(Start it at 2:37)
“What kills me is, so many people called — I mean, the office the next day, people … I’m not kidding you. And he’ll probably be mad at me for saying this, but like, Trump called, and was like, ‘Did something happen to Vince?’ It’s just the magic of television, you know what I mean?” - Triple H For the sake of my own sanity I am going to choose to believe that the President-elect of the United States of fucking America was kidding when he asked Triple H about Vince McMahon's livelihood after a limousine that was made to look like a multi-billionaire was in it blew up live on television. Sorry for being a truther here, but I don't want to live in a world where someone that makes actual decisions that could effect my life didn't fully grasp that wrestling was fake during his adulthood. That said, is it that hard to believe that he didn't? I mean, Donald Trump just ran - and I can't believe I am going to say this - a wildly successful campaign to become leader of the free world based almost entirely on the premise that whatever gets the loudest reaction is what he believes in regardless of authenticity of it. 'The Donald' basically is a professional wrestler and our country if essentially a bunch of venues packed with millions (......and millllllions) of mildly inebriated people that just want to be entertained by hook or by crook. Here's a shocking revelation for ya. You wouldn't even feel comfortable saying that Donald Trump hasn't called Hillary Clinton a "jabroni" (while ever-so-eloquently touching his pointer finger to his thumb) throughout the last six months because that sounds very much like something he would say while pandering to a bunch of Middle Americans as they pumped their fists through the holes in their Hulk Hogan cut-offs. The guy is a walking, talking wrestling promo, so who am I to say - with complete and total confidence - that he understands the difference between a soap opera and reality? Again, I'm like 90% sure that Donald Trump never thought that Vince McMahon literally got blown to smithereens in the name of ratings, but that 10% is more of a cause for concern than it was when it was next to Trump's name in the Presidential polls.
0 Comments
And here I was thinking that Rutgers was going to circumcise their coaching search by cutting it down to only qualified candidates with decorated histories in the ranks of college football from the tip. I'm almost ashamed of myself for letting an entire decade of dissapointment make me pessimistic about the direction they are heading in. They didn't hesitate to turnover nearly every ball this past season so why would I expect them not to turn over every stone in hopes that next best offensive mind in collegiate athletics would be waiting patiently unemployed underneath? How silly of me to believe they wouldn't explore all options instead of limiting themselves to highly accomplished individuals who have proven capable through years upon years of service to programs that are probably far more storied than the one that's looking for help on their website. Sure, on the surface it seems like seeking out established targets with impressive resumes would be the ideal way of adding to your staff. However, if someone thinks they are too good to apply online with hundreds of other unequipped jackasses who had enough time on their hands to fill out a "Sign up for a credit card and get this poorly made t-shirt free!"-esque application for a job they stand next to know chance of getting do you really want to hire them? That's what I thought. We already went the young, promising mind with a decent resume route with Drew Mehringer, and that returned easily the worst offense in the history of football at any level. Granted, he wasn't given much to work with, but I have reason to believe that any old jamoke with WiFi and a decent player rating on XBox Live! could have orchestrated an offense that put up more than ZERO points in a third of their games so it couldn't hurt to give them a fair shake. P.S. It's a good thing my faith in Chris Ash to turn Rutgers into a competitor in the Big Ten is everlasting (because he's literally the final hope for respectability), or the state of Rutgers football - and their....uhh...."all inclusive" search for an offensive coordinator - would really concern me.
People- The 22-year-old tells PEOPLE exclusively that the couple “kept it quiet for a while” but they have been dating since the VMAs in August after Underwood, 24, asked Raisman out over social media and she accepted.
“We happened to both be in Denver at the same time,” she says. “I was there for less than 12 hours, he was flying in for just a few days. it just ended up working perfectly.” … Raisman tells PEOPLE that Underwood, a free agent, drove 90 minutes back and forth to meet her for their second and third dates. She has met Underwood’s family and will be seeing them again for the holidays. And there's your daily glimpse into how the other half lives. You got every poor, single schmuck with an internet connection swiping through a bunch of strangers that will probably pick out some inherent flaw in their appearance based on a picture of their choosing, but NFL players are just watching TV and playing "I want.....thaaaat one!" with young, hot Olympic Gold Medalists. You want to talk about how adorable this courting was then you can spare me, because if Colton Underwood sent that video as anything other an professional athlete or recognizable actor then he's basically one step short of stalking. I bet they sat down for their first date - that was orchestrated out of absolutely nowhere based on mutual attractiveness and well publicized success in their respective fields - and immediately bonded over how much they both having going for them. "The world is your oyster?! What a coincidence! It's mine too! We have so much in common!". Fast forward four months and they are making holiday plans with each others' families and are one untimely pull-out away from spreading their genitically superior seeds to the next generation. I'm not exactly rooting against them because they are quite fucking cute together, but - at the same time - fuck them for using their platforms to live out a romantic comedy with the most minimal of effort. Obviously I would do the same thing if I could, but that doesn't mean I can't hypocritically/enviously criticize an NFLer for having the ability to treat national television like it's his own personal 'Tinder'. Must be fucking nice.
When I woke up this morning the last thing I expected to do was write a blog praising an officiating crew for - what feels like - the first time in my entire life, yet here I am commending a bunch of high school basketball refs in the middle of Iowa for not letting the insanity of multiple, ridiculous, potentially game-ending shots cloud their judgement. I suppose the foul on the original inbounds pass was a pretty easy call to make seeing as the ball had yet to be launched 85 feet into the awaiting basket. However, if you think I would have upheld the home team's timeout after they knocked down a shot that plinko'd around the rim for so long that it could have been picked straight out of the final scene of - quite possibly - the most unrealistic (/best) sports movie of all time then you are beside your mind. If I had the whistle in my hand when hopeless heave 2 of 3 fell I would have thrown that thing under the bleachers and had the ass warmers in full effect before the winning team even finished rushing the floor. Hell, I don't even feel bad about it because there's no way that even the NBA's finest would have made it out of that sequence without creating a talking point for about 300 different sports TV shows this morning. I honestly can't believe these striped sons of bitches valued the integrity of a meaningless game in Middle America over getting home 5-10 minutes earlier, but thank god they did or the hat trick of asinine buzzer beaters would never have come to fruition.
Britt McHenry- It’s hard to describe how it feels to have people dislike you when they don’t even know you. It takes a toll on your mind and body alike. In fact, in dealing with all the stress, the vision in my right eye grew cloudy. I could no longer see clearly; everything was a blur. I went to a retinal specialist, who diagnosed me with CSR, a condition in which vision is impaired, often due to trauma or extreme stress. Neither medication nor time helped alleviate the problem. I had no choice but to start a series of injections directly into my eye to try to regain my vision and prevent further damage. The first time I watched the needle approach my eye (yes, you’re awake for this!), I broke down, halting the process until I could regain my composure. I was a wreck, not so much because of the injection, but because of what had brought me to that point.
It would become the first of endless injections, and I still flinch every time. The doctor says the vision in my eye might never improve. Look, I'm not doubting that Central Serous Choroidopathy is a very serious condition. I am not even doubting that Britt McHenry developed it while dealing with the stress of being put through the ringer by nameless people on the internet that took exception to her being an insufferable (Warning: Cover your eye for this one Britt) cunt to an unsympathetic parking attendant. I will simply say that if you want to use your relative celebrity as a way to demean someone that's not as successful as you then make sure you have thick enough skin to deal with the resulting backlash that comes with that relative celebrity. If you are going to go down the "do you even know who I am?" path then you better fucking not be someone who develops a sensory altering disease when a disproportionate amount of people call you out on your shit. I guess what I am saying is that you shouldn't disparage every aspect of a stranger's entire existence purely out of frustration without knowing that your retinas are as tough as your mouth. And I really wish I could feel bad for Britt McHenry because eyeball injections sound like something out of a goddamn 'Saw' sequel. Unfortunately, I have never felt bad for those that can dish it out but can't take it, and a managable amount of blindness isn't going to make me reconsider that philosophy now. If it gets to the point where the smoking hot sideline reporter with a superiority complex requires shaded glasses, a walking stick, and the help of a guide dog then we will revisit this conversation, but having to close one eye to read like a stumbling drunk that's trying to find out when the last train home leaves is not enough of a handicap to earn my compassion. Let me be clear here because my main point is likely getting lost in the shuffle of blind jokes. I don't think that one major breach of social norms - especially one that came at the expense of the type of diabolical dickhead that works at a towing company - should be punishable by a lifetime of visual impairment. After all, we all have our moments. Just don't expect me to shed any tears over your sob story when it was ultimately the result of you being a hypocritical narcissist. h/t LBS Some will say that Terrance Ross was trying to show up his opponent in a game that was already well in doubt. Some will say that his failed windmill dunk was an unnecessary, look-at-me move that went comically awry. Those people couldn't possibly be more right, but what they fail to acknowledge is that - as far as missed dunks go - this particular one was pretty damn beneficial to his team. Everyone knows that the only good thing about terrible, ill-advised shots is that they generally yield long rebounds that the offense is more likely to get a hand on. You think the Toronto Raptors are getting an extra possession if Terrance Ross used two hands and his dunk try fell woefully rimside? Fuck no! Granted, if he used two hands he probably would have made a basket on a breakaway attempt in which no one was within 10-15 feet of him, but that doesn't get the people going like slamming the ball off the front of the rim like it's an XBox controller and you just lost a game of NBA2K on a half court heave. If you're going to risk missing out on two easy points then at least do so in such a fashion that it gives your teammates the ability to immediately avenge your self-indulgent blunder. A St. Louis TV Station Had Some Fun At The Expense Of Their Former Team And Current Trainwreck12/13/2016
While I'm almost positive that - outside of the realm of politics - there is no such job title as 'Professional Liar', the little I do know about Kevin Demoff is that he is a professional as well as a liar so FOX2 really wasn't too far off here. And yeah, it comes off as petty that a St. Louis television station is changing on-air infographics to insult those that have wronged them in the most PG way possible, but if there's a city that is allowed to be trivial it's the one that just lost it's football team. Fact is, St. Louis sports fan should be reveling in the organizational incompetence of the Rams. They should get there jabs in now. Eventually LA's newest team won't be as easy of a target - seeing as there is no where to go but up when you hit rock bottom - so right now is the perfect time to laugh in their face on live TV. You should remember Kevin Demoff's all-out endorsement of Jeff Fisher because - well - he gave it about 10 days before having a hand in firing his ass, so fabrication does seem to be a part of his skill set. Might as well point it out when the franchise he runs can't even field a product that's good enough to fill over 50% of their stadium in a massive market.
I think we can all agree that it's a little premature to be making any declarative statements about Jared Goff's potential. He's obviously had an excessively underwhelming start, but playing merely four games for a dysfunctional franchise under the watchful eye of a head coach who was one week of employment from historical incompetence does not a career make. As much as crotchety former players like to formulate stubborn, steadfast assessments based on ridiculously small sample sizes, it's impossible to say that Jared Goff didn't deserve to be a first round pick before the water has even dried behind his ears. That's why I am taking the opinion of a mildly hypocritical 'Hall Of Famer' that had a grand total of eight wins in his first three seasons in the NFL with a grain of salt, but I would like to tip my hat to the way he chose to express it. Nothing softens the blow of publicly saying that a professional football player sucks at his job quite like showering him with a completely baseless compliment first. I bet Jared Goff was pretty pissed that some senior citizen with a girl's name was out there questioning his ability on the gridiron until he saw that he also praised him for more than likely being a great kid without ever once meeting him. Now that I think about, if Fran Tarkenton was going to do something as silly as try to prognosticate the entire athletic future of a 22 year old kid with no more than 16 quarters worth of evidence then he should have went all out and really tested the bounds of the watering down strategy he used in this tweet. In retrospect, something along the lines of "Jared Goff likely has a heart of gold, an aura so warm that it could melt every drop of snow off the Andes, and a sense of humor that could put a person awaiting the results of their HIV test at ease....but I wouldn't even trust that erratic fuck to toss the football around the backyard with my grandkids" would have been just as "accurate" and much more entertaining. It would be a little shocking to his followers, but saying "Jared Goff is probably packing a horse cock, but he doesn't have an ounce of fortitude in those testicles of his" would send the exact same message. Truth is, Fran Tarkenton has just as much basis to determine the penis size of the frst overall pick as he does to detetrmine the personality of the first overall pick, so it would really just be a more explicit version of the same sentiment.
You know when your professional sports franchise is as disfunctional as humanly possible? When the most unhirable person on the staff gets canned and their instantaneous reaction is "whewww, bout fucking time". There's no doubt that Jeff Fisher had to be fired considering he was starting to sound more and more like he needed to be taken out to pasture with each passing day, but don't think for one second he's upset about it. Not when he was discussing Patriots gadget players from 2011 with the media before he got the extension. I don't know that Jeff Fisher self-sabotaged his own career intentionally but I'm not going to pretend it's not a possibility. And that's where we currently are with the Los Angeles Rams. Jeff Fisher lost his high profile job - which is one of thirty two in the entire world - in sunny Southern California and he almost certainly walked out of the building wearing a smile. Now granted, it's largely his fault that the team looks as hopeless as every relationship ever featured on 'The Real Housewives of Orange County'. That said, it's not his fault that the organization - for all intents and purposes - decided to give him a completely unnecessary severance package that included two years paid vacation. Check the mailbox later this week Jeff, because I would imagine there's going to be a 'Congratulations for literally nothing!' Hallmark card from Charlie Weis waiting for you. In the sense that you couldn't possibly deserve it less, you absolutely deserve it! The ComeBack- “The Players Association, they need to talk about that with the NBA, because there’s a lot of science behind it . . . because we’ve been through a ton of injuries. “I’ve seen a piece on (former NBA guard) Jason Williams, who was the No. 2 pick in the draft, that talked about him being addicted to oxycontin and pain pills (after a devastating motorcycle accident), and it would have been much better and much easier thing to have marijuana as a relief.” “I played with players — I’m not going to name names, of course I’m not, I’m not that kind of dude — I wanted them to actually smoke, they played better like that. … It brought them down a little bit, helped them focus in on the game plan. I needed them to do that. I would rather them [smoke] sometimes than drink,” he said. Pssshhh, snitch. In all seriousness, if anyone thinks this is an exaggeration then I would like to congratulate them on staying away from all the people that their 6th grade health teacher warned them about. As someone who turns into a lifeless calorie dumpster after a hit or two I can't explain why (scientifically or otherwise), but some people just function better in all aspects of life when they are stoned out of their gourd. I certainly don't think that Mr. Big Shot himself was implying that the NBA should become so lax towards marijuana use that the hot boxing of locker rooms would become commonplace. However, anyone who has that friend who only last 2-3 hours in public before needing a couch and a lighter for "medical purposes" knows that at least some NBA players could definitely benefit from some fast acting herbal remedies. Not only that, but watching the hungry, paranoid motherfuckers that couldn't try to play basketball professionally in front of tens-of-thousands of people would be nothing short of must-watch entertainment. Plus, it would certainly encourage an increase in passing...although I don't think it would take too long for perimeter defenses to start prematurely rotating to their right hand side. Josh Norman Tried (And Failed) To Get Biblical While Talking To Reporters About His Haters12/12/2016 TheScore- Washington Redskins star cornerback Josh Norman has an unusual analogy for his rollercoaster 2016 season.
"It's the wildest thing," Norman told NFL Network's Mike Garafolo, according to Conor Orr of NFL.com. "It's like being on Noah's Ark. Every animal there is on Earth, and two by two they come. Either they like me or they don't. And I've encountered them all." If there is anything I have learned from rooting for a team that employs Brandin Cooks it's that there is no shortage of appropriate religous analogies to be made in reference to the comeuppance and perseverance of athletes. That's why you really have to question Josh Norman's use of the only one that involves literally every living species other than humans to describe his interactions with humans. I respect him having a go-to Bible passage on the tip of his tongue, but maybe he should have done a better job studying it's message before he tried to convey it to a reporter. I mean, between this and the "beastiality" comment I'm starting to think that Norman's competition doesn't get fed up with him because he never stops talking, but because he never starts making any sense. After this little sanfu it's not outside the realm of possibility that he doesn't get in the head of his opposition by questioning their toughness, but by confusing them with lines of thinking that are reminiscent of the old man standing on the corner pointing his walking stick up at the sky and yelling thoughts about Jesus that are so disjointed that they'd make Mark Jackson proud. We really need a follow-up interview to see if Josh Norman just threw "Noah's Ark" out there on a whim and massively failed to work backwards or if he still genuinely believes his comparison was rooted in logic. The answer should tell me all I need to know about him, but for now I'll just assume he needs a little life lesson from 'Anonymous'... Cardell Hayes Was Found Guilty Of Manslaughter In The Shooting That Took Will Smith's Life12/12/2016
I truly don't believe there is a more hallow phrase in the English language than "justice prevails". On the surface it seems so positive. Right toppling wrong. Good reigning superior over evil. However, it takes no more than a matter of seconds after hearing a final verdict to realize that all it acts as (in this case anyway) is a painful reminder that countless people have lost a well respected loved one. Semantically speaking, it would be accurate to say that the death of Will Smith has been avenged by a ruling that will put the person responsible for it behind bars, but does anyone truly feel that way? I have no fucking clue what happened that fateful night, but as a biased Saints fan I was silently rooting for the presecution as much as anyone throughout the proceedings. Then I got the good news I was hoping for and it felt just as empty as it would have if it were bad news. The only thing that has changed between 24 hours ago and now is that there is one less criminal on the streets. We woke up today and Will Smith's wife is still widowed. His children are still fatherless. His friends and family still trying to patch the hole in their heart. His former teammates forever mourning his absence whenever they get together to celebrate their collective accomplishments. Perhaps it's silly for me to try to put into the words the facade that is the "vindication" of man who is now nothing but a memory when Deuce McAllister echoed that same sentiment for a fallen comrade better than I possibly can...
I will say - as relatively unimportant as it may seem - it was nice to see Will Smith's former teammates and head coach so supportive of his family through this trying time. Without doing too much research I can remember Drew Brees, Roman Harper, Steve Gleason, Marques Colston, Deuce McAllister, Jahri Evans, Pierre Thomas, and Sean Payton all making appearances throughout the trial and that really speaks to the cohesiveness of the franchise. The fact that he was still so closely tied with the organization undoubtedly means that more people are having to reflect back on the tragic loss of someone close to them, but hopefully having each other to lean on can make that process at least a little easier.
I'm about to do something incredibly dangerous here. I am going to give the media the undeserved benefit of the doubt. I am going to assume that the overwhelming majority of those whose sports opinions are "valued" aren't clamoring for a quarterback who lost his second game of the season in mid-December to be placed on the bench. I am going to choose to believe - mostly for the sake of my own sanity - that hot takes like this are the exception, and not the norm...
That said, a quick twitter search of "put Romo in" during the 4th quarter of a game that was still very much in doubt is proof positive that sentiment is growing with each and every Dak Prescott incompletion. That's why I have no choice but to get out ahead of it now before the cries for an 11-2 team to replace their starting quarterback mere weeks before the playof become deafening. I have all the respect in the world for Tony Romo as a competitor, but if he has one fatal flaw it's that he crumbles under pressure. I agree that that narrative is drastically overstated by Cowboys' haters that like to treat a botched snap of a potential game winning field goal from a decade ago as if it is symbolic of a starting quarterback's entire career under center. Still, it is undeniable that Tony Romo has saved his worst performances for when the stakes were at their highest, and stakes don't get higher than heading into the postseason as the #1 seed in an exceedingly winnable conference. Forget for a second how silly it seems for a team to compromise it's chemistry by making a change at the most important position on the field when the person that has been playing that position has been bringing up the rear in the MVP race. I am much more concerned with what a playoff loss could do to the psyche of a man who is a month removed from standing in front of a microphone as nothing more than a mouthpiece for what appeared to be a Westworld-esque shell of a human being. Simply put, you have never seen an evisceration of a quarterback quite like the evisceration you will see if a Romo-led Cowboys team produces anything less than a Super Bowl appearance. It won't even matter if it's his fault or not. Hell, it rarely ever has. Tony Romo has always been an easy target and there would be crosshairs on crosshairs on crosshairs if he was even slightly responsible for flipping an unbelievably successful regular season into an early playoff exit. I wish that amount of potential resentment and neverending criticism on no man. I got to be honest, watching that game felt like a chore and I don't mean that solely in the sense that it was something I felt a requirement to do. Don't get me wrong, as a Saints fan I have sentenced myself to what seems like a lifetime of treating meaningless December games like they are appointment television, but yesterday was different. The feelings I felt throughout those four quarters compared favorable to the feelings that I feel when dedicating an afternoon to cleaning. First there was the general apathy that comes with doing something that you don't want to do. Then it was the forced intrigue and self-motivation that makes you temporarily believe that what you are doing is actually enjoyable. Lastly, there was the long, meticulous period of boredom that is so forgettable that you can hardly remember being present for it. Truthfully, I may as well have been blindly pushing the vacuum for the entirety of the second half, because it would have been equally as memorable as the end of the Saints/Bucs game. Thirty minutes of NFL gameplay and all I know for certain is that it featured some field goals and turnovers. Other than that it was a complete blur, and I wasn't even drunk for it. I genuinely thought I conciously watched that game start to finish, but I'm starting to think my brain went in to 'Power Save' mode somewhere between the kick that made it 13-11 and the interception that eventually put every viewer out of their misery. Seriously, the fact that that coma inducing disgrace for a divisional matchup was 'America's Game Of The Week' is a bigger indictment of this country than it's incoming leader's past as a reality star. I don't really think there is too much to take away from that game either. I don't think the Saints displayed a lack of effort, but there did seem to be a touch of indifference that is characteristic of a team whose playoffs hopes had been all but shattered a week prior. It may seem alarming that Drew Brees now has two straight weeks with zero touchdowns and three interceptions, but I am much more inclined to chalk that up to the unpredictable WTF-ness of this season rather than a sign of some disastrous decline in his performance. Who knows? Maybe he has just grown tired of watching this team play out the end of their seasons with nothing but their pride on the line. As someone who felt like that game drugged me into a stupified, robotic state that is reminscent of a man doing dishes I can comfortably say that I wouldn't blame him. P.S. Jesus wasn't enough, and neither was Brandin Cooks performance with Michael Thomas sidelined. If you're going to whine for targets then catch touchdowns when they hit you in the hands. Welp, we needed that one and by "we" I most certainly do not mean the New Jersey Devils. By we I mean everyone that was trying to explain away their struggles by focusing on the failures of a handful of players. You see, this team's recent incompetence is more than just a product of an All-World goaltender being in the midst of an unforseen slump. Their futility can not just be explained by a forward group whose former-30-goal-scoring catalysts have largely been dormant. Their flat out unwatchability can't be rationalized by pointing the finger at a defense that is so void of talent and cohesiveness that it likely gives Taylor Hall flashbacks to his darker days of despair in Western Canada. The fact of the matter is that the New Jersey Devils are not playing to their strengths, and that's partly because - as of this very moment - they really don't have a strength. It's pretty clear - given the complete lack of accountability in their own end - that the focus going into the year was to make the Devils more potent up front. I think we have all seen that come to fruition in the increased aggressiveness of the forecheck, but we have also seen it come at the expense of any sort of viable structure that is conducive to winning. Don't let a couple lucky wins over Toronto and Nashville fool you because the Devils (or any other team for that matter) aren't going to win many games while consistently giving up 4 goals, and if their style of play doesn't change drastically then not even Cory Schneider coming to can save this team from themselves. Bottom line? Something has got to give. I am not smart enough to tell you I know exactly how to mold a blueline featuring 5 (of 7 available) players that could benefit from a sheltering that would make a homeschooled kid look well adjusted into a respectable group that plays within themselves. I would imagine keeping them out from behind the opposition's goal line and placing an emphasis on the type of team defense that helped the Devils mildly overacheive last year would be a good start, but what do I know? I'm just a guy...watching much more talented guys...pissing away their playoff hopes by ignoring literally every aspect of the sport that mediocre teams can use to even the playing field. Personally, I think we are very far from talking about John Hynes' job security. This was supposed to be a rebuilding process and a hot start shouldn't have changed that mindset as much as it has amongst the fanbase. Hell, the most detrimental thing the guy has done is raise expectations with a 5 game winning streak that was largely a result of weak competition. Not exactly grounds for explusion if you ask me. That said, the way this team reacts after a pummelling of epic proportions at the hands of their heated rivals will say a lot about his effectiveness within the locker room. An admittedly tough schedule finally lends them a practice break, and if they don't use that practice to tinker with some things that can cover up the inherent flaws that have led to embarrassing losses then the Devils' leadership deserves questioning. They could have traded for five Taylor Halls and I still wouldn't have thought their Larsson-less defense was decent enough to make them an actual contender so the breakdowns in their own end aren't surprising. Their complete lack of competitiveness at every level of a much deeper lineup, on other hand, absolutely is. Even for a group whose ceiling was that of a bubble team, the lack of accountability and purpose has been completely inexcusable. If the Rangers skating through, over, and around them for the vast majority of three periods didn't highlight how much work there is to be done to both coaches and players alike then the next few months could make Kanye's 'Coldest Winter' seem like a goddamn Caribbean getaway. God help us if periods like the second become anything close to the norm...
Don't do it. Don't you dare do it, NFL. I know going through another 18 months of back and forth bickering and subsequent litigation just to soil the reputation of a proud franchise over a couple of pumps of air in a football that was used in a ridiculously lopsided game is tempting, but Roger Goodell and the boys need to just take the L on this one. They need to embrace the same type of hypocrisy that had them kissing the proverbial feet of a breakout star that had previously used them to kick his pregnant girlfriend's ass in college. They need to channel the ass-backwards thinking required to fine players for wearing colorful cleats the 16 (out of 17) weeks they don't shamelessly use those same charitable fashion statements to garner good publicity. They need to summon the selective hearing that had them tuning out the dozens of former players that said bounties were a mainstay in every NFL locker room as they stopped at nothing to make an example out of Sean Payton and the New Orleans Saints. They need to continue to talk out of both sides of their mouth, because the alternative would turn me off of professional football more than any shitshow of a Thursday night matchup between bottom feeders ever could. I simply can't do DeflateGate talk anymore. Even writing about the PSI of fucking footballs feels like a bad dream. I wouldn't be at all surprised if I came to in a pool of my own sweat and this "news leak" was just a nightmare of epic proportions. That would actually be preferable to learning that a sequel more unwanted than 'Speed 2' was in the works. Roger Goodell has shown in the past that his idea of saving face is just holding up the "shield" and hoping it can withstand the impact of a neverending stream of completely necessary backlash, and the last thing anyone wants is for him to change that asinine PR strategy now. Of course that would mean conceding to Tom Brady and the New England Patriots (as well as elementary science), but if there's a brand that can survive the salmonella as unlimited egg pours down their face then it's the NFL. Somehow throwing in the white flag and essentially admitting they are full of shit seems like a more bearable reaction from a multi-billion dollar industry than undergoing a nauseatingly long witchhunt in an attempt to legitimize their original nauseatingly long witchhunt.
I'll be the first person to say that Kenny Vaccaro deciding to throw his hands up and sit out the remainder of the season (barring a miracle, of course) is more than likely an admission of guilt. I don't know why it takes a goddamn month to test the validity of a failed test result, but Kenny Vaccaro doesn't seem like the type to willingly miss football games unless he's absolutely sure he was in the wrong. For that reason, it's almost a certainty that he took some Adderall and crammed that fucking playbook so well that he could have aced a mid-term on it blindfolded. That being said, would you be totally shocked if he was just convinced to turn himself in because the Saints brass has less than zero faith in the NFL to get things right? The fact that I even have reason to be skeptical that a professional football player is just accepting a punishment for something he didn't do just so that his suspension doesn't roll over into next season when his employer unlawfully persecutes him anyway is asinine. It's also probably not at all what happened, but asinine nonetheless. More importantly, this is the proverbial white flag. This Saints defense is a different unit without it's emotional leader. Seeing as they would have to win all their games and pray for more help than Tony Romo's therapist, conceding the availiability of an important member of their secondary is basically a concession of their season. So let's welcome Sean Payton and the boys to the party, because the Who Dat Nation has been drinking through the depression and cheersing to next season for days now! So, I'm going to go out on the furthest of limbs here and assume this was in response to the Brandon Marshall kneeling during the National Anthem. I know that doesn't make any sense whatsoever because he came forward almost a month ago to this day and ended his protest, but I can't possibly think of any other reason why someone would randomly direct enough baseless hatred to fill a Tarantino script toward a random Denver Broncos linebacker. I don't know whether this (shockingly anonymous) author's mailman went postal or not, but having your racist ass letter show up so long after the "inspiration" behind it became obsolete is the type of unfortunate circumstance that can only be faced by someone delivering penned threats via air, land, and sea. I know writing the slurs in chicken scratch before circling and underlining them like they are the name of a 4th grade crush gives them a lot more meaning, but when this nameless coward's world views catch up with the rest of us in 2016 then he should really trade his confederate flag paraphernalia in to pay for some internet classes. Granted, I don't want to be the one to tell him how to send his vile diatribes that read like were written by someone who is actually a completely uneducated parody of themselves. Not only because the last thing the world needs is this guy learning how to publicize his 19th century thoughts more conveniently, but because clearly he put a lot of thought into every aspect of his super elaborate rant that started with a "...not" joke and featured so many repetitive references to monkeys that it made Harambe's ears perk up from beyond the grave. The 'Peter Mortell Holder Of The Year Award' Is A Thing And Michigan's Garrett Moores Won It12/9/2016
Say what you want about the prestige of an award that was created out of thin air by it's 1st annual recipient, but someone had to win the 'Peter Mortell Holder Of The Year Award' and that person should be damn proud of himself for doing so. Who cares that it's not exactly sanctioned by the NCAA? All that means is that the NCAA can't take it back if they find out that Michigan had an asinine lapse in judgement and broke recruiting rules to bring in someone with steady hands and an excessively limited skill set. That's a plus as far as Reggie Bush is concerned. This accomplishment might not have been any sort of honor when Peter Mortell gave it to Peter Mortell, but as soon as someone whose not solely responsible for it's existence gets presented with it then it becomes at least semi-legit. We can all treat this accolade like it's a joke (because it absolutely is), but if you're going to spend your time holding field goals then why not openly campaign to be deemed the best damn field goal holder in the nation? If you don't think the person being acknowledged as the best at his craft is important then what would you say to his peers that have nothing to their name but a jersey and a non-recognizable name on the team roster?
I guess this is the part where I am supposed to complain that the best goaltender in the world playing in hockey's hotbed is shockingly exempt from being held accountable for his actions by the NHL rulebook that he essentially defecated on. Seems like as good of a time as any to say that Carey Price should have been throwing haymakers at his dumbass defenseman that got beat to the front of the net and then shoved a prone member of the opposition into his vulnerable netminder. That's why it truly sucks that I can't. I really wish I could. I would like nothing more than to act like the Devils were two periods against a backup goalie away from making last night's "contest" competitive. After all, who doesn't love a good, old fashioned referee shaming? Unfortunately, that lazy finger pointing will have to wait until the Devils play a much closer game, because not even Al Montoya at his worst (Note: Al Montoya gave up TEN goals to the Columbus Blue Jackets earlier this year) could have given them a chance to beat the Montreal Canadiens. With the way they responded to a completely unnecessary Kyle Palmieri pummelling they don't deserve to be given the benefit of the blame game. So save your "ref, you suck!" chant for a time when the comically negligent enforcement of the rules could potentially have an effect on the outcome, because when you get outshot 49-21 against a shorthanded team you get as much sympathy as you get points - none. I guess it's about time I address this issue because I have been trying to ignore it in hopes that it would go away like a bad toothache, but the Devils most important player has been struggling. I have been transformed into a Cory Schneider apologist by watching him singlehandedly keep this franchise out of the gutter, but the guy is in the midst of a tough stretch that is far longer than anyone could have ever imagined given his superhuman performance the last two years. That doesn't mean he's not the same goalie that has repeatedly saved his organization from becoming a complete laughingstock. It doesn't mean he needs to replaced as the starter. It doesn't even mean that he has cost this team more than one or two points in the standings. He's the easiest of targets as the last line of defense, but blindly calling Cory Schneider the Devils biggest problem requires a level of stupidity that is unforeseen since Rangers fans were blaming John Tortorella's goalless system on their All-World goaltender. There's no doubt he needs to be much, much better if the Devils hope to make the playoffs, and watching two pucks that had no absolutely no business going in squeak by him last night made me want to grow my hair just so I could rip it out. That said, he faced FORTY SEVEN other shots last night. Safe to say there were more than a few golden opportunities that he did keep out of the net. When the Devils start clearing the crease and and playing a level of team defense that doesn't have the opposing team playing entire rounds of 'Whack-A-Mole' at loose rebounds then I will turn my attention to the only guy on the team who has earned the benefit of the doubt. I'll lay claim to my pro-Schneider bias being unwarranted if he's still playing subpar when the Devils lay claim to their responsibilities in their own end, because - unless they start to - they are doomed regardless. |
Categories
All
Archives
January 2020
|