Okay, so this isn't exactly the greatest news to ever come out for a team that constantly find themselves in turmoil. No doubt the Clippers -and Blake Griffin specifically- are going to get run through the ringer by the media, and deservingly so. Let's just say their public relations team is probably working a little bit of overtime with week. You never want a player involved in a physical altercation with a staff member, and you CERTAINLY don't want him breaking his hand in the process. This one is definitely going to take a bit of reputation damage control. With that said, when I saw this story come out I said to myself "why?". That's when I saw this...
...and it all made perfect sense. Listen, I know this reasoning isn't exactly going to fly with the beat reporters, but that doesn't mean there's no logic to it. Blake Griffin and this guy were friends. Good friends, in fact. What man hasn't had to throw fists with someone close to them to get rid of a certain amount of animosity that has built up over time. I have gotten into multiple fights with some of my best friends. That doesn't mean there was some irreconcilable difference. It just means that sometimes people need to take their frustrations out on people they care about. The real shame about this scuffle is that it has long term ramifications. I bet Blake Griffin was ready to have a beer with this dude before he even realized his hand was broken. I don't know what transpired. Maybe the equipment manager made a joke, or multiple jokes, at the expense of Blake Griffin. Maybe it was a product of the amount of time they spend with each other -at home or on the road- over the course of the year. After all, familiarity breeds contempt, and it's safe to say that basketball teams and their staff members get pretty goddamn familiar while constantly traveling with each other 7-8 months out of the year. Maybe Blake Griffin has gotten a little irritable while trying to return from injury. Who knows? I do know that this is going to be spun as a fight between a professional athlete and a person hired to help him better perform his job. I do know that the equipment manager is going to be labeled the victim, and Blake Griffin is going to have to assume the role of the bad guy. However, I also know that that rhetoric is probably flawed, because by all accounts this was a bout between friends.
I guess the only good news -if you want to call it that- is the Clippers have proven to be a pretty damn good basketball team without Blake Griffin on the floor. That doesn't mean that this is something they are comfortable with and it's not going to silence the critics in the least, but there aren't many teams that could afford to lose their All Star power forward -for a reason this dumb- and not completely collapse.
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Don't do this Blair. Just go back to playing with your first grade friends. You know, the only people outside of your immediate family that still love you unconditionally. We all see through what you are trying to do here, and no one -including Stephen Gostkowski- appreciates it. You can't try to use a missed extra point by one the most consistent kickers in the NFL to show that it could happen to anyone. That would be like Carson Palmer using Tom Brady's loss to justify his 4 interception performance. Stephen Gostkowski's missed XP, his first all season, in the first quarter of a playoff game is nowhere near as detrimental to it's outcome as Blair Walsh's shank on a game winning chip shot. I don't care what the point differential of the Broncos-Patriots game ended up being. The Patriots had more than enough time, and more than enough opportunities, to make up for Gostkowski's gaff. The same can't be said for Blair Walsh's bungle. He's right, it is a team game, but his team didn't have a chance to make up for his failures.
I honestly don't think Stephen Gostkowski should be upset. He obviously is because he's an athlete, and those not named LeBron James usually take an unnecessary amount of blame for their mistakes, but Patriots fans have a lot more fingers to point before one gets directed at their kicker. Sure, it was an inopportune time for a miss, but it wasn't an egregious time for a miss. Gostkowski didn't cost his team the game. Their inability to get 8 points out of three separate drives in the final eight minutes with potentially the best quarterback of all time cost them the game. Obviously it would have been easier if it was just seven. However, if the Patriots offense did their job then no one is talking about a missed extra point from hours prior, and Blair Walsh isn't trying to siphon sympathy through the guise of support. SeattleTimes- Seahawks fullback Derrick Coleman could face felony charges after Bellevue police claimed he said he smoked synthetic marijuana before a hit-and-run crash in October that resulted in a serious injury to another driver.
Witnesses told police that Coleman was traveling about 60 mph in a 35 mph zone. Witnesses say Coleman swerved his truck into the center two-way left turn lane and swerved back, striking the rear of another car, the police report said. Witnesses spoke to Coleman after the crash, describing him as “delirious and aggravated,” the report said. Another witness said he was “incoherent,” police said. Witnesses helped Coleman from the car, but he left the scene barefoot, police said. Officers caught up with him about two blocks away about 20 minutes after the crash. Police said he struggled with the field-sobriety test. Officers found “a lighter, a glass spoon pipe with tarry residue, an opened bag of synthetic cannabinoid and three unopened bags of synthetic cannabinoids,” police said. According to the report, Coleman told police he used “spice,” a synthetic substance sold under names such as Mojo, Black Mamba and Annihilation. Spice is said to mimic the high produced by marijuana. But authorities have warned of the health dangers of the drug that mixes herbs and chemicals. In December 2010, the state Board of Pharmacy voted to classify synthetic marijuana chemicals as Schedule I controlled substances in Washington, making them illegal to make, possess and sell. Hey NFL, think it might be time to loosen up the reigns on marijuana use? I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but this is now the second case of a player doing dumb, dangerous shit while high on synthetic weed. I don't remember too many stories of players being this careless while high on normal weed. Professional athletes are no different than any of us. If you take away one of their vices, they are just going to find another one. You make marijuana -a drug that's legal in Washington and a host of other states- a banned substance then they are just going to fulfill the desire for that high with something that's undetectable. If I'm Roger Goodell I think I would rather have my players smoking drugs that were grown natural than drugs that were conjured up in some suspicious warehouse and delivered to 7-Eleven at 3AM in a jet black Astro van. I don't know much about synthetic weed, but I have never ended up on my knees in the night saying prayers in the streetlight of a police station parking lot -like Chandler Jones- after smoking regular weed. Medicinal marijuana has never made me go deaf and decide to get behind the wheel of car. Okay fine, so Derrick Coleman was already deaf, but I think it's still an indictment of his drug of choice that he thought it was a good idea for his non-hearing ass to drive while impaired. I am a terrible smoker and nothing bad has ever happened to me after lighting up some organic green. I would venture to guess that most NFL players have a higher tolerance than I, so maybe let's just let them indulge in the use of a socially accepted substance, especially since the use of it's understudy hasn't exactly churned out the greatest of results. P.S. Still don't understand how deaf people are allowed to have licenses if we are being completely honest.
TMZ- Eddie Lacy is no dummy ... and knows if one of the biggest fitness gurus in the country offers to whip your butt in shape -- you listen.
TMZ Sports has learned ... Lacy's people have been in touch with P90X creator Tony Horton -- after Tony offered to PERSONALLY train the Green Bay Packers running back. Lacy's people have confirmed the two sides have touched base in the hopes of working something out ... though no agreement has been struck yet. Horton says he doesn't want to undermine Green Bay's training plan for Lacy -- but instead, he wants to work WITH the team to get Eddie where he needs to be. "The Packers will get him ready for the season. My job will be to get the weight off and help him eat better." You know what's funny? Eddie Lacy might be one of the most naturally gifted athletes in all of professional sports. On the surface that statement seems ridiculous, but think about it for a second. How many guys can say that they reached the pinnacle of an athletic profession without doing a single thing to maximize the potential they happened to be born with. Not only is Eddie Lacy a starting running back in the NFL, but he's a starting running back in the NFL that has done everything in his power to lose that distinction -or more accurately- nothing in his power to keep that distinction. He's competing against the biggest, strongest, fastest, most dedicated players in the world, and he's doing it as the NFL equivalent of a fat lazy slob. If might not be the most commendable thing in the world, but I'll be damned if it's not fucking impressive. Nothing speaks to Eddie Lacy's lack of work ethic like his decision to hook up with Tony Horton for offseason conditioning. All this means is that Eddie Lacy is basically every single overweight postgrad that hit the real world and realized their beer belly wasn't all that acceptable outside of the tailgate scene. You know how Tony Horton's wallet got so fat? By feeding off the insecurities of 20 somethings -that had never seen the inside of a gym- and were looking for a quick weight loss fix. Trust me, I know from experience. That's why Fat Eddie is the perfect client. I bet he is only considering this because he things it will justify his post workout meals. Hope Tony snuck some General Tsao's into his nutrition plan or this union might be short lived. The reason that Eddie Lacy thinks the P90x guy is the guy that can turn his career around is the same reason why everyone bought P90X. It's only 90 fucking days. If you think Lacy is thinking of the next three months as anything other than a reason to rationalize avoiding cardio for the following nine months then you are out your rabbit ass mind. That's why this combination stands next to no chance of working long term, because Eddie Lacy doesn't want to become a devoted, hard working athlete, he just kinda wants to be skinnier because his coach told him he has to. That might change his perspective for the summer, but it's not changing the gluttonous, ravenous lifestyle that makes him such an easy target for jokes, and well, just about anything else you could possibly hurl at him. Trouble In Paradise Already? LeBron Doesn't Know Why His New Head Coach Wants To Play Uptempo1/25/2016 YardBarker- Tyronn Lue wants the Cavaliers playing a more up-tempo style of basketball, and while James doesn’t exactly sound sure as to why – the Cavaliers played slower under David Blatt and had success with it – he’s going along with it.
“I don’t know. We don’t know,” James said, via ESPN’s Dave McMenamin. “This is what Coach wants. This is what Coach wants to do, and this is what we’re going to do. This isn’t a LeBron thing. I’m talking out of IQ of the game, but this is what Coach wants to do, so this is what we’re going to do.” It sounds like James will get to run the floor now. As for Lue’s complaints that the Cavaliers aren’t in good enough shape to run the offense the way he wants, James said that shouldn’t be an issue. “I don’t think I’m in bad shape at all, just need to get in better shape for what we want to do, but I’m not that far off,” James said. “I can get there in less than a week.” Ut oh, guess the Cavaliers should have looked into this one before dismissing their thoughtless head coach that just stood around and looked busy while LeBron did whatever he wanted to do. This would have never happened under him. Implementing a new strategy that wasn't solely LeBron's idea? Talk about a recipe for disaster. Giving LeBron a potential justification to have you fired if your new style of play doesn't perfectly replicate what he thinks is best is the quickest way to get yourself fired. How do you think David Blatt lasted so long? He shut his goddamn mouth, clapped, nodded, and occasionally said some stuff so people would get the impression that he was coaching. While running the floor might not be "a LeBron thing", LeBron referring to LeBron's lack of involvement in a coaching decision as "a LeBron thing" is the most LeBron thing of all time. Jesus, the guy can't help himself. Even when he is trying to come off as the type of player that listens to his coaches orders instead of making them for him he still comes off as a self involved douche. Don't worry guys, this wasn't a LeBron thing. In fact, he doesn't even know why it's happening. Probably just a random installment that Tyronn Lue is making to spice things up. Can't imagine it has too much to do with getting run off the floor by their potential competition in the finals exactly one week ago. They wouldn't let one game effect how they make organization decisions. It's not like they just fired a head coach between then and now or anything. The Cavaliers are just playing more uptempo to get the team in shape, not as an overreaction to getting absolutely embarrassed on their home court by the most efficient up-tempo team in the NBA. Definitely not. Swing and a... SeattleTimes- A man accused of shooting a stranger at a Renton movie theater told officers he was carrying an unholstered gun because he worried about mass shootings, police said.
Police say the man suspected of accidentally shooting a stranger at a Renton movie theater told them he carried a firearm because he feared mass shootings. Dane Gallion, 29, told officers he took the gun to Regal Cinemas 14 at the Landing on Thursday night because he was “concerned about recent mass shootings in public places,” according to a police account in a probable-cause statement released Saturday. That same anxiety prompted him to keep the gun unholstered in his waistband, the statement says. The shooting victim, a woman who was wounded in the shoulder, was in stable condition Saturday, according to a nursing supervisor at Harborview Medical Center in Seattle. According to the police account, Gallion gave inconsistent descriptions of how his firearm discharged while at “13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi.” I think it's safe to say that the craziest people in the world are the people that bring a gun to a public place and open fire on a crowd so as to live out some twisted, grandiose delusion they created in their own minds. I don't think too many people would argue with that assessment. Then you have the people that let those people effect their day-to-day activities. The people that won't go to a movie, or a concert, or a sporting event the days following any tragedy, no matter how small the venue or how far the distance from the actual catastrophe. They are decidedly less crazy, but also pretty delusional to think that one or two shootings is enough of a sample size to mean that they are actually at risk in some random theater. Tucked neatly in between those two people on the crazy scale is the person that is convinced their particular movie is going to be shot up, but doesn't let that stop them from going. I think he's the person that sets the bar for imprisonment. Obviously the shooter's gotta go to jail, but so does the paranoid guy chilling with a pistol in his waistband -not paying any attention to the movie- and eagerly awaiting the smallest shadow of suspicious activity. The guy with a itchy trigger finger while sitting in a goddamn war flick. The guy that thinks the only way to temper the violence in a dark, secluded environment is to introduce the presence of ANOTHER weapon. Yup, even without trying he's just as dangerous to society as the person that has intentions to kill. I guess it is minor relief that he did this during '13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers Of Benghazi' instead of 'Ride Along 2' or 'Sisters'. He's still an idiot, but at least he's an idiot with a good sense of what kind of movie draws the serial killers. Although, Kevin Hart and Amy Poehler do occasionally make me want to...uhhh...laugh. Yeah, definitely laugh. Kobe Bryant Channeled 'The Black Mamba' In Getting Mad At His Teammates For Smiling After A Loss1/25/2016 InsideSoCal- Bryant became the villain again during the Lakers’ 121-103 loss to the Portland Trail Blazers on Saturday at Moda Center. The examples went beyond the hometown crowd booing him every time he touched the ball. With the Lakers offering little to stop Portland’s Damian Lillard (36 points) and CJ McCollum (28 points), Bryant provided pointed comments to his teammates about their play in the locker room afterwards, according to multiple sources familiar with the situation.
Bryant took particular aim at Lakers rookie point guard D’Angelo Russell and second-year forward Julius Randle and even called them out by name, sources said. “You know I don’t do the gossip [expletive],” Bryant said in a friendly exchange when asked about the incident. Ahhh, shades of a better day. A day when Kobe Bryant was the most hated man on the floor. A day when Kobe had such a strong desire to win that he would constantly tell his teammates to go fuck themselves whenever they so much as called for a pass while he went 5-on-1 against the opposition. Those days? Those were the days. These days? Not so much. Now it's a puke worthy display of affection, admiration, and appreciation where ever Kobe takes the floor. I respect the hell out of the Portland fans for booing him mercilessly, because it brought out Kobe the competitor. The Black Mamba. The asshole. The guy you hate to play with, but love to win with. Not the guy that's waving to away crowds and accepting gifts prior to the game. Not the guy that's laughing in post game interviews while playing for a downright dreadful team. Not the guy that casually jogs backdown to the defensive end of the floor with a open mouth grin on his face after missing a three pointer by 13 feet. Nobody likes that guy -or I guess more appropriately- everyone likes that guy, and it makes me sick. I want to see the guy that would clench his teeth in your face as he backpedaled back down the floor after making an impossible, contested turnaround jumper. He was worth the price of admission. Sure, it's completely hypocritical for Kobe Bryant to get mad at his teammates for treating a game like it doesn't matter when he threw in the towel on the season by announcing his impending retirement in November. No, it's not right for him to call out the effort of young players when he has been shamelessly shooting under 25% from beyond the arc. However, Kobe's game has never been predicted on what's right, it's been predicated on winning, and if for only one night he actually acted like he cared about it again. That's enough for me to overlook the feelings of D'Angelo Russell and Julius Randle. Mike Cammalleri Saved His Seat At A Devils Lunch-In By Placing His Front Teeth On The Table1/25/2016
In most cases I would be against this. Saving seats is the most childish shit in the world. The last person to have a justifiable reason for saving their seat was the blind girl in middle school that had a personal handler. You get up then your chair is fair game. That's not only how being an adult works, but it's just how life in general works. It's first come-first served, not first come-first owned. When you leave that chair you leave the ability to be served with it. You give someone an inch then they are going to take it, and that shouldn't change just because someone tilted their seat back up to meet the edge of the table. This is pretty much the reason I was so bad at "fives" back in the day. I simply didn't believe in the entire premise of the game to begin with. If you have to piss then you can shake the excess drips off into your boxers as you're standing in shame of your small bladder. If that seat was so important to you then you would have held it in like a man, instead of letting it sit there ripe for the taking.
With that said, I love this move. Mike Cammalleri didn't save his seat. He simply scared people away from it. His teeth weren't a seat saver, they were a seat deterrent. His teammates could've taken it if they wanted. Like, I said before, attempting to save your seat shows that you really didn't want it that bad. Well, nothing speaks to Mike Cammalleri's overwhelming desire to retain his place at the table then his decision to put a temporary part of his face on said table. The only way for someone to prove they wanted that place setting more than Cammy would be to move his slimy ass fangs, and if they did then they would have been justified in doing so. It's basically like licking your food so that someone doesn't take a bite when you're gone, and what's more mature and responsible than that? P.S. This story is reason #346 that I love this team. h/t BarDown Do I Make Fun Of The Cardinals Linebacker That Celebrated Cam Newton's TD, Or Feel Bad For Him?1/25/2016
My first instinct was to make fun of him. After all, he looks ridiculous. Running around fist pumping while Cam Newton is dabbing in the end zone. Meanwhile, the rest of their teammates are pushing and shoving in the middle of the field. The scene was equal parts absurd and hilarious, but that's one of the reasons that I want to give him a pass, because his dumb ass celebration was just as necessary to the this display as Cam's was. Maybe even more so. In fact, if this was a movie Cam would be the lead but he wouldn't get an award for his performance. Sean Weatherspoon, on the other hand, is without a doubt walking away with a 'Best Supporting Actor' nomination.
Like I said, I love that the guy celebrated, but he's pretty oblivious for doing so, right? I don't play in the NFL and even I know that Cam Newton always -against all odds- gets the ball over the goal line. It's like the most impressive part of his game, and that's saying a lot for a future NFL MVP. It doesn't even matter where he takes off from. He could leave his feet at the 20, and if I was playing against Cam Newton I would just walk off the field at the end of the play assuming that my perception was off. I would need to see the ref spot the ball, wait ten seconds for a challenge flag, and give myself a quick punch in the dick to prove I wasn't dreaming. Few things are certain in life. Death, taxes, Cam Newton breaking the plane. I appreciate the guy's optimism, but his awareness could use some work. Work I would rather see not done, because watching football players make asses out of themselves is far more entertaining then watching them use their oft-compromised brains. Metro- Last week, Mandy Lamrini, a bar worker from Berlin, decided to have her natural eyebrows removed and replaced with tattooed brows.
Pleased with the results, she shared various selfies on her Facebook page so her friends could check them out. But, over the last week, Mandy has been subjected to relentless online bullying, after the images were shared thousands of times, receiving over 23,000 comments. However, some people took to Facebook to defend Mandy from the abuse. The only thing around here that is ugly, are your stupid primitive comments,’ reads one message. Another added that ‘everyone should do what makes him/her happy’, while one woman advises: ‘take no notice of the haters Mandy, you look fine.’ Why Mandy? Why couldn't you just have a disease? I was praying when I clicked on this article that you had alopecia. Just hoping on hope that their was some serious ailment that forced your hand into choosing to look like an asshole. Somewhere Charlie Villanueva is out there punching his computer screen because you took your eyebrows for granted. Of course there wasn't. Why wouldn't some dumb bitch shave her eyebrows off, tattoo new ones on, post it on Facebook, and then whine when people make fun of her for it? This is what's wrong with the world we currently live in. I am pretty sure the original intent of social media was to deter people from doing stupid shit for attention. A way for the human race to self regulate itself. Somewhere along the line it just became about likes, hearts, and the constant enabling of stupidity. The people that posted unflattering memes and called her a disgusting animal were performing a public service. They are the heroes in this story. Public shaming is the only way the world isn't going to regress into complete and utter chaos. The people that tried to build her back up after the jokes made at her expense are the real problem here. They are basically anarchists. Trying to rid the world of necessary ridicule is like the vegans that don't realize that cow farts are contributing to global warming. They need to be slaughtered for human consumption to maintain our delicate ecosystem just like this girl needs to be insulted so that society doesn't veer off track. God forbid people make fun of someone that willingly choose to look like an angry cartoon villain for the rest of her life. I guess they are the real bad guys. The people that just want to keep the world spinning. Laugh now, but a girl being praised for tattooing eyebrows on her fucking face is the surest sign of the apocalypse. P.S. That falcon photoshop? A++ Live look at Mandy.... LBS- TMZ spoke with Sam over the weekend, and he made a joke about having a conversation with his former boss about renaming the St. Louis Rams.
“So, here’s the thing. I was talking to (Rams owner) Stan Kroenke and said we’re going to change the name of the team,” Sam said. “We’re gonna call it the L.A. Samsonites. And Caitlyn Jenner’s gonna be the head coach, so I know for sure I’m gonna be on the damn team. It’s a done deal.” When asked if he would like to play for a team in L.A., Sam got a bit more serious. “I would love to,” he said. “Anywhere.” Listen, jokes are jokes. They are meant to be funny. Michael Sam's Caitlyn Jenner reference is 2000 and late and only semi-humorous, but it still wasn't meant to be serious. That's why I don't want to get worked up over it, but it is a fairly stark reminder as to why Michael Sam isn't in the NFL. It's been pretty obvious ever since he tried to film a show with Oprah at Rams training camp a few years back. Michael Sam is more committed to being a homosexual than he is to being a professional football player. To make it in the NFL you have to be fully dedicated to doing so. As we have seen time and time again, he just doesn't have that level of dedication. NFL locker rooms are -albeit begrudgingly- accepting of gay men. A football player that happens to be openly homosexual is something that can and does exist in professional sports, but a gay man that happens to play football will never last in the league. I get it, Michael Sam is gay. I'm happy that he is out of the closet. He should let that rainbow colored flag fly. However, he doesn't have to constantly hit people in the face with it in the process. Can we go one Michael Sam interview without him unnecessarily reminding us that he is homosexual? Honestly, just one. We remember Mike. Hell, how could we forget? I am not homophobic by any stretch of the imagination, but the only negative encounters I have ever had with gay people is when the focal point of every single conversation is their sexuality. The most notable was when I was asked "what my penis looks like". Michael Sam is the "celebrity" representation of the dude that asks you what your penis looks like just so you don't forget, even for a second, that he prefers them in the bedroom. It's the same reason why straight men that offer nothing other than verbal accounts of their sexual exploits are nauseating to hang out with. If equality is the goal then we should all be able to converse with each other without first identifying ourselves by what we genitalia we would rather have in our mouth. If Micheal Sam REALLY wanted to be in the NFL then he would say so, without first making mention of his gayness through the guise of a joke. Instead he would rather continue to push the narrative that he has been persecuted because of his sexuality when he's really just not that good at football. Mostly because he hardly even tries to be. I Think The New Jersey Devils Owe The Anaheim Ducks An Apology For Their Heist Of Kyle Palmieri1/25/2016 "Ducks GM Bob Murray mentioned that he expected Palmieri to score 20 goals next season if he stayed in Anaheim and he would not have been able to pay him the raise that would come with that as a restricted free agent."
You know what's hilarious? Bob Murray thought he was paying Kyle Palmieri a compliment when he said he would become a 20 goal scorer. Halfway through the season, and that number looks insulting. Not only has it already been hit, but it's come as the result of a career high in points in just 49 games. I know that trades -much like relationships- generally have a winner and a loser, but I don't think they are supposed to have a victim. I am actually praying for Bob Murray. It's not his fault. He thought he was making a calculated business decision and unforeseen circumstances has made that decision much more costly then even he imagined. He thought he was risking his job security, and he ended up risking his reputation. I liken what Bob Murray did to letting a hooker sleep over. He accepted the fact that she would probably steal all the cash from his nightstand, but he didn't expect to wake up to find the place completely ransacked. He expected petty theft and was the unfortunate victim of full blown larceny. As if it wasn't enough that the Devils -a team that fully committed to a rebuild no more then 6 months ago- are ahead of the Ducks -a team that was supposed to contend for a championship- in the standings. Kyle Palmieri, the guy they siphoned off for a couple of of mid round picks isn't only leading the Devils in scoring, but he would be leading the Ducks in scoring as well. The guy has been better than anyone, outside of his immediate family, could have ever predicted. Good players get traded due to salary cap restrictions all the time, but great players generally don't endure that same fate. Bob Murray's biggest mistake was failing to recognize the distinction. Since I am not one of those douchebag bankers from 'The Big Short', I actually feel sympathy for those that have to suffer at the expense of my sanctity. Nothing brings me more piece of mind then knowing that the Devils locked up a perennial 30 goal scorer for well below market value, and that's why I owe Bob Murray what little compassion I have left for teams that aren't the New Jersey Devils. I am not trying to play this off like it is some new story. I just think that as time has gone on, and Cam Newton's success how continued, the story has become more and more fictional. It's like the people that are so offended by a quarterback that dances after touchdowns, or smiles after first downs, are so confused by his ability to win that they are just stuck in a room full of Cam Newton 'Fat Heads' launching their own feces at the wall and hoping some of it sticks. These are two actual, real life conversations I had last night. The first one was predictably about "arrogance" -or as I like to call it- the inability for some people to understand what it's like to watch someone actually enjoying their profession. The second one? Someone that was upset that Cam Newton was getting screen time after a Luke Kuechly touchdown late in the game. Yes, some people are so desperate to chastise Cam Newton that they are blaming him for a camera man's decision to put the face of a Super Bowl quarterback on your television screen. It's almost like they didn't watch Peyton Manning sitting on the bench for the entire 4th quarter of yesterday's AFC championship. Almost like a quarterback receiving a majority of the credit for a victory is some sort of new concept. I was actually called a "black apologist" last night because I said that Cam Newton was the MVP. A BLACK APOLOGIST for saying that a quarterback that was responsible for FORTY FIVE touchdowns with Ted Ginn Jr. as his best wide receiver was the MVP. I won't even apologize for my own pale white ass most of the time and now I am apologizing for a millionaire who also happens to be one of the most consensus choices for MVP in recent memory, strictly because of the color of his skin?
My parents are still together so I can't say that I am speaking from experience, but Cam Newton haters are starting to sound like children that are meeting their stepfather for the first time. Just a rash of irrational justifications for their contempt when it really just boil down to one thing. Those children hate everything about their stepfather strictly because he's not their actual father, just like Cam's detractors hate him because he isn't the same "classy", mild mannered quarterback they are used to seeing. And honestly, why should he be? Cam Newton is anything but prototypical. He's a guy that earns those first downs he so enthusiastically celebrates by taking hits that are generally reserved for skill position players. A majority of the touchdown celebrations -that have become so polarizing- come after he puts his body on the line by launching himself into the heart of an NFL defense. If some running back was dabbing every time he moved the chains then no one would give it a second thought. Why should it be any different when it's a quarterback that just happened to perform the job requirements of a running back? I'm not saying Cam Newton isn't a showman. He absolutely is. I'm saying that professional sports are entertainment, and Cam Newton is the best entertainer in all of football. Why should I care that he does that from the quarterback position? When did a quarterback's job description change? I thought they were just supposed to do their best to lead their team to victory. I didn't know they had to have a stern look on their face while they did it. Who cares what Cam Newton's mannerisms are as he continues to lead his team to victory? I know his team certainly doesn't. I know his coach certainly doesn't. I know Panthers fans certainly don't. Yeah, he's flashy as fuck, but the only thing he's hurting by being flashy is the feelings of a couple up tight fans. I don't know if the resentment stems from race or people's apprehensiveness towards a player that doesn't fit some contrived version of what a quarterback is "supposed" to be, but I do know that it is unwarranted. If you hate Cam Newton then it says a lot more about you then it does about him, because he's about to win a Super Bowl while you sit at home bitching about how happy he looks while he does it. Really puts things in perspective, no? Stop me if you have heard this before. One side of the field you have a legendary quarterback on the last leg of his career that has underwent a drastic drop off in play. On the other side you have a young, athletic, versatile quarterback and a star studded defense that borders on cocky. Okay, well I guess you can't stop me because I am not reading this blog live via periscope, but if you could I think you probably would have interrupted me by now. The Super Bowl matchup we are about to watch in two weeks is as close to the same exact one that we all had to suffer through just two short years ago. Sure, Denver's defense is better, but it would be disingenuous to go without acknowledging that Peyton Manning is decidedly worse.
That's not to say that the result of the biggest football game of the year is already well in doubt. It's not. As the saying goes, any given Sunday. However, the Broncos just had their 'any given Sunday' moment. That game they managed to eek out against the Patriots yesterday? The one where it took the perfect storm for them to reign victorious? The one where the Patriots offensive line put up next to no fight against a formidable pass rush? The one where potentially the best quarterback in NFL history looked as rattled as we have ever seen him? The one where one of the most consistent kickers in the league missed an extra point for the first time all year? The one where Tom Brady failed to get at least 8 points out of three potentially game tying drives in the final minutes? The one where Bill Belichick (yes, that Bill Belichick) made several questionable decisions? The one where everything went right for the Broncos and they were still a successful two point conversion away from overtime? Those games don't happen often. Of course Denver's defense deserves credit for making it happen, but the fact of the matter is that they are going to need to play a whole lot better to beat the Carolina Panthers, and I am just not sure that's even possible. I understand why people are rooting for Peyton Manning to go out on top. Hell, I wouldn't even be mad if he did. I just have reason to believe that it is unbelievably unlikely. The best thing you can say about Peyton's performance yesterday was that he avoided making mistakes. The Panthers defense is one of the best in the league at creating those mistakes. The best thing you can say about the Denver defense is that they hit Brady about twice as often as anyone else ever has. While he's not necessarily a better quarterback, Cam Newton's mobility makes him far harder to bring down. Do I see a 35 point drudging on the horizon? Probably not. However, I do see a team that has looked mediocre at best offensively versus a team that has looked as close to unstoppable as you can look in the NFL playoffs. If there is anything we know about playoff football it's that defense and quarterback play win championships, and while these defenses are comparable, their play under center is decidedly not. I hope I am wrong, but I think we are facing a probability of ending up underwhelmed come Super Bowl Sunday. P.S. I feel like this is a pretty common opinion, but I also had two people bet me real life American currency that the Broncos were going to win straight up last night, so what the fuck do I know? Metro- A woman allegedly battered her husband with nunchucks because he refused to have sex with her.Sondra Earle-Kelly, 51, is alleged first to have hurled ceramic figurines at her lover when he refused stop watching TV and go to bed with her.
Then she reportedly grabbed a pair of nunchucks and began to beat him with them. Police found blood on the walls of the couple’s apartment. Earle-Kelly, who was also said to have taken a tranquiliser tablets over the course of the evening, has been charged with aggravated domestic violence. She spent the night in a Charlotte, South Carolina police cell. When I first read this headline my brain instinctual switched the roles of the two characters in this story. Automatically just thought it was the guy that went full 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' in assaulting his wife. Does that make me a misandrist -or worse- a feminist?!? I don't know, but I do know that I probably wasn't the only person to make this mistake. Mostly because domestic abuse doesn't get a lot of play in the news cycle when the victim has a penis. It's important we remember that men can be suffer from abusive relationships too. That doesn't mean we can't laugh when they do, but maybe we should try to be a little more subtle about it. Hey, IF -and that's a HUGE if- there was going to be a form of household violence that I can respect it's a woman nunchucking the shit out of her lazy ass husband. For one, you never deny a sexually frustrated woman in her 50's sex. She's probably menopausal, and therefore even more bipolar and irrational than usual. You have to give her that mediocre senior citizen cock if for no other reason than avoiding the inevitable hassle of not doing so. I don't want to question this guy's masculinity, but sometimes in life you just have to man up. Your wife begging for a good sticking is not only one of those situations, but it's probably the least physically taxing of those situations. There's some poor bastard out there re-shingling his roof because his wife wouldn't shut the fuck up. If this dude wasn't going to fuck his old lady for his own pleasure or her satisfaction, then he should have done it for every man that has ever been nagged into doing something he didn't want to. Lastly, pretty admirable weapon of choice. If you are going to attack someone -relatively unprovoked- then it should be with something that is just as likely to cause yourself harm as well. Other than Michelangelo, I have never seen a person properly handle a pair of nunchucks without hitting themselves in the groin. Pretty sure they even put that warning on the back of the TMNT toys. You don't have a wife that can slang 'chucks with the best of them and NOT know that she possesses that skill. She was probably begging for a reason to bust them out of the closet, so I refuse to feel bad for the guy whose lack of foresight gave her a justification to. BSO- 12news.com has a report on six girls from Desert Vista High School in Arizona, that took a photo of themselves during senior picture day that spelled out the N-Word on their t-shirts.
The girls decided to take the racist photo after being part of a larger group of students that spelled out a positive message. The photo was then posted to social media which outraged students and the larger community. Temple Union High School District representative Jill Hanks said the following: “What were they thinking? We had some students that made a really bad decision this morning.” Father of student Paul Loghran exclaimed: “My children feel they’re in a hostile environment while other children think it’s funny. It’s disgusting,” Okay, so obviously the real story here is that a bunch of high school chicks don't realize that the current state of race relations in the country is tumultuous at best. That the youth of America doesn't take the use of a historically destructive racial slur seriously. Again, that's the real story, but it's also a rather one sided, cut-and-dry anecdote. That's why I will leave it to the real publications to discuss the long term ramifications of the ignorance constantly displayed by future generations. Not exactly trying to tackle discrimination in the school system on a Saturday afternoon. Sue me. Instead, I would like to dig a little deeper. Actually deeper is the wrong word, because what I intend to do merely scratches the surface. Can someone explain to me what a bunch of dumb broads -that have no problem posing for prejudice- are doing censoring themselves? Furthermore, how did even manage to do it? What kind of "positive message" includes asterisks? Was this cause that they were supporting so detailed that it needed post script? What was this super important memorandum they were trying to spread? The first chapter of the MLB's post-PED record book? The phone number of someone they didn't want knowing they called? What possible explanation could there be for two students to be instructed to tape punctation -that is generally reserved for misspellings- to their t-shirts? I guess I should be glad that there wasn't two more G's around, but really I am just confused as to why it was easier to find two random typographical symbols. The real injustice here -other than the blatant spreading of bigotry- is that this incident went viral and I still don't know what the original message was. I need answers Desert Vista High School! What memo was so critical that it needed to be written atop the apparel of the student body, but not critical enough to be edited beforehand?
Wait, did I miss something? Did David Blatt quit unceremoniously at halftime, or was he fired -seemingly out of nowhere- in the middle of the season? Why exactly did the Cavaliers brand new head coach attempt to soil the reputation of his predecessor as he was slowly slunking out of the building? Don't get me wrong, I have no doubt that Tyronn Lue will do a better job coaching Cleveland than his disgraced former supervisor. It would be hard for him not to. In fact, if he implements even one single change on his own accord then he will have likely already done more for his team than David Blatt ever did.
That's because David Blatt was hardly a head coach. I mean, technically he was by job title, but not by job description. He was essentially just a figurehead -or more accurately- a scapegoat for LeBron James. Let's be real, the 'King' was the one calling the shots form atop his throne. David Blatt was originally hired to coach the Cleveland Cavaliers, but that was before the savior made his triumphant return. Once LeBron came back to his hometown David Blatt's responsibilities changed drastically. That's why it is unfair for Tyronn Lue to criticize the job he did from the bench. Ninety percent of what he was being paid to do didn't involve picking sets to run or rotations to utilize. It involved staying out of the way of one of the most high maintenance superstars in the NBA, and taking the brunt of the criticism when it was warranted. Tyronn Lue might very well do a better job than David Blatt, but that is dependent on LeBron James decision to let him do so. No need to spit in the man's cup when he's already drinking his tears. Seriously, haven't Jews already had to endure enough unjustified persecution? So so wrong, but apparently incredibly accurate... DailyMail- From checking emails to playing Candy Crush, it's no secret than millennials are addicted to their smartphones. But have you ever stopped to consider the damage it could be doing to your body? We already know that using a phone can disrupt sleep, vision and even lead to a 'tech neck', but now people are starting to notice that their smartphone addiction is causing a deformity. Phone users have been taking to social media to share shocking snaps of their 'smartphone pinkies' - bends in their little fingers where they hold their phone. It is believed the indentation between the first and second joints of your little finger are caused by the weight of holding your phone. Look at you. You're all sheep. Bahhhhh motherfucker, bahhhhh!!! Every last one of packed in your little herd, sitting there tap-tap-tapping away at your smartphones, unknowingly developing the exact same pussy ass pinky ailment. Why don't you try being different? Why don't you try being unique? Why don't you try suffering from whatever the fuck my pinky has been suffering from my entire life... Oh? Your pinky has a slight bend because it can't withstand the constant pressure of a phone that weighs 130 grams? Grow up. My pinky was born with a hunchback and you don't see me complaining. Your pinkies are like the Antwan Randle El of digit disfigurement. They paid the price for your incessant need to be connected. You already got the spoils of cell phone use, so don't whine now that they came at the expense of your ability to become a hand model. My pinky is like the Matthew Dellavedova of the finger game. Underestimated because of it's appearance. Functional. Resilient. Sure, it's not the prettiest player in the game, but don't you dare say it's not overcoming it's deficiencies. At the end of the day, if everyone is going to inevitably end up with fucked up pinkies, I'd rather have mine be a rarity. Why try to fit in when you're a standout?
Mehhhh.... I give it a C-. As far as hype videos go that was pretty lousy. I mean the beat wasn't bad, and the lyrics weren't atrocious, but it didn't have me ready to jump out of my skin or anything. The most it got out of me was an unenthusiastic head nod. Not exactly the type of reaction you'd expect from a song that was made to get a team and it's fans fired up for an NFC Championship Game. Hey, maybe it's my fault. My expectations were too high. Once I saw the name Petey Pablo I was expecting this to be a jam that turned every neighborhood -no matter what their football affiliation- into a head bumping, shirt swinging block party. I guess this just goes to show that when you have already made the ultimate ode to North Carolina it's probably best to take it into the studio and insert some Panthers references, instead of trying to best the unbeatable as far as battle anthems go. I just need Cam Newton to let me know what's getting spins pregame. If it's 'Carolina Colors' you can pencil the Cardinals in the Super Bowl, but if it's 'Raise Up' then the Panthers are winning that game and probably emasculating their opposition in the process... Everybody get their laughs in. Go ahead, make the obligatory joke about how a company that's responsible for teaching the English language accidentally misused it in the process. I get it. It's ironic. Well, I am here to tell you that while this snafu is rather funny, turning your nose up at it makes you a hypocrite. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has fallen victim to an accidental typo from time to time. Just yesterday I was texting with a friend and they called me out on a misspelled word. I made the point that I was texting, and if there was going to be a time when it was okay for a blogger to fist-fuck literacy it would be during casual, meaningless conversation. The same goes for Home Office. If Home Office is going to fail to proofread their emails they might as well be emails indirectly geared toward people that don't know how to read. By the time these test takers figure out the mistake they will already be well adjusted citizens. The key to success isn't the avoidance of mistakes, it's limiting the consequences of those mistakes, and by all accounts 'Home Office' is doing a fantastic job.
Plus, 'language' is a great word to misspell. Half the people reading it wouldn't even have noticed it until this tweet pointed it out. Fucking Sophy Ridge. Couldn't be a more perfect name for a grammar policewoman. Of course some broad named Sophy is going around pointing out everyone's flaws. That's what Sophy's do. They hide their own insecurities by criticizing everyone else around them for the smallest of missteps. Maybe Home Office doesn't have the most fleet of fingers, but at least they don't hate themselves, and that's more than can be said for this vowel nazi. #BangsLife |
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