Rant Sports- He knew he would not be a member of the Bears for long, which is why he decided to call quarterbacks around the league to see if he could have a lasting relationship with any of them. The one young signal caller in particular that left a mark on Marshall was none other than Geno Smith of the New York Jets.
“I was really shocked at the intelligence, how smart he was,” Marshall said, according to CBS Sports. “I had known him as a player from afar. I didn’t know his football IQ was so high. He had crazy passion. When I talked to him, I fell in love with the conversation. I said this is a real opportunity; we have a great defense, great pieces on offense. If we can come together and gel, we may not be the best in Year 1, but if we can be effective and not turn over the ball, we can be in every game.” “We’re growing every single day,” Marshall said. “I look at it like a little brother. Rooming with him has really speeded up that process. We look at each other a different way. It just makes you want to fight that much harder. We have our ups and downs as far as trying to learn the offense — he wants me to look for a back-shoulder and I’m running down the field — but I’ve got to say, in the last two weeks, we’ve made a pretty significant jump. We’re starting to see the game the same way. It comes from hours and hours of communication, or walking through it at the house.” Isn't this just adorable? Brandon Marshall just waxing poetic about his new quarterback. Talking about Geno Smith like he isn't one of the most erratic signal callers in football. Giving the entire Jets fan base false hope that they can somehow compete for a championship. This would be like the cutest thing I have ever seen...if I didn't see him do the exact same thing with Jay Cutler two years ago. Brandon Marshall is like the female best friend of wide receivers. You are either his BFF4E, or his sworn enemy. There is no in between. He will be the first person to talk you up and give you confidence to your face, and the first person to curse your very existence behind your back. You know how at the end of horror movies when they unveil the serial killer and it's the best friend that has some internalized grudge that no one knew about? That's Brandon Marshall. Right now it's all ass pats and construction criticism. Give it a few games and it will be head shakes and destructive cynicism. It's almost like he feels that if he compliments his quarterback enough before the season starts, it evens out when he criticizes his play during the season. Look at some these quotes. "I feel in love with the conversation"? "Growing every day"? "Look at each other differently"? "Having our ups and downs"? "Hours and hours of communication"? You guys going to kiss or nah? Are these two developing a rapport on the field or developing sexual chemistry off of it? Jesus Brandon, oversell much? Jets fans want a ring, but not of the engagement variety. Don't burn out the honeymoon phase before the real snaps even start. We all saw Geno Smith play last year. No words can fix that touchdown to interception ratio. Got to imagine that the Jets brain trust would rather he just shut up and let him prove it on the field, but hey, they knew what they were getting into. They knew they were getting the best worst teammate since Terrell Owens.
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SI- Jerramy Stevens, the husband of U.S. women's national team goalkeeper Hope Solo, defended her on Saturday, telling USA Today that the domestic violence controversy surrounding his wife is “a witch hunt.”
Last year, Solo was charged with two counts of fourth-degree domestic violence assault for allegedly striking her half-sister and nephew in Richland, Wash. A judge dismissed the charges in January saying that a lack of cooperation from witnesses prejudiced the case. “Nothing less than unpatriotic,“ Stevens told USA Today of the timing the OTL report. “Low class, low class. It was super intentional. I don't know what their issue is personally with Hope, but it definitely feels like they have one.” “I think that what's hard is that she's the victim of something that was really scary and a really unfortunate incident,” he said. ”[She] being classified even remotely close to Ray Rice and these other domestic violence incidents is ridiculous and outright wrong.” First off, Hope Solo and Jeramy Stevens, huh? I don't know how I let that one get by me. Kind of explains the leaked pictures of her lady parts if you ask me. I'm actually really happy for them. It's not often in life that you are able to find your better half. It's important to find someone that possesses common interests and accepts you with all your faults. By the looks of things Hope and Jerramy have found just that. Hell, they are the new age "power couple". 'Romeo and Juliet' meets 'Bonnie and Clyde'. Just assaulting everyone from sexually vulnerable, 19 year old college students to entire family trees. They may not have found the moral high ground, but I'll be damned if they didn't find love in it's purest form. There isn't much available to you defense wise when the allegation is that you beat up your extended family. In fact, you can say what you want about Jerramy Stevens' intelligence, but he absolutely nailed the the response on this one. If there is anything that can get a bunch of Americans to rethink their stance on a crime it's calling them 'unpatriotic'. Doesn't matter how reprehensible the charge. George Bush could have set the rest of the world ablaze after 9/11 and if someone so much as raised their hand with an inquiry they would have instantly been blacklisted. That notion is only accentuated when we are talking about someone that represents our country on a field of play. If there a situation in which you don't dare question an American's allegiance to his/her country it is during an international sports tournament. That is the one time where we are all on the same team, no matter how morally ambiguous the athletes we are rooting for happen to be. Now, I don't think anyone is oblivious to Jerramy Stevens' tactics. Nor do I think this will change the collective view of Hope Solo. However, sometimes you just got to take your best shot and stand by it. Contesting someone's loyalty to the flag may only plant the smallest seed of doubt, but it's a seed that wasn't there before. For someone as guilty as Hope Solo, that's to be considered a victory. P.S. Hey Jerramy, media scrutiny isn't supposed to be fair. You don't want the talking heads to pick an inconvenient time to criticize your wife then make sure she doesn't go all 'Liam Neeson' at the family reunion. Either that or set up a play date with Floyd Mayweather, so you two can bond over how unfair Bob Ley has been to you. Washington Post- Drought or no drought, Steve Yuhas resents the idea that it is somehow shameful to be a water hog. If you can pay for it, he argues, you should get your water.
People “should not be forced to live on property with brown lawns, golf on brown courses or apologize for wanting their gardens to be beautiful,” Yuhas fumed recently on social media. “We pay significant property taxes based on where we live,” he added in an interview. “And, no, we’re not all equal when it comes to water.” Yuhas lives in the ultra-wealthy enclave of Rancho Santa Fe, a bucolic Southern California hamlet of ranches, gated communities and country clubs that guzzles five times more water per capita than the statewide average. In April, after Gov. Jerry Brown (D) called for a 25 percent reduction in water use, consumption in Rancho Santa Fe went up by 9 percent. Up Next on 'Life Swap': Watch as a bunch of pretentious west coasters die of thirst looking for the 'Smart Water' in the refrigerator of a shanty in El Segundo, while a bunch of poor people do snow angels in their 5 acres of dead grass at 'The Oaks'. Jesus, if these people think this is bad, just wait until they find out we are about 3 months out from drinking poop water. It will have Orange County looking like a scene from 'Escape From LA'. Too bad Kurt Russell isn't on his way to save their lawns. Talk about lifestyles of the rich and shameless. You know what, I am not even mad at these self righteous dicks for being upset about their yards. You get used to certain luxuries and it's hard to stray too far from them. Sure, some people just need clean drinking water and a shower to live comfortably, but some people are used to emerald green lawns and pristine fairways. However, maybe saying so out loud isn't the best idea. That really shows the kind of disconnect from reality that's on display here. It's one thing to check the calendar and say to yourself "this water shortage better not mess up my tee time next month". It's a whole different story to actively seek out a news outlet and let your feelings be known. Part of me feels like this guy was standing at the gate giving a Braveheart-esque speech and trying to rally the troops. "They can take our lives, but they'll never take our carefully cultivated gardens!" Like he actually expected people to read this and sympathize with him. Next thing you know he'll be eating a filet mignon in the middle of Africa and throwing it on the ground because it's overcooked. It's okay to be upset, but maybe it's best to internalize that anger. Your level of superficiality depends on what you can afford, but that doesn't necessarily mean it needs to be on display. Only in California could the middle class be the most discriminated against minority. Sure, we'll treat you as an equal if you are a celebrity transgender, but make less than 6 figures a year and we are taking your ability to bathe and hydrate. Basic human rights be damned. Mirror- If it would take a surgical procedure to remove you from your mobile phone, there's only one thing for it - move to Belgium.
The forward-thinking European country has launched the perfect thing for phone fans, and it's already proving a big hit with those glued to messaging - text walking lanes. In theory? This is a fantastic idea. Limiting the contact with those on their cell phones to only people that are also on their cell phones is a win-win for everybody. People that are completely aware of their surroundings not having to worry about people that are completely unaware of their surroundings is a welcomed change. Actually, catching a couple head-on collisions would probably be the most entertaining part of day-to-day life. In practice? Belgium just made their roads smaller by one lane. Let me clear this up... People that text while walking- Everyone. People that want to be known as the type of person that texts while walking- No one. It would be like if they made a walking lane for people that eat McDonald's regularly. Sure, no one minds throwing back a large fry while they walk through the street, buy they don't want to be judged as the kind of disgusting human being that does so on a daily basis. In reality this should just be called the 'Inconsiderate Asshole Lane' because that is exactly how it is going to be viewed. I don't care if I was texting the entire prologue to a novel. I wouldn't be caught dead in that lane and I think I speak for everyone when I say that. You know the game 'Never Have I Ever'? You know how there are certain instances where everyone playing will admit to doing an embarrassing thing or two? However, then you get to 'Never have I ever paid for sex...' and you couldn't pry a beer off the table with a crowbar. That's exactly what the cell phone lane is. You don't want to be stigmatized as the person picking up prostitutes just like you don't want to be stigmatized as the person that cares more about small talking with your significant other than the safety of the sidewalk. It's okay to do things that are socially frowned upon from time to time, but you don't want it to become part of who you are as a person. You might as well lather this thing in fresh red paint everyday because it's basically the same thing as wearing a scarlet letter. Better than falling in a pool in a suit I guess... Distractify- "I wanted to go out with a bang," said high school senior Maxwell Barrett. "I had never done sports, or clubs. I was always just an art student. I wanted to go out in a way people would remember me by!"
Barrett says he was "out" to most who knew him, although he had never officially told his parents. "It was just more of a confirmation to [my parents] than a coming-out story," he said. "They said it was the best one in the yearbook and that they were proud of me." Not gonna lie, pretty cool way to come out. Everyone with a sense of humor wants to incorporate some wit into their senior quote. Especially if they can send a message at the same time. Therein lies the problem, because there is exactly a 0% chance that this was a surprise to anyone. You think there was a person on this planet that thought this kid was straight? I don't mean this is an insult, far from it as a matter of fact, but this kid has the gayest facial structure I have ever seen in my entire life. If this kid liked pussy it would never be in doubt because he would already been in the 'Guinness Book Of World Records' for being the prettiest straight man ever. Oh gee, I wonder if the kid that makes Ryan Gosling look like a homeless guy, yet hasn't had sex with one female in high school, is gay? This kid may have been in the closet, but the outside of that closet was decorated with glitter and rainbows, and you could probably hear the Lady Gaga from the neighbor's house. If this kid's parents didn't know he was gay then it's not worth even telling them, because they are literally the worst parents on the planet. Look at his twitter bio... "Artist/Illustrator. Commissions at mbartsale@gmail.com . Check my Etsy shop for art sales and print sales! Link below! Instagram: @maxwellbarrett" That may as well read 'Professional Homosexual'. Artist, illustrater, dick sucker. The only "straight" man that has an Etsy shop has a closet in the back that he calls home. Hey, all the power to him, but I think this kid could have stopped using 'the closet' reference about 8 years ago. Your parents knew you were gay when your only dates with females took place at the mall and ended with a room full of J-Crew bags. If my yearbook quote was "P.S. I'm not gay." it would have shocked more people than this kids yearbook quote. I don't think we need to make a huge deal out of a gay kid being funny. We don't need a coming out party for someone that just reinforced what everyone already knew. NOLA- "Listen, man, I'm 270 pounds. I can block anybody I want to," he told 710 ESPN Seattle. "It's all about want-to. We'll see come this first Sunday."
Graham even suggested to a media member that he "could show you," which had the room laughing. During his last two seasons with the Saints, Graham wasn't completely healthy nor did New Orleans require him to block a lot. But with Seattle's run-first offense, becoming a blocking TE is imperative and Graham is up for the challenge. "For me, that's really the main focus of this offseason is really to get my mind wrapped around this run game because it is a little different," Graham told 710 ESPN. "I've never been in a read-option type of system, but they also do just straight-up run the ball. So for me it's some different concepts, and their footwork is a lot different than the way I've done it. But it's exciting, something new and I think just the evolution of kinda my game and growing as a player." Did Jimmy Graham just unintentionally tell the world one of the main reasons New Orleans felt comfortable trading him? Did he just explain why he may be getting overpaid? Listen, Jimmy Graham is one of the most unique offensive weapons in the game. There's no doubt in my mind that he will be very successful in Seattle. However, the biggest problem is not what he can do on the field, it's what he actually does on the field. Jimmy Graham CAN block. He CAN get the best of physical coverage. He CAN perform on the biggest stages the sport has to offer. No one ever said he can't. The issue is that he doesn't, or hasn't to this point. It's never been a lack of ability that hampered Jimmy Graham, it's been his lack of perseverance. I don't need Graham to give me his measurables to know that he is capable of doing anything and everything on the football field. I didn't need him to tell me that he can block anybody put in front of him. Everyone already knows that. That's why it was so frustrating watching him fail to do so the last couple of years in New Orleans. If you want to tell me that Seattle focuses more on in-line blocking and the run game than Sean Payton's pass-happy offense does then you would be absolutely correct. However, don't tell me that Jimmy Graham sucked at physically dominating his opponents because New Orleans never asked him to. They rarely asked him to because he repeatedly showed an incompetence in doing so. Would I be surprised if he becomes a better blocking tight end with Seattle? No, not really, but that will be because he finally put his mind to it, not because Seattle magically taught him how to block better. You make it into the league based on potential. The former 3rd round pick that had but a year of football experience prior to being drafted knows that all too well. It's what you do once you get to the league that makes you what you are, and to this point Jimmy Graham has not been a successful blocker, no matter how strong and athletic he may be. Brian Kelly Says Notre Dame Has The Dumbest Players In The Country, Or That's What I Heard At Least6/13/2015 SI- “I think we recognized that all of my football players are at-risk—all of them—really," he told the paper. "Honestly, I don’t know that any of our players would get into the school by themselves right now with the academic standards the way they are. Maybe one or two of our players that are on scholarship.
“So making sure that with the rigors that we put them in—playing on the road, playing night games, getting home at 4 o’clock in the morning, all of the demands that we place on them relative to the academics and going into an incredibly competitive academic classroom every day—we recognize this is a different group." Yikes, some things might be better left unsaid Brian. Maybe leave your players academic standing to our imaginations? I don't really think that anyone thought that the Notre Dame was producing a bunch of doctors and lawyers (other then their entitled, pretentious fanbase), but it's better to leave that to perception than make it a reality. As far as I am concerned Notre Dame has the dumbest players in the nation. You don't come out and say your whole team is dumb unless they are reallllllly, reallllly dumb. It's like when you put on weight. You don't admit that you gained a little weight if you only gained a little weight. It's when you pack on 20+ that you really have to start mentioning it before others do first. Brian Kelly isn't saying his players are stupid unless their stupidity surpasses the bounds of normal college athlete stupidity. He's not telling the world about his player's intelligence unless he is scared that they might show the world their lack of it just by walking the streets in the offseason. What was that last paragraph even about? Like, what was the topic sentence? Was there a closing sentence? It just sounded like a bunch of supporting arguments that weren't really supporting any idea. It's like Brian Kelly game out and said "yup, my football roster is borderline retarded, but let me tell you why it makes sense that they are retarded". I've read it 4 times now I can't make total sense of it. It's like he just threw shit against the wall to see what would stick. "Uhh, rigors, yeah that's a good word. Hmm, demands, yup. Make sure I fit 4AM in there too, can't forget that". In reality what did he actually say? That his team play road games and night games? Uhhh, I think almost all college athletes face the same 'hardships'. That doesn't mean that every head coach feels the need to come out to media and explain why their roster is full of half wits. Whoever said honesty is the best policy is a jackass, and Brian Kelly just adhered to everyone of their principles. I'm not saying I think Division 1 football is full of Rhodes Scholars, but now I KNOW Notre Dame isn't, and that brings a smile to my face. Female Coyotes Fan That Lost Her Mind On The Mayor The Other Day Got To Tase Him For Charity6/12/2015
Yahoo- Remember Coyotes fan Ronda Pearson who ranted at the Glendale mayor during a special City Council session Wednesday that essentially voided the Coyotes lease in Glendale?
She got to live her dream – or many Coyotes fans dreams – and by tasing Glendale mayor Jerry Weiers. It was for charity of course. Per 12 News in the Phoenix area: Weiers said he would allow himself to be Tased if he was able to raise $10,000 for the 100 Club of Arizona, a group that raises money for first responders. The donor was anonymous, however a crowdfunding effort to raise the money had been in the works by various Arizona Coyotes fans. Laugh now. Seriously, laugh now. It's all fun and games when a female with anger issues is tasing the mayor for charity. It gets a little more real when she's errantly assassinating every single person that looks at her wrong. Between the look in that woman's eye and the ease with which you can get a carrier's permit in Arizona, the blood of her next boyfriend is essentially on the city's hands. You see that glimmer in her eyes post-tase? That wasn't a "oh man, I have always wanted to do that" glimmer, that was a "I can't wait to do that again" glimmer. You give women a certain power and they will never give it up. Good thing we gave this woman the power to shoot someone she hates in back without consequence. This lady had the focus of a heart surgeon on adderall, and the pin point accuracy of the DC sniper. You think a slightly disabled mayor is her last victim you have another thing coming. Before you go to bed tonight I want everyone to say a prayer for the next man that wrongs this woman. The next guy that finds a way into those panties better put a ring on it whether he likes it or not. This woman's dog house just became a firing range. You could literally do something like this for every single politician on the planet. Hell, you might need a 9 MM to cut through the fat, but you could get upwards of quadruple digits to pay triple digits to fire one off in Chris Christie's back. There are superintendents in North Dakota that could ring up a couple hundred dollars for charity. There's not a politician with an approval rating that is above the hatred necessary for gun (or taser) violence. Cat Ownership Being Linked To Schizophrenia Is The Least Surprising Thing You'll Hear Today6/12/2015 Independent- Scientists have discovered a link between people who own cats and the development of mental illnesses, including schizophrenia, and believe a parasite may be to blame. In a study published in the journal 'Schizophrenia Research', experts wrote that cat ownership is “significantly more common” in families where a child is later diagnosed with "schizophrenia or another serious mental illness”, the Huffington Post reported. By analysing a previously unused questionnaire of from 1982 filled in by 2,125 families that belonged to the National Institute of Mental Illness, scientists discovered that 50.6 per cent of people who developed schizophrenia owned a cat in childhood. These results were similar to two other studies in the 1990s, experts said. And while the overall instance of schizophrenia from the studyis low, scientists will now attempt to understand why this link exists. However, researchers believe that Toxoplasma gondii, a single-cell parasite present in some cats, may be the cause. People with cats are more likely to develop schizophrenia? Why, you don't say? You know when you date a girl that experiences mood swings? And you are with her long enough that the up and down nature of her emotions starts to have an affect on your attitude? It's the same thing with a cat. When you have the most schizophrenic animal in the world around every day it's bound to rub off on you, Cats are either cuddling up against your leg or using it as a scratching post. They are either trying desperately to get your attention or sneaking up behind you and scaring the shit out of you. They are either laying around doing nothing all day, or they won't sit still for two seconds. All they do is think of new personalities to embrace. They are the most unpredictable little bastards on the planet. I have had drunken bowel movements that were more consistent than cats. Just when you think they can't be anymore annoying you go to the one place where they can't bother you and you have to deal with the worst smell on earth. A fucking litter box. I swear to God that thing couldn't smell worse if it was full of actual human shit. I would rather just have a huge port-a-potty in the middle of my apartment then deal with a litter box in my bathroom. Only a cat could ruin the best 5-10 minutes of every day without actually being there. Don't give me this 'parasite' nonsense. The only parasite responsible for the bi-polar nature of cat owners is the cat itself. Fucking things are just a leeches that suck the life out of their owners one knocked over picture at a time. However, let's not get this whole cause and affect thing twisted. Most cat owners are single females. The most irrational and schizophrenic species of them all. You can't blame the cat for multiple personalities when the cat is a reflection of society's lack of desire to be around you. There is a reason single females get along with cats. They have far too much in common with them. If there is a single cell parasite that cats are dragging around with them then it's got to be estrogen. Whoops: A California Woman Had Her Uterus Removed Because The Doctor Mistook Tattoo Ink For Cancer6/12/2015 Daily Mail- A California woman with cervical cancer believed more tumors had appeared when ink from her tattoos were mistaken for the disease on a body scan.
The unidentified 32-year-woman's lymph nodes lit up during a PET scan which led doctors to believe the cancer had spread, according to Livescience. However, it was after surgery that doctors realized the lymph nodes actually absorbed some of the ink from the more than 14 tattoos covering her legs and thighs which caused them to appear as cancer on the scan. 'Those lymph nodes that were lighting up brightly on the PET scan were doing so because of the tattoo pigment that was in the lymph nodes,' Dr Ramez Eskander, assistant clinical professor of gynecologic oncology at the University of California, Irvine, told Livescience. To treat her cancer, doctors removed her uterus, cervix, Fallopian tubes and pelvic lymph nodes, according to Livescience. Following the surgery and after examination of the cells from the lymph nodes, doctors learned the cells contained deposits of tattoo ink and not cancer. Psshhhh, 12 years of school and you still can't even get it right. Kind of nice to know that even doctors make mistakes, no? Well, not if you have an appointment anytime soon, or if you are this woman that just the better part of her groin removed. However, I still think we are going to have to give this doctor a pass. You don't know that tattoo ink looks like cancer until you mistake tattoo ink for cancer. Fool me once, shame on you, as they say. Can't really blame the medical expert for this one. I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure they don't cover that in medical school. Generally speaking, it's probably safer to assume that a cancerous person has cancer in their lymph nodes instead of a little bit of body ink. If someone broke into your house with a knife in their hand you wouldn't assume that the red stuff on their shirt was ketchup. It's like filling a 'Poland Spring' bottle with water and leaving it around the house. Of course your guests are going to think it's water. It's supposed to be water. 99.9% of the time it is water. If the label says water then it's water, and if the multi million dollar PET scanner says it's cancer then it's cancer. I thought we had already gotten to the point where we could trust machines? Can't fault the doctor for not recognizing some tattoo ink if it was wearing a good enough cancer disguise to fool technology. I guess the takeaway here is don't get pelvic tattoos if you have cancer? Maybe use the non-cancerous areas of your body as a canvas until you beat the disease? See, you do learn something new everyday. Regardless, there is quite the silver lining to this conundrum. If I know one thing it's that you can't get uterine cancer if you no longer have a uterus. This doctor may not have the diagnosing thing down to a science, but he's quite the idiot savant when it comes to preemptive cancer removal surgery. I don't think you can go as far as calling this malpractice. In fact, if the whole point of practice is to become better at your craft then this was one of the most productive practices ever. Fuck what Allen Iverson has to say, it appears practice can make perfect, even if it does claim a cervix and some completely healthy fallopian tubes along of the way. Sun Times- A Texas man was arrested last week after authorities discovered he had sexually abused a horse in February, breaking his leg in the process.
According to The Daily Mail, Cirilo Castillo Jr., 45, was arrested on June 2 after authorities were able to determine he had performed a sexual act on a horse and lied about how he had broken his leg. In February, Castillo had been found inside a woman’s barn with an injured leg and told authorities that he had been hit by a car and crawled to the barn for shelter. However, Castillo had a history of sexually abusing horses, and had been ordered to stay away from the barn by its owner. The Houston Chronicle reports that authorities now believe a horse kicked Castillo and broke his leg while he was attempting to perform sexual acts on it. You know how when men make rape allegations against women it is always laughed out of court? It's always slid under the rug and considered a joke. How could a woman psychically dominate a man to the point of raping him, right? Well, I think I feel the same way about sexually assuming a horse. First of all, I wouldn't even know how to fuck a horse. If I had to take a guess I would say that missionary is the probably the most commonly used position during rape, and I have never seen a horse spread eagle on it's back. I just don't think you can achieve penetration with a thoroughbred 8 times your size without a little help from the receiver. It's not rape if you like it, as they say. In my estimation, if a horse doesn't want a person inside her it's more than capable of making sure a person isn't inside her. Did the horse say no? Did the horse tell him to stop? If I was out having drinks with a mute I would probably find myself confused as to when it was okay to make a move as well. Maybe there was a little miscommunication with the non-verbal cues. Maybe the horse should be a little more careful with whose thigh she rubs up against. If the horse wasn't twirling it's mane like a floozy we aren't having this conversation. I don't want to victim blame, but it seems to me this mare had one too many sips from her water dish on the night in question. You want to tell me the horse that broke the guy's leg was raped I will give you that one, but the first two horses liked it and they know it. There's a big difference between being a first time horse rapist and a serial horse rapist, although neither really have a leg to stand on, pun intended. Jezebel- A South African man who’d had his penis destroyed in a botched ceremonial circumcision has gotten a new lease on his sex life and is allegedly becoming a father. The Washington Post reports that the unidentified man, who’s the recipient of the first successful penis transplant in history is doing so well in his recovery that he’s already impregnated his girlfriend, just six months after surgery.
The man’s new penis, harvested from a donor and augmented with abdominal skin, marks the first time that a transplanted penis has achieved full functioning. This procedure is especially necessary in South Africa, according to The Post, due to the large amount of ritual circumcision that happens within the Xhosa tribe. The Post reports that penile amputations happen at an alarming rate, approximately 250 per year, due to infection and other complications related to the removal of the foreskin in unsanitary environments. I'll tell you what, it's a double edged sword with these fully functioning penises. Apparently it's the same for someone that can lay claim to the first successful dick transplant. Sure, he's able to achieve a full on erection. That may see like pretty good news considering the whole botched circumcision that had his groin undoubtedly looking like a scene from 'Saving Private Ryan'. However, I bet when he got his cock destroyed he thought the last thing he would have to worry about is wearing condoms ever again. Don't tell me he didn't think the inability to impregnate someone was the one silver lining of having a 'Frankenstein' dick. You think this guy just broke down in tears when he found out his girlfriend was pregnant? Talk about a roller coaster of emotion. One second he's letting his flag fly for the first time in years, and the next moment he's having a kid and won't even need his dick ever again. This guy is months out from getting a new lease on life and his life is already over. This might be the one time in history where it's okay for the man to have the final say on the abortion. Couldn't they have just banged out the vasectomy while they were already in there? How the hell do you even connect the wiring to get kids out of someone else's manhood? I imagine it's like those scenes in movies where they are sweating profusely trying to disarm a bomb. Except instead of trying to cut the right wires they are trying to connect them. I bet they just said 'fuck it' and started tying things together down there. "Red to blue, Yellow to green. Ahh, who gives a shit? This fucking thing isn't going to work anyway." Who knew his swimmers would feel so comfortable going down a new slide for the first time? Live look at the proud father...
USA Today- "I think he jumped into the cameraman," Bogut said when asked to give his perspective on the play. "Yeah, I think he came down and took two steps and then fell into the cameraman. I definitely, definitely didn't hit him that hard."
When the reporter replied by saying, "That's how you saw it?" Bogut said, "No, that's how it was. If you look at the replay, you can see the two steps being taken and then him falling into the camera. That's what we saw on the replay, and that's what my teammates saw." 'When Flopping Goes Wrong' featuring LeBron James. Seriously, if we are going to applaud this guy for being potentially the best athlete the world has ever seen can we at least acknowledge when he embellishes contact? I actually respect the shit out of Andrew Bogut for not leaving it up to interpretation. Just flat out said he jumped into the crowd. Said exactly what everyone with brain was thinking. LeBron James took two complete steps after the contact and FLUNG himself into the camera guy. Imagine what that guy was thinking? One second King James is getting fouled under the basket, the next second he is charging your thousand dollar piece of livelihood like a raging bull. You go from getting a great photo to being the person 'responsible' for, what looked like, the brutal homocide of the best basketball player in the world. Not a good day to be in the photography industry, eh? Bet that guy moves back a few rows and puts that 'zoom' function to use in game 5. Hopefully that 'headache' that LeBron will undoubtedly continue to complain about doesn't affect him the rest of the series. Two more loses and this guy will go from sitting court side to being plastered on every light post in Cleveland as public enemy number one. Now I don't think he intentionally went head-to-head with a 'Canon', but don't tell me he didn't try to make that foul look worse than it was. If there was anything flagrant about that play it was a flagrant display of overacting. Either that or we could just believe that an average, run of the mill foul sent a 6-8, 250 pound athletic freak barreling 10 feet into the crowd. Oh well, had to happen some time, right? Players have stopped at no length to draw fouls in recent years. There had to be some downside other than a minuscule fine here and there. I think this is a pretty solid punishment for flopping. That should be the new protocol. If you exaggerate to draw a call you get beat over the head with a 30 pound camera. Don't tell me that won't bring the game more integrity.
A little offensive/defensive line drill and Matt Kemp pretty much got pancaked. Poor guy. Looks like someone has no future as a pass rushing specialist. In reality he just kind of took a misstep and his momentum along with the umpire leaning on him took him to the ground. However, that justification isn't going to make him feel any better about it this morning. It doesn't matter how you got to the ground if the person standing over you is the man in blue.
Seriously though, I think Matt Kemp handled this all wrong. If you are in a scuffle and let an official of any kind emasculate you there is only have one feasible option after that. You have to lose your mind. I am talking doing anything and everything to make sure you fight someone. Maybe grab a bat and go 'Tony Soprano' on somebody's knee cap. Anything to make sure the biggest story isn't you getting rag dolled by the ump. No fine or suspension is worth more than your pride. If Matt Kemp went 12 rounds with the pitcher I am not blogging about him getting punked right now. I am blogging about how he is a bad ass that hit the pitcher with a little high heat of his own. You can't just sit there and have an entire dugout laughing at you. I'm sure this started over a little false machismo, but there is always a point when a fight gets real. Usually that point is when the first punch is thrown, but the first time you hit the ground works too. You have to avenge your embarrassment, no matter who the other party may be. Either that or you just have the internet calling you a pussy on a Friday morning, and that's pretty much the worst thing that can happen to anyone, just ask LeBron. MSNBC- Controversy is swirling around one of the Spokane region’s most prominent civil rights activists, with family members saying the local leader of the NAACP has falsely portrayed herself as black for years.
Rachel Dolezal is president of the Spokane chapter of the NAACP, chair of the city’s Office of Police Ombudsman Commission, and an adjunct professor at Eastern Washington University. The Spokesman-Review reported Thursday that questions have arisen about her background and her numerous complaints to police of harassment. The story was first reported by the Coeur d’Alene Press. Dolezal’s mother, Ruthanne, says the family’s ancestry is Czech, Swedish and German, with a touch of Native American heritage. Dolezal has identified herself in application materials as white, black and Native American. Well, here it is folks. The day has come. How far is too far? Being transgendered is praiseworthy, but what is being trans-racial? Really, what''s the difference? That this woman did a better job of transitioning? That she didn't turn her life change into a national news story and grace the cover of 'Vanity Fair'? Sure, this woman got her job under false pretenses, but who hasn't lied on a resume? This lady just did a far better job of it than glorifying her Microsoft Excel skills. Sure, she lied about her ethnicity. However, if someone feels like they should have been born black they are basically black, isn't that the criteria we have decided upon? Caitlyn Jenner tucked her dick back and got a boob job and all the sudden everyone and their mother was calling her 'she'. Imagine she got turned away from a job because an employer still considered her a man. I legitimately think it would cause the next World War. Why is it different when a white woman applies as a black woman if that's what she fancies herself these days? We have created this culture of everyone needing to feel comfortable in their own skin. It just so happens that Rachel prefers hers a littttttle bit blacker. Who can blame her? The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice. Everyone looks better a few shades darker. I'm at least 1 point higher after I burn that first layer of skin off in the summer sun, and this broad got at least a 2 point bump with her race change. I understand why black people would be a little upset about this, but it's actually quite the compliment. This woman wanted to be African American so badly that she lied about her entire life. I wanted to be black in high school and all I did was buy a bunch of track suits, fitted hats, and rap mixtapes. You want to get mad at someone get mad at my pasty ass. There becomes a point where it's less about how she got her job, and more about how good she is at it. That is why I think there is a statue of limitations on getting outraged about this. If a person can 'play' a race for a couple years, in a job that is predicated on her race, and not ever show signs of not being that race it might just be time to tip our cap and move on. I think I would last like 3 weeks as a black person until I got caught singing along to 'Journey' at karaoke night. The first time I went off the board with an order at Starbucks they would shred that black card before I could even pull the race card out. I would be busted the first time I let a dog lick my face or sat quietly through a movie. Some may think it's disingenuous that she claimed that the police harassed her because of her race, but who would know better than the person who has lived as both races? If you live like a member of the black community then what's wrong with identifying yourself that way? Don't tell me that we are distinguishing between race and sex differently now. That would be racist....or sexist....Hell, I don't even know, but it would be some kind of prejudice. That, my friends, is just unacceptable. P.S. Just goes to show that if you have some skeletons in your closet you better do everything in your power to make sure that door stays locked shut. Can't just go around changing faces then pissing off the people that know about it. Her mom has got to a racist, right? Why else call out your own daughter and subject her to this amount of criticism?
NBA Finals. Game 4. Warriors Vs. Cavaliers. June 11th, 2015. Write it down folks. The day that will forever be known as the day of the resurrection. The day Black Jesus rose. A recovery of biblical proportions. Son of God? Nope. Son of Anthony and Gloria. Did LeBron fall into a camera and scratch his head or get spikes driven through his hands and feet? Meh, same difference. Lord James, he takes awaaaay the wins of our world. Get the chocolate bunnies ready, it's the new Easter. A day to rejoice in our King. A day to acknowledge what can only be described as a super human feat. Coming back from perhaps the most crucifixion-esque stumble in religious history. The Return: Part 2. First it was Cleveland, and now it is this very Earth. Sing the Psalms. King 6:23. If LeBron can rise again then there is nothing we don't have the strength to accomplish. LeBron James sacrificed two drops of blood to a Nikon to show us that impossible is nothing. We are all witnesses. Body of Christ. Let us pray.
Far be it for me to say that the Saints have replicated the same type of team that brought the Lombardi Trophy home to New Orleans for the first time in franchise history, but I'll be damned if they haven't tried. It's damn near eerily reminiscent to the team that started off 13-0. Sure, Drew Brees is half a decade older. Sure, the wide receiving core has proved next to nothing. However, the offensive line is solidified. A trio of talented running backs looks to be sharing the load. There is young talent at linebacker. A defensive line chomping at the bit to redeem themselves for last season. A secondary that has all the talent, but just needs to prove itself on the field. Lastly, they have added a former All-Pro player that can bring talent and leadership to this team.
Do I think Kevin Williams can have a similar impact to what Darren Sharper (the football player, not the rapist, yes they are different people) brought to the team in 2009? Well...no, but that's only because Darren Sharper had possibly the single best year that an aging veteran safety has ever had. Williams can certainly provide depth at a position that can use it. He still has the talent to be a great player in this league, albeit with a lesser role given his age. At the very least he should be able to institute a wealth of knowledge amongst the crop of young interior defensive linemen. This looks like a solid addition to a more than solid team. Let's hope the quality of the team on paper can transition well onto the field. Either way, it can't possible be as bad as last year. WHO DAT!?!
TMZ- In new court docs, Onyebuchi Awaji -- the off-duty cop Game decked -- says he's suffered a ton of physical, emotional, and financial pain due to the incident:
Pain and suffering: $1,000,000 Emotional distress: $1,000,000 Medical expenses (to date): $50,000 Medical expenses (future): $100,000 Punitive damages: TEN MILLION DOLLARS TMZ obtained video of The Game unloading a punch on an opposing player during a pick-up basketball game -- but we're told the guy threatened to unload a gun in Game's ass before the fight. Hey, I can't hate a man for taking his shot, right? As they say, you only get punched by a famous rapper once. If you're feeling froggish then you might as well leap, but $12 million is a pretty optimistic jump. I guess it all comes down to whether or not you are you willing to accept a lifetime of financial security if it means giving up all your pride and dignity? Can't walk around the office with your head held high if you can't take a punch without suffering $12 million dollars in physical and emotional damages. Give this guy a couple million and make him a full time desk jockey. He can't possibly be held responsible for the safety of the general public if one punch causes a full blown meltdown. If he can't even play in a pickup basketball game without abusing his right to carry a firearm then he clearly isn't stable enough to be put in precarious situations. Probably the same kind of guy that pulls a gun on a couple teenagers in bathing suits, am I right? Come to think of it, might be a good time to place him in protective custody. The last person I would threaten to shoot and then legally extort would be the celebrity spokesperson for the Bloods. If someone that has 35 facial tattoos sucker punched me I would shake their hand, tell them to have a nice day, take my black eye and go home. All things considered it seems like a small price to pay for threatening the life of someone with gang connections. Know what's worse then suffering a traumatic experience during a recreational basketball game? Having your entire existence symbolized by a tear drop tattoo. Seems like a pretty solid life lesson. Might just fit perfectly on his gravestone. Maybe that's how we'll close out his 'Documentary'. P.S. Kind of a sucks that The Game might be out a cool 8 figures, but it's a pretty big compliment that the potential resale value of his right cross is $12 million, no? 25 Year Old Minnesota Man Let His 8 Year Old Cousin Drive Then Blamed Him For Stealing The Keys6/11/2015 FOX- An Eagan, Minn. 25-year-old let his 8-year-old cousin drive his Jeep on Monday, then tried to blame the boy for taking his keys.
According to a complaint, St. Paul police responded to a collision at Atlantic Street and Reaney Avenue in St. Paul where the driver of a Buick said she was driving southbound on Duluth Street preparing to turn eastbound on Reaney when a Jeep struck her front left bumper after making a few abrupt U-turns. She then discovered there was a child driving the Jeep. Blake Dominic Folson, 25, was apparently in the passenger seat, according to a witness, and said he appeared to be controlling the steering wheel with his arm while the child worked the pedals. Folson first told police that his 8-year-old cousin had taken his keys and said he failed to stop him from driving off. The 8-year-old's sister called his bluff and said he frequently allows his young cousins to get behind the wheel, and was trying to blame his cousin in the incident. The cousin told the police that he was indeed driving the car, said, “it was stupid,” and then began to cry. According to a preliminary breath test, Folson blew a .039 and admitted his initial story was untrue. The boy's mother said she wasn't aware Folson had allowed her child to drive. He has been charged with child endangerment. Annnnd, there it is! I was reading this story and just kept saying "okay, when does the alcohol come into play?". Not going to lie, I almost lost faith. Almost thought this was a completely sober 25 year old forcing his 8 year old cousin to drive him around town. Would have been pretty hard to defend if that were the case. Thank God he had some beers in him before he put a 1st grader behind the wheel. It would have been extremely irresponsible if he was of sound mind when he conjured up that idea. Claiming you couldn't stop an 8 year old from driving a car is pretty inexcusable until you have about 6-8 cold ones in you, then it's absolutely legitimate. This is a simple case of picking the lesser of two evils. Would you rather have a buzzed 25 year old driving around or a sober 8 year old? Like most 25 year olds, I am assuming this kid does most of his learning from television, and I haven't seen too many 'Young driving is drunk driving' commercials. Must have missed the 'Drive older or get pulled over' campaign. I guess this guy could have called a cab or got himself an Uber, but those cost money. According to every overseas business plan I have ever seen 8 year olds work free of charge. Plus, you don't know an 8 year old can't drive until you let him try, right? Aren't we supposed to have faith in our youth? What else are kids for if they aren't for exploiting for our benefit? Why do you think we have arbitrary ages for when it's legal for children to drive or make their own decisions? It's because they have to earn the right to do so by spending their childhood as a scapegoat. Are we suddenly not allowed to make children do all the things that we either don't feel like doing, or are too drunk to do efficiently? I got to plead ignorance on this one. I wish I knew this when I was forced to mow the lawn or rake the leaves. Might have to opt out on this whole 'child-rearing' thing if the rules have changed. If I can't trust my kid to take the wheel when I am falling off the wagon then what's the point of reproducing?
Hey, you can't ignore the obvious. For a big guy Miggy has got a lot of wiggle in those hips. Shades of a young Charles Barkley if you ask me. Not the tallest or most slender guy, but he knows how to use his body to his advantage. Bet your ass you can't front guard that kind of lower body strength. Don't tell me the offensively challenged Cleveland Cavaliers couldn't use a little bit of that in the post. He may not hustle back on defense but that's what Dellavedova is for. He certainly puts the rock on the floor more efficiently than Timofey Mozgov. Can't be any less of a post threat than Tristan Thompson. Let's face it, Thompson is a great rebounder but he has about as much offensive creativity as this blog after a night of heavy drinking. The NBA finals is fueled by storylines. If there is an opportunity they can't pass up it's getting Miguel Cabrera and his half assed use of the English language in front of news camera STAT. We can't expect LeBron to keep shooting the rock 40 times a game. He might hurt his leg, or his arm, or some other body part he doesn't know hurts yet. Let's give him a little Latin flare in the paint to spice things up. At the very least it will take some camera time away from the King's hairline, or lack there of. Jesus, if LeBron's hair gets any thinner they are going to have to put it on a commercial with sad music in the background and ask the general public to sponsor it for 20 cents a month. Maybe Miguel can help cover it up with his Triple Crown Award. Now that's some headwear fit for a king. Seems like a home run to me.
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