Let him play! Let him play! No joke, I think this woman should be locked up for at least a decade for murdering all the fun in cold blood. Just straight up ripped fun's heart out and ate it right in front of him. Not on her watch. Here comes the smile police, as serious as a heart attack at all times. Fucking Yao Ming's drunk cousin finally gets himself some airtime after all these years and she's got to swoop in face palm the guy? For what? Being a rabid fan? Enjoying his 15 seconds of fame? Did this poor gal catch an errant towel swing or two to the back of the head? Of course she did. That's what you get for standing in front of a camera after a win. That's no reason to emasculate the poor guy for soaking in the Rockets lone win in the conference finals. She's lucky he didn't grab Jalen Rose's broom and break it over her face. Clutch City baby. As far as I am concerned my man had every right to push this lady over a row or two of seats and dance over her lifeless body. I hate these type of people. You don't want be inconvenienced at all then don't show up to a place with thousands upon thousands of rowdy fans that are all emotionally invested in a sporting event. Can't you be a miserable bitch and save a couple hundred dollars on tickets from the comfort of your own couch? Why pay so much money for something that gives you absolutely no joy? That is the scowl of a woman that hasn't even grinned since her last orgasm two decades ago. Sure, all fans are welcome to the game, but don't be surprised when not everyone is as cold hearted a cuntbag as you are after a series saving win.
I pray they were two of the Rockets fans that were forced to stay overnight due to the in climate rather conditions. I hope he celebrated so hard that this woman's groin dried up faster than her youth-less skin and she instantly went into menopause. No man should sacrifice his happiness to accommodate a bitter old bitch and her personal space. You want personal space then stay home.
0 Comments
So wait, what point are we trying to make here? We are certainly not trying to make the point that concussion protocol in the NFL is too strict. If that were the case then Roger Goodell would have Rich Eisen and Mike Freeman waiting on the unemployment line faster than the next player that commits domestic abuse. So then I guess the only point that we could possibly be trying to make here is that the NBA concussion protocol isn't strict enough? I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion, but are we going to act like both sports were created equally in terms of health risks towards it's participants? Like yeah, I would hope that an NFL player wouldn't be let back in the game one quarter after doing a full flip and landing on his neck. Not because he necessarily has a concussion, but the fact that he will probably endure 4-5 more hits to the same part of the body might leave him pretty prone to one. How may times is Steph Curry going to land on the back of his head? Once, maybe twice, a season? The NBA concussion test should be more lenient because the players health isn't put at nearly the same amount of risk compared to that of an NFL player. How many former NBA players are dealing with the long term affects of head trauma later on life? How many have killed themselves due to injuries they endured while playing basketball? How many concussion related lawsuits has the NBA had to fight?
Can we just be logical for like two seconds? The Warriors were up 3-0 with two home games remaining before the conclusion of last night's game. I highly doubt they would risk Steph Curry's health in a series that is all but over. I highly doubt they didn't do any and all things to make sure he wasn't doing any long term damage to himself. Sure, the concussion test is probably a joke compared to that of the NFL, but it should be. You should have to have 100% of your mental capicity before you step on a field where there is 11 guys that are trying to drive your head straight into the ground. Are we going to pretend that difference doesn't exist? Do we think that the NBA cares less about their players than the NFL or NHL? Or is that maybe, just maybe, they realize that a player taking jump shots with a little bump on the back of his head isn't as much of a liability as a player with limited cognitive awareness being tackled to the ground by the strongest athletes professional sports has offer?
37 points, 18 rebounds, 13 assists. All en route to a playoff victory without the help of the armless Kevin Love and the legless Kyrie Irving. Tell me how, after a performance that impressive, the biggest takeaway is how much a drama queen LeBron James is? I just can't for the life of me sit here and praise him for what he accomplished when the most physically gifted athlete in the history of sports spent nearly half the night crawling around on the floor. Hating athletes is nothing new. Usually we hate athletes because of how great they are. With LeBron James, this is not the case. In fact, his unforeseen physical abilities are his one redeeming quality in terms of likability. Usually we hate athletes because they have no regard for others around them and don't care about their public perception. Again, with LeBron this is not the case. All he does is worry about what others think of him. He may be the strangest type of villain that professional sports has ever seen. First it was LeBron flopping on to the ground and throwing the ball away during a crucial moment in the game. Then it was LeBron continuing to lay on the ground and cry to officials for the ENTIRETY of an Atlanta Hawks possession with the score tied with under a minute to play. Then it was LeBron asking out of the game in overtime, only to wave off his potential sub no more than two seconds later. Then it was LeBron falling to his knees after a game 3 victory like he was praying to the Prophet Muhammed. For as good as LeBron is at basketball he would be equally as talented starring in a soap opera. Somehow a playoff overtime basketball game turned into a complete circus with LeBron James as the ringleader.
In a way, James' level of success is even more impressive than his numbers dictate. Not only does he have to overcome his opponents to succeed, but he has to overcome his own lack of perseverance. His ability to put up insane statistics while also making a mockery of the toughness that professional sports requires is a testament to how great he is. They say you should never let your opponent see you weak. LeBron James spent game 3 looking as fragile as Sam Bradford playing pickup rugby. You would have sworn he had died and been reincarnated three times in the 4th quarter and overtime alone. At the end of day, it's not LeBron's winning pedigree that we hate. It's not his selfish, win at all costs attitude that we hate. It's his ability to take away from all the good he is responsible for during play with all his attention whoring between or after plays. It's unprecedented that a player who has consecutive triple doubles while leading a team nearly void of talent has become unwatchable for all the wrong reasons.
Independent- Californians are facing the prospect of eating their own faeces with the treatment of sewage into drinking water gaining appeal as the drought lingers. The idea comes with a palpable 'yuck factor', as the LA Times put it, but many scientists believe it can be safe and is a more efficient use for moderately treated sewage that is currently being flushed into the Pacific Ocean. "That water is discharged into the ocean and lost forever," Tim Quinn, executive director of the Association of California Water Agencies, told the Times. "Yet it's probably the single largest source of water supply for California over the next quarter-century." Several experts have asserted that if proper and thorough filtration is carried out to remove bacteria, treated sewage can pose no damaging health effects and even be cleaner than commercial bottled water. Is there a worse omen in life than moving to California and being forced to drink your own shit 3 months later? You west coasters couldn't have given me a heads up? I would have loaded up a U-Haul strictly with barrels of tap water like Charlie Kelly and the gang selling gasoline out the back of an Astro van. I'll tell you what though, I don't care what the cleansing process is, if you think a bunch of poop water is touching these lips you are beside your mind. I will rent the use of my sinks to a homeless person before I think about gagging down someone else's ass juices. Showers will be a once a week occurrence and they will involve me dumping like 4 liter bottles of Smart Water on myself. Poop water is like your parent's marital bed, that shit is forever unclean. I would rather bath in the dirty water of a NYC hot dog vendor. Isn't water the primary ingredient in beer? Consider me an alcoholic. If I am going to knowingly put a bunch of harmful chemicals in my body I am at least catching a buzz off of them. A little cirrhosis of the liver and a few less years on this earth is a few less years that I have to worry about cleaning my dishes with the remnants of my neighbor's taco night. I think we all saw how drinking a bunch of urine turned out for Manny Pacquiao. That scrappy Filipino was the last glimmer of hope in terms of quenching your thirst by way of your own porcelain throne and Floyd whooped his frail, piss drinking ass. If the only water that is coming through these pipes is coming directly from someone else's pipes then all I have to say is h2-NO. After all, you don't shit where you eat...or eat where you shit...or eat your own shit. Basically just avoid any combination of the two. Bullshit it does...
Goddammit, I knew we should have trademarked 'Dick Rash'. That was like a day one joke when Rick Nash got traded to the city that never fails to ruin superstars. Who would have thought that Rick Nash would have failed so hard in the playoffs, year after year, that even his teammates would start referring to him as an unsightly genital disorder? I guess in retrospect we all should have seen it coming. No man can withstand the the career long curse of the World's Most Famous Urinal. In terms of names that lend themselves towards mocking, it doesn't get much better than any name that rhymes with 'dick'. The Nash-to-Rash dynamic is just the cherry on top. In terms of performances that lend themselves to mocking, it doesn't get much better than the annual vacation that Dick Rash takes during the months of April and May.
Regardless, this video just shows that growing up is not something that is in the job description of a professional hockey player. As hard-nosed and tough as the play on the ice is, they are just a bunch of big kids once they get into that locker room. A bunch of big kids that have never met a dick joke that they couldn't get a snicker out of. A hockey locker room is like the real life version of Never-Never Land, R.I.P. Robin Williams. It's just a bunch of grown men hurling around insults so casually it would make Rufio blush. Thank God there is the unspoken bond that they won't judge each other as they act like a 4th grade classroom that has a substitute teacher. That, among other things is why hockey players are generally regarded as the most down to earth athletes. Thick skin, a great sense of humor, and the ability to laugh at the same things we found funny before we had hair on our balls. Live look at Rick Nash...
P.S. Not to sure about that 'Slim Reaper' nickname. He looks like the pilgrim that killed all the Indians just so he could eat 6 turkeys by himself. He may be thankful, but when it comes to food he ain't the giving type.
Sometimes you can't just let something silly like your job get in the way of watching playoff hockey. Let's be honest. This is a classic 'tree falls in the forest' situation. Was the camera angle really missed during a Mets game in May if no one was tuning in to see it? I know some people will say that being a camera man isn't a tough job and this guy should focus on the small amount of responsibilities that he has. However, staying focused on a meaningless baseball game is essentially hard manual labor when playoff hockey is on. The Mets should thank the NHL for keeping this guy alert. Probably would have hit the snooze button by the second inning if it wasn't for the pulse pounding action of the conference finals. Can't really blame him. Who hasn't half assed their job in order to multitask and keep themselves mildly entertained enough to not consider suicide? Unfortunately, most of us aren't lucky enough to have an HD television at our disposal when we do it. Almost makes me think I should get a nice little audio/video degree and hit easy street. That camera got a cup holder?
FOX LA- Could you ask for a cuter spokesperson for Meatless Mondays?
8-Year old vegan, Genesis Butler spoke before the Long Beach City Council Tuesday to persuade members to make it, Meatless Mondays. She read a heartfelt statement that frankly included a lot of technical, non 8 year old language. Her best moment came when she told the council that most kids in her school like to eat her vegan lunch because the school lunches "are nasty." She also told the council that she's scared of the drought and that we could save more water eschewing meat than shortening showers. Plenty of other speakers talked about the amount of water it takes to raise beef cattle, (around 1800 gallons or more per pound of beef) how many diseases might be prevented by giving up meat and the fact that the history of Meatless Mondays goes back to WWI. Let me just say that I like kids. There's something about the innocence that they provide that us grown folks don't. Something about their ability to be honest despite the fucked up society surrounding them. Now with that said, if we are going to start using kids as pawns to take away our basic human rights then they can get the fuck out out of here. I'll sew this little girl's mouth shut before I give up wings during Monday Night Football. Make no mistake, putting this 8 year old in front of a microphone was a calculated move. She may be the one speaking, but she's not the one talking. That would most likely be her mother or her teacher. Just a guess, but she probably didn't know what percentage of green house gas emissions were from animal agriculture until some radical vegan asshole implanted that agenda in her head. You know why even one person considered this stupid bill? Because the girl that suggested it was 8 years old. If that was an adult that said the very same thing she would been kicked out faster than a hooker at a convent. If there is a type of person that is worse than an outspoken vegan it's an outspoken vegan that manipulates children. I really don't give a shit how people live their lives. That doesn't mean I won't chastise it on the internet, but more or less you can do what you want. Just don't try to push it on me. Don't try to push it on society. This isn't Nazi fucking Germany. If I want to eat meat on Mondays (I do) I am going to eat meat on Mondays. I would prefer this little bitch and the 'brains' behind her stupid concept don't make that more difficult. I don't care if her school lunches are 'nasty'. I had nasty school lunches. You had nasty school lunches. That prepackaged chicken patty meat was the only thing that prevented school shootings on Mondays. I'll be damned I will let today's students suffer through that injustice. If you want a salad then by all means princess, but you aren't taking our meat, because goddamn it, you're not taking our freedom. PETA Upset With British Bar Because Their Name, 'Ye Olde Fighting Cocks', Is Offensive To Chickens5/22/2015 National Review- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals sent a letter to the oldest bar in Britain on Monday demanding that it change its historic name because “Ye Olde Fighting Cocks” is offensive to chickens. PETA director Mimi Bekhechi said the name should be changed to “Ye Olde Clever Cocks” because that would “celebrate chickens as the intelligent, sensitive and social animals they are,” according to an article in the Mirror. “We understand that the pub has long been called Ye Olde Fighting Cocks and that there may be some resistance to making a name change, but just as many pubs with names tied to slavery changed their names to match modern sensibilities, so it’s high time for The Cocks to change,” the group’s special-projects manager Dawn Carr said in a letter, according to the Herts Advertiser. I guess this is my naivety talking but I always thought throwing 'fighting' in front of something gave it a good, strong connotation. Someone alert Notre Dame that they have been marginalizing drunken midget leprechauns for decades. Bet the Phillies thought the whole 'Fighting' Phils' thing was really clever. Little do they know they have been offending the entire city of Philadelphia, if that's even possible. Ya know what? It's about damn time. Every group in this country has a spokesperson, why not chickens? Prejudice isn't just physical. It's not enough that PETA has to constantly remind us not to eat the world's most popular meal. Words can cause mental anguish too, and this British bar is about to learn the hard way. Don't think we're letting you off the hook either South Carolina. 'Gamecocks' might look rather humorous on a hat, but I'll be damned if we let a bunch of flightless birds be represented in such an insensitive manner. Fucking Delaware trying to sneak under the radar as a D1-AA school. We see you too Blue Hens. You got a problem with green hens? Not on our watch you won't start judging poultry based on the color of it's feathers. In all seriousness, the people at PETA do outrage right. That sounds crazy because they are one of the most annoying groups on the planet, but think about it. In today's day and age people are constantly speaking on behalf of other groups of people. Nothing makes a person look more stupid than by taking a stance on something that isn't even big deal to the people they are defending. For instance, don't tell me that the word 'midget' is offensive if even midgets don't find it offensive. Know the best way to avoid that scenario? Defend a group that can't speak up for itself. Speak on behalf of those that can't speak and even they can't tell you how wrong you are. If chickens could talk even they would say they would say that PETA is an outrageously outspoken friend. Alas, they can't, so we have to listen to a bunch of irrational animal lovers bicker about bar names. If only the angel on the other shoulder was a chicken repeating the very same thoughts of the carnivorous devil then we wouldn't have to worry about offending my future dinner. P.S. I do appreciate comparing fighting chickens to slavery. Go big or go home. Bet no one paid this suggestion any mind until they heard the word slavery. Granted, that didn't change anything, but it definitely made them think twice.
Daily Mail- These are the horrendous scenes where a two-day-old baby boy was forced to 'walk' by an Indian witch doctor in an effort to cure the infant's high temperature.
The tot is grabbed by the neck held above a blanket and waddled across a blanket in front of dozens of villagers in Assam. The child's parents brought the infant to the woman in her 50s who told them to strip the baby and perform the bizarre ritual reduce its temperature. The baby was crying and looked terrified as at least one of the onlookers filmed the proceedings on a mobile phone. Luckily, the person who filmed the clip, shared it with authorities in Morigaon who sent police to the scene who took the infant to hospital where he is recovering. According to a report on NDTV, two woman have been arrested including the witch doctor. Here is how you know you are a bad parent. When your child is in obvious pain after getting her head palmed like a basketball, and the person that is most worthy of criticism isn't the one doing the palming. Let's take a step back. This woman went to a witch doctor. A doctor that is named after a sector of people that we used to BURN ALIVE. A sector of people that evoked such a negative reaction that you weren't even allowed to be confused with them without paying with your life. What did you walk into the witchdoctor's 'office' expecting a handful of Advil and a pat on the ass? That's not how it works sweetheart. You want a regular ass cure go to a regular ass doctor. Not to the town outcast that sits there talking to herself and stirring 'potions' all day. That's like going to a dominatrix and being pissed off when you get bent over like a school girl and end up with some beads in your anus. You paid for outside of the box type shit and your are going to get some outside of the box type shit. I am not even sure what you really expected. A far as I know there is no such thing as malpractice in the field of witch doctoring. When you trust someone whose success is predicated on magic you kind of have to leave your preconceived notions at the door. I feel comfortable assuming there was no 'M.D.' attached to the end of that nameplate. Tomorrow is not promised, but your child has a better chance of seeing it if he's not getting 'cared' for in a shanty hut in front of 100 villagers. So, this witchdoctor got arrested and all, but we are just going to conveniently leave out whether or not the child's temperature went down? I feel like that is a pretty important part of the story. Sure, the kid almost died and had to go to the hospital, but maybe that was just the price that had to be paid for a consistent 98.6 degrees. If you wanted your son to be in complete health after the procedure you probably should have just gone to the hospital in the first place, no? P.S. Biggest upset ever is that there was a witchdoctor and a camera phone in the same place. Game, set, match, Steve Jobs won.
Daily Mail- This is the heart-stopping moment a toddler is knocked over by a 'hit-and-run' cyclist and dragged along the pavement outside her home.
Shocking photographs show three-year-old Lucie Wilding being hit by the speeding cyclist just moments after stepping out of her front garden. The horrific episode was caught on CCTV, with camera footage showing the blonde-haired rider in a luminous orange jacket speeding towards the young girl before hitting her – sending her hurtling through the air. She was then caught up in the pedals and dragged face-down along the street. 'I thought she was dead. There was blood coming from everywhere. She was hysterical, screaming at the top of her lungs. Incredibly the cyclist, who fell off his bike after hitting the toddler, allegedly began to ‘hurl abuse’ at the young family – blaming their daughter for the accident – before fleeing the scene. Lucie was left covered in blood with cuts to her face, head, hands and knees. It's easy to sit behind a computer screen and chastise the demographics of people that I hate. Alas, we all have moments in our lives where we have been hypocritical. As a man of the overly observant, pessimistic people I would be disingenuous if I didn't acknowledge that I too have had said moments. Brace yourselves, because this is one of them... I bought a bike no more than 24 hours ago... ::collective gasp:: With that said, bike riders are the WORST kind of people on the planet. Now granted, I live in a cycle centric city, but that doesn't excuse me. That doesn't make me right. Based on my own experience if a bike rider isn't causally driving his Huffy in front of your car and wasting valuable seconds of your day then he is t-boning your 3 year old and dragging her face along the ground for half a block. There is no in between. They are far too inferior for the roadway and far too superior for the sidewalk. If we are being honest, as convenient as they are to me, bicycles have no place in society. If there is one word to describe cyclists it is selfish. More conscious of saving money on gas than they are of any and all of their surroundings. If you see someone riding a bike today, I want you to take a stand. Take a stand for every 3 year old that nearly lost their life to a lunatic on a Schwinn. Take a stand for every parent that got verbally abused for caring after their child. Take a stand against every asshole that values a couple lost calories over the convenience of others. I want you to open the door of your motor vehicle and take one out. Don't do it for me. Do it for the greater good. You see me on a bike later today I urge you to slam the door of your Tahoe directly into my torso. Just make sure you scream "that was for Lucie!" in case I forget. I am willing to accept the brunt of that aggression on behalf of anyone that has ever had a bad experience with an oblivious cyclist. That, my friends, is what we call selflessness, and it's a word that most of my fellow bike owners do not understand.
P.S. The only reason this character never got a license is because he didn't want the DMV doing a background check. Sociopath written all over the face of this human traffic cone.
Matt Joyce Was Scratched For Showing Up Late For A Game, But Don't Worry, He's Got It Under Control5/21/2015
I tip my hat to Matt Joyce here. In a world driven by public perception the best way to show both Angels fans and critics alike that you are aware of the gravity of your tardiness is to post screenshots on twitter. That may have come off extremely sarcastic, but the reality for the situation is that it is absolutely true. Yup, that where is society is at these days folks. I guess it's time to just kick our feet back and embrace it.
With that said, setting about 1,000 alarms is much better in theory than in practice. Trust me, and anyone that has ever woken up next to me, that shit does not work. Simple math would dictate that more alarms would mean more chances for you to wake up. What an unbelievably cute, overly euphoric view of the human brain. Having the subconscious knowledge that there is likely another alarm coming in the next five minutes is the easiest way to rationalize ignoring the current one. I don't care how aware you are of the amount of alarms you set, I would love to meet the person that can tell me the difference between the 2nd and the 3rd, or if you are a real asshole, the 4th and the 5th. The more alarms you set, the better chance you don't recognize which one is the last one. Hey Matt Joyce, you're a professional baseball player, think bigger. You shouldn't be using the same rationalizations as my dumbass. If I was Matt Joyce I would pay a hot blonde $20 a day to motorboat my ass every morning until I was standing at attention, literally and figuratively. I would hire a gaggle of midgets to pick up my mattress and walk me over to the stadium without even breaking my REM cycle. Even Steve Jobs didn't rely on alerts from his iPhone. Live up to that multimillion dollar salary for me one time. P.S. The captions under the alarms are adorable. I was more literate at the tender age of birth than I am when I am half asleep. You know how many texts I have responded to that I have read before 8am? None. None of the texts. You have a better chance of me fulling understanding the Torah than any English words before the sun comes up. Grab A Xanex Devils Fans, Martin Brodeur Signs 3 Year Deal As St. Louis Blues Assistant GM5/21/2015
PHT- The St. Louis Blues are at a crossroads as an organization, but one thing seems to be clear: Martin Brodeur is rising up their executive ranks. The team signed him to a three-year contract to be their assistant general manager on Wednesday.
After playing a few regular season games with the Blues in 2014-15, Brodeur moved into a role as a “special adviser” during that same campaign. The 43-year-old told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch that such a job merely made him want more. “I really enjoyed it, but we had a conversation that I’d like to do more,” Brodeur said. “I want to learn as much as possible. I think it was a great opportunity for me to be around the team advising. But now after doing that for six months, I’d like to do a little more.” Listen, I can't sit here you and tell you I know all the inner working of the Devils front office. I can't tell you I know every intricacy of the relationship between long time General Manager Lou Lamoniello and the most successful player in franchise history, Martin Brodeur. What I can tell you is that I am not ready to sully the names of the two people most responsible for building the winning culture of the New Jersey Devils franchise. Especially when that criticism is due to a player accepting a role in another organization that he likely wasn't ready to be offered in New Jersey. Can we just think rationally for a second. Are we to believe there is some rift in loyalty between a franchise who's only flaw is that it is too loyal, and a goaltender that has repeatedly accepted less money than he was worth to stay with that very franchise? Do we think that after 20 years of success and unlimited playing time that he now holds a grudge against the franchise that gave him an opportunity? It's no secret that the new ownership of the Devils had a hand in the change in Lou's job description. You can spin that however you want, but it's not a decision that was made completely under his own volition. Is it crazy to think that maybe, just maybe, an ownership group that feels compelled to turn around the fortunes of the on-ice product isn't willing to turn to someone that has spent all of 3 months in a front office? Is it out of the realm of possibility that they just wanted to bring in experienced people that are already well versed in building a successful hockey team? You don't give the reigns to a rookie when your main concern is stability. Now, I don't know if Marty is ever coming back to this franchise, but I would like to believe it's only a matter of time. The fact is that right now is not that time. Who knows what can happen in three years? In three years Marty will have a better idea of how to run a franchise. In three years the Devils likely won't be in the middle of a transitional period. Call me the eternal optimistic, but I highly doubt a little bit of bad timing is enough to ruin a mutually beneficial relationship that has stood the test of multiple decades. It may sting to see his name associated with another team, but it's very possible the current situation is one that benefits both parties in the long run, not one that signals animosity between two entities who have always respected each other.
Oh, heavens to fucking Betsy! You see what you have done sports media? You've got me so flustered that I am using phrases that I don't even understand. Will someone get Ramona Shelbourne an apple pie before she eats her fist? She's just mad because the last time anyone discussed pushing a baby out of her was when she ate their young. Hey Brian Windhorst, do you mind if I get in a follow up question? I promise I will hurry. I know your time is extremely valuable. So valuable in fact that you haven't had one second to hit a stair master or take a peak at your penis in a decade, but I digress. Mr. Windhorst, why is it okay for the sports media to waste Steph Curry's time asking him brainless, cliche questions that garner the same brainless, cliche answers, yet it's not okay for Steph Curry and his child to waste their time? Hell, the best question that was asked at last game's presser was asked by Draymond Green. All these postgame press conferences are is a waste of time. Your job, Mr. Windhorst, is to waste people's time. In essence, the entirety of your fat, gluttonous being is a waste of time and space. Look at the big old bully Brian Windhorst up their on his pedestal of judgement hating on the presence of a child. If that tower he is in was any more ivory he would be sweating through it. We're talking about the same guy that follows the biggest child in the world, LeBron James, around on a day to day basis. The same guy that reports whether he is or isn't going to wear a headband that night. The same guy whose job relies on every childish antic that the 6'8, 250 pound toddler has ever resorted to. That Brain Windhorst is too thrown off by a two year old to do his job and that's somehow the two year old's fault. So sorry to ruin your pristine work environment Brian. Who exactly is the child here?
God forbid that Steph Curry is holding his kid when the media has some really critical, hard hitting questions for him. I wonder what they had scripted that couldn't have been said in front of a toddler. Were they going to ask about Santa Clause or the Easter bunny? Try to debate where babies come from? Maybe criticize Steph for the amount of sweets that he lets little Riley eat? Earmuffs sweetheart, earmuffs! It's about to get real PG-13 in here. Steph Curry is the most likable player on the most likable team left in the playoffs. They have lost 2 games total the entire postseason. I don't even know what is left to ask. Every press conference has been littered with meatballs and Steph has knocked them in to the cheap seats. Watching his kid while he caters to a bunch of media buffoons isn't beyond his abilities. In fact, it's gotten to the point where mindlessly answering stupid questions is closer to babysitting than actual babysitting. He probably just brought his first born so he didn't get put to sleep by incoherent inquiries. How about this guys? When you start doing your job we will start worrying about the factors that allow you to get it done in a timely manner. P.S. If there has ever been anyone schooled in the art of blaming others for their troubles it's these two.... PBT- Sources say Paul’s well-known edginess and drive ground on Jordan’s nerves for much of the year. Contributing to the problem was Paul’s view that Jordan lacked the appropriate commitment to working on his free throws, including not working enough with the Clippers shooting coach on that issue, sources said.
“Things aren’t good there,” a league source familiar with the inner workings of the Clippers organization said. Asked if the issues between the two were serious, the source said, “Oh yeah. (Jordan) might leave. He really might.” It's truly amazing how there is always controversy in a locker room AFTER a team loses. Especially when it happens in a fairly devastating fashion. Listen, I am not saying that Chris Paul and DeAndre Jordan are best friends. I am not even saying that it's a forgone conclusion that DeAndre stays in Los Angeles. I am saying that this fabricated issue that they have with each other won't have a bearing on his decision. Just from an outsider pint of view, it certainty looked like the Clippers were one of the most close knit teams I have ever seen. Now, does it bother a 90-something percent foul shooter that sometimes the game hinges on his teammate's ability, or lack there of, to make free throws? Sure. It also bothers every single person that is invested, financially or emotionally, in a Clippers victory. Doesn't mean that we lack respect for DeAndre Jordan or want him off the team. In the eyes of Chris Paul, and virtually everyone else who has ever taken a foul shot, Jordan can't possibly practice foul shooting enough. In fact, he should be practicing them around the clock until he's at least shooting 60% from the stripe. However, to think that the Clippers roster is going to look drastically different next year because of a small, internal locker room argument is baffling. We are taking about a flaw that wasn't responsible for costing them any of the games during their collapse. A flaw that will, in all likelihood, become nearly obsolete with an impending rule change regarding intentional fouling. Does Chris Paul's confrontational leadership style get on the nerves of the easygoing Jordan? I am sure it does. It gets on the nerves of every one when the team is losing. However, his attitude towards the game is the very same reason that this year's Clippers team didn't do a lot of losing. You don't want to get yelled? Perform to the best of your abilities. This is the NBA. DeAndre Jordan is a grown ass man that's potentially about to get the maximum amount of money allowed by the league to play basketball. Despite his extraordinary physical abilities, the reason he is going to get paid that money is because Chris Paul helped turn him from an athlete to an All Star. If he has to withstand a little constructive criticism in return then it is a small price to play. Chris Paul needs DeAndre Jordan, DeAndre Jordan needs Chris Paul, and the Clippers need them both. At the end of the day I think all three parties realize that, and I highly doubt a low foul shooting percentage is going to compromise the future of the franchise. Yup, they hate each other... Mashable- Few things go together better than marijuana and coffee.
With the recent legalization of recreational marijuana in multiple areas of the United States, as well as the rise of medical marijuana, the "let's put weed in everything trend" has officially reached bacon-level status. Walking into a pot shop in Washington state, where recreational marijuana is legal, you may see cookies, brownies, sodas, oils and other marijuana-infused or edible products. But just incase you wanted a little buzz with that high, you can also purchase cannabis-infused coffee, which are also available in pods, or K-Cups. At $10 each, single-serving cups will brew 6 ounces of coffee, which many would consider a small cup, however they'll pack a decent punch. Each cup contains a 10 mg of THC, which many, including the state of Washington, consider to be a single dose for cannabis edibles. Jennifer Lanzador, a sales manager for Uncle Ike's Pot Shop, a store in Seattle that sells the K-Cups, told Yahoo that the high was like a relaxed pick-me-up. “I had more energy, but I still had the relaxation you get from cannabis.” High and alert? Alert and high? Aren't those complete opposites? Now I have never had weed thrown into my morning coffee, but dammit if I don't need to try. Here is the list of reasons I am only an occasional smoker. Inevitable coughing fits. The fact that it put me to sleep in about 7 minutes flat. The inability to wake up the next morning and not be a dredge on society. You mean to tell me I no longer have to worry about any of that? You're telling me I could use weed coffee to cure my weed hangover? Anyone want to point me to which way is up, because my brain is in a goddamn blender. Talk about the world's longest lunch break. You are going to have people leaving the office for Chipotle at 9:45. That might make the the ass end of the afternoon lag, but hey, at least you'll be stoned, right? Jesus, I am getting hungry and comfortable just thinking about it. Does this decrease productivity because everyone is high, or increase productivity because people no longer think of work as 8 hours of avoiding suicide? That's the balance right there. Imagine actually finding a co-workers joke funny? Imagine your boss loosening up his tight ass personality. Sure, $10 a cup is pretty steep, but that's the closest you can possibly get to buying happiness. Relaxed energy? That sounds like all the benefits of going to the gym and literally NONE of the physical exertion. My lord, the game just got flipped on it's head with the invention of the adult equivalent of vodka in a water bottle. If there is anything that signals the need for the widespread legalization of marijuana it's putting it in something that most Americans can't go a single day without. If people are going to half ass their job they might as well be in a great mood as they do it. The best part of waking up is a liquid blunt in your cup!
Has there ever been a video that embodied the phrase "it's all relative" more than this one? I don't ever remember seeing an NBA head coach celebrate that raucously for anything other than a Larry O'Brien trophy. If that doesn't give you an idea of what the state of affairs is in Minnesota then I don't know what will. Now, don't get me wrong, they should definitely be happy. Especially in a draft year that will likely produce more one NBA superstar, but should they be THAT happy? This is like when someone in America eats a steak at Applebees and leaves mildly content, but a person in Somalia eating that same steak would probably climax all over themselves. Yup, Minnesota is the Somalia of the NBA, no racial pun in intended. You think Byron Scott would be skipping around like a hyperactive child after eating too much birthday cake if he got the first pick? You think Phil Jackson would offer anything more than a fist pump if the Knicks won the draft lottery? No chance. This was Minnesota's NBA finals, and they finally won something based on their own 'merit'. Merit of course meaning the unbelievable ability to lose more games than the 76ers, a team who is actively sucking. When you are team that lacks star power, never mind fails to hold on to it when it falls in your lap, a spin of a couple ping pong balls is the best day of your year. You may have Thanksgiving or St. Patrick's Day penciled in as the pinnacle of your year, but the Timberwolves have the crowning of the league's biggest failure marked on their calendar. Unlike Stephon Marbury, Kevin Garnett, and Kevin Love, no one can take that away from them. In a few short weeks one lucky team will win an NBA championship. Then, and only then, will someone in the NBA experience as much joy as Flip Saunders and his staff did last night.
For some context, we head to the New York Knicks draft party to find out what the exact opposite of that joy looks like...
Wait, why would the Chicago Blacks being worried about going 6 deep, when every stereotype out there has them going at least 9 deep on a regular basis? Highly doubt that Sami Vatanen is hitting more G spots than the average African American in The Windy City. Regardless, that went from analyzing hockey to racial generalization rather quickly. Mike Milbury just piling on what blacks in Chicago don't have. Quite the risky topic in this day and age, especially for someone whose barely passable as a hockey analyst. Good thing he didn't bring up the Baltimore blacks or this conversation could have gotten more misconstrued than Freddie Grey's spine. If he ventured a couple hours South and starting judging the Ferguson blacks we might really have a riot on our hands. We're talking about a guy that probably thinks that PK Subban just spent too much time in the sun. The last black thing he enjoyed was his coffee. How the hell would he know what blacks would love to have? I wonder if he was talking about 6 impartial jurors? Maybe 6 law abiding police offers? How about 6 days without a viral video of someone being blatantly racist? Speaking of the blacks, that Chicago Blackhawks team could really use an upgrade on their third pairing defense. Now that's something we can all agree on. If only we had some context to this slip of t tongue...
With the role of the agitator quickly diminishing in the NHL, you really have to love what Corey Perry brings to the game. Let me rephrase that. If you are an asshole like myself, and you have no rooting interest for the Blackhawks or against Ducks then you really have to love what Corey Perry brings to the game. I swear if I squint really hard I feel like I am just watching a supremely talented version of myself. If a joke started with "Robbie Fulton and Corey Perry walk into a bar" people wouldn't even wait around long enough to hear the punchline. Hey, didn't your parents always tell you to make sure you have fun. That was like the only priority the first time I stepped on the ice. Perry is sticking to the fundamental principles that were ingrained in him as a child. Sure, I don't think his youth coaches meant to have fun at the expense of others, but as you get older your sense of humor gets more complex. Sometimes it takes someone else's misery to bring you joy. Sometimes you just got to look out for old number one.
Hey, if you are going to be a pest than you might as well be a former Hart Trophy winning pest. You might as well singlehandedly dominate the NHL playoffs. It's easy to ignore the instigator if the instigator has very little impact on the game. Not so much when he's physically exhausting you during the play, and mentally exhausting you after. You know at some point on the Blackhawks bench the conversation was "I fucking HATE Corey Perry", and at that point Corey Perry won. Now does that have a lasting impact on the game? Probably not, but his league leading 16 playoff points do. With the margin of error during playoff hockey being so minuscule and every play being so critical to the outcome, taking up even the smallest amount of room under someone's skin or in someone's head can have a negative impact on your opposition. There was a second where all Marian Hossa could think about was strangling Corey Perry to death, and that's one second where he is not worried about winning a hockey game. Plus, it's always fun to inconvenience others for your own amusement. If you can't watch that video and crack a smile then you probably have spent too much time hanging out with me. Andrew Shaw's Attempt At A Game Winning Header Says All You Need To Know About Playoff Hockey5/20/2015
That right there is why we watch folks! Expect the unexpected. Who would thought after watching so much hockey, regular season and playoffs, that Andrew Shaw would have you sitting in your living room going "wait, can you do that?". How many times in sports does the entirety of the viewing audience, informed or not, have to go to the rulebook to find out whether something is legal? How many times are we on the edge of our seat genuinely unaware of what is going on despite having seen 57 different views of the play? That play was so unprecedented that Shaw himself was convinced he had ended the game. We aren't talking about a player trying to get one over on the officials. We are talking about a guy who makes his living playing the sport skating around the rink in celebration patting his head like he just put home the go-ahead goal in the 90th minute of the World Cup. Just in utter awe of his creativity, completely positive that he was the hero in what would have been a double overtime thriller.
You know what the kicker is? If that's a regular season game I doubt that heading the puck in even crosses his mind. The fact that he was so desperate to end the game and even the series is a testament to how badly these players want to win the ultimate prize. It's a testament to the work necessary to achieving the pinnacle of their profession. The NHL playoffs are about giving more than lip service to the phrase "by any means necessary". Andrew Shaw head butting a puck in the net might be far more comedic than Patrice Bergeron playing a playoff game with a punctured lung and a broken rib, but they both speak to how much winning a Stanley Cup means to these players. Andrew Shaw may have broken a rule we were completely oblivious to and his effort may have been for naught, but he reminded us why we were watching in the first place. Anything can happen when the Cup in on the line. And I think I speak for everyone when I say, if The Blackhawks were going to win anyway, it would have been cool to see it end on, of all things, a fucking header.
Now I am not going to pretend that it's not cool of Eddie Lacy to jump into a kid's tricycle race for a good cause. I am not going to pretend like that little girl volunteering to push him around the track wasn't one of the most adorable things I have ever seen. If you didn't let out an audible "awwww" when you saw that then your heart is colder than Lambeau Field in December. I am saying that as a Packers fan this should have made you break out in a cold sweat. If I had an active interest in the health of Eddie Lacy I would rather see him get gang tackled by a bunch of 350 behemoths then hope on a bike built for a 5 year old. Actually, if you listen really closely I think you can actually hear his agent's heartbeat. NFLers don't have the best history with bikes of any kind.
It sounds silly, but that's how injuries happen. That's how end up on the list of athletes that have hurt themselves doing seemingly harmless shit. Don't believe me? Ask AJ Burnett who bunted his way to a broken orbital bone because he's not used to bunting. Ask Sammy Sosa who strained his back sneezing. How about Job Chamberlain's famous trampoline experience, or Lionel Simmons and his tendinitis from playing video games? Lacy has spent his entire life getting tackled, or at the very least breaking tackles. His body is used to that. That big ball of muscle isn't used to bringing his knees up his chin with a pair of handle bars snuggling up against his genitals. That screams pinched nerve. Someone get Eddie Lacy off that bicycle before he ruins someone's fantasy keeper league! Or don't. Hell, I'm not a Packers fan. Plus, if there is a thing I learned about myself today it's that I can't get enough of little white girls pushing big black men on undersized bikes. As you were Eddie, as you were... |
Categories
All
Archives
January 2020
|