The irony is that reading the news that the Saints' desperate attempt at providing a quick fix to their anemic, one-man pass rush (shoutout to Cam Jordan, he deserves do much better) was bringing in Lamarr Houston for a workout makes me feel about as stupid and hopeless as he must have felt when he tore his ACL doing this... Nothing against Lamarr Houston, but - considering the Saints' damn near decade long track record with attempted defensive "improvements" - a guy that literally hopped, skipped, and jumped his way out of the lineup has a better chance of providing a punchline than a quarterback pressure. I know that if a contract offer did come to fruition then it would be of the low risk variety, since - as is customarily the case with this franchise - there is no where to go but up. Still, they might as well punch fate right in it's spiteful testicles if they are going to add an oft-injured, underperforming pass rusher to an oft-injured, underperforming defense. In the sense that the first noticeable thing he does is likely going to involve him getting carted off the field, Lamarr Houston is actually a perfect fit for a Sean Payton (as run by __insert soon-to-be fired coordinator here__) defense. Unfortunately, that's nothing other than an indictment of the forever laughable state of Sean Payton's (as run by __insert scapegoat__) defenses. I guess I'm glad that they are praying for a little bit of familiarity to make them better, but I'm preemptively depressed since it's almost definitely not going to work.
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Evan Engram Says He Unintentionally Grabbed His Junk While Celebrating His First Career Touchdown9/19/2017
“I don’t know what they were talking about, I did nothing intentional. That was bull-crap, there was nothing intentional. I was just trying to dance. One of the guys came in and bumped into me. I was really shocked. I was trying to talk to the refs and let them know. I guess I accidentally touched something. Nothing intentional. It was a bad thing.” - Evan Engram ------- Ah yes, the old unintentional grabbing of one's own crotch. It's almost as if the male species is so genetically predisposed to playing with themselves that it just occurs naturally by happenstance sometimes. One might even say that idle hands are the dick's playground, and - while the lights might shut off - the park is never actually closed. Unfortunately for Evan Engram, NFL officials have been sworn to penalize even the most inadvertent patting of the penis, so - by the penal code of the 'No Feeling (Yourself) League' - he was guilty nonetheless. I know it seems like a bunch of "bull crap" that you can't even mistakenly get caught culminating your first ever end zone dance with a two second pose in which you appear to be giving yourself a hernia test without getting flagged. I think it's pretty safe to say that Evan Engram totallllllly didn't mean to hit the Michael Jackson right into the lens of the "candid" camera he was performing in front of. If I had to guess, the "head-on" angle made it look like more of a masturbatory move than it actually was. However, the Giants' rookie tight end should let this serve as a lesson to him just as it served as a lesson to Pee-wee Herman. When you're caught chillin' with your hand on your dick in public it becomes very hard to give you the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully next time he'll remember to make his way back to the tent on the sideline before instinctually making sure all systems are go.
Uhhh, what the hell was that? Has the obnoxious amount of 'LA Looks' he's been going through by the glop-full actually seeped into Ben McAdoo's scalp? That condescending explanation of how timers and/or clocks tend to work was such a sharp tongued criticism of his quarterback that I have no choice but to think that his slick backed hair has him thinking he's Dom Corleone or some shit. Problem is, the only thing he has Godfather'd is an offense with no running game and less pass protection in which success is predicated on the inconsistent hands of wide receivers with route trees that inexplicably fall about two limbs short of the first down marker. As someone who thinks he's basically the 'Mona Lisa' of mediocrity, I am the furthest thing from an Eli Manning apologist. Still, who the hell is Ben McAdoo to talk about two-time Super Bowl MVP as if he's the mouth breathing moron he so often takes the form of by way of laughably off-target interceptions and inexcusable penalties? Obviously I can understand being frustrated with the leader of your team for failing to count backwards from 4 without costing his team 5. However, we are talking about a coach that went into the offseason with an awfully offensive line and came out of it with nothing more than an aging, enigmatic wide receiver and a scrawny tight end that couldn't block his own genitals without pissing away 15 yards of field position. Eli Manning is most certainly not without his flaws. However, the guy whose negligence is liable to get him killed probably shouldn't be sarcastically pointing them out in a public presser like he's bullshitting with the Goombas over some postgame mutz at Tony Ravioli's. Especially since he's the only person in the organization whose look is easier to rip on than his starting quarterback's generally dumpy disposition. If those who weren't in attendance asked me what they missed last night with about 5 minutes remaining in what was potentially a candidate for the most nauseatingly "preseason" game of all time, I probably would stared back at them blankly until they walked away. Sure, Will Butcher looked the part. Stefan Noesen and Joseph Blandisi teamed up for a give-and-go goal that could have passed for chemistry on a team that's been biologically inferior as of late. Kyle Palmieri flexed what appeared to be a little added offseason muscle, but was probably just the result of him being closer to mid-season form than the rest of his peers. However, all of those observations were made during what was basically the intermission entertainment for what turned out to be a night class in obnoxiously overbearing officiating. I get that the NHL is trying to increase scoring by adding more stupid, nonsensical penalties, but - boy, oh boy - did calling a bunch of face-off violations against players that apparently had no idea what the fuck a face-off violation is make last night's contest largely unwatchable. It wasn't so much a hockey game as it was a whistle blowing competition...until one person took it upon himself to remind everyone why they were watching it in the first place...
That's it. That's all I needed. Just a proverbial key bump of the good stuff from the end of an 18 year old 'Swiss Army Knife'. I don't think anyone should have expected Nico Hischier to step on the ice and dominate from the first drop of the puck, and - due in part to the choppiness of what could more accurately be described as a scrimmage - he was mostly held in check. Except for that time late in the game where he surgically stripped the puck while splitting the defense only to swoop in on net and casually slide the puck 5-hole like he's been doing it all his life. Throw in the fact that there was a '13' on his back and I would have been liable to think the Devils collected Datsyuk as Kovalchuk collateral if I was squinting from the cheap seats after about a dozen $10 beers. Yeah, it was just one meaningless goal in one meaningless game, but it was meaningless goal in a meaningless game that required more talent than about 95% of the Devils' "meaningful" goals in "meaningful" games. If nothing else, Nico Hischier flashed the skill-set that got Nolan Patrick pushed down the draft board and regulated to the professional purgatory that is Philadelphia, and you honestly couldn't have asked for much more from his first preseason game. The kid came as advertised, so I think - at the very least - the Devils' organization can take a deep breathe and forget about having buyer's remorse anytime soon.
I am not going to take a look at the tape to determine whether or not Kenny Vaccaro was one of the worst culprits in yet another abominable effort from the Saints defense. That's mostly because I'm not looking to lose my lunch, but it's also because I don't even even need to see a single replay to tell you why he was benched. We are talking about the vocal leader of a young secondary that was supposed to be the strength of the team, and - at his very best - he hasn't backed up one single word. If nothing else Kenny Vaccaro is expected to be the most physical and intimidating presence in the defensive backfield, and through two games his most memorable contributions have drawn two flags, a fine, and the temporary illusion of a legally forced turnover. I have no interest in making a list of who was most responsible for making Tom Brady look like he was playing against a D3 school in Western Massachusetts, but - if I did loathe my time enough to do so - I would venture to guess that Kenny Vaccaro might not reside in the Top 5 (this week, anyway). If we were grading on a curve then his complete lack of a noticeable effort could actually get him bumped up a couple of letters above the teammates that were caught consistently grasping at air. Unfortunately, a vast majority of those young teammates look to him to lead by the example, and the only lesson they got from Week 1 was how to avoid being held accountable by making sure you are so far away from the ball that no one assumes that you were the one that was responsible for covering it. The faltering of a defense falls on the most trusted members of it, so - since sitting Cam Jordan is literally the only thing that could possibly make the Saints look less competent on that side of the ball - Kenny Vaccaro became the scapegoat. Honestly, considering how rarely he's been a solution in an eternally problematic defense, I couldn't care less that he was.
You see, now this is the type of spite I can respect. Screw all that passive aggressive, behind-the-screen nonsense that had the basketball world wondering what had the foundation of the Eastern Conference empire that was the Cleveland Cavaliers crumbling from underneath it. Maybe I am showing my age here, but I would rather have a cocky 25 year old come out and say he didn't give a damn about the opinion of the best player in the sport while making a decision about his own future than implying as much through a vague, subliminal SnapChat. Whether or not Kyrie Irving reaches the same level of success without playing next to a teammate whose mere presence alone annually guaranteed him the most prestigious platform that basketball has to offer remains to be seen. However, I'll be damned if I don't respect him going on national television and saying he didn't owe LeBron James so much as an awkward goodbye when a pissed off LeBron James is now the only person standing in the way of him going to a 4th straight NBA Final. If nothing else, that antagonistic unveiling of true resentment via the proverbial mic drop that was a laughably condescending "no?" should fuel quite the rivalry....until LeBron James inevitably bolts for sunny Southern California in eerily unspoken and self-serving fashion next summer.
Man, that Ezekiel Elliott. You never want to see such a humble guy get caught up in the 'he said, she said' of what will inevitably be a nauseatingly long appeal of a domestic violence suspension that - knowing the NFL - is probably at least partially a result of reckless speculation. However, it's nice to see a young, promising athlete whose reputation has taken a massive hit off the field show just how appreciative of his current standing on the field. Some may say that an enigmatic running back let his own struggles manifest themselves in an apathetic, "IDGAF" attitude, but I think it's pretty clear that Ezekiel Elliott was just saving his energy for his next one yard rush by putting in an offensive effort when having to go on the defensive. I mean, come on. The guy standing all by his lonesome with his hands on his hips as the play goes the other way might look like he lacks accountability, but I think we can easily deduct that that is certainly not the case by way of all his other appearances on more candid camera. Are we really going to act like one still-shot of him sitting on the bench rocking a sourpuss - instead of focusing on enhancing his gains by carbo-loading first downs - is a look into the entitled psyche of a kid that handled getting drafted into the perfect scenario about as imperfectly as humanly possible? How dare we! When are going to start giving the benefit of the doubt to a 22 year old athlete that compromised it literally the first time he was asked to squeeze his own damn lemons to churn out some lemonade? In all honesty, you probably don't want your workhorse running back risking injury trying fruitlessly to make an unlikely tackle in the game that's long over. That said, when your workhorse running back is kind of seen as a complete shit head whose actions lead the casual observer to believe that he might just be dumb enough to beat women, then it probably behooves him to at least lightly jog within the general vicinity of the play. If Ezekiel Elliott is the target of some some NFL-led conspiracy aimed at making the league look they are finally conscious of a woman's right not to get smacked upside the head by their superhuman employees then it's fair to say that Roger Goodell really hit the bulls-eye. Because Ezekiel Elliott plays a less sympathetic brand of victim than the first painfully stupid casualty in a low budget horror flick.
I'm going to do my best to suppress the urge to jump to the most hilarious conclusion here, which is obviously that Kevin Durant forgot to switch to his pro-Kevin Durant fan account that he uses to anonymously defend his honor via the use of third person and a bus that he can safely throw former coaches and teammates under while masked as a random internet personality. Unfortunately, there's nothing to suggest that Kevin Durant doesn't have a highly loyal social media manager that forgot to double check who he was logged in as, so it would be disingenuous to assume that the NBA Finals MVP is so thin skinned that he metaphorically wears someone else's to deflect insults from complete strangers. That said, isn't the fact that it's - at the very least - in the realm of possibility that Kevin Durant uses his free time to act as a Kevin Durant apologist bot say all you need to know about Kevin Durant? There's about a handful of ways in which KD's verified twitter could have ended up blaming everyone but KD for the failures of KD's former team, but I'm not immediately crossing off KD as a suspect. That's INSANE considering how insecure the second best basketball player in the world would have to be to concern himself with the halfwitted opinion of every Tom, Dick, and Harry with a Hewlett-Packard. However, it would also seem oddly fitting of someone that cares ooooh-so-little about what people think of him that he's incessantly blabbered on and on about how little he cares about what other people think of him well after those people were still publicly thinking it about him. Assuming this wasn't the result of a hacking, the consensus of Kevin Durant's inner circle is that the team that blew a 3-1 over the winningest team in NBA history in the Western Conference Finals didn't have enough talent to win a championship. He had the right to choose what was best for him and go to Golden State, but if these tweets came from within his own camp then - ironically enough -they lend more credence to the criticisms that he's sooooo deaf to that he literally threw them all on his signature shoe... Honestly, I don't even know what to address first. Ironically enough, I think the most fitting way to start is by acknowledging that this is the beginning of the end. Sean Payton probably still has 14 games left to prove otherwise - seeing as I think there is too much mutual respect to cut ties with him midseason - but there's absolutely no reason to think those 14 games will play out any differently than 50 that came before them. In most cases, an embarrassing beatdown at the hands of the best coach in NFL history coming off of 10 days rest wouldn't serve as a soon-to-be vacant sign on the swinging door that will inevitable be hitting Sean Payton in the ass. This, however, isn't most cases. What the Saints endured yesterday wasn't just a completely non-competitive loss. It was a completely non-competitive loss that highlighted damn near every flaw that's kept them from competing for the last three years and change. The listless effort on offense when it actually mattered. The laughably disorganized defense. The inexcusably self sabotaging penalties. Coaching decisions that were understandably desperate, but nonsensically and haphazardly called for. Sean Payton stepped on the field with a roster that was probably equally as talented as the injury plagued team that was on the other sideline, and - as they have done with so many lesser teams prior - they made them look like they were in a league of their own. Bill Belichick absolutely embarrassed someone that considers himself a protege and he did so on the road with just as many injuries on defense and issues on offense. I know Sean Payton had to take some chances because his team was being outclassed in every form and facet. However - situationally speaking - dropping back 5 steps for what ended up being a throwaway on 3rd down when you know you're going for it on 4th down is only slightly less stupid than using that 4th down to launch a low percentage prayer to the player with the least trustworthy hands on the entire team. I mean, we are talking about a man that willfully backed his kicker up 5 yards while trying to draw the most well-coached team in sports offsides. In that sole instance it somewhat magically didn't end up hurting a team who certainly doesn't need its odds of becoming a punchline enhanced by its head coach's undeserved, irrational confidence. That said, it was just another example of Sean Payton being predictably unpredictable, and I mean that in the most negative way possible. I know that Tom Brady intentionally threw an interception up for grabs because - unlike the defense he was going up against - he was more keen to the amount of people on the field than the officials. However, optically speaking, "causing" two turnovers on the same drive and having them both overturned by penalty is so, so Saints that I barely even blinked an eye. I say that to say this...0-2 was always a distinct possibility, but the way the New Orleans Saints organization has ended up here - for what feels like the 30th year in a row - is what has already made a tough early season schedule look impossible to overcome. The competition may be better this time around, but the Saints' level of preparedness and execution certainly isn't. Another summer spent preaching "fast start", and another September spent watching them trail from so far behind that you'd think Brandon Browner was in the locker room giving pregame pep talks. It might not be time for one of the longest tenured coaches in the league to be relieved of his duties, but it's definitely time to start treating that outcome as inevitable. What Sean Payton brought to New Orleans in '06 can't possibly be overstated and we'll always have '09, but the fact of the matter is that his tenure will largely be looked back upon as a disappointment because of what he's failed to do since. I wouldn't even be mildly surprised if the franchise's inability to field a competent defense more than once a decade costs them the quarterback that made them relevant at year's end. I couldn't possibly muster up the gusto to blame Drew Brees if he wanted to join an organization that wasn't actively undercutting his opportunities to add another trophy to his case. This season - like so many before it - looks to have 7-9 written all over it, but Saints' fan should take what little enjoyment from it that they can because it will be the swan song for at least half of the most successful duo in franchise history. Even if that duo will ultimately have left much to be desired. ESPN- The competition committee also recommended a plan to the board of governors to curb the resting of healthy players in the regular season, league sources told ESPN. The proposed guidelines for resting players will encourage teams to sit healthy players for home rather than away games, and discourage the practice during nationally televised games.
The board of governors will vote on instituting the changes at a meeting in New York on Sept. 28. The plans will need a two-thirds majority to pass into legislation. ----- I want to congratulate the fans. They finally got their way. From here on out, they won't get caught traveling to see players who aren't in the lineup due to an inconveniently timed rest day. Nope, now they'll get caught traveling to see players who aren't in the lineup due to some mysteriously abrupt illness or some surprisingly quick-healing health concern. Of course, that will result in the same level of disappointment regardless, but at least the more naive attendees will get to grasp tightly to the ridiculous notion that the players/teams care more about putting on a show for spectators in late March than they do about being healthy enough to hoist a trophy in early July. Assuming this proposal goes through, is it really going to do anything other than slightly mute those that find themselves outraged by the idea of professional athletes prioritizing the durability of their body over the mid-season, Thursday night viewing experience of couch bound fans? Maybe we get 2-3 more primetime games between contending teams whose intrigue isn't undercut by the presence of a superstar sitting court side in a suit? Just seems like much to-do about a problem that is inherent to the NBA because of how top heavy it is with "must-watch" athletes. Like, the league is doing so well because of it's otherworldly talent that it becomes a big deal when some of that talent decides it needs a break from jumping through hoops in a game whose outcome surely doesn't have a significant impact on the standings. Obviously I was disappointed when anyone who is anyone on the Warriors and Spurs took a personal day during what was supposed to be a much-anticipated Saturday night clash of the titans. Surely I would be annoyed if I paid to go see the Caveliers play only to be stuck staring at the back of LeBron's balding ass head all game. I just can't get all that worked up about it when it's that upper echelon of teams and players that are basically saving the best for last by making sure they are fully locked and loaded come playoff time.
Now we're talking! About time these loosely premeditated promos packed a little something more than the empty threat of some violence. For years I have been hopelessly waiting on the edge of my seat for an unofficiated fight to break out during a weigh-in, and I didn't even realize that what I really should have been crossing my fingers for was a direct jab to the dick of one of the participants. That unannounced cup check was the most entertaining clip I have seen of two professional combatants doing nothing more than stepping on a scale with a scowl on their face, and I owe it all to the kid whose height has blessed him with a penchant for punching penises. And really, this is the best possible argument against birth control. Sure, children are a life changing inconvenience and a bank account draining expense, but they provide one priceless asset that often gets overlooked. That is an abusable innocence that can sabotaged in order to get them to do or say inappropriate shit on your behalf without having to worthy about being held accountable. Of course, I doubt Billy Joe Saunders gave his kid strict instructions to deliver a low blow beneath the bowels of his competition. However, you can bet your sweet ass that evil little asshole learned that move by play-fighting with daddy before dinner, so daddy undoubtedly had to hold back some hysterics after watching the most frowned upon type of "ball playing" finally get done outside of his own house.
Look, I know it's not in the best interest of the Colorado Avalanche to give away Matt Duchene for less than they think he is worth. Considering Joe Sakic's lazy eye as an executive, I think it's fair to assume that the explanation of "market value" reads as if it were written in Chinese. Still, in most cases it would be behoove him to hold on to an uber-talented 26 year old center whose best years are more than likely in front of him unless he gets absolutely blown away at the negotiating table. I'm just not so sure that this is one of those cases. You see, I'm all for collecting as much interest as possible before cashing in on your assets and getting that proverbial bang for your young buck. Unfortunately, the Avalanche's best asset appears to be on the verge of netting them nothing more than cap space when he abruptly retires after succumbing to an (NHL) seasonal depression disorder. Seriously, if they don't get that kid out of Colorado or to the nearest therapist then they are going to have to pray that his impending mental fragility doesn't keep him from passing a physical when they do inevitably decide to move him. I'm not even sure Matt Duchene is pulling a "Marshawn" in the sense that he's just there so he doesn't get fined. He might just be there just so that there are people around to keep him from doing something hasty with a sharp object when he starts to reflect on the state of the organization that employs him. Just look at how miserable he looks in that fashion forward throwback of an Avalanche jersey, and consider that he would probably be on the nearest ledge if he was asked to be media friendly in the trash bags they called uniforms the last few seasons. Colorado would cease to exist as a franchise is they for rid of everyone that hated being there, but - in this instance - keeping Matt Duchene on 'The Fray' of the roster is where you go wrong in figuring out 'How to Save A Life'.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Not so fast guys. Let's not jump down their throat quite yet. Maybe one of the 53 perennial underachievers will figure it out on their own. Sure, it seems weird to treat a bunch of professional athletes like they are third graders who are struggling to fill out their times tables, but they are probably still running on frustration so just give them a second to cool off and we'll see if it clicks without our help...
Yup! There it is. I knew it was only a matter of time before one of the Bungles stumbled in front of a mirror, literally or figuratively. I almost feel like a proud parent, except instead of watching my child mentally mature I'm "watching" a team I have no emotional attachment to come to grips with the fact that they are now scratching and clawing to get back to the mediocrity they have called home for the last decade. There's a lot of things you can say about the Cincinnati Bengals (mainly that they are a complacent organization that figured they would eventually just slip into success without making any substantial changes), but don't tell me they aren't quick studies! We are only two games in and the team that has half as many turnovers as points has already had a reality check! I would have to imagine that bodes well for their immediate future...assuming their immediate future features a brand new head coach for the first time since (what feels like) the Y2K scare. I suppose I shouldn't be so confident that it will since Marvin Lewis' contract may very well contain a clause that he can't be run out of Ohio unless he murders Urban Meyer in cold blood. Either way, it's nice to see a player become self aware. Hopefully that clarity spreads throughout a floundering franchise who would need a three story ladder to look down on anyone after getting planted at rock bottom...
Adrian Peterson Isn't Mad, He Just Wants Everyone To Know That He "Didn't Sign Up For 9 Snaps"9/15/2017
USAToday- Peterson, whose glare at Saints coach Sean Payton during Monday night's game against the Vikings became one of the viral images of the first week, said he thought he would be used more than he was in the opener.
"I didn't sign up for nine snaps, though," Peterson told reporters Thursday. "But unfortunately that's the way the game played out. In my mind, personally, I knew it was gonna take some adjusting. You know, me and Mark (Ingram) played in the last preseason game, and AK (rookie running back Alvin Kamara) didn't even play that game. So with all three of us being out there, I knew it would take a game or so to kind of get adjusted." As far as the stare at Payton, Peterson said the moment was overblown. "It was definitely overdramatized," Peterson said. "Of course, with the heat of the game, me being back in Minnesota and things like that, just catching that look – that intense look on my face, like I had – I actually got some laughs out of some of the memes that were made." ----------- Whew, what a relief! I don't know about you, but I couldn't even sense the ittiest-bittiest hint of resentment in that answer. I mean, can you imagine if that contentious moment between an aging player and his head coach of less than one half was a bad sign of things to come? Obviously it wasn't the greatest visual in the world, but - with a defense that had 'Captain Checkdown' boldly emptying the chamber like he was the love child of Yosemite Sam and Brett Favre - I can't imagine that the Saints will end up in a similar position where carries become scarce. As far as I am concerned, Adrian Peterson voicing his frustration an hour into the season was just a one-off. An example of the moment getting the best of him while facing the team that cast him aside on primetime television. Yup. Definitely, definitely not a glimpse at the conscious effort that is required to appease three deserving running backs when that is one of the few positions on the team that is too damn talented to require a high level of maintenance. I'm sure the 1,000 yard rusher coming off a career year and the first ballot HOFer totally understand that it was just the unfortunate, temporary circumstances of being a pretty bad team that looks destined to do a lot of playing from behind that had them getting easily out-snapped by a rookie. I can't possibly foresee another scenario in which the snaps become sporadic and Mark Ingram and/or Adrian Peterson are unable to push their competitive spirit to the side. In all seriously, I have no choice but to come clean and admit that I was in favor of the addition of Adrian Peterson when it happened. Unfortunately, that's when my view was of Sean Payton as an offensive genius that always gets the most out of his players, and before I failed to take notice of the steaming pile of crap I was stepping into on Monday night. I'm not ready to toss AD on the trading block after all of six carries, but if that game was a courtesy to the flushing of another season down the toilet then I'm a hell of a lot more worried about the state of the backfield swirling into a shit storm. I do think that the sideline situation was wildly overblown (though the spite in the eyes of the person responsible for it was absolutely not), and I still think the running back rotation has the potential to work in the team's favor. However, I'm far less optimistic after watching it return nothing other than a viral distraction during yet another Week 1 disaster...
Thoughts, Jay? Look, I absolutely love that answer, and I say that knowing that it's not entirely true. Jay Cutler - for all his flaws - still has an absolute cannon of an arm, and if Melvin Ingram were being completely honest he'd admit that it could potentially present a problem for the Chargers defense. That said, it warms my heart to finally see an exaggeratory line of bullshit trend in the opposite direction. So often coaches and players feel obligated to wax poetic about an upcoming opponent to the point that they are flat out fabricating reasons to fear them. So yeah, completely dismissing an opposing player as a threat can only stand to make you look stupid in retrospect. However, saying there is nothing about Jay Cutler that concerns a Pro Bowl-caliber pass rusher is far more realistic than building him up to be something more intimidating than a mediocre quarterback who is (potentially begrudgingly) back out of a recent retirement.
DetroitNews- The Detroit Lions have taken swift and decisive action against a season-ticket holder who posted a racially charged video on social media directed at a pair of fans who sat through the national anthem prior to last Sunday’s game at Ford Field.
After an investigation, including a conversation with the person who posted the video, he has forfeited his season tickets. The video, posted on Snapchat, had a voiced-over suggestion that the sitting fans leave the country. The photo was captioned “stupid (expletive).” Team president Rod Wood told The Detroit News he would be reaching out to the fans who were captured in the social-media post. ------- Now, THAT is how you do it, and by "it" I do not mean properly salute the American flag. Nope, by "it" I actually mean shed light on just how ridiculous it is that some people think that completing the most minuscule motor skill of standing up on cue inherently makes you a "better" American. I'm not sure the troops have come to a consensus on how they feel about peaceful protests during the National Anthem. I do, however, think an overwhelming majority would agree that turning your back to the stars and stripes to shame strangers (and yourself, really) with racial slurs on social media while failing to pay attention to the song you are standing for in the first place is decidedly not a way to show respect for the military. Just think about this for a second. While the ramparts were gallantly streaming this jackass was fiddling with his fucking cell phone, and (apparently) thought that doing so on two feet put him on enough of a moral high ground to avoid the collateral damage of dropping an N-bomb in a public forum. Never mind the immediate hypocrisy of the caption "ignorant n*ggers", because - if his actions are any indication - even he would tell you that's an offense that's secondary to the unAmerican act of taking your eyes off the flag while it's music plays. Ya know, just like he did to SnapChat his own goddamn stupidity while giving proof through the night that his rage was completely illogical. Good on the Detroit Lions for forever sending this guy back to his couch where he will undoubtedly be too bloated to remove himself from cushions when the 'National Anthem' starts playing through his television. Here's to hoping he stays there forever.
YardBarker- Pittsburgh Steelers coach Mike Tomlin is not happy that, in his mind, Sunday’s referees used the video board to throw a flag on his team.
On Wednesday, Tomlin accused the referees of flagging cornerback William Gay for unnecessary roughness only after seeing a replay of the questionable hit on the video board after not taking any action upon seeing it live. Tomlin made clear that he had no problem with the play being flagged, but that the process behind the penalty set a very troubling precedent. “I’m a big player safety guy. I’m on the competition committee,” Tomlin said, via Joe Rutter of the Tribune-Review. “Very rarely are you going to hear arguments from me regarding calls relative to that, provided they are done in real time. I thought they called it off the JumboTron, and I won’t accept that.” ------- Well, it's about time someone spoke up. All this talk about concussions and irreversible brain damage has really pulled the wool over the eyes of football fans, and blinded them to the real issue plaguing the NFL. Mike Tomlin may appear to be a grown man that's whining about a referee making a correct call on a blatantly dangerous play that cost his team a little field position in a game they ultimately won anyway. However, if you look a little bit closer (without using the 100 foot screen directly over your head for clarification, obviously) then it's pretty clear he's just a martyr for every other NFL head coach that doesn't think their players should be penalized are attempted beheadings unless they are caught in real time. When you really think about, he's basically doing the Lord's work...assuming the Lord is an incredibly biased Steelers' fan that would cut the cord on the video board if it meant saving his team 15 yards. He's just a football coach, but he's basically a savior to all the real men...that live in Pittsburgh and were too busy waving their 'Terrible Towels' to realize that the use of a slow motion replay killed the "integrity of the game" in cold blood by deterring kamikaze-esque head shots in an untimely fashion. Now, It would be disingenuous of me to argue that I wouldn't take issue if with a referee standing around anxiously scratching his neck like Tyrone Biggums while trying to squint up at a massive television before belatedly tossing a flag against my team. That would obviously piss me off, but feeling so strongly about the improper process that led to the proper legislation of a mind-numbing blow that you bitch about it after a victory? It might just be the booze, but I miss about 50% of what truly happens live on a football field. Therefore, I can't think of a more obnoxious hill to go tone deaf on than the one that looks down on referees for using technology to harmlessly "cheat" in quickly confirming that a player should - indeed - be disciplined for trying to destroy brain tissue. But hey, who am I to question whether or not the person that thinks dirty hits have a second and a half statue of limitations is truly a "player safety guy"? Kirk Herbstreit Got A Metaphorical Sock Shoved In His Mouth By A Heavily Sought After 5-Star Recruit9/14/2017
I can't believe I am going to say this, but I think I actually feel bad for Kirk Herbstreit in this instance. All he was trying to do was blindly stand up for the personnel decisions of his Alma Mater while playing the role of the heavy handed, overly critical father figure to a bunch of talented 18 year old kids that he's never even met, and his one mistake just happened to be fatal. Poor guy thought he was falling in line with the mission statement of college football by putting any teenager with an opinion in "their place", and he chose the one time in which the most high profile of those teenagers hold all the cards to do so. Timing is everything, and the ESPN analyst's failure to recognize that 'National Signing Day' is still five months away just got him shoved in a goddamn locker by a high schooler. I honestly do understand where he coming from in saying that you probably shouldn't put down players that you might hypothetically share a locker room with (even though J.T. Barrett's status as a 5th year senior makes that impossible in this case). However, until that 'Letter Of Intent' is signed in proverbial blood it's probably best to prioritize getting him in said locker room before worrying about the potentially awkward dynamics of it. We are talking about the #1 offensive line prospect in the entire nation here. Until any one of the hundreds of universities that would gladly take ownership of the right to exploit him for unpaid labor wins the pissing contest that is the recruitment process, the world of college football is essentially Jackson Carman's (@Jackthejiant) oyster. Best not to get the school you're emotionally invested in shucked to the side because you tried to silence a kid who is well aware of his short-lived leverage and wise beyond his years. Considering he's not yet a D1 athlete, he still has rights and they include the ability to think for himself without getting muted by a self appointed authoritative figure. Ole' Unreliable (Ilya Kovalchuk) Has Apparently Got Phil Kessel Jokes From Across The Pond9/14/2017
For a second so brief that it would make Ilya Kovalchuk's stay in New Jersey look extended, I want to ignore the source of this zinger and admit that it's actually pretty funny. Every example of good humor contains at least a hint of truth, and - though it's highly unlikely - the gluttonous gut poking into the picture could potentially belong to Phil Kessel if he decided that two Stanley Cups were enough and really let himself go this summer. I'm certainly not going to get on my high horse and act like I am above making sport of a professional athlete who has the appearance of a middle aged man that wouldn't look out of place in a Kirstie Alley weight management class. So no, I won't say that Ilya Kovalchuk's fat joke at the expense of someone far more successful than him was an example of him breaking free from the restraint of social acceptability faster than he broke free from the restraint of the superficial 15 year contract he whined his way into. That would be hypocritical of me. I will, however, say that it requires a clear absence of shame for him to take aim at the belly of someone whose been an absolute beast in Pittsburgh. Clearly the guy that bolted to a near-broke Russian beer league in his prime doesn't prioritize playing at the highest level, but Phil Kessel could show up to training camp looking like George Constanza and I would still think he was living a better life than the chiseled dude whose only genetic flaw is a lack of immunity to homesickness. We are talking about the NHL equivalent of a living, breathing folk hero, as he compares to the thee preeminent example of wasted talent that decided to poke fun at the frame that makes him so lovable. I'd tell Ilya to look in the mirror, but he would be too focused on his own jawline to realize that the insecure little man that lives under his pristine surface makes Phil Kessel look like Ryan Gosling. Again, the joke is a pretty good one, but it speaks volumes about the subconscious of the person making it. Kovy made a funny, but it isn't nearly as hilarious as the fact that one of the most talented hockey players to grace the planet isn't anywhere near as successful as someone who is the doppleganger of the janitor at his kid's school.
LBS- In the third inning of Detroit’s 5-3 loss to Cleveland on Wednesday, Ausmus and catcher James McCann were both ejected by home plate umpire Quinn Walcott for arguing balls and strikes. Just a handful of pitches later, new Tigers catcher John Hicks failed to catch a Buck Farmer delivery and it hit Wolcott in the shoulder on the fly, knocking him down.
Most people felt that it was a simple cross-up involving a pitcher and catcher who had just been abruptly put together, but the Cleveland TV broadcast — and one writer — implied that something more sinister was going on. ------ Delayed reaction to an off-target pitch, orrr a vengeful, intentionally plunking of an umpire that a piss poor team deemed a little too hasty in throwing out their manager? You be the judge. I mean, the fact of the matter is that even having to question whether or not it was an accident has to be considered a win for the pitcher/catcher combo that potentially conspired to bean blue, no? I don't watch enough baseball to know whether or not John Hicks' hand-eye coordination is too trusty to completely whiff on a pitch that was far from wild. I would imagine that it's arguable given that a professional catcher of oft-unpredictable projectiles that move at a rapid pace just Daria'd the shit out of that laser. However, if there's a way to make it look like it's not then it's to come in fresh off the bench as a backup and crouch over the outside corner as an allegedly inaccurate fastball comes up and inside with some heat behind it. I don't feel completely comfortable crying conspiracy here, and I'm pretty sure that skepticism is all it takes to get away with hitting an umpire with some chin music. It's up to a more trained eye to determine whether or not this was an athlete-taught lesson, but either way it could teach Quinn Walcott to keep a tighter strike zone in the future. A painful example of impact correction, if you will. |
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