TMZ- Marshawn Lynch did NOT want to sign autographs for fans at LAX on Monday -- and he smacked a cell phone out of a fan's hand and spit in his direction to make his point.
Lynch had just touched down at LAX when he was approached by two guys -- a 17-year-old and an 18-year-old. The guys tell us they knew someone on Marshawn's flight who tipped them off so they decided to head to LAX to try and get an autograph. At first, Marshawn approached the 18-year-old and slapped the phone out of his hand. Lynch then went inside the terminal and came out a few minutes later and spit in their direction as he walked past them. The owner of the phone says it got cracked in the incident and he's considering filing a police report for assault. ------- I fully admit the term "stalker" might be little strong considering it's in reference to some teenagers looking for an autograph. I just can't think of a better term for someone that receives insider information, travels over to the last place anyone whose not traveling should ever want to be (the airport, and specifically LAX), and tries to inconspicuously videotape a public figure without his consent. When you get paid to be an invasive piece of shit you get a fancy job title like "paparazzi", but "stalker" is the most accurate word I can think of for someone who is not being reimbursed for hunting down photo-ops with famous people. In some cases I would say "fan" might fit, but fans generally don't say "I didn't do nothing to you dawg" when approached by the person whose work they are so appreciative of that it made them loiter outside a baggage claim with no baggage. That's why I have to imagine that what these kids did is far more illegal than smacking someone's phone out of their hand. I'm not putting it past two entitled kids from Southern California to file a police report for something that costs $80-$100 to replace, but I hope the cops laugh in their face if they do. I don't care how much someone has profited off being in the public eye, sticking anything in anyone's face minutes after they have gotten off a flight should be punishable by death...never mind a cracked iPhone screen.
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FTW- After Garcia sunk the final putt to capture his first major championship on Sunday, Peter Ellis made a comment that many in the audience found demeaning. After Garcia’s fiancee Angela Akins kneeled to the ground in celebration of Sergio’s win, Alliss was heard saying: “She’s got the shortest skirt on the campus.”
The BBC later addressed the issue in a short statement: “While believing he was off air, Peter made a lighthearted remark which he now knows was inappropriate,” said Gail Sullivan, a BBC spokesperson. ---- Well, if that's not the type of expert observational analysis that the BBC was looking for from the golf commentator they tasked with breaking down one of the biggest events of the year than I don't know what the hell is. Some may think that critiquing the outfit of the Masters winner's fiancee just moments after the culmination of four long days and 73 grueling holes of golf was unnecessary and inappropriate, but how else was Peter Alliss supposed to fill air? It's not like Sergio Garcia had just overcome an extensive history of failure or something like that. I can't possibly think of any other storylines that needed to be neatly tied up after the first major of the year had just come to a pressure packed conclusion in sudden death. He almost had to compare Angela Akins skirt length to that of the other girls on the imaginary campus he was apparently day dreaming about. He wasn't lured into giving her the old up-and-down after watching her drop to her knees. He was just trying to paint a vivid picture for those who had turned away from the TV for a split second. Christ, why is everyone so quick to dismiss elderly white dudes as perverted misogynists nowadays? It's like people can't take a lighthearted joke that implies the future wife of the newest green jacket recipient is potentially a little slutty. What has the world come to?!? Pretty sad state of affairs if you ask me. After all, you'd have to research back no further than earlier last week to realize that 86 year old Peter Alliss is totally equipped to pander to the progressive. If you ask me he's basically one vagina away from being a feminist... “I’ll try not to be too much of a dinosaur [when covering this year’s Masters], but remember: dinosaurs are making a comeback,” Alliss told Newsweek. “No matter how you wrap it up, women will never be able to do things that men can do. If we want to be equal, are you going to get a woman fighting for the heavyweight championship of the world [in] boxing? Are you? Could you? Alliss continued: “I think women are more delicate than men. I like holding chairs for women. I enjoy the company of women. I don’t want to be bullied by them. I don’t care for macho women, I don’t care for them very much. And yet they’re prevalent today, and very prevalent in some cases. And very forward.” The Rivalry Lives On: Maryland's President Thinks North Carolina Deserves The Death Penalty4/11/2017 TheSportingNews- A prominent university president says the NCAA should use its so-called "death penalty" on North Carolina's athletic department as a result of the school's academic scandal.
“As president I sit over a number of dormant volcanoes,” Maryland president Wallace Loh said at an on-campus meeting last week (via the News & Observer). “One of them is an athletic scandal. It blows up, it blows up the university, its reputation, it blows up the president. “For the things that happened in North Carolina, it’s abysmal. I would think that this would lead to the implementation of the death penalty by the NCAA. But I’m not in charge of that.” Loh's comment was in response to a question about corruption in college athletics during a University of Maryland faculty senate meeting last week. ------ As far as holier than thou, unsolicited attacks on the ethics of a university that is not their own are concerned, Wallace Loh's might be my favorite one of all time. That may seem strange because it references a scandal that - while egregious - is far from limited to the particular school that happens to be caught up in it. However, it's the underlying inspiration behind these comments that I am concerned with, and that motivator is a rivalry that even conference realignment couldn't put an end to. I have no doubts that Maryland's president wants to the uphold the scholastic integrity of his university, but for him to take direct aim at a familiar foe as if their specific fake classes and forged grades are what is solely responsible for the downfall of academia just seems a little too convenient. Baylor turning Waco, Texas into a territory whose threat level equates to that of Bill Cosby's bedroom wasn't worth mentioning? Penn State basically ran an on-site daycare to satisfy Jerry Sandusky's sickening desires, but they don't even get a name drop? Morals are getting compromised all over college sports and trumped up transcripts is what has Wallace Loh warming up the electric chair? I have no problem with a university higher-up being a stickler for proper schooling, but don't tell me that there's not something other than educational ideals at work when he suspiciously chooses Chapel Hill as the one he wants to die on. I ACC right through vindictive bullshit Wallace, no matter how well intentioned it might be. LBS- Junior Galette was one of many to be arrested during a spring break event in Biloxi, Miss. over the weekend. Galette, a former Saints and current Washington pass rusher, was arrested on Friday night at MGM Park for getting into a fight and running away, WLOX reports. Galette was charged with disorderly conduct and failure to comply, according to the report. He bailed out of jail quickly, per his lawyer. Galette was among 52 arrested as part of the Biloxi Black Beach Weekend spring break event. He is still facing a June trial for a 2015 misdemeanor domestic violence incident. The trial is for a civil suit. ------- Ahhh...Junior Galette, or as I like to call him - the gift that keeps on giving. I know Mickey Loomis wasn't all that grateful of a recipient as he spent the last few seasons vigorously working around money that died faster than the career of the guy they offered it to, but the ongoing rap sheet of an infamous front office failure taught the Saints a valuable lesson. That lesson was to believe people when they show you who they really are, regardless of whether or not they have active hands and speed off the edge. I'm still wary of talented players with glaring character issues to this day, and it's all because Junior Galette was selfless enough to take off his belt and whip an unsuspecting woman with it. Imagine my surprise when I woke up to find that the dumbass athlete that makes other dumbass athletes look like church-going Wonderlic warriors had added yet another chapter to his cautionary tale just weeks ahead of a draft that contains Joe Mixon. Just when I thought I had heard the last of a guy that never knew when to shut the fuck up he takes a break from recovering from his second straight ACL tear to join in a beachfront brawl before running away like the coward that he is. If that doesn't put a fucking bow on a timely reminder to Sean Payton and Co. to tread lightly around prospects that are penitentiary prone then nothing will. P.S. Hopefully this time he went with a color scheme that was a little less incriminating...but I have my doubts...
Let me start by saying what everyone else is thinking. Oasis may disagree with the sentiment, but there are no shortage of NFL players who can - and probably should - look back in anger at their time as members of the Browns. I'm no stranger to spite, and the organization whose incompetence seems timeless has certainly been responsible for plenty of it. A franchise as futile as Cleveland has sabotaged many a career, so it's not so much the idea of them getting trashed on social media that bothers me as much as it is the person doing the trashing. I honestly hope every Browns fan that saw these SnapChats was within driving distance of an Apple Store when they did, because this is nothing short of phone spike worthy. I liken the feeling that the Cleveland faithful probably felt to finding out your girlfriend cheated on you for the 6th time, begrudgingly breaking up with her, and then checking her Instagram to see she just reposted some high schooler's quote about how much guys suck. The Browns haven't been the sympathetic party in all that many breakups, but - relative to Josh Gordon - they did everything they could to make it work. They kept taking him back, and taking him, and taking him back only for him to publicize his undeserved disdain for them. It seems he went to 'The Johnny Manziel School Of Disingenuous Finger Pointing' without checking the recent employment history of its founder. I wouldn't want to enter into a relationship with the Browns either, but it might be time to sober up and do some soul searching when you have failed to maintain that relationship far worse than they have. I may disagree with the legislation of the recreational, increasingly legalized drug that has kept Josh Gordon for playing a meaningful football games for what feels like the last five years, but it should only leave one party pissed off. That party is the one whose officially licensed merchandise got tagged with a bunch of garbage emojis by an ungrateful stoner that inhaled some marijuana smoke and exhaled his promising career into the wind. Bob Probert's Wife Spread His Ashes In The Penalty Box Of Joe Louis Arena After The Final Game There4/11/2017
Admittedly, it's kind of strange to spread the ashes of your late, great significant other in the area that most people tried to avoid in a building that's about to be demolished. Joe Louis Arena may have looked like the stadium-sized mortuary from the outside, but that doesn't automatically make it's penalty box an adequate final resting place. Simply put, the hockey equivalent of the time out corner at what's soon to be formerly known as "The Joe" is objectively a pretty crappy spot to leave what remains of your husband... ...if your deceased husband's name is anything other than Bob Probert. I'm not even so sure this was an act of symbolism as much as it was an attempt at reconnecting the cremated body of the preeminent bruiser in a generation famous for them with all the blood and sweat he spilled throughout the best years of his life and the glory years of his career. If there was ever a man that treated his 2-to-5-to-10 disciplinary minutes of solitude in a glassed in square as a source of pride instead of a source of shame then it was Bob Probert. To the former Red Wings' forward his presence in the penalty box was a sign of a fight well fought, and now it serves as a sign of a life well lived. Bob Probert is officially serving an eternal misconduct, and I bet it has him looking down from the sin bin in the sky with a crooked smile while deriving a twisted amount of pleasure from the sore fists that he broke on some poor bastard's face. Good on his wife for bringing an enforcer's life full circle by forever letting him come to rest in a box that - for one man - is more comforting than pine.
CrimsonWhite- “You walk into our fast-casual atmosphere and you’ll design your own roll every time,” said Pete Zimmer, co-owner and main operator of Ajian Sushi. “At the hit of a button we’ll have white or brown rice, and from there you’ll pick your proteins, vegetables, toppings and sauces for close to $8 a roll.”
After spending 30 years in the restaurant business, Zimmer hopes to offer both the usual and unusual rolls one might expect from a classic sushi bistro. Ajian Sushi will maintain the traditional proteins like smoked salmon and spicy tuna, but will also provide options like the flamin’ hot Cheeto roll, peanut butter and jelly roll and the banana and Nutella roll for more daring customers. “We’re going to do a lot of fun stuff,” Zimmer said. “We’ll have seasonal fruits and vegetables, different sides and salads, a lot of house-made drinks like lavender lemonade and agave gingerade and maybe even a dessert roll made of fruit roll-ups, rice krispy treats and licorice.” -------- I think there are two things that are going to save A.J. McCarron from receiving a dose of shit for turning his white ass name into a racial pun and then inexplicably attaching it to his business venture. First and foremost, this restaurant is in the Alabama and I'm not sure that the fine folks of Tuscaloosa would ever give raw fish a legitimate chance unless they were under the assumption that it was rolled in support of the Tide. You don't have to like his strategy in doing so, but the Bengals backup is unquestionably spreading the Japanese culture - or a complete abortion of it, anyway - to a region of the country that still doesn't understand why they can't use the term "orientals". Secondly, casual, cultural appropriation just isn't considered all that egregious when Asians are at the ass end of it. It's sad, but true. Can you imagine the backlash if A.J. McCarron tried to interject his fucking initials into the name of any other ethnicity that was not his own in order to profit off it? You think 'AJ's Blackfrican McCarron Grill' is going off without a hitch? How about 'MexiCarron's Burrito Palace'? The only reason Arabic people would come on down to 'The AJindian Curry Kingdom' is to picket and protest a rednecked quarterback's attempt at stealing their spice. I personally believe it's hilarious that A.J. McCarron is going to be the co-owner of a "Japanese restaurant" that makes a complete and total mockery of the culture by fusing drunk white people food with a proud culinary art. The fact that they took the letters 'A' and 'J', wrote them as "Asian" as possible, flipped them on their side, and tried to pretend it's an authentic logo legitimately made me laugh out loud. I just think we can all agree that this would be seen as far more offensive if it came at the expense of a nationality that's a litttttttle more marginalized. From being choked up beyond words just days prior...
...to netting the first shootout goal of his career on the final shot he'll take in his career...
Just another bittersweet moment that transcended the sport that made it possible. It's unbelievably tragic that Bryan Bickell is being forced out of hockey due to an ongoing bout with multiple sclerosis, but the force with which that puck rang in off the pipe leads me to believe he'll battle just as hard to overcome it as he did in becoming a 3-time Stanley Cup Champion. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but I genuinely can't remember hearing a post reverberate that loudly. It's almost like the person who took that shot put every ounce of frustration that he's experienced over the last three months behind it. I honestly believe that the world's greatest goaltender in front of the world's smallest net wasn't standing in the way of that laser, because that wrister was too powerful - both literally and figuratively - not to find twine. Watching a great career get cut short by things that are outside the player's control is a harrowing reminder that professional athletes are - indeed - mortal. Seeing it end in a storybook fashion (considering the circumstances) with a snipe that sounded like it could have easily finished off the Liberty Bell was a reminder that they are part of something that is occasionally far more important than just a game. It was nice that the goal came in a victorious effort, but all you have to do is look at the reaction of the Carolina bench before the result was even final to realize the winner was decided well before the shootout was over. The winner was Bryan Bickell and his family - the one in the stands and the one in the locker room.
So it turns out women have been right all along, who knew? Seriously, if this clip is any indication then what you say truly isn't as important as how you say it. Well, at least that's the case when you're talking to a reporter that's more concerned with fitting all his boring questions into a small window than actually paying attention to the answers. Props to Tanner Jalliet for confidently dropping a "we fucking won" with conviction while somehow avoiding an emphasis on the expletive. I can definitively say that he's a better man than I for being able to cloak his cusses in casualness. They say the ability to make it look easy is a quality that most successful netminders possess, so it's no surprise that the kid that snuck a "fuck" into the middle of a televised interview is the same guy that won the 'Mike Richter Award' as the best collegiate goaltender while backstopping the National Champions. I'm pretty sure he didn't even do it purpose, which makes the fact that he managed to do it discretely even more impressive. If I had to guess I would say he was speaking from pure adrenaline, and his ability to channel that adrenaline is probably what helped him stop 16 third period shots and ultimately gave him the opportunity to inconspicuously curse into a microphone as a winner. Maybe having a potty mouth whose shit doesn't stink too badly has nothing to do stopping a crap load of pucks, but it's been a 1-to-1 correlation since I started paying attention.
I think we have to give a little credit to United here. Anyone that has an extensive history of traveling should know that you are barely privy to the most basic of human rights while flying. I'm not saying it's okay for a company to have a paying customer dragged out of his seat like a whiny kid in the candy aisle after they failed - in spectacular fashion - to handle their inherently greedy overbooking process prior to boarding. I am just saying that I am glad that finally one airline was shamelessly candid about how little they give a shit about their passengers lives and/or general well being. There's something to be said for being forthright, and United letting an innocent doctor who wanted to get back to his practice in a timely fashion get assaulted due to their own goddamn negligence is just that. That said, can we agree that the victim here was actively complicit in how bad of a visual this ended up being? I too would have put up a huge stink if I was sitting comfortably in my seat and was told I had to get off the flight....until multiple police officers were standing over me. Once I was staring into an arsenal worth of barrels belonging to some bouncer-looking motherfuckers' guns I would have been halfway to the terminal with my carry-on in tow. That situational awareness would have netted me a whole hell of a lot less money than what this dude is inevitably going to pocket, but at least it would have saved me a complete and thorough emasculation. I'd be the sucker that begrudgingly left after a expletive-ridden argument that would probably make me look like the guilty one when captured on video, but at least I wouldn't be the sucker that starred in a viral video as the grown man shrieking like a school girl. The point is, this confrontation was ending one way - and one way only - once that poor Asian guy was "randomly" selected for looking like a pushover, and it was with him de-boarding. Obviously it's inexcusable to (inadvertently) beat the consciousness out of him and haul him down the aisle like a caveman returning with the family dinner. However, it's just as inexcusable for him to think that a "no" accompanied with a rational explanation was enough to save him from the harsh reality of being massively inconvenienced by others' stupidity while traveling. It's admittedly a tough way to learn that lesson, but I'm sure he'll sleep well once the settlement goes through. Assuming, of course, that's something he's encouraged to do while recovering from the concussion he sustained from that arm rest. P.S. Everyone can spare me with "I am boycotting United!" nonsense. That stand will be over the next time the cheapest seat is on a United flight. You know it, I know it, and that lady who was extremely outraged, but not quite enough to offer up her own seat knows it.
Full disclosure, I had one in the pipeline. Last week I was going to go full contrarian and hope that somehow - against all odds - Russell Westbrook and James Harden would split the vote and end up as co-MVP's. I know that's considered lukewarm and indecisive, but watching every gasbag become ignited by a heated debate about the integrity of it being a one man award would have been far more entertaining than hearing both sides debate their all-too-repetitive points on each player for the umpteenth time. Unfortunately, Russell Westbrook's last week has rendered that unwritten blog unworthy of my time. It's not because I now think he's won the MVP, but because I truly think he's gone out and taken it. All things being equal - and in terms of value that is very much the case - Russell Westbrook has simply left my jaw dragging on the floor more times this season than James Harden has. I don't know if that's included in advanced analytics, but shit - it's got to count for something right? You can argue that a triple-double is an arbitrary stat because it definitely is, but no one was saying that before one man somehow turned it into his norm. If he's padding stats then he's doing a hell of a job of it, because in the last two games that he's done so he singlehandedly willed his team to victory. I am a dumb sports fan so I am admittedly more likely to favor the player who is responsible for more oooh's-and-ahhhh's. I just don't know how you can't when that player just knocked a team out of playoff contention by finishing a double digit comeback with a casual 30 foot catch-and-shoot buzzer beater that gave him 50 points on the night that he broke a previously unbreakable record. At the end of the day, the difference between Westbrook's impact and Harden's impact is inconsequential. So yeah, give me the guy that is turning the NBA - at it's most talented - into his own personal MVP campaign one awe-inspiring highlight at a time. If there can only be a single winner then let it be the person that is actively doing extraordinary things and putting up ungodly numbers - seemingly nightly - in an effort to win. James Harden is undoubtedly just as deserving, but James Harden hasn't taken the initiative in forcing the forever stubborn hands of voters the way Westbrook has.
And in the end, 'Patty's Last Lap' really was not all that much more than Patty taking his last lap. The week of relentless promotions leading to it may have made it seem like it was going to be a bigger event than it was, but - to be quite honest - I'm glad it wasn't. This is probably selfish of me to say seeing as I'll most definitely be in the building when #26 officially graces its rafters forever, but I'm okay with some fans feeling cheated by a relatively subdued celebration of the greatest forward in New Jersey Devils' history. That's mostly because I think the greatest forward - and arguably most selfless player - in New Jersey Devils' history deserves better than to be treated as a huge distraction from the merciful end to a merciless season. There were a couple cool moments that created a couple timeless snapshots, Patrik Elias delivered a few quotes that tugged on the heart strings, and - in return - he received some tear-jerking appreciation via a handful of standing ovations. All in all, I think it served as the perfect appetizer for a jersey retirement that is going to leave everyone in attendance stuffed full of emotion. It never got to the point where it felt like it should have been a "win it for Patty" situation, and - considering the circumstances - that was a blessing in disguise. It felt good to see Patrik Elias - albeit casually - skate around for the final time in the uniform he's become synonymous with, but not good enough for fans to forget that it preceded yet another loss in a season that's long felt lost. I guess what I am trying to say is that I'll be glad when the player that never demanded attention with anything other than his play gets a night to himself, and I would hope that night wouldn't end feeling as crappy as this one did. Let's put it this way..."take a lap" couldn't possibly have different meanings for the newly retired player bidding his farewell to fans, and the rest of the bottom feeding team that he's leaving behind. Adrian Peterson Is Visiting The Saints This Week, And I Think I'm On Board With The Possibility4/10/2017
I'm beginning to think that my moral compass is broken. Maybe it's become magnetized by the memory of Adrian Peterson busting off weekly 60 yard runs as the best back in the league, but I've been consistently down on the Saints adding players with past character issues and this visit has my interest pointing North. I suppose it's an odd exception to make for a 32 year old running back with injury concerns, but if the money and role is right then it's one that could potentially give the Saints some of the game-breaking ability they lost by trading Brandin Cooks. Now, I readily admit that it's extremely likely that the money and role won't be right between a team that's looking for a quality backup and someone that still thinks they have the ability to be a high-end starter. I think if Adrian Peterson was willing to accept what the Saints can afford as well as the 10-15 touches per game that they would offer him then he wouldn't still be available right now. However, if his time spent watching his value increasingly sour on the open market has humbled him then it could be a case of New Orleans scooping up the hot girl when her self esteem is at it's lowest. The Saints don't need Adrian Peterson, but they do need some help at running back. I don't know what the former thoroughbred still has up his sleeve, but it's a safe bet that it's at least as much as Tim Hightower had when he went from three years out of football to spelling Mark Ingram in key situations. With the offensive line looking to be as stout as it has in years, the addition of another guy that can take some of the astronomical burden of Drew Brees would be quite the luxury. Of course, if it's going to be a source of tension in the locker room then it's not with the risk. Lord knows it would take a hell of a lot of sacrifice (financially and professionally) on the part of the free agent for his transition to go smoothly. However, do you really take a two day meeting with Sean Payton without understanding the versatility of an offense that has never - and will never - cater to a workhorse back? I guess that remains to be seen and I hope it's seen clearly by both parties, because the only thing worse than letting 'AD' leave without a contract would be giving him one that hampers the team's ability to improve defensively by adding a player like - for a completely random example - Malcolm Butler.
Just when you thought the NHL couldn't possibly look any worse than they did after pissing off all their players by poo-pooing the next Olympics. Just when you thought their officials couldn't possibly be put in a position where failure is more imminent. Just when you thought they couldn't possibly be more ill-prepared to fix the little things that ail the beautiful game they perpetually fail to grow... All the sudden grown men are trying to mend nets that are designed to withstand the brunt of vulcanized rubber traveling at ludicrously high speeds with a brand of adhesive that might as well be an oxymoron. Seriously, Scotch is the 'Diet Coke' of tape. It might seem like a reasonable decision to produce a more mild version, but it's far better in theory than in practice. Those damn referees probably would have been better off licking the netting and trying to seal it to the crossbar like it was an envelope, because it would have been just as likely to work in a situation that was stickier than the crap they were attempting to solve it with. I would have loved to see the look on the officials' faces when they were handed an entire roll of clear kid's tape that undoubtedly couldn't have kept their jaws in place when they were asked to fix an NHL net with a 1st grader's school supplies. Probably looked a little something like my face when the person in front of me tries to pay for something that costs $1.99 with exact change. I'm honestly proud that they held it together given the fact that their tool chest was filled with nothing more then the belongings you'd generally find in the world's most mundane cubicle. This was probably the plot of the MacGyver episode that caused an irreparable divide between the cast and the writers. It's not easy to be a ref, but it's much harder when your employer can't even duct the most simplistic of issues.
Unbelievable. Simply unbelievable. This is such classic sports media. They can't even take one single afternoon off from asking dumb questions to appreciate that they were blessed with the opportunity to witness a modern miracle that transcends science. That ball had yet to be plucked from the chest protector that it was wondrously suspended to, and a bunch of joyless reporters were already try to make allegations of cheating. How dare they imply that a player who has been around as long as Yadier Molina engage in an act of gamesmanship that was prevalent when he first entered into the league and is still used to this day. As long as we are on the subject of ridiculous interrogations, I have a few brain busters for these beat writers. Have you no shame? How many times were you going to ask about pine tar when your subject clearly proved that a super adhesive had nothing to with the supernatural scenario by getting super defensive about it? Do you remember where you were when you officially outgrew your imagination? Do you let your children marvel at magic shows or do you ruin the entire experience with your inability to suspend disbelief? Are the implausibilities in action movies something that keep you up at night? Christ, how about believing in magic for once in your miserable lives? Divine intervention isn't a journalistic term and it doesn't mean intervening in the divine, so lay off Yadier and let's stop questioning the undeniable mystic of his awe-inspiring equipment.
Would you look at that. The best player in the world may have thought he was doing best player in the world things by trying to stunt on a team whose season has been over for weeks (ha, more like months), but - in reality - all he did was provide party tricks for Tank-A-Palooza. I might be embarrassed by the fact that all five Devils' were following an invisible puck if this game took place in November, but with New Jersey sinking like a stale turd I think I speak for most fans in attendance when I say that I was encouraging of that magic show. I'd like to thank Sidney Crosby for playing the puppet in the circus that has become the end of the Devils' season. He may have had the puck on a string, but it sure felt like he was suspended upright by them when he was the catalyst behind an entertaining 7-4 contest that simultaneously kept fans awake, gave them some reasons to cheer, and let them with very little worry that their team would undermine their draft position. So I would like to thank the Pittsburgh Penguins and their testicle tickling captain for dancing like monkeys in a Devils' loss that felt like a huge win. They may have helped their case for home ice in the playoffs, but they ever so slightly increased their opponent's chances of getting their sooner rather than later. Thanks for the snipe, suckers...
LATE BREAKING NEWS: Taylor Hall might not hate New Jersey with the fire of 100,000 suns. Stay tuned, more to come...
Uhhhhh....... This comparison was a lot of things. Forced. Unnecessary. Random. I think we can all agree that a semantically convenient jab at the questionable way in which one particular university chooses to build their basketball program was not at all helpful in letting the loyal viewers of CNN know that the missile attack on Syria isn't going to be an isolated incident. In fact, if I know anything about the people that happened to be tuning in at the time then the reference was more confusing than it was explanatory. That being said, I found it absolutely hilarious for all those ridiculous reasons. With Donald Trump having officially decided to start making proactive decisions that are as hypocritical (not wrong, per se) as the shit he spews on social media, can't we all benefit from a reason to laugh? I don't know if Major General James "Spider" Marks is a diehard Louisville fan or if John Calipari took a run at his wife in a past life, but if there was a team to make the butt of your poorly timed joke than it's Kentucky and if there's a poor time to do it then it's when the entire country could use some comic relief. Sure, he downplayed the severity of international warfare just as much as he underestimated the intelligence of his audience, but he brought some entertainment value to what could potentially be a scary situation and I - for one - appreciate his efforts in doing so. TMZ- An Arizona Cardinals football player freaked out after he lost his hat in a bar -- and decided it would be a good idea to berate police over it. He got arrested.
The player is Marquis Bundy -- a 22-year-old wide receiver who was partying at International Boutique Nightclub in Scottsdale on Saturday morning when his "praying hands" cap went missing. Bundy allegedly went off on club security -- claiming someone had stolen the hat. Security took him to a back alley to cool off and that's when cops arrived. According to the police report, obtained by TMZ Sports, Bundy turned his anger to police -- berating officers who were trying to help out. Cops say Bundy's friends were BEGGING the NFL player to walk away and leave ... but he refused. The friends even tried to physically rip Bundy away from the cops ... but he wouldn't go. ----- I'd assume that the vast majority of people are going to laugh at Marquis Bundy and call him an idiot for working himself into an arrestable frenzy over nothing more than a hat. Fortunately for him, the the opinion of the vast majority is worthless, because the vast majority of people aren't hat guys. Let me break this down for those of you that have presentable flow, a redeemable hairline, and the undying need to show your follicles off. Telling a guy that his favorite hat is just an accessory is just as egregiously inconsiderate as telling a girl that her favorite purse is "just a bag". Personally, that's not a slight I would drunkenly bring myself to the brink of sentencing over, but - as a reformed hat guy - I appreciate this particular professional athlete's passion for his headwear. That "praying hands" lid may seem easily replaceable, but it was undoubtedly one that had been perfectly molded to the shape of his head. I have good reason to believe that the unconsolable adult male with plenty of means to purchase a new hat felt naked without the one he came with, and that's the type of vulnerability that will force any man to lash out. That's why Marquis Bundy's biggest mistake wasn't getting locked up for throwing a tantrum over a lost hat in a club. His biggest mistake was bringing the hat that he was willing to get locked up in defense of into the club. I don't know if they asked him to remove it or if it got knocked off in the shuffle, but that the fact remains that it should have never been present in the first place. If anything, sitting in a holding cell without his hat should have taught the 22 year old a valuable life lesson - hat guys are also sports bar guys. Maybe he didn't have the life experience to know this was the case, but bringing your hat into a non-hat friendly environment is the most disrespectful way you can treat it. You wouldn't walk alone down an alley in the bad part of town during the dead of night, would you? Then why expose your favorite fitted to the same level of imminent danger? To an item that's worn on your most exposed extremity, those strobe lights might as well be the red dots of laser scopes and that's why Marquis Bundy's precious cap is officially resting in peace. FTW- On Thursday, LaVar told The Orange County Register‘s Clay Fowler:
“Realistically you can’t win no championship with three white guys because the foot speed is too slow,” LaVar Ball said. “I told Lonzo – ‘One of these games you might need to go for 30 or 40 points.’ It turned out the that was the one game. Then once they get to the Elite 8, they’re right there.” LaVar Ball was presumably referring to UCLA starters TJ Leaf, Bryce Alford and Thomas Welsh, who combined for 39 points in the third-seeded Bruins’ 86-75 loss in the NCAA tournament on March 24. ---- Is anyone really surprised? Can you honestly sit there and say you're shocked that LaVar Ball completely ignored what actually happened on the court during UCLA's loss in the Sweet Sixteen to Kentucky in favor of a painfully stereotypical scapegoating? I'm not trying to say that LaVar Ball has always had an issue with white players and their inherently inferior foot athleticism, but if the only other option is for him to have an issue with his son then of course he was going to flame the white guys for being too white. If you watched UCLA play this year then you noticed too things. Lonzo Ball and the lack of melanin at the top of their roster. Hell, if you squinted hard enough then you might think those two things were one and the same. Regardless, with their starting lineup consisting primarily of the son of a helicopter dad who would throw hot sauce on his kid's shit before trying to sell it at a premium and a bunch of white dudes, the white dudes were bound to bear the brunt of the blame. Anyone with 10% of a basketball mind knows the only storyline that needed discussing was De'Aaron Fox making Lonzo Ball's black ass look like Steve Nash on the defensive end. The freakishly athletic guard turned him around so many times that you'd think the 3 B's stood for 'Ball Blown By'. Since LaVar brought up foot speed then it bears mentioning that the difference in quickness between his son and the guy he failed to guard was so egregious that it singlehandedly upped the latter's draft stock. So no, there's obviously no credence to the claim that UCLA was too pale to win a championship, but I probably could have told you that would been LaVar Ball's opinion before he opened his fat mouth and removed any doubt. Lonzo backed him into a corner by underperforming, and his father used the only tool at his disposal to fight his way out - eye roll inducing stupidity. I'm not going to be the person to say that a woman can't do something because she's a woman. Not me. Not in 2017. Everyone pined for a Dave Chappelle return and then when Dave Chappelle predictably sounded like Dave Chappelle he was met with 305 think pieces, so I'm not going to be the one to wipe my ass with Rosie the Riveter's red bandana by questioning her right jab. However, if - and only if - someone were to tread into those all-too-dangerous waters then I might suggest that they start by claiming that women are slightly less capable of domestic abuse. Just take this video for instance. Athletes excluded obviously, but if there were to be a type of chick that could pack some power then it would Ronda Lousy that showed up straight up from the trailer park after a workout focused primarily on her beer muscles. Conversely, if there to be a type of guy that would succumb to a women's 12 punch combo then it would be a spring breaker in a straw hat that was just trying to find his second wind after spending all day drinking in the sun. This "fight" was set up to favor the fairer sex...and the fairer sex couldn't even get her "competitor" to put down his drink. He made himself vulnerable and put himself off balance by bending down to pick up his sunglasses and Iron Michelle still couldn't land a knockout punch. Off that clip alone I think it's safe to say that Johnny Bahama could have roped that dope all day and still had a full beer by the end of it, so if there's any men out there looking to call the cops on their ball-and-chain make sure that ball-and-chain has a killer left or prepare to be met with a "riiiiiiight". |
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