatile of rolling furniture. He couldn't even handle celebrating when he was a healthy, able bodied coach, now you throw a one legged man on a rolling death trap. Couldn't get him into the comfort of a desk chair, or on of those sweet ass old people scooters? He didn't even make that big of a commotion. Put most of his weight on one ass cheek and off he went. If he wasn't riding a huge wave of happiness the seating consultant would be fired faster than the first cut on 'The Apprentice'.
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It's a good thing that both these embarrassing incidents happen to coincide with the biggest moments of he and his son's career. Just too damn happy to acknowledge even a hint of awkwardness. Got to respect that. Can't imagine he would be feeling as good had Baylor done something with the 2.6 remaining seconds. Bet you his son RJ won't let him forget about this when he brings it up over beers at every holiday for the next decade. Just a couple of family stories that will never get old*. Father/son bonding at it's finest. Here's to hoping they can pull off another Cinderella story next round, without endangering the health of their coach. Third times a charm.
*They will totally get old, but you just have to smile and nod, and pretend like they happened yesterday. After all, that's what family is for. Repeating funny stories and inside jokes so much that you begin to resent that they happened in the first place. NHL.com- NHL general managers recommended Tuesday that the League go to a 3-on-3 format for regular-season overtime, starting as early as next season.
The managers want to see 3-on-3 overtime instituted in an attempt to decrease the number of overtime games that reach the shootout. The format of the new-look overtime is undetermined with two being considered. One option would have overtime start 3-on-3 and continue for five minutes, unless a goal is scored, before going to the shootout. The other would mimic the model instituted by the American Hockey League this season, with 4-on-4 play for the first three minutes of a seven-minute overtime, followed by 3-on-3 play after the first whistle past the three-minute mark. Lord hear my prayer. I'm not a religious man, but someone up there is listening. Like I said before, the novelty has worn off, the bloom is off the rose, the NHL's post lockout golden egg has gone bad. Time to throw it in the trash for good, but I guess I will settle for a couple minutes of 3 on 3 which will likely leave the shootout nearly an afterthought. I'm not exactly sure when the GM's realized this was a necessity, but the NHL has certainly done it's fair share to make the shootout less entertaining up until now. The dry scrape, which resulted in bad ice and thus less creativity, was only of detriment to an already dying concept. I'm not sure if fans realize the entertainment value of 3-on-3. It happened during a Devils/Kings game in overtime last year and it was probably the most stimulating two minutes of hockey I watched all year. For every breathtaking shootout goal, move, or save, there are about 6 or 7 attempts completely void of any excitement whatsoever. Giving the most talented players in the world the space that 3 on 3 provide opens up the possibility for so much more than a simple breakaway does. Sure, it's still a little gimicky, but at least it incorporates all aspects of hockey. At least the outcome of the game rests in the hands of the offense, defense, and goaltending. At least it's not a complete skills competition, although it does favor those teams that are top heavy talent wise. People love up and down hockey, and 3 on 3 will provide them a roller coaster ride of sorts. A sudden death victory during play is immeasurably more exciting than the slow but certain conclusion of the shootout. Thank god members of the NHL are starting to see that.
Toronto Sun- “You can’t get rid of Thornton, it’s just a pain sending him to the minor leagues at $7 million a year,” Milbury said during the first intermission of a game between the Chicago Blackhawks and New York Rangers Wednesday.
Wow. That take is so hot it should've been brought to me on a sizzling skillet at Applebees with a side of shrimp. What's that saying? You miss 100% of the shots that you don't take? You don't throw up a hail mary and expect it to work every time. Got to take the risk to get the glory. Unfortunately for Milbury, this hail mary fell about 30 yards short of making any sense whatsoever. That's why you have a panel Mike. Maybe run it by them during the break before you blurt it out to millions of people. You're not exactly known for your personnel moves. Kind of the reason you went from being a shitty General Manager to a shitty pregame, postgame analyst. Remember that time you traded Roberto Luongo for Mark Parrish, or the time you send Zdeno Chara and the pick that eventually became Jason Spezza to Ottawa for Alexei Yashin. Yeah, maybe stick to on ice evaluation, Granted, you're not much better at that, but at least the casual fan doesn't know any better. Meanwhile, anyone who has ever tuned into the NBC sports knows that Joe Thornton probably belongs in the NHL.
Unfortunately for Milbury we will never know if this move would have worked out. You know, considering Joe Thornton has a 'no movement clause' in his contract and probably wouldn't take kindly to being a 7 million dollar a year AHLer. But you probably already knew that, right Mike? I bet you probably also knew that Thornton is tied for 4th in the league in assists, tied for 18th in points, and has one of the best face-off percentages in the NHL. I would think those numbers would be valuable to a late season playoff push, but what do I know? I'm not the professional hockey personality. Shame that fans of the Worchester Sharks will never get to see this. Got to imagine that those numbers would translate mighty nicely to the minors. Would probably all but lock up a Calder Cup. Might not be a bad move for Jumbo Joe. Head over to the middle of nowhere Massachusetts and bring home some hardware. Maybe shed that "can't win the big game" label. After all, athletes are measured by championships. An AHL championship has to be worthy of at least an asterisk next to that reputation.
Vice- In a Denver courtroom on March 13, a man named Richard Kirk pleaded not guilty to the first-degree murder of his wife, Kristine. He doesn't dispute that he killed her—according to the statement of probable cause, Kirk, without being questioned, told the officer arresting him that he had killed his wife. But Kirk's attorneys argue that the legally purchased marijuana edible he had consumed before the incident had so clouded his mind that he couldn't be held culpable for his actions. Even in a state still grappling with how to handle legalized marijuana, it seems like an awful lot of responsibility to heap on a product called Karma Kandy Orange Ginger—the candy that, according to the search warrant affidavit obtained by VICE, was listed on a receipt found in the Kirks' basement on the night of the murder. You can blame edible weed for a lot of things. You can blame it for blowing off each and every one of your responsibilities. You can blame it for an empty fridge. You can blame it for the permanent impression left in the couch. You can even blame it for the inability to do remedial math. Just don't you dare tell me it's responsible for the murder of your wife. Unless your wife put the gun in your hand and pulled the trigger for you while you were too high to realize what was going on. The only person that should be claiming 'not guilty' is Mary Jane. I'm not saying someone can't have a bad experience with marijuana. I am saying that no matter how fucked up it makes your thought process, you certainly aren't going to want to do anything about it in the moment. Even if I wanted to kill my wife before the candy, once that buzz kicks in it is working as the ultimate deterrent. Sure this guy doesn't keep his meth candy in the same drawer as his weed candy? Kind of like at a sporting event when you put hot sauce on your fries instead of ketchup, except generally speaking that doesn't end in homicide. This may be the only problem with the legalization of marijuana. It just gives criminals, from murderers to simple thieves, a new scapegoat. It used to just be blame it on the al-al-al-al-alka-hol, and now theres a legal hallucinogenic on the market. I mean, you're not going to mention the heroin you possibly abuse if you can just blame your pot candy and turn the discussion from you being a psychopath to the legitimacy of a newly legal drug. I guess I got to give him credit. Accusing something that, by definition, is a mind altering substance is as good of an excuse as any for killing your wife in cold blood. DailyMail- Humberto Moura Fonseca, 23, had been partying at the university of Julio de Mesquita in the city of Bauru, in southwest Brazil, when organisers suggested the drinking game to see who could drink 25 shots in less than 60 seconds. His friend Rodrigo Pancetti, 23, said: 'We were all having a great time and someone came up with the idea of the drinking competition. 'I knew I'd already had too much and there was no way I was going to be able to drink five, let alone 25. But Humberto and the others were really up for it. 'On his Facebook there is a quote, a motto, from the Russian poet Vladimir Mayakovsky which says it is better to die from vodka than from boredom. I never thought that would become reality. ...And he was never bored again. I'm pretty sure if you think outside of the box that qualifies as a happy ending. Too bad I couldn't be there to refute his argument before he went all Russian on everyone and decided to prove us wrong. I got to say, I am going to disagree with him here. Being bored does indeed suck, but it's not something you can die of. I have spent a varying portion of my day bored nearly every day of my life. By all accounts, I am still in pretty good health. Even if you could die from boredom it would probably involve all the Netflix, a shit load of food, maybe a couple beers, and an eternal resting place on the couch. I think dying of boredom would compare favorably to dying of natural causes. Hell, that sounds like just about the best way to die ever if we're being honest. Certainly sounds more peaceful than taking a liter of Absolut straight and incinerating my organs from the inside out. Still, got to respect his dedication to the cause. Can't just post about dying from vodka consumption on the internet and not at least give the alcohol a puncher's chance. Looks like this one was a first round TKO. Not one of his friends could have mentioned to him that it's not the boredom that kills you, but what you do to cure said boredom? Likkkkke...25 shots for instance. There's a lot of things that can be quite the elixir for boredom. This kid really needed to choose enough vodka to give his chest hairs a perm? Maybe I need to brush up on my narcotical geography, but I am pretty sure a little reefer madness is prevalent in Brazil. Not for nothing, but I am choosing boredom over 25 shots of vodka every time. Shit, I was an alcoholic in college. I might, by definition, still be one now. Still, there's not a single time in my life that I would have chosen anymore than 5 shots of vodka over a couple beers, some glaucoma medication, and a nice nap. Rest In Peace Boredom. Born 1992- Died 2015. P.S. What the hell is someone in Brazil drinking vodka for? If I had to guess the kid probably would have survived 25 shots of tequila. Worm and all.
NFL Medical Consultant Tries A Little Damage Control: Says Football Is safer Than Riding A Bike3/18/2015
Yahoo Sports- "There are more injuries to kids from falling off bikes, scooters, falling in playgrounds than there are in youth football. It’s never been safer. Can we improve? Yes, we have to do better all the time to make it safer, but I think if a kid is physically able to do it and wants to do it, our job is to continue to make it safer. But it’s much more dangerous riding a bike or a skateboard than playing youth football."
“I really believe that [football has] never been safer," Maroon said Tuesday. “The rules changes, the safer tackling techniques, the medical management of concussions [are] so much better than [they ever have] been in the history of the sport.” I may surprise a few here. I wholeheartedly agree that playing football is safer than riding bike or a skateboard. Assuming, of course, that those actions are taking place on a grass field with 11 kids trying to put the crown of their helmet through your sternum. This is like when you first start to drive on your own and your parents are super worried and say something to the effect of "be careful, you could die out there". Of course you respond with "yeah well, people die falling down the stairs too" or some other clever retort. Yeah, both could potentially be hazardous, but I think it's safe to assume one is more dangerous than the other. I respect the NFL Supervisor of Damage Control, or whatever his title is, for shitting on my lawn and calling it fertilizer. Football is safer than bike riding in the same way that unprotected sex with a stripper is safer than jerking off. When you involve physical contact with others your actions instantly become more high risk. Especially when those 'others' may not having the finest of intentions. Didn't this guy play youth football? If he actually believes the words that are coming out of his mouth than I am counting this as a point for biking and skateboarding. Maybe those high school headshots are finally starting to take their toll. Hey Maroon, how many fingers am I holding up?
Hey, maybe it's a situational thing. Where is the kid riding his bike? Is he going all Evil Knievel and trying to hurdle a canyon? Is he skateboarding on a metal beam 550 feet in the air? I suppose that would make football the safer option. Don't try to tell me about the new tackling techniques, or the improvements upon equipment. Kids tackle exactly the same as they always have, they are probably just disciplined more for doing it the wrong way than they were in the past. People in general are also much faster, stronger, and thus, dangerous now a days. It's called athletic evolution buddy. You think Junior Seau would be dead if he spent his life riding in the Tour De France? You think Eric LeGrand is in a wheelchair if he grew up idolizing Tony Hawk? When you flat out fabricate 'facts' you look like you are struggling for answers. Maybe it's just time to admit the dangers of playing football. It's not going to put the future of the sport in jeopardy, I don't think anything could at this point. However, we are all better off knowing just how life threatening it can potentially be, even if that means there are a couple less youth football programs.
A low scoring affair. A timely goal from a role player. Great defense. Even greater goaltending. Looks like the Devils took the term 'Retro Night' to heart. Looking every bit of championship teams past. They frustrated a far more talented Penguins team. Only need to look to Kris Letang turning his stick into the newest pieces of recycling after a backbreaking empty net goal from Adam Henrique as evidence of that. Hopefully the boys can get to the bar and enjoy a few Guinnesses for St. Patty's Day. In my estimation they deserve a nice long night on the town, especially with a road game against the Sabres coming up. Has anyone ever willingly traveled to Buffalo without putting down enough booze to make Buffalo's puck sluts look like a reasonable option?
Certainly love the recent contributions in terms of secondary scoring. How about Josefsen putting the game winning goal in the crosshairs? Too bad 'Swedish Sniper' has no ring to it whatsoever. Bernier, Tootoo, Josefson. All three players were afterthoughts to start the year and all three have made pivotal plays in turning around what is going to end up being a not so pivotal season. Hell, they have even managed to turn into packing camels and have carried that slob Ryder around the rink for the last two games. Even granted him an unearned assist on tonight's game winner. O'Ryder, not sure how that Canadian summoned the luck of the Irish. Surprised Lou didn't replace him with another Zajac or one of Brodeur's sons when Elias went down to injury. I guess you got to give every dog his day, even if that dog is on his last leg and panting all over the ice by it's second shift.
It's only right Cory Schneider gets a shutout on St. Patrick's Day. The way he has been playing you would swear that his toilet has basically been a pot'o'gold. He's just been churning out gem after gem. He gets any hotter that fiery mop atop his head might just burst into flames. Pretty sure that would be the goaltending equivalent of NBA Jam. If gingers had souls I would be convinced that Cory sold his to the devil for the recent streak he's been on. Good thing he actually did sell it to the Devils for the foreseeable future.
I wonder if Sidney Crosby even celebrated St. Patrick's Day? He kind of strikes me as the type to refer to alcohol as a "foreign substance". Probably calls his body his "temple" or some shit. Puts green food coloring in his 'Smart Water' to celebrate the holiday. Bet you he got a clean 8 hours of sleep even after he won the cup. Well Sid, how did that Molatov cocktail taste? Little tough to swallow? Might be the kind of loss that drives a man to drink. Let's hope so. Maybe then you won't be so damn unbearable.
Oh well, the less he drinks the more bad decisions for the rest of us, am I right? Happy St. Patrick's day to every last one of ya. You can spill your lunch or dinner, but you don't you dare spill that drink! Cheers to a Devils win!
It's an important way to view life. Things aren't always as bad as they seem. No matter what hardships you face, or what trials and tribulations you have to endure, someone is always worse off than you. It may take seeing the guy that cleans the toilets after being let go from your finance job. It may be walking past a homeless person after your basement flooded. It may take seeing someone paralyzed from the waist down after breaking your ankle. The peaks and valleys of life are very relative in that way.
However, you know when things are bad as they can possibly be for a professional sports organization? When the only thing that the coach can measure his job against is that time he survived the most fatal and debilitating disease on the planet. While in comparison there are obviously worse situations in the world, in terms of hockey I am pretty sure the Toronto Maple Leafs only parallel is rock bottom. Talk about 0 to 100. This interview just got serious real quick. First we were all in this together feeling bad for how pathetic the Leafs have become, and now I like I should call everyone I know that has, or has had, cancer and apologize for every single thing I have ever complained about. Cancer fucking sucks. Nothing can measure the pain it causes those who contract it and their loved ones. However, if, IF, there was a sports equivalent of a crippling disease, I guess being associated with the Maple Leafs in any way would have to be it. NSFW - Dear Friendly Apple Guy, Yesterday I walked into your store wearing the same clothes I was in two days before, no shower, no makeup, exhausted, dehydrated, and terrified of surviving the next hour in a busy store with my fussy 4-month old son. We lasted about 15 minutes before my overtired baby began to cry. It’s never my preference to breastfeed in a room full of 100+ strangers, and I’ve heard horror stories of women who have been publicly humiliated for feeding their babies without a cover. But when I latched my baby to my bare breast right in front of you, you didn’t miss a beat. There was not a hint of disgust or repulsion in your eyes. In fact, when I timidly asked you to snap a photo of the moment for my social media project, you smiled widely and proceeded to spend 10 minutes getting a good shot while my phone was busy updating. You told me all about how you worked at Disneyland and saw moms nursing their babies all the time and how you think it should be considered totally normal. You agreed with me that it’s important to share these moments on social media to empower women to breastfeed their babies without fear. And thanks to your beautiful, compassionate support, I felt victorious and powerful in that moment. I was too tired to remember your name, but whoever you are, thank you on behalf of all breastfeeding mothers. Thank you for helping us change the way the world views the sight of a woman nurturing her child.
(And thank you, Apple, for making products so interesting that pretty much everyone in the store was too distracted to notice me anyway.) Sincerely, A Grateful Mother Good work Apple Guy, my problem does not reside with you. You did your job. You're in sales. Make the costumer feel welcome. Be inviting. Never forget that the customer is always right, even if she pulls her titty out on a casual Wednesday afternoon. I don't even have a problem with the woman breastfeeding. If you absolutely have to feed your child in the moment, have at it. Just don't expect people not to look when you are wandering around a mall with another human being clinging to your bare breast. I don't care if you are trying to empower childbirth, or breastfeeding, or femininity, or whatever. If I walked down the street in a tutu I would expect to get some stares, doesn't matter if I was trying to glorify a transgendered lifestyle or not. "Thank you Apple guy for taking an hour out of your day to be my Instagram photographer and scrolling through a thousand stupid filters, and making me feel better about my situation and catering to my every need and desire. Wait, what was your name again?" This guy didn't just open the door for her. He basically spent an hour being her husband. I'm terrible with names too, but if I ask a stranger for ten different favors (would never happen) you can bet your ass I am going to make a point of remembering their name. I am sure this guy really enjoyed being there for you only to get no compensation and the title "Apple Guy". My issue is this woman had to make a goddamn spectacle of herself. I get the feeling this broad just goes around intentionally breast feeding in public. Scratch that. I know that's what she does. I don't think women should be shamed for being put in precarious situations when raising children, but how about attempting to keep some things to the privacy of your own home. You shouldn't be galavanting off to the mall, or the grocery store, or anywhere else that isn't Mardi Gras with the hopes of pulling a tit out. If it happens, it happens, but you certainly don't need to have a photoshoot in the middle of the store. You know how worried you were about having to wait in line at Apple? Well now there is some poor schmuck wasting away as you get pretty for your "instagram project". Calling an instragram account a "project" is the most bougey shit I have ever heard. Instagram is a project in the same way that a Facebook account is an autobiography or that a twitter account is a list of memoirs. Yahoo Sports- The inclusion of a name-brand program like UCLA over lower-profile Colorado State, Temple or Murray State does create a perception problem, but the tinfoil hat crowd that insists this was a money grab by the NCAA is searching for malice where there is only stupidity. While UCLA probably hadn't accomplished enough to make the field and definitely hadn't accomplished enough to avoid the First Four, the inclusion of the Bruins was likely an honest mistake.
The easiest argument to shoot down is the idea that UCLA's presence in the NCAA tournament will lead to big TV ratings in Los Angeles or droves of fans from Southern California buying tickets. Anyone saying that doesn't understand college basketball's tenuous place in Los Angeles market. Pauley Pavilion is half-empty for most UCLA home games and Bruins trail far behind the Lakers, Dodgers, Clippers, and USC football as a ratings draw. If only a few hundred UCLA fans bothered to make the four-hour drive to Las Vegas for the Pac-12 tournament, don't expect many more to travel cross-country to Louisville for an opening-round NCAA tournament game. This is just hilarious. And the NCAA cynic in me hopes it is true. What it worse? To look like you are disrespecting the process of the selection of the biggest sporting event the of year for financial gain, or to look like you simply weren't paying attention during said process? This is vintage NCAA. The only big business that can continue to be successful without paying it's 'employees' or making any wise business decisions whatsoever. Think about how wealthy the NCAA is and they couldn't even fathom that they would stand to benefit monetarily from a college football playoff system until this year. College athletics are a business that simply isn't in the business of making wise business decisions. Oh, the irony. The sad thing is this actually makes more sense. There is no way the braindead people at the NCAA offices realized that UCLA could potentially gain the Los Angeles TV market. For a entity that is famous for going by the book in nearly every circumstance, even if it puts the well being of teenagers at risk, they certainly aren't good at reading comprehension. You had one job guys, one job. Pick the 64 (68, whatever) most deserving teams, and you couldn't even get that right. "Whoops, sorry guys. I know you played 30+ games with the potential once in a lifetime dream of making it to the big dance, but it seems I dozed off during the selection process. Better luck next year. I knew I shouldn't have skipped my morning cup of coffee." I guy this kills my theory that the NCAA is run by soulless robots that can't take situational information into account. The BCS would have never made mistake like this! Semi-Pro Hockey Team, The Danbury Whalers, Nearly Get INto A FIght With Opposing Fans And Security3/17/2015 Yahoo Sports- City Police Sgt. Dennis C. Lawlee said the fight broke out after an unidentified Watertown fan shoved a Danbury player, who was not in uniform for Monday night’s Federal Hockey League playoff game at the Watertown Municipal Arena at the Alex T. Duffy Fairgrounds. Seeing their teammate shoved, Danbury players left the bench and rushed to his aid, causing an arena security guard to be pushed down in the process, said Erin E. Gardner, the city’s parks and recreation superintendent. Police identified the two Danbury players as forward Luke Warner and defenseman Steve Brown, who were both charged with second-degree harassment. They were given appearance tickets for Watertown City Court. Mr. Brown returned to play in the game, won by Watertown, 5-2. It was unclear if Mr. Warner returned to the game. Ahh, the glorious life of a semi-pro hockey player. A life of alcoholism, violence, and womanizing. Hell, if they had a plane instead of a broken down old bus, million dollar contracts instead of playing for peanuts, and some more hockey talent it would basically be the NHL. Anyway, where are the Hanson Brothers when you need them? Couldn't have wrote them into this script? I bet it would have increased the entertainment value of this game and this altercation exponentially. Can someone tell me why the players were charged with second degree harassment? What happens at a semi-pro hockey game stays at a semi-pro hockey game. That's half the fun of it. It's one thing to taunt an NHL player that has a contract to worry about and a sheet of glass in front of him, but you are kind of asking for it when you start heckling a guy twice your size that has fallen short of his career goals, and wields a stick, from two feet away from him. Maybe stay in the bleachers bro. I can promise you these guys don't mind blowing their $200 paycheck to blow off some steam and decapitate you. Has history taught us nothing? The '79 Bruins would be appalled by these harassment charges. What a sign of the times. Can't even take exception when a fan wants to overstep his boundaries anymore. I have played in more professionally run leagues that feature 50 year olds crushing their own six packs prior to puck drop. If you are going to pay these guys to play, maybe fork over a few shekels to get them some legitimate security from the bench to the locker room. Either that or turn a blind eye when they nearly get into a brawl with the fans. Hockey fans are so quick to criticize the on ice product without having played the sport themselves. Maybe these guys deserved a beat down. A little life lesson from some beleaguered hockey players. 'Slapshot' style... I Hope Chris Borland Talked To Adam Schefter About The Financial Ramifications Of His Retirement3/17/2015
NY Times- Linebacker Chris Borland of the San Francisco 49ers, one of the top rookies in the N.F.L. last season, is walking away from football because of concerns about his safety, perhaps the most noteworthy example yet of how awareness of brain injuries is upending the sport.
“While unexpected, we certainly respect Chris’s decision,” Trent Baalke, the 49ers’ general manager, said in a statement on Tuesday. “From speaking with Chris, it was evident that he had put a great deal of thought into this decision.” “From what I’ve researched and what I’ve experienced, I don’t think it’s worth the risk,” Borland told ESPN. I understand the concept of brand loyalty. Got to protect the shield, right Schefter? After all, it is the reason that you have a job. However, this isn't of any detriment whatsoever to the National Football League. Yeah, the number of players retiring due to health concerns is at an unprecedented level given the demand for an NFL roster spot. But 5-6 players choosing a lifetime full of health and happiness isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Kids are always going to prefer to play a sport they love professionally instead of 50 hour weeks in a cubicle. Not too mention get paid quite handsomely for doing so. Schefter is undoubtedly right. Borland isn't going to walk into the nearest office building and start pulling over a half a million a year in salary on his first day. But maybe, just maybe, we can separate an individual prioritizing his future over the volatility of an NFL contract from the effects it has on the NFL. You know what else Borland isn't going to do at his new job on the first day? Be one hit away from being a paraplegic. He won't be in danger of having his contract terminated due to no fault of his own. He won't be risking his ability to potentially have a family one day. Depending on his career he is probably putting his mental health in the same amount of jeopardy, but certainly not his physical health. Fucking Scheffer, probably thinks prostitution, drug dealing, and being a kamikaze pilot are good long term careers. Leave it to the guy that falls about 6 inches, 100 pounds, and eons of athletic ability short of being an NFL player to start judging people on the decisions they make in regards to their body. Every is so quick to criticize those that are money hungry, why can't we take a step back and respect the maturity of a kid that realizes there is life after football. Hey, I got no problem with you being a fat guy as long as you embrace it. According to that bowl of mac and cheese, Rob is all about that N'awlins gluttony. Good for him. However, there's a few things he has to learn about jerseys. First of all, unless you are a player on the court, no one has ever looked good in a basketball jersey, EVER. It's simply the most unflattering of jerseys. Take it from someone that recently took a trip down memory lane with an old photo album. Granted this is the exact opposite of your problem, but let's just say I didn't exactly fill out the XXL Reggie Miller Dream Team jersey.
Secondly, you never go white. There's too much that can go wrong. One slip of that fork and you are right back to that team store for another jersey. With the amount of food Rob Ryan inevitably puts down at professional sporting events he doesn't have to coach in, it's all but a certainly that thing doesn't leave pearly white. No magical 'Tide' pen is getting a stain out of that bad boy. Pretty sure the NBA makes jerseys so that they are uncleanable, pretty bullet proof business plan if you ask me. You know how black is slimming. Well white is the opposite of black, so what is the opposite of slimming? Isn't that in the fat guy hand book? Hell, I am not even fat anymore and my closet has more color diversity than the opening ceremonies for the Olympics. There's simply no positive to wearing white. Why do you think an unattainable goal is known as 'the white whale'? Because nothing that big could ever successfully pull off white. Note to Rob: Treat everyday like it's the day after Labor Day. P.S. Hey, maybe this proves to be a wake up call. First his brother becomes a shell of himself and then he becomes an internet sensation by turning a basketball jersey into a maternity dress. Everyone has to hit that breaking point, whether it's not fitting into your fat jeans, or seeing a picture of yourself at an unflattering angle. With any luck it's not though. Every knows that Ryan's are much better at their job when they are fat, and it's damn near impossible to get skinny in New Orleans. |
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