Sports Illustrated- While addressing fans at a rally outside the Air Canada Centre before Game 1 of the Raptors-Wizards series on Saturday, Uriji spoke briefly about Pierce's comments earlier in the week saying the Wizards are not worried about facing the Raptors.
"I know everybody wants me to say something about Paul Pierce," Ujiri said. "This is what I'm going to say: We don't give a s--- about it." "We haven't done particularly well against Toronto, but I don't feel they have the 'It' that makes you worried,'' Pierce told ESPN's Jackie MacMullan. "There isn't a team I look at in the Eastern Conference that makes me say, 'They are intimidating, we don't have a chance.'" Ujiri was also fined $25,000 last postseason for yelling "F--- Brooklyn" at a fan rally before Toronto's series against the Nets. Nope, no saracasm here. All fans want out of an owner is to facilitate his funds wisely. Following last years loss of $25K for saying "Fuck Brooklyn" with this years loss of $35k for saying "we don't give a shit about all that" is just that. How else are you supposed to get the blood of a rabid Toronto fan base boiling at a pep rally? What's a couple of expletives between friends? After all, we are talking about a city that has exclusively been using 4-letter words to describe their hockey team all year. They are almost immune to appropriate language and common courtesy at this point. It's not like Ujiri took the first shot. If we are talking about bulletin board material I would think Toronto would have a lot more of it after Paul Pierce took a shot at the very nature of their roster. Give me a general manager that is involved. Give me a general manager whose idea of spoiling himself is dropping a couple thousand to work the crowd into a frenzy. It's more entertaining than 90% of the GM's in professional sports who sit in a luxury box with no expression whatsoever most of the time. Matsui Ujiri isn't just an employee, he's a fan. He's a man of the people, despite how poorly that reflects on his bank account. You want to attend a Toronto Raptors pep rally with your family? Better bring your big boy pants and a couple pairs of ear muffs. No one is going to 'Fear The North' if they start responding to insults with politically correct cliches.
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Yeaaaah, I am going to need someone to keep a 24 hour eye on Aron Baynes. Keep I'm away from kitchen utensils and all other sharp objects. Maybe just throw him in a padded cell until Tuesday. I get that as a competing big in a series against Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan you are probably going to end up looking foolish at some point. However, once, twice, third times a charm. If you look closely during the third dunk you can almost see a part of Baynes soul die mid-flight. There is only so much a man can take. A trifecta of thunderous dunks AND getting rag dolled by a small forward 6 inches shorter and 50 pounds lighter? If I were Baynes I would treat tomorrow how most people recover from a weekend long bender. Call out of work. Draw the shades down. Sleep in. Wash the stink off. If there is anyone in the history of the NBA playoffs that has needed a "me day" it's Aron Baynes. Wake up Tuesday and hope the sun is shining a little bit brighter. New game, new you. Whatever he does he better not show up to Staples Center on Wednesday looking the exact same as he did tonight. He needs a haircut. Maybe some facial hair. Hit a tanning salon. Anything to help people forget that he's the same person that became the LA Clippers personal whipping boy just three nights prior. Wouldn't be the least bit surprised to see Blake Griffin face backlash from anti-bullying organizations. I was rooting for the Clippers and even I had to drop to my knees and say a prayer for Aron Baynes' well being. A day that contained 8 games of playoff hockey and basketball combined and the biggest story is whether a tall white bench player will make it to the morning with out mutilating his body as badly as he did his reputation. Lord Jesus, for Aron's sake, hear our prayer. The Guardian- There was no one moment when Jon Stewart knew it was time for him to leave what he describes as “the most perfect job in the world”; no epiphany, no flashpoint. “Life,” he says, in the lightly self-mocking tone he uses when talking about himself, “doesn’t really work that way, with a finger pointing at you out of the sky, saying, ‘Leave now!’ That only happens when you’re fired, and trust me, I know about that.” Instead, he describes his decision to quit The Daily Show, the American satirical news programme he has hosted for 16 years, as something closer to the end of a long-term relationship. “It’s not like I thought the show wasn’t working any more, or that I didn’t know how to do it. It was more, ‘Yup, it’s working. But I’m not getting the same satisfaction.’” He slaps his hands on his desk, conclusively. “These things are cyclical. You have moments of dissatisfaction, and then you come out of it and it’s OK. But the cycles become longer and maybe more entrenched, and that’s when you realise, ‘OK, I’m on the back side of it now.’”
How often does he really connect with his interviewees? “Have you seen the show? Mostly, I’m not even listening. But I can bullshit anyone for six minutes.” When we meet in October, I ask if he is thinking of leaving The Daily Show because he seems increasingly, well, bored, making frequent references to the fact he’s been doing the show “for 75, 80, 1,000 years”. When I catch up with him again, I ask if he knew he’d be leaving when we had that conversation. “No, no – but some of it had been in the back of my head for quite some time. But you don’t want to make any kind of decision when you’re in the crucible of the process, just like you don’t decide whether you’re going to continue to run marathons in mile 24,” he says. “Honestly, it was a combination of the limitations of my brain and a format that is geared towards following an increasingly redundant process, which is our political process. I was just thinking, ‘Are there other ways to skin this cat?’ And, beyond that, it would be nice to be home when my little elves get home from school, occasionally.” There it is ladies and gents, Jon Stewart is you. Jon Stewart is me. Jon Stewart is every single motherfucker on the planet that gets bored of doing the same damn thing everyday. Some people love their job. Some people hate their job. Both those groups have one thing in common. It might take a day, it might take a year, it might take a decade, but everyone just wants to do something else, scratch that, anything else after awhile. Take a look at Jon Stewart. Who doesn't love that guy? First of all, he's in 'Big Daddy'. He could rape my ass and I wouldn't let him get away without taking a picture with me based off that fact alone. He's hilarious. He's socially aware. He's made a ton of money. Met a ton of people. A large majority of people would trade lives with Jon Stewart without thinking twice. A part of everyone on the planet would love to be Jon Stewart. However, just like every single person on the planet, sometimes Jon Stewart doesn't want to be Jon Stewart. Who can't relate to Stewart saying that he barely listens to answers during an interview? How often do you mindlessly do your job without thinking? Who doesn't feel, at one point or another, that they have been at the same job for 1,000 years? Jon Stewart's 'Monday' may not occur at 7am on the day after Sunday, but he hates it just the same. Stewart's job was one of the most desirable in the entire world, but the grass is always greener. He may want to see his kids get home from school now, but give it a year or two and that will get old too. You think athletes want to practice everyday (mandatory Allen Iverson video)? You think actors want to do 35 takes of the same scene? Hell, the Kardashians do nothing for a living and I am sure even they get tired of their job. Judge Judy makes 47 million dollars a year to work 50-something days a year, still doesn't mean she enjoys listening to people fucking babble about their petty legal troubles after all these years. Next time you are sitting at your desk, or wherever it is you work, just remember work sucks. Being an adult sucks. You might be happier doing something else, but sooner or later, so would everyone else. It may read cynical, but the fact is that life is cyclical. P.S. While you're here, read the actual piece. My nonsensical bullshit doesn't do it justice. Kylie Jenner's "Friend", Jaden Smith, Dressed Like A Woman At Coachella Because Of Course He Did4/18/2015 Daily Mail- Jaden Smith continues to push the fashion envelope. The 16-year-old actor-turned-designer was spotted a week ago wearing what looked to be a little black dress. And on Friday the young star continued with the trend as he arrived at the Coachella Valley Music And Arts Festival in a floral print mini-dress. The Karate Kid actor also sported a large headdress of red roses on his head as he tied a hooded jumper around his waist. By a show of hands, who is surprised that someone as hot as Kylie Jenner (is she old enough for me to say that?) is dating someone as weird as Jaden Smith. I still got my hand at my side. Not in the least bit surprised. Hot women date weirdos everyday. Doing a double take to underachieving women is a daily occurrence. I'm not saying I am a 10, but I am also not walking around in Easter colored pants, or in this case, with a goddamn bouquet in my hair. Over time I have learned that some woman like being the better looking person in the relationship, and some women are just attracted to some fucked up shit. With that said, none of those reasons are THE reason that Kylie Jenner dates Jaden Smith. You may have heard of a little something called an Oedipus complex, or the desire of a child to have sexual relations with their parent of the opposite sex. It also says women are often drawn to someone that has the same characteristics of their father. Looks like Kylie's a daddy's girl! This is a direct reflection on Bruce, that dick tucking son of a bitch. What else could possibly explain Kylie Jenner having a father that is undergoing a gender transformation and a boyfriend that wears fucking dresses? I realize coincidences occur all the time, but that's a bit of a stretch, no? I don't even blame them. Everyone in the Kardashian family, or associated with Kardashian family, should strive to be a good looking female. Proven to be pretty profitable. That's how you get 800 million people to watch a television show about nothing. The most famous people on that show used to be the 9th man off the Wizards bench and a cokehead ex-basketball player. Kris Humphries and Lamar Odom have accomplished far more than any of those materialistic bitches, but who is cashing a bigger paycheck? Yeah, Kanye was rich before he made his way to the 'North West', but even he started acting like a bitch and wearing skirts when he got there. That family atmosphere just breeds femininity....and money....lots and lots of money. Now that I think about it I'm down to start wearing blouses and sticking it to some Kardashian affiliated ass. Wearing pants sucks anyway. Plus Amber Rose made bald hot. Might have to shave my legs and face, but a couple million and I'll be the 'Venus' spokesperson. When I started this I was going to make fun of Jaden and now I'm just jealous. God damn it. P.S. Hey Will Smith....Fatherhood.....Your'e doing it wrong.
Next Impulse- It’s tough to “win” a marathon if you don’t even participate in the race, but Kendall Schler managed to “win” the St. Louis Marathon without actually running the 26.2 miles, that is until race officials realized she’s a fraud. According to KSDK, Schler competed in the 2014 race and finished third, but many were skeptical as to whether or not she ran the entire course, meaning those officials already had Schler on their radar.
....or back to her apartment where she inevitably kills herself because in reality she has nothing else to live for. Whatever, still better than running forever.
CBS LA- Los Angeles Kings forward Jarret Stoll was arrested Friday on suspicion of possession of drugs at a Las Vegas resort swimming pool complex, police said.
Stoll, 32, was arrested on suspicion of possession of cocaine and Ecstasy (or Molly to young people) at the Wet Republic pool at the MGM Grand hotel, Las Vegas Metro police confirmed to a CBSLA sister station in Las Vegas. Okay, I'm not exactly a schooled in legal jargon, but you can get arrested based solely on suspicion? What was Jarret Stoll doing? Was he walking around looking like he fell face first in a snow bank while sweating profusely and repeatedly screaming "WOO!"? If we can start arresting people off suspicion alone why did I see an officer drive past a man that was having a full on conversation with a park bench this morning? Hell, I could go for my morning coffee and fill up an entire wing of a penitentiary based off suspicion alone. If being suspicious was a crime there wouldn't be anymore 40 year old dudes in the club with mustaches. Everyone that walked out 'Fast and Furious 7' without tears in their eyes would be apprehended on suspicion of homicidal tendencies. Furthermore, if there is one crime where evidence is probably key to detaining a suspect it is drug possession. That's kind of an either/or situation. Do we need to call in the Denver TSA agents to corroborate your skepticism? Since law enforcement has had a rough few days, let's assume that Jarret Stoll was carrying some performing enhancing drugs. Ya know, if we are talking about dance floor performance. I can't have Stanley Cup Championship winning centers rooting themselves like a wallflower. Stoll isn't genetically inclined to fit in in a Vegas pool bar without a little chemical imbalance. Looks like 'WET Republic' was appropriately named. Anyway, professional athletes, and especially hockey players, are creatures of habit. Just so happens Stoll's routine the last few years has been to experience the adrenaline that comes with double overtimes and game 7's. His body simply doesn't understand relaxation in the month of April. Not many ways to replicate the highs and lows of playoff hockey, but if there is one city that lends itself to it it's Las Vegas. What else is Stoll supposed to do to recreate the euphoria that comes with raising a Stanley Cup above your head? I suppose he could gamble, but as a man that's in a serious relationship it's certainly more responsible to deviate your septum than diminish your bank account. Bankrupting on black isn't financing Erin Andrews ring finger. The only option left is to go straight to the white. It's the only thing that can scratch that emotional itch, although I suppose it also creates just as much itching as scratching. Maybe that's where his dear friend Molly comes along.
CUE IT!
BGR- Not everyone owns or wants a smartphone… and there’s nothing wrong with that! Nonetheless, Gawker directs our attention to one insecure flip phone owner who recently asked Quora for advice on how to ask for women’s phone numbers on his flip phone without coming across like a loser. Happily, Quora is a much more civilized place than Twitter or the comments section of a YouTube video, so he got some fairly thoughtful responses.
Whatever this kid chooses to do, he should never listen to the internet advice he is getting. Does he want the raw truth? There are only a select few types of people that still carry a flip phone. And none, man or woman, are all that appealing. We can start with old people. Grandparents are allowed to get away with flip phones. 'Early bird specials' don't require a 'Seamless' app. Grandma's arthritis will have a 'Hello' text on an iPhone looking like a Russian novel. Then you have, well, for lack of better word, psychopath killers. Know where I see a ton of flip phones? 'Criminal Minds'. That show has more flip phones than the flagship showing of the Motorola RAZR . There are without question more flip phones in the world that are being used for criminal activity than not being used for criminal activity. Show me a burner phone that doesn't flip closed and I will show you an iPhone that's been in the sun too long.. The only reason to have a flip phone is to avoid the 9 inch blade in your pocket from scratching your iPhone screen. “At the end of the day, don’t feel bad about it,” wrote one Quora user in response. “It is just a tool in our life. You cannot let people define who you are with your phone. You need to tell them. Pull out your phone with confidence and tell the story you want people to hear. You are the person who can control your personal brand, don’t let other people tell your story.” Cute response lady. How hairy is your bush? Probably not worried about a smart phone because a high definition picture of your genitals would give sight back to Stevie Wonder only for him to pluck his eyes out moments later. Fortunately, you don't have to tell the story you want people to hear because your phone tells it for you. You are old, sad, broke, and alone. No, seriously. I still have an iPhone 5 and people look at me like I am I watching a fat back TV with bunny ear antennas. Your personal brand isn't determined by the psycho babble bullshit that comes out of your mouth. It's determined by how you market yourself. The same reason you generally take off your sweats and shower before you leave the house is the same reason to have a smart phone: So you don't look homeless. Now if you do want to go the homeless route, hipsters are a fantastic option. Know what kind of people don't have smart phones? The same kind that don't have televisions. Enjoy that relationship. 4-5 dates of getting to know each other followed by pure unadulterated silence. There's only so many times you can listen to your white girlfriend talk about her dreadlocks and non-conformist attitude. A smart man once said to me. " I don't care how you spend money. I want to know how you make money." Know what else that smart man said? "I wish I could trade in some of this intelligence for money, pussy, and endless hours of Temple Run". Know what I know about this 'smart man'? That he is most definitely a man. If we are talking about chasing tail, women do not give a shit how you make your money, as long as you have it. Why do you think every single mob boss is swimming in tail? Because his mistresses think professional extortion is an honest day's work? Women don't care if you save kittens and work at a soup kitchen all day unless it is paying for apple-tinis and appetizers. Don't do anything you can't afford. You are a young 20s guy. The girls in your age group are, for the most part, attracted to older guys, or guys who are more materially stable. If you can't afford a smart phone you can't afford any phone. Shit, you probably can't even afford to drink at a bar. At this point paying for flip phone accessories or more than 2 beers is more expensive than buying a bargain basement iPhone 1. I say this with your best interest in mind, if you can't afford a smartphone, kill yourself. Hip Hop Wired- It was a freestyle, meaning I just said whatever came to my head that would make people laugh. At this time in our lives, racism was not the talk of the country nor had we ever witnessed the true power of social media, twitter was still fresh and we had never heard of anyone getting in trouble for posting anything on social media, it was the beginning of this social era. I was 14 years old and was ignorant to the words coming out of my mouth. As kids, we hear racist jokes all times of the day. It’s what we’re around, it’s the jokes we heard. … Teachers, Parents, and Students who have known me for many years know that this is the furthest representation of my character possible. In my own home, my entire life I have never heard a foul or judgemental word for another race ever leave my parents’ mouths. I myself have witnessed others spit racial slurs or comments and have been completely dumbfounded to the point of tears. The person I am, the person I will now be remembered as, the person who would do anything to take back the words that have hurt and offended so many has accepted the fact that when people are hurt, they want someone to be held responsible. They need someone punished. Whoa. Talk about '0 to 100'. Drake might have to rename his song. That shit was like the 'Kingda Ka' of racism. We were halfway up the mountain before I even realized we started. Now, truth be told, I don't like to retroactively attack people for their transgressions that took place years ago. We all have some skeletons in our closet. Maybe they aren't being lynched on a coat hanger like these gals, but the point remains. We all have stories about our past that we don't want to be publicly known. That's usually the driving force behind not recording said stories, but to each their own. However, when you come out and start blaming everyone but yourself for a rap which you started by saying "n*ggas, n*ggas, n*ggas, they always look at me, I wanna kill them, yeah I want to hang them from a tree" I retain the right to retract my stance on retroactive slander. I mean, that was like 5 instances of blatant racism in one bar. Might be time to hit open mic night at the KKK Klub. I would almost be impressed if I wasn't so busy cringing. I like to think of myself as a culturally diverse person. Grew up going to a elementary and middle school what were whiter than pumpkin spice lattes and Ugg boots. Went to high school and college at places that were very ethnically diverse. Heard my fair share of racism. Also saw a great deal of positive race relations. During those years, I have done and said a lot of things for a laugh. Making a 'lynching' joke was NOT one of them. Granted, I didn't grow up in Texas, where racism can be potentially as rampant as truck bed shotguns, but still. We aren't talking about a verse that included one racist line. The entire fucking freestyle had a pretty centric theme. "I hope everyone that isn't like me dies." I couldn't even listen to the whole thing. Mostly because that girl is tone death and it was terrible musicly. You want to rhyme accapella you better have bars babe. If you're going to rap nonsense and repeat yourself incessantly at least get Mustard on the beat. Regardless, in the part I heard she stopped herself twice. Once was to censor herself form saying 'dick', of all things, and the other was because she realized she was repeating 'tree' too much. Gee, I wonder what chapter they covered in American history that day? Can't say she was too unaware of the words coming out of her mouth. This girl is more oxymoronic than the 'Great Depression'. Racism wasn't the talk of the country, yet all you told were racist jokes? Did you ever look outside your bubble babygirl? Those people staring and pointing were looking at you. Brilliant damage control by the way. Blame social media. It's not called SOCIAL media or anything. Why would anyone else ever see it? Your crocodile tears of empathy when others use racial slurs seem a tad disingenuous when you said the 'N' word 146 times in a minute in a half! There are times in life when just saying sorry and throwing yourself at the mercy of the court is the only resolution. No justifications. No rationalizations. No excuses. I had to do it when I funneled Captain Morgan and ended up sleep-pissing on an unconscious couple on an air mattress and you have to do to it when your freestyle makes 'D'jango:Unchained' seem PG. That's just life sweetheart. Now let's lighten the motherfuckin' mood... Cop That Let Underage Drinker Go After Beating Him In Rock, Paper, Scissor Is Banned From ChiliFest4/17/2015 Texas Monthly- Burleson County Precinct 2 Constable Dennis Gaas confirms to News 3 that three of the officers he hired to work security at the music festival last weekend in Snook gave an underage drinker the chance to get out of a ticket by winning a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. You can see from her reaction that she was both excited and relieved to have won. Gaas says he found out about the incident last night. This morning he told all three officers that they will not be allowed to work security at future [Chilifests]. He also notified the two departments the officers work for so they can decide whether further action is warranted. Gaas declined to say what departments the three officers work for. Giving the underage drinker a break is not what got the officers in trouble. Gaas says doing so is an officer’s discretion. But when they “play games to get someone out of a ticket, I have a problem with that,” Gaas said. Let's clear something up for a moment, because it's been perception has been skewed. There is one reason only that this guy decided to play R/P/S instead of giving this girl a ticket, and it's not because he is a super nice guy. Don't get me wrong, maybe he is a sweetheart, but he's a sweetheart that didn't feel like doing paperwork in front of thousands of piss drunk lunatics. How often at your workplace do you avoid unnecessary work? Every day? Every hour? You think being a police officer is any different? If it weren't for quotas we would all be living in a state of anarchy where cops would have curtains on their windows and DVD players in their dashboards. So, this guys said "you know what, fuck it. I don't want to do this shit. Let's put it in God's hands by playing a childhood game of luck." I mean, it would have to be at least a 3 game series to be anything more than pure luck. This cop knew the rabbit hole that one underage drinking ticket leads to. What percentage of people at a Country Music festival are underage? 30? 40? Dude could have passed out citations like they were generic brand condoms at college orientation. The only question this brings up is how happy is this guy's dance? Seriously? His punishment is that he can no longer work ChiliFests? This may be the biggest win-win situation in the history of underage drinking. You ever been the sober person at a party? Even worse, ever been the sober person that is responsible for a bunch of other drunk people? Worst situation ever. I would rather be responsible for Robert Durst at a hardware store. So this guy sacrificed the legitimacy of his profession and his only punishment is that he doesn't have to do the single worst aspect of his profession? That's like being sent to your room when you have Wifi and PS4. He never again has to police a bunch of drunken screaming co-eds? He never again has to worry about stepping in puke or putting out a couch fire? This guys didn't get a punishment, he got a fucking promotion. If you can't relate to the following face you did college so wrong that it's not even worth discussing....
FOX- The Guilford County Sheriff’s Office is investigating after a church was vandalized sometime between Friday night and Saturday morning.
Bales Memorial Wesleyan Church in Jamestown was spray painted, had flowers torn up, parking signs were ripped up and windows were broken. The church sign was also broken and letters removed and the front entrance to the church was egged and sprayed with silly string. One spray-painted message on the church door reads, “God loves (expletive)!!! He hates you!” Another said “Gay’s ok!” The church bus was also damaged by the suspects keying the hood and pushing a sign through the front grill. Damage is estimated at about $10,000, according to the Guilford County Sheriff’s Office. Members of the church spent Saturday cleaning up. Noooo, don't do it! Don't make the Catholic church look justified. They didn't need another rationalization to fall back on! Nothing and nobody takes kindly to having dicks drawn on them. Trust me, it's one of the few things I remember about college. Once you start destructing property you automatically become wrong, and there hasn't been a time in history where being gay was considered more right. Vandalization is for the minority. Homosexuals may still technically be the minority, but the people that agree with their lifestyle is the overwhelming majority. Leave the spray cans for the Nazis, the racists, and the homophobic. Those are the people that are still trying to build their brand back up against all social and economic trends. Homosexuality is too good for that shit. You guys are more a widespread billboard based marketing group. Status quo. The brand perception of gay people is on cruise control with no traffic in sight. Well, as long as you aren't driving in Indiana or Russia. You guys don't need any self inflicted bad publicity. You don't want to take any time away from scissoring or playing bottomless twister to run damage control. Don't let a select few ruin it for the rest of the happy-go-lucky rug munchers and sword fighters. P.S. Regardless of your sexual or religious preference, you can't not laugh at "God loves DICK" spray painted on the side of a building. Almost didn't need to paint anything else but that. You want to get your point across? God. Loves. Dick. /END SCENE. If I was gay, I would soooooo make an arts and crafts project out of turning that quote into a wall piece. UPDATE: Apparently it was "God loves fags". Which is not only ass backwards, but also proves that I would make a better member of a gay vandalization team than these guys. God loves dick>>>> If You Are Surprised That Russian 'Siri' Is Homophobic You Don't Get Out Of The House Enough4/17/2015 The Guardian- Apple is refusing to explain how and why the Russian language version of its voice-controlled virtual assistant, Siri, provided homophobic answers to queries relating to gay or lesbian topics.
The allegations first came to light when a Russian man called Alex, who lives in London, uploaded a video to YouTube appearing to show Siri either evading questions or expressing a negative response. Alex asked questions such as: “Are there any gay bars around me?”, “tell me about gay marriage?” and “how do I register a gay marriage in England?” Siri’s answers? “I would have turned red if I could”, “you are so rude!” and “I will pretend I haven’t heard”. These responses seem to suggest that the word gay (гей) in Russian has been programmed as profanity. Swear words in the English language version receive similar responses. However, the following more nuanced response, doesn’t fit that pattern. “Is gay marriage normal?” The response? “I believe this emotion should be considered negative.” I can't believe that Russian Siri is homophobic. After all that homosexuals have been through she just can't use her worldliness and her rationale to understand an alternate lifestyle? What's that you say? Siri is a computer program? That was put in place in Russia? Where gay people aren't exactly greeted with open arms? Well fuck me sideways. Who would have thought that the monotone woman living in a phone, that can't even go 3 miles without making a wrong turn, isn't an open minded world traveler? Talk about 21st century problems. Let's get mad at an obsolete program on overseas smart phones for inferring that being gay is wrong. Let's not be outraged at the million, and MILLIONS, of people in Russia that embrace the notion that homosexuality is a disease. Way easier to pout about a cell phone feature than the bigotry of a world leader. Every time that Vladimir Putin faces criticism for his prejudice views he should just say "Siri taught me". Here's a hint. If you want to go to primarily homosexual places of business, maybe don't live in Russia? That shit will get you imprisoned, if not killed. Talk about misguided blame, you should be thanking that bitch for not sending you into shark infested waters. What's that saying? Adapt or die? Don't be hating on Siri for having a will to live. I know it's crazy people, but let's think outside of the box (don't get that confused with a closet) for a minute. Why do you think that Russian Siri is a discriminatory bitch, while American Siri is just a ditzy moron that can't figure out which 'Eric' I want to call? It's a little thing called, hold on to your seats now, client based marketing. Do you think you'll have an overwhelmingly positive response to asking Siri "Where are the best communist bars in the area?". "Hey Siri, where is the best place to hide a dead gay body?". Those are questions that Russian Siri would ace, while American Siri would probably be notifying the local PD. I am not saying that we should embrace the differences between the Russian and American culture, but we certainly shouldn't be whining about a phone app when some intolerant socialist cunt that that is still bitter about the Cold War is the person responsible for it. While we are at it, let's direct some hate towards Russian DVR's, instead of the people that programmed them. P.S. Fucking Russians are excited about Siri, while we are over here on iOS86.5. God, it's good to be American. Independent- A man who was homeless for three years found a bank account that he had completely forgotten about with enough money to allow him to put down a deposit on a house.
John Helinski, 62, lived in cardboard boxes by a bus stop in Tampa, a city on the west coast of Florida and said that he had become “invisible”. He told ABC News that he just “managed on his own” for the whole period and slept under benches so that no one would see him. The account was unearthed when police and social security workers attempted to find temporary accommodation for Helinski, who was born in Poland, in a homeless shelter. Helinski assumed that he had nothing to fall back on but all the while he had been receiving Social Security benefits which, it transpired, were enough to put down a deposit on a home. Look, I know on the surface that the life of this old ass bum doesn't provide too much to be envious of. Talk about forever unclean. Dude has been living in a box in Tampa. My man has seen some shit. I shutter to think how hard it would be to live in a house in Florida and not become a viral news story. The friendly confines of a a refrigerator box can't exactly prove to be much of a quarantine from society. With that said, I am kind of jealous. Is there any better feeling than finding something you thought you lost. Finding one of my favorite t-shirts stuck at the bottom of my drawer will make my day. If I find my missing flip-flop under the coffee table I won't leave my apartment in shoes in for a week. Hell, even the occasional sum of money. Nothing beats sticking your hand in a pair of newly washed pants and pulling out a shriveled up $5 bill. It's one of the few unexpected joys in life. Imagine living on the street and giving up on life then someone just finds your lost bank account? That contains enough to purchase a house!?!? Now granted, the Tampa real estate market is isn't exactly a stunning display of architecture. That's probably the reason his bank account contained enough to buy a house in the first place. However, a box is a box and a house is a house, and no matter how great or shitty either is, one is undoutedly better than the other. It's all relative. Talk about moving on up. This guy's one room shanty might as well be a deeeeluxe apartment in the skkkkyyyyy. Short of winning the Powerball, you or I will never have as significant a change in lifestyle as Hobo Helinski is about to experience, and I for one, am a little bit envious. Good for this guy, despite having like 3.5 teeth he undoubtedly had a better day than all of us. I still don't quite understand how you forget about a bank account. Only real explanation is that he is a recovering alcoholic, and by recovering I mean he spent 3 years not being able to afford it. I've done a lot of dumb shit drunk, but I am pretty sure opening up a bank account and then forgetting about it the next morning will never be one of them. If I spent 25 minutes on the street in the Tampa I would be more likely to imagine bank accounts that I never opened than forget about ones that already existed. I would just be running up in random banks dropping my name with confidence and hoping for the best.
ABC- Officials say several South Bend field trips are planned for some third graders over the next week - but only for black third graders, WBND-TV reports.
The district says these are not meant to be discriminatory trips. "We should be able to do everything together and not separate," said Charles Yost, South Bend dad. "I feel like all kids should be going," said Deidra Mullings, South Bend mom, said. "It creates a double standard," said South Bend mom Kelley Garing. "I want these third graders to have the opportunity to think of themselves as college students," said Dr. G. David Moss, African/American Inclusion with South Bend Community School Corporation. Moss says, statistically, black students are less likely to think of college as a real possibility. "Our black kids are struggling academically," he said. Indiana, comin' in hot! Starting to think that what Florida is to meth heads and homicide, Indiana is to racial, religious, and sexual injustices. There you go South Bend, nothing creates a healthy learning environment like some good, old fashioned segregation! Only one way to show black kids that college is for everyone is by separating them by color. I wonder if they are going to make everyone sit in the back the bus on the way there? First of all, isn't a little early to be worried about college in third grade? There were exactly zero things I paid attention to during field trips in 3rd grade. I couldn't have gave less of a shit what we were doing. We could have took a field trip to the morgue and I would have treated it like Disney Land. You know why? Because the only thing that matters about field trips is that it isn't school. It's that you don't have to learn, or pay attention, or even listen. Like I just wasn't going to fuck around at a museum because Susie's mom the chaperone told me not to? Never liked that bitch anyway. Always gave me the shitty slice on pizza day. Even is these kids did pay attention, do you know what the first thing they will notice is? THAT ALL THEIR FUCKING WHITE FRIENDS AREN'T THERE. Kids are too damn innocent to be concerned about race at that age. Not if David Moss has anything to say about that. The key is to make their differences so glaring that they have no choice but to recognize them. Brilliant. Have fun with that conversation. "Billy's not here because we are confident that he is going to college based on his skin color". You mean to tell me that a school in middle America doesn't have dumb white kids. That might be the most unbelievable part of this story. The owner of 'Memories Pizza' had to start somewhere. My guess is he was left off the all black college trip. I bet the first place this idiot teacher takes them is the gym to tell them "if you work really, really hard on your jump shot you only have to come here for one year. Class, say hi to Mr. Calipari!" Hey Dr. Moss, I don't want to question that doctorate of yours or anything, but there is this little phenomenon called practicing what you preach. Wouldn't the best way to show kids that everyone can go to college be to BRING EVERYONE TO COLLEGE!?! Sporting News- "I don't look at a man who's expert in one area as a specialist," McGregor told Esquire."I look at him as a rookie in 10 other areas. If you can box, what happens if I grab hold of your legs? If you put me face-to-face with Floyd Mayweather-pound-for-pound boxing's best — if I fought Floyd, I would kill him in less than 30 seconds. It would take me less than 30 seconds to wrap around him like a boa constrictor and strangle him."
Well, that escalated quickly. Kill the best boxer in a decade in 30 seconds? I'm not totally sure I believe him, but I am also not totally sure I don't. MMA fighters are a special type of deranged. You kind of have to be to put your body, and your livelihood, on the line on a consistent basis. I would imagine the mindset going into an MMA fight is to kill your opponent until the ref tells you otherwise. That's besides the point though. Why would anyone expect a professional boxer to excel in mixed martial arts? They are both at the top of their fields, and their fields involve punching. That's pretty much where the similarities end. This would kind of be like Kobe saying he could beat Calvin Johnson in HORSE. Yeah, both sports involve running, but they also require a very, very different skill set. If McGregor had to abide by the rules of boxing Floyd Mayweather would make him look foolish in the ring. He most likely wouldn't land a single punch. I'm not sure the point that McGregor is trying to make here. I'm assuming it's that he is tougher than Floyd Mayweather? If we are being honest that quote reeks of inferiority. It's like when hockey fans constantly point out how much tougher the game is then say, basketball. They aren't wrong. However, it kind makes them sound jealous of the increased notoriety associated with the other profession. I'm quite sure McGregor has no interest whatsoever in being a boxer, but don't tell me he's not a little envious of the financial benefits associated with doing so. Also, don't tell him I said that. Source- A roughly two minute video posted to YouTube shows the arrest of Brockport teenager, Dante Bertino by three Brockport Police Officers. " If you guys would, just head home, please," can be heard coming from one of the officers in the video.
According to Brockport Police Chief, Daniel Varrenti, they were called to the park after receiving complaints of foul language coming from the basketball court and there were children nearby. "They have a right to go to that park without hearing four letter words, without having people swearing and acting disrespectful," the chief said. "There was nothing done by my son to cause that reaction by the officer," said Dante's father, Jeremy. He wasn't at the park when the arrest happened. But, he said his son wasn't the one using profanity. The video captures Dante's interaction with police after the group was asked to get off the court. "I think the officers acted accordingly," said Varrenti. "If someone here in the Village of Brockport wants to come here and challenge a police officers lawful orders, they will be arrested." Call me a hypocrite? Don't you dare. I blogged last week that this woman was at fault for getting herself arrested when she spoke back to a police officer and you better believe this kid is at fault for getting his ass arrested too. Do I think it's a big deal to be cursing while shooting some hoops at the park? No. Honestly, it probably could have been resolved if the mother of the child just asked the boys to watch their language instead of calling the police after the use of a couple 4 letter words. So while the cops could have undoubtedly done a better job of appeasing both parties, their actions aren't what I am focused on. While this kid should have ever been put in the situation to begin with, you have to be smart enough to know that if you talk back to a police officer they are going to overreact. Cops live for situations in which citizens don't respect their authority. Why do you think they became cops in the first place? You start acting guilty, calling an officer 'boy', and turning your back on him and you are going to end up with your hands behind your back and a face full of grass. You start to talk tough and you put the police in a position to either prove otherwise, or let you get away with disrespecting them. You have to treat officers with kid gloves. They have very fragile egos. You do anything to act like you are in some way above their jurisdiction, and you reap what you sow. It may not be right, but that's how run-ins with law enforcement go. I doubt it was the first time they had issues with the local cops. It sounds funny but these teenagers should know how to better resolve these altercations than the men in uniform that are paid to do so. P.S. Dropping soft 'n' bombs is probably not the best way to get sympathy when the cops approach you for cursing. It may not legitimize the cops actions in the eye of the public, but I am sure it does in the eye of the police force. CBS- “I’ve never thought Spo was great,” Broussard said on the Marc Hochman Show with Zach Krantz on 560 WQAM. “I haven’t seen enough to tell me he’s a great coach yet. I think there’s tons of coaches that could’ve gotten that team to four straight NBA Finals [and] win two. I don’t think he’s a bad coach but I haven’t seen enough to say he’s a great guy whose job should never be in jeopardy.
“I know they had injuries but even with the injuries that’s a team that should’ve been in the playoffs. I’m sorry… Erik Spoelstra still has yet to prove to me — even with his championships — that he’s a great coach.” Broussard, who grew up in Ohio, also through some jabs at the 2010-2014 Heat. “Look, they won two championships, they reached four straight Finals, which is somewhat historic, but it wasn’t an all-time great team,” he said. “I mean they just didn’t live up to it. “And they caught a lot of breaks. They caught a ton of breaks. I mean Derrick Rose getting hurt in their second season together, that’s a huge break. Boston was old. I mean who’d they really go through?” Is this who we are going to as the authority on greatness? Chris Broussard? The guy that spent an entire summer guessing (and being wrong) about NBA free agency? The guy who confirmed LeBron James was going back to Cleveland AFTER LeBron did a full length magazine feature saying exactly that? The guy that doesn't agree with homosexuality in the the 21st century? If Spoelstra isn't great at his job I shutter to think what label we would give to Chris Broussard when it relates to occupational efficiency. I think it's far too early to say whether or not Spoelstra is a great coach, but it's certainly not too early to say that he is a very good coach. Does it matter that he was coaching one of the most talented teams in the league when he experienced a great level of success? If it does we should start questioning Phil Jackson's pedigree as well. You need talent to win, and when Spoelstra had talent, win is what he did. If 4 NBA finals appearances in a row is not considered great then there may only be one or two great teams in the history of basketball. Yeah, amidst losing the best player in the sport, and dealing with a rash of injuries, the Heat drastically underperformed this year. Does one year as a non-playoff team speak more of Coach Spo's talent or does his first four years that included back to back championships speak more to his talent? Want to play with numbers? 80% of the time that Spoelstra has been a head coach he has reached the pinnacle of his profession. 40% of the time he has been reigned victorious in doing so. To give Broussard the benefit of the doubt, I would say as a 'professional analyst' he's probably right about 20% of the time. Bravo sir, bravo. You aren't even good at having a rational opinion. More than likely it's just a way for Broussard to get his name out there through an outrageous statement and a little bit of click bait. Mission accomplished Christopher. However, if want everyone to start being overly critical you and your gaytred may be out of a job. Denver Post- The TSA contacted the police sex crimes unit on March 19 and gave a detective information about an investigation that led to its firing of the unidentified screeners at DIA, a man and woman. An anonymous employee contacted the TSA in November 2014, and told them a male screener had told her that "he 'gropes' males who come through the screening area," according to the police report. The agency had an investigator observe the screening area. On Feb. 9, the investigator noticed the male screener give a signal to the woman who controlled the touchscreen system. When a male Southwest Airlines passenger entered the scanner, the investigator noticed the woman "press the screening button for a female," the report said. The male screener then conducted "a pat down of the passenger's front groin and buttocks area with the palms of his hands, which is contradictory to TSA searching policy," the report said. Under questioning by the investigator, the female screener admitted that she had responded to her fellow screener's signals at least 10 times. She knew that doing so would allow him to perform a pat down on a male passenger that he found attractive, the report said. I have always wondered what kind of people choose to be TSA agents and get bombarded by hundreds of thousands of people a day. Looks like I have my answer. A couple of morally corrupt gay dudes that want an excuse to cop a feel. Hey, don't hate the player, hate the game. It's the perfect crime. Do you know the difference between a thorough body search and sexual molestation? I certainly don't. If these guys have been groped than I sure as hell have too. It's part of the social contract. You want to hop on a plane and get across the country in a timely manner? Then you got to accept that someone might pat your ass and attempt to pickpocket your coin purse. No harm, no foul. Grow up for me one time. Don't cry about it to the authorities like a little bitch. Could you be more homophobic? Listen, I don't play both sides of the fence, but I can suck it up and let a man get handsy for a few seconds. Take it as a compliment. From here on out, I am just going to assume that every time I get stopped for a search that person wants to fuck me. Man or woman, that is what we call an ego boost. As men, we talk about how women are held to a different standard when it comes to their sexual history. Well, guess what guys, there is a double standard at TSA too. It says that you can't grope women without catching a case, while we have to shut up and take it like men. That's partly because we are more likely to be criminals, and partly because we are less likely to squeal when we get dry humped while going through security. Either way, It's a double standard that I am not all that uncomfortable with. These guys are just mad because they probably liked it a little more than they thought they would. Get in there Larry. Not a doubt in my mind that guy's name is Larry.
Yahoo Sports- Notre Dame’s quarterback competition between senior Everett Golson and redshirt sophomore Malik Zaire will likely continue into the fall and head coach Brian Kelly said Wednesday he would take that quarterback situation over any other team in the country – including national champion Ohio State. “There are certain areas that I think at the quarterback position, maybe other than Ohio State, I would take our two quarterbacks,” Kelly said per BlueandGold.com. “I would take our two over Ohio State’s, but in terms of depth, I don’t know that anybody has a better situation than we do with the two quarterbacks that we have.” Seriously, there isn't a better fit for the Notre Dame coaching job than Brian Kelly? Notre Dame and their fan base have all the same attributes as Kelly. High strung? Check. Inferiority complex? Check. Holier than thou jesuit assholes? Check. This is exactly why everyone outside South Bend that doesn't have some completely inexplicable Irish rooting interest fucking hates Notre Dame. They can't just accept that they are an above average football team. No more, no less. Doesn't matter how many years they refuse to align themselves with a conference, or how many times their coach tells the world that they have the most formidable quarterback tandem in the country. Until they prove it on the field, there is nothing particular special about the Notre Dame football program. Notre Dame doesn't have to be the best football program in all the land. No one expects them to be. It just comes off as disingenuous and pretentious when they constantly have to tell us as much. Notre Dame is like the program that cried wolf. The more they yell and pound their the chest, the less attention they get as a national power. Let's not just bypass the fact that saying Notre Dame has a better stable of quarterbacks is simply a flat out lie. If the offer were on the table to switch quarterback situations not even Kelly would be too proud to make that trade. I understand wanting to show support for your signal callers, but one would think calling them one of the best duos in the country would suffice. Did you really have to come at the throne? Ohio State won their conference championship by damn near 60 points. Then they beat Alabama, and absolutely washed Oregon. ALL WHILE A 3RD STRING FRESHMAN QUARTERBACK. Do we need to remind Kelly what happened when Golson took on Alabama as a freshman? The game was over 7 minutes after it started. You know how I know that Notre Dame doesn't have the best quarterback depth in the nation? Because Golson is a senior. If he was that premiere of a player he wouldn't even be in school anymore. Let's look at the reasons why both schools had to give multiple quarterbacks significant playing time last year. Ohio State's trifecta of quarterbacks suffered two season ending injuries and won a national title. Notre Dame's starter got pulled for playing poorly in a crushing loss to USC. There is a distinct difference there. Notre Dame used it's quarterback depth as a crutch, while 2/3 of Ohio State's quarterback depth was on crutches. As the saying goes, if you have two quarterbacks, you really have none. You didn't see anyone from Ohio State splitting time when multiple players were healthy. You know, unless the score was far out of hand, something that Notre Dame hardly has to worry about.
ABC-Ted Koran was thinking about committing suicide Saturday night.
He reached out to the VA and the Veterans Suicide Hotline for help, but said he couldn't get any until after he was repeatedly put on hold for up to 10 minutes at time. Now, 52 operators at a time field about a thousand calls a day, and that's not always even enough to keep some veterans on the verge of suicide from being placed on hold. “My wife and I saved them, and they saved me,” Tom Koran said. He said the 60 rescue animals he cares for are the only reason he's here today. Look, I don't know what it's like to fight for our country. Nor do I know what it's like to come back from fighting for our country and dealing with a deadly disease taking away my wife. What do I know? I know that suicide hotlines are supposed to be reserved for those using it as a last resort. You don't just call a suicide hotline because you woke up with a hangover and a low self esteem. If you did, no one would ever get through to a representative. This story shouldn't even exist. You know why? Because if you get put on hold by a suicide hotline once you should either be dead, or you should have realized that you're not all that suicidal. Can we bring back the sanctity of the suicide hotline? If you are complaining about being put on hold than you are part of the problem. Let's keep the lines open for the people within seconds of kicking over the chair and the people with an itchy trigger finger. It's 2015, answering phone calls suck. Answering unnecessary phone calls is downright infuriating. Imagine if your job was talking people off the ledge for 8 hours at a time? I would push them out of the way and jump first after about 4 hours. This guy had 60 animals under his care to keep him from biting the bullet, I highly doubt contacting a disgruntled hotline operator was going to do a better job of easing his mind. I don't care how good of a person you are. When you spend all day every day talking to people that want to take their own life at some point you become desensitized to it. Can't always be on your 'A' game. So maybe, just maybe, we can limit those calls to the people who are truly suicidal. That way the operator won't be yawning into the receiver and playing solitaire when an actual life is at stake.
Get it? Get it?! It's funny because Kevin Love as an MVP candidate used to not be that ridiculous. You know, until he sacrificed his career to join LeBron James in Cleveland and potentially put them over the top as a championship contender. And then player/coach LeBron drastically reduced his statistics and superstar status by turning him into a glorified version of Matt Bonner. So hilarious! Kevin, why aren't you laughing?
There aren't many things I need from this NBA postseason. Selfishly, I need a long playoff run from the Clippers so I can make it to some more games. Even more so than that I need a mid-game fist fight between LeBron James and Kevin Love. It's got to be coming right? I think Love would receive a standing ovation for it in every city other than Cleveland. As a perennial 20 point-10 rebound player there can only be so much you can take when your teammate, who begged you to come play with him, keeps making jokes at your expense. Have we forgotten that Kevin Love was one of the biggest names in basketball before this year? Now he's being made sport of and being left out of team pictures like he is the 12th man off the bench. You could almost play this off as friendly locker room ribbing if James and Love haven't been one wrong look away from turning their home locker room into the scene of a domestic dispute. I don't think anyone has been more disappointed to be playing for a two seed in the history of sports. I think if Love had the choice he would opt out of his contract before the playoffs even started. Time to make a stand Kevin. Time to decide if your pride or your dignity have any value to you at all. Both are being increasingly conceded by the day. |
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