Couple things here. "Muscle Hamster" is a pretty lame nickname. Hamsters are cute, puffy little pets that, no matter how much time they put in at the gym, will never truly be seen as intimidating. So yeah, I see where Doug Martin is coming from. Unfortunately for him, the more upset you get about a nickname, the more likely it becomes that people are going to call you that nickname. Doug Martin trying feverishly to erase whatever connection he has to a rodent that runs on a wheel only makes it more fun to refer to him as such. You refuse to let something get to you, and people will stop trying to use it to get to you. Pretty sure when my sister stopped crying after every time I made an art school joke, I stopped making art school jokes. Wipe your tears Dougie and maybe people won't find it as humorous to use a nickname that you loathe.
More importantly, you can't make up your own nickname. That's a fact. That's something you learn in grade school. "Call me (insert over glorified nickname here)" only works for like a week when you are 6 years old and you're talking to your parents, and even they hate you for it. Are you a little kid Doug? If you are it would make a ton of sense, because your choice of a replacement name is absolutely elementary. At least with "Muscle Hamster" he has the excuse that someone else created it. It's wayyyyy worse to willingly declare yourself "Dougernaut". He sounds like a lead character on a Cartoon Network show that didn't even make it past the pilot episode. It's one thing for a fan, or a coach, or a teammate to frivolously throw out "Muscle Hamster", but you just know that Doug Martin sat down with a pad and a pen for hours and thought he was a genius when he finally came up with "Dougernaut". As if that's not pathetic enough, I think, all things considered, I actual like "Muscle Hamster" better than "Dougernaut", regardless of who came up with them. Doug Martin is in the middle of an identity crisis, and he's doing a terrible job of altering his ego.
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Source- For the past month, Jonathan Harrington has been living every practical jokers' worst nightmare. The University of Miami student faced a felony drug charge and expulsion from school — all because, he insisted, he'd put out lines of powdered sugar as a gag before a dorm inspection.
When a police field kit returned a positive result for cocaine, though, no one was laughing. Harrington's nightmare began August 30, when his dorm room was scheduled for an administrative search. The 21-year-old English major thought he’d have some fun by leaving lines of white powder, pills, and a rolled-up dollar bill on the coffee table and kitchen counter. Harrington knew it was school protocol to call police when suspected drugs are found, but because the lines were just powdered sugar and the pills were simply aspirin, Harrington figured everyone would get a good chuckle out of the stunt and move on. Instead, according to a police report, the powder tested positive for cocaine. Harrington was promptly handcuffed, hauled off to jail, and charged with felony cocaine possession. For the past month, Harrington has maintained that the drug field kit yielded a false positive. It's not an uncommon problem, actually. Harrington is slated to graduate next spring, but he says the experience is making him rethink his major: “This whole affair makes me consider law.” WHAT?! The university didn't see the humor in the ol' cocaine/sugar gag? How can we even consider this "higher learning" if all the good pranks go right over the head of the administration. I thought college was about having an open mind and embracing creativity, but students can't even use fake narcotics for their prop joke? Whats next? Banning blackface? Is anyone allowed to have any fun anymore? Jesus, no wonder the whole world is becoming so uptight. Everyone is spending their formative years in institutions that completely lack the ability to get a laugh at the expense of potential drug abuse. Listen Jonathan, I don't want to kill your spirit, I really don't. I am not much of a prank guy myself, but I can respect a good one when it is executed right. Part of proper execution is picking the right target. The people that are scouring your apartment as part of their crackdown on drugs? Not the right target for a drug joke. At some point the person you are putting one over on has to be able to find it funny, and cops aren't big laughers. You know that "police field test" that came back positive? There's a reason it came back positive, and that's because it was no more than an "eye test". It wasn't based on the findings of a drug kit, it was based on common sense. Law enforcement isn't wasting their time testing the consistency of a white powder found in a college dorm room. There are undoubtedly situations that are more deserving of their skepticism. You weren't vindicated. You can't be vindicated of your own stupidity. This shouldn't make you consider law. If anything it should put an end to your dreams of standup comedy, because your ability to read a room is severely lacking. Next time you are sifting through fake drugs try filtering your audience while you're at it. Brady Hoke Saying He Wouldn't Have Punted Has Got To Feel Like A Punt To The Dick For Michigan Fans10/22/2015 LBS- “When you play armchair quarterback, the only thing I would say is you’ve got to play to the strength of your football team, and the strength of Michigan’s football team all year long has been their defense,” Hoke said on his SiriusXM College Sports radio show.
“There’s too many mechanical parts to (a punt). I think the one gunner to the field should have been in. If you are going to punt it, there is a way to protect a little better. But I as a coach, you gotta play to your strengths. And your strength is your defense. And if it’s a Hail Mary — because that’s all it would have been — so you open your playbook.” And there's rock bottom. Salt meet wound. Hope your enjoying your new Head Coach Michigan. Sure, he turned the program from a dumpster fire to a championship contender in a matter of months, but he also called for the punt that ended up spiking a dagger directly through your dreams of a college football playoff appearance. Know who that wouldn't have happened under? That's right, the jolly old fat man that was roaming your sidelines last year. Yeah, Brady Hoke was responsible for making the football team a laughing stock for the first time since the Appalachian State game, but at least he had a better gauge on when to punt. Either that, or he never had to worry about it because he was always playing from behind by 30 in the 4th quarter. Whatever, at least you wouldn't have to be concerned about having your hopes dashed by the most improbable of game winning plays. Brady Hoke is all about playing to his strengths, it's just that Michigan didn't have any when he was in charge. I think, if given the choice for one game, I might just choose to lose in blowout fashion to a rival then have my premature celebration cut extremely short by a botched punt. There's something to be said for being able to accept defeat before it happens, and if I was a Michigan fan I probably still wouldn't have accepted the reality of last Saturday. Probably still wake up every morning in a cold sweat thinking it was all a nightmare. He may be a bum whose playing arm chair quarterback, mostly because everything he does is from an armchair now, but you can't say that any single Brady Hoke loss hurt as badly as that one. P.S. No way you choose a Hail Mary over an attempted punt. I don't care if you have the best defense to ever grace a football field. There's a reason why we have never seen a play like the one from last week unfold the way it did, and it's because college football is insanely unpredictable. So unpredictable in fact, that a successful Hail Mary is almost predictable. P.P.S. Does it count as "playing to YOUR strengths" when you attempt a 54 yard field goal against a team that is notorious for blocking kicks? Never forget... Black & Blue Review- “No offense, but I find all media comical at times,” Newton said, via Bill Voth of Black and Blue Review. “I think you guys’ profession you can easily take back what you say. There’s not danger when somebody says it. If it was a pay cut or an incentive, picking teams each and every week you get a raise I guarantee people would watch what they say."
“If you make a bold statement and you’re correct, you should get X-amount increase. But If you make a bold statement and it goes the other way, you get a deduction. And it goes straight to the Cam Newton Foundation.” Say what you want about Cam Newton, but the man values accountability. How can you possibly have a problem with that? Why shouldn't people be held financially responsible for their performance on the job? Why should someone get paid the same amount when they make the wrong decisions as they do when they make the right decisions? Yeah, it's a bit ridiculous to expect media members to predict the outcome of something as unpredictable as sporting events with any consistency. Sure, they have absolutely no control over the athletes of whom they are making educated guesses. However, how can we expect them to perform to the best of their abilities if their paycheck isn't on the line? I bet they don't even put any thought into it. Probably just close their eyes and pick winners out of a hat. Pretty sure none of the experts even knew that Greg Olsen was the Panthers only receiving threat when they tempered their expectations prior to the season. Surely they didn't see Kelvin Benjamin was out for the year when they picked them to miss the playoffs. That's what's wrong with the media these days. They just frivolously pick who they think is going to win without any facts. It's sad really. These analysts that can't tell me the exact result of parody ridden NFL games before they even start are compromising the integrity of the sport as we know it. While we are on the subject Cam, what do you think you deserve to get paid for the first half of last season when your quarterback rating resembled my grade in freshman calculus? What's your contract say, $20 million a year? I was thinking like 6 cents on the dollar for each abominable performance. Seems pretty reasonable for the dime-a-dozen debacles you were putting up on a weekly basis. Now those were fucking comical. If you're going to start stipulating the contracts of the media then it's only right you do the same for yourself. Wouldn't want to be labeled a hypocrite or anything. I mean, if people that have no impact on the outcome are going to be risking their livelihood then it's only right the person that is directly responsible for the results does the same, no? That might work out for you this season, but not so much in year's past. It's a good thing Cam Newton isn't sensitive or anything, that would be a terrible trait for a quarterback to have. BSO- Khloe’s lawyer Laura Wasser went before a judge Wednesday morning, asking a judge to withdraw the papers they both signed to end their marriage. The file was sitting in a pile waiting to be processed and signed by a judge.
The judge granted Wasser’s request and the file is now dead. Finally a love story everyone can relate to. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy marries girl, boy ends up on girl's mind numbing reality show, boy develops a drug addiction, girl divorces boy, boy almost dies, girl decides to give boy another shot. I can't tell if it falls under the genre of romance, drama, or horror, but it's a love story nonetheless. There is no love quite like a love that is born from tragedy. In a way, it's pretty clear that Khloe Kardashian never wanted this divorce to be finalized either. If she did, she would have made sure those papers were signed immediately. Especially when she knew that her future ex-husband was a ticking time bomb that was one bump away from a life threatening relapse. Remember on 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' when Larry David wanted to break up with Loretta even after the news of her cancer diagnosis? No way Larry was going to let guilt and shame stand in the way of his own personal happiness, and there's no way someone as self absorbed as Khloe Kardashian would either. That's how you know this was meant to be. Sometimes you just need a sign, and when you are dealing with people as disconnected from reality as Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian then that sign needs to be a little bigger and a little brighter. For instance, oh I don't know, your estranged husband surviving a weekend bender full of whores and blow? No way his body should have been healthy enough to survive that. It's clear he has a bigger purpose in this world, and that purpose is to be one of the patriarch's of the Kardashian family. Got to respect Lamar Odom. You have really got to love someone to almost kill yourself in an effort to prove how much worse off you are without them. Most people would just leave tearful voicemails and not leave the house for weeks at a time. Lamar went on a drug fueled sex rampage and somehow turned himself into a sympathetic figure. I don't know how he did it, but he did, and I'll be damned if it's not an impressive feat. Mirror- A 22 year old rugby player clung on to a woman for more than an hour after she threatened to jump off a bridge. Heroic Michael Owen held the woman's hand as he tried to stop her plunging onto a busy motorway.
The brave 22-year-old was travelling with girlfriend Jemma when they noticed the distressed woman standing on the edge of a bridge near Chippenham, Wilts. The woman had jumped over the bridge's safety railings and was facing the busy M4 motorway below. "We were driving over the bridge when my partner pointed out a woman standing on the other side of the bridge. I immediately pulled over to try and slow down the traffic and to help her. I got to her and started talking to her. She was clearly very upset, so I just talked about anything I could think of with her." Michael said the "clearly upset" woman immediately seemed to calm down after hearing his broad Welsh accent. He made sure he held on to her hand to make sure she didn't slip, despite having broken his playing rugby. Michael said: "We waited a good hour, because she was too frightened to go down a ladder, so they needed to bring out a second engine." An hour? A fucking hour?!? Listen lady, I'm all for the sanctity of human life, but if put yourself out on the edge of a bridge and try to trivialize that sanctity then 10 minutes is the most I got for you. Let's be honest, this broad didn't deserve help. You ever held the door open for somebody that was debatably too far away to hold the door open for. If they don't even make it look like they are speeding up don't you immediately regret that decision? This is that x1,000. Sometimes you have to inconvenience yourself when people are going out of their way to convenience you. That may mean doing a fake jog to an open door, or it may mean stepping down a ladder when a guy has had your life in his broken hand for the last 30 minutes. At what minute mark do you think Michael turned to his girlfriend and said, "why did you let me do this shit?". He would have to be a goddamn angel sent from the heavens to keep a positive attitude the whole time. I bet if his hand wasn't broken (not sure why he didn't use the non-broken one, but whatever) he would have just flung this broad back over the railing without any regard for her health. Probably pop her shoulder out of it's socket in the process, but hey, it's better than an early grave. You simply can't go from ready to jump off a bridge to afraid to step down a ladder. Not at the expense of other people's time. P.S. Note to all those considering suicide. If your first instinct is to do it in public then you probably don't want to die. You probably just want a stranger to give you good reasons to live, and betting your life on the kindness of others is, literally, no way to live. Chris Paul Got Tossed Last Night For Telling An Official Not To Treat Him Like A Little Kid10/21/2015 Do we have a word in the English language that means necessary, but completely useless? Whatever that, potentially non-existent, word is it describes the NBA preseason perfectly. Yeah, the players need to play games that don't count so that the product isn't absolute trash once the games do count. The referees need to get used to officiating games that don't count so that the calls are consistent when they do count. If you need anymore evidence of that then look at the quality, or lack thereof, of football being played during the first month of the NFL season. Regardless, as important as it is to the NBA regular season, it's just as unimportant in and of itself. You see it when players with job security make plays they wouldn't think about making when a meaningful win is on the line, and you see it when referees toss out star players for seemingly harmless statements.
Look at this exchange. A pretty clever retort from Chris Paul followed by a completely unnecessary ejection. Chris Paul treating said an ejection like a kid who was told he was getting out of school early. He may not be a "little kid" but he hurried off the floor like one that was rushing home to play his new video game system. If this was a regular season game Chris Paul would have ripped that refs heart out and fed it to his children, not calmly walked off the floor after proclaiming he wasn't a child. I don't even hate the official abusing his authority here. That's exactly what the preseason is for. Usually he has to wait for CP3 to "fuck" him up and down the floor before he can rationalize pointing him back to the locker room. In the preseason he can do it at the most minor of inconveniences. The preseason is just a necessary evil. The players don't really want to be there, and the officials don't really want to be there. This guy threw Chris Paul out because he wanted to make his night as peaceful as possible and Chris Paul left instantaneously because he wanted his night to be as short as possible. Really it was a win-win for both parties. Just don't treat CP3 like a kid when the games matter, or the resulting confrontation won't go nearly as smoothly.
If there is anything we have learned from the last year it's that Michael Bennett is a volume shooter. He's the Jamal Crawford of dry humor and loose connections. Just tossing up anything he can get his hands on and hoping that it lands relatively close to funny. That's all well and good. I thought it was pretty humorous when he said that he didn't like Matthew Stafford because he was from Dallas and Dallas shot JFK. A little extravagant just to get a laugh, but still worthy of snicker. However, denouncing the most American meal of all time is where I draw the line.
First of Michael, and I know you're obviously kidding, but if you want to stand up for the "Indians" you might want to try going with the politically correct term "Native Americans". You know, just so you don't offend every single party at the first Thanksgiving table. Second of all, you can't not like turkey. It's just as simple as that. That's not even to say that turkey is the best protein on the planet, but hating it is simply unacceptable. Turkey is the football of manufactured meat. Even when it's not good, it's not bad. You can know a Jacksonville/Houston game is going to stink and you're still going to watch it 95% of the time, just like you'll lather your your potentially dry, bland turkey in gravy and be satisfied every single time. Turkey is so American that we literally make other American meals, that aren't turkey, out of turkey. Turkey burgers, turkey dogs, turkey sausage, even turkey bacon. Turkey is so American that even the vegans like to pretend they eat it when they have tofurkey. If Michael Bennett wants to work hard for laughs then that's his prerogative, but don't start going rogue and getting unAmerican on us. Disliking turkey because of what we did to the Indians is one step below not liking Thanksgiving, and saying you don't like Thanksgiving is one step below communism. Make your jokes Michael, but don't make them at the expense of our questionable American traditions.
Two in a row? TWO IN A ROW! What did I do to deserve this? Stop spoiling me Devils. Too soon! Too soon! You start fucking around and winning consecutive games and I am going to have to start creating these silly little (and I do mean little) things called "expectations", and that's not good for anybody involved. I am not prepared to have them, and I know damn well the Devils aren't prepared to fulfill them. Settle down boys, or you're going to fulfill our season long win quota by December.
Hey nice game Coyotes. Super impressive really. Weren't you guys supposed to be super young and super fast or something? Looked super underwhelming to me. I mean, you just got outplayed by a team that's like kinda young and kinda fast (but like, not really at all). Might be time to have Max put a ring out to dear old dad to beat some fight into him. Simply can't let Travis Zajac have a three point night against you. Without doing any research that will prove this stat completely false, I am going to say the last time Zajac had more than 2 points in a game was whenever that fairy from Minnesota was on the team. Look at the Coyotes, just letting Zajac hop in the DeLorean and take it wayyyy back to 2012. Don't think I don't appreciate it Arizona, or Phoenix, or wherever the fuck your bankrupt team plays now, just know it's not a good sign of things to come.
How about the Devils finally showing up for a first period? That was a nice change of pace. Playing semi-competent hockey to start the game. Kind of weird that it took a team with a talent deficiency 6 games to play hard from the opening face-off. You would think the first period would be the perfect time for them to come out and take advantage of the other team not yet realizing how much better they are, but hey, but late than never I suppose.
Someone want to tell me why Cammalleri is the only one that wants to shoot the puck? I mean, I'm not complaining, his goal was an absolute snipe, but this overpassing is getting old pretty quick. I'm not even trying to be the annoying, clueless "shoot it, shoot it" fan, but I don't need to see Stephen Gionta coming in on 2-on-1's and trying to thread the needle. Keep it simple stupid, despite what the first two goals might lead you to believe, this team isn't built for pretty passing plays.
How bout Adam Larsson being the best player on the team that doesn't wear goalie equipment? It's not even worth discussing Schneider because every game he plays in he's the best player on the ice for either team, but Larsson? Doesn't seem like too long ago that he was getting yo-yo'ed in and out of the lineup. Now he's just a certified stud. Not even just talking about his OT goal either. His passes are all on the mark, his defensive positioning is stellar, and he's not afraid to jump in and take control of the play offensively. Basically he's everything that Peter Deboer told me he wasn't, which is really helping my immediate purchase of an Adam Larsson jersey upon his drafting look like quite the long term investment. The overtime goal was about as ugly as the first two girl were pretty, but hey, you won't catch me complaining when a Devils defenseman goes coast-to-coast and ends up scoring. Don't look now, but the Devils are hot! Well, relatively speaking. It's more like lukewarm, but with the way this season is set to play out it feels like they are playing on the surface of the sun. Up next: First regulation win, but I'll take them however the fuck they want to come.
Upset alert! Upset alert! IT's NOT an Eagles fan. I know, I know, I didn't see it coming either. Actually, the loser draped in license plates being a Giants fan isn't the most shocking part of this vine. The fact that he has friends is what really caught me off guard. Listen, I'm not saying that there is right way way to be a fan. I'm saying that this is undoubtedly the wrong way. I'm not against loathing certain teams. As a matter of fact, if my team isn't contending sometimes it does feel like my hatred for rivals runs just as deep as my love for my own teams. If the Devils aren't in the playoffs then the next best thing is watching a Rangers loss. However, spending hard earned money to promote teams I despise, albeit negatively, is where I draw the line.
Sweet jersey bro. What did it cost you $300 bucks to deface a perfectly good, authentic Giants Super Bowl jersey by having it cut in half and sewn to the back half of a jersey of a team you hate? That sounds like a logical price tag for something you get to sensibly wear twice, MAYBE three times a year. Dude, if you wanted to make a "0 superbowls" joke you could have just said it on social media. That's pretty much the entire reason the internet exists. You didn't have to have it stitched onto a half/half jersey for $10 a letter. I genuinely don't understand why anyone would ever want to wear another team's colors, even if it was in jest. What's next, is this guy going to buy Eagles season tickets just so he can show up and boo them when they play random teams? That's definitely the way he's trending. The whole point of the Eagles having zero Super Bowls is that they are an irrelevant franchise, but your jersey SCREAMS otherwise. I completely endorse the right to hate your rival with every fiber of your being, but the day you put one cent towards doing so is a day where you really need to start reconsidering your priorities. Any true Giants fan's skin should crawl at the thought of Eagle's green touching their back, even if it is an the form of an ill advised troll. Sporting News- Saints assistant head coach Joe Vitt was injured while chasing car thieves outside his home early Saturday morning.
As first reported by Canal Street Chronicles, Vitt suffered a broken wrist and torn Achilles in a failed attempt to chase two people who were breaking into Vitt's car, as well as a neighbor's vehicle in Old Metairie in New Orleans. The Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office confirmed the report Tuesday. Vitt, 61, saw a shadow move across his front lawn around 3:50 a.m. Saturday, Sheriff's Office spokesman Col. John Fortunato said, via the New Orleans Advocate. Vitt, who has been on the Saints coaching staff since 2006, went outside and found a blonde woman in khaki shorts and wearing gloves about to enter his neighbor's unlocked car. Vitt also noticed a man inside of his own vehicle. When the burglars noticed Vitt, they started to run away with Vitt giving chase until he fell and was injured. Saints spokesman Greg Bensel said Vitt is fine and didn't miss any work as a result of his injuries. You know, over the last decade or so the Saints linebacking corps have been, to put a mildly, a dumpster fire of sorts. There has been a great one here and there. Jonathan Vilma was an imperative piece to winning the Super Bowl in 2009. Stephone Anthony looks to a nice up and coming player that has the potential to lead a defense. However, generally speaking the position has remained much more of a weakness than it was ever a strength . So much so, in fact, that it has led many people to believe that the team would be better off without Joe Vitt coaching them. For a brief moment (multiple seasons), I was one of those people. However, upon hearing the news that he tore his ACL and injured his hand chasing away car thieves, I think I am ready to sign him to lifelong contract. You can't just coach football players by telling them what to do. You have to be willing to show them. You have to willing to lead by example. You can't be a linebacker coach that stands in your kitchen and calls the police when you see someone attempting to steal your, or your neighbor's, car. How can you motivate your players to take on blocks if you won't even take on a blonde broad in white gloves that's trying to steal a $45,000, conservatively speaking for an NFL coach, piece of machinery. Basically what I am saying is that you're not going to fail to set the edge when the man that is telling you to do so was up at 4AM chasing down potentially armed criminals. I can't, in my heart of hearts, blame Joe Vitt for the mediocrity of the Saints linebackers over the past 9 years when it appears he is exactly what a linebacker coach should be. An aggressive, confrontational dude that doesn't let anyone take what's rightfully his. That's the kind of man you need coaching up your defense on the sidelines, whether he's on crutches or not. You need the linebacker coach that tears his ACL and doesn't miss a day of work. They probably had to beg him just to get treatment. Joe Vitt would rather be forced into a hospital visit than take shit from anyone, and I think that bodes well for the careers of Stephone Anthony and Hau'oli Kikaha. Heal up Joe, the boys are looking a little lazy attacking the ball carrier... A Large Majority Of NBA GM's Would Rather Start A Franchise With Anthony Davis Than LeBron James10/20/2015 (LINK TO POLL)
If you are surprised by this then there is really only one explanation. You are forgetting the single biggest hurdle that every great player inevitably faces. Time. Turns out, it actually waits for no man. So while LeBron James is, without question, the best and most valuable player that is currently playing in the NBA, all things being equal, Anthony Davis has 8 more years of basketball ahead of him. A player's age can add to his potential, especially when that age is 22 and that player has shown as much as Anthony Davis. LeBron may be better now, but he's also already surpassed what many consider his athletic prime. Davis, on the other hand, isn't all that much worse than LeBron is now, and has not even come relatively close to entering his prime. Add that to the fact that Davis is the single most sought after commodity in professional basketball, a versatile big man, and it's a wonder that this poll didn't come back in a unanimous decision. If you are starting a franchise tomorrow, and don't sign Anthony Davis above all others then prolonged success was not the deciding factor. Let's not forget that LeBron James hasn't proven to be all that good of a piece to build around. Yeah, he has always been the best player on every team he has played on, but on teams that have been built around him he has just as many championships as Anthony Davis does. That's pretty much the biggest knock on LeBron James. He needs circumstances to be to his liking to succeed. That means the right players around, the right coach, and generally just the right amount of talent. More often than not, circumstances within a franchise are not ideal, so why take a player whose success is seemingly predicated upon such? That could very well change, but even if it does, it won't change until LeBron has already reached the downside of his career. I don't fault LeBron for constantly putting himself in the best possible position to win, but we are talking about this from a franchise standpoint. Why would you take the guy that's shown, on multiple occasions, that he puts himself above all, instead of the guy that just committed 5 years of his career to the team that drafted him? This isn't an opinion, it's a fact. Anthony Davis is more likely to retire a New Orleans Pelican than LeBron ever was to retire a Cleveland Cavalier. If you don't take that into consideration when you are building your franchise then you aren't doing your job. Source- A woman who urinated in front of a Muslim family praying in the park has been warned that she faces jail.
Mother-of-three Natalie Richardson dropped her trousers in view of a couple and their children in Central Park. Richardson, aged 32, then pushed a passer-by in the chest, Plymouth Crown Court heard. She pleaded guilty to religiously-aggravated threatening and abusive behaviour causing harassment on August 16. Richardson, thought to be in the park with her children, also admitted the common assault of a man after the incident. Here's the thing, I have no problem with the Islamic faith. I'm not one of those mouth breathing morons that can't see that there is a distinct difference between someone who happens to be a Muslim and someone to happens to be a member of terrorist group. The whole nation of Islam didn't fly planes into the Twin Towers. Not every person in a turban is overseas beheading innocent Americans. I don't think it takes a genius to recognize that. So while I am not a religious person, I am all about religious freedoms. In fact, I am in favor of all freedoms. Do whatever the fuck you want. I don't care about separations of churches and states and all that jazz. If you want to pray, then pray, it's no skin off my ass. However, don't be mad when someone comes along and pops a squat in front of you while you're praying. Those are the circumstances you may have to face when you do something that is generally done at home, outside of the home. This Muslim family has the right to pray in the park even if people are offended by it, just like this woman has a right to relieve herself in the park even if people are offended by it. Both parties in this scenario are acting in a way that could potentially be frowned upon. One's cause is definitely more noble than the other's, but the best way not to get peed in front of while your praying is by praying in a house of worship. The best way not to get prayed in front of while your peeing is by peeing in a fucking bathroom. It goes both ways. If this women faces discipline for assaulting someone after the fact then I won't defend her on that, but she should be able to urinate in a park, even if she is only doing it to be a bitch. Everyone is entitled to being a terrible person just like everyone is entitled to being a religious person. Generally both demographics should try their best to stay out of each other's way. Sometimes that means praying and peeing before you leave the house, and sometimes that means an uncomfortable confrontation if you don't. Cardale Jones Posting A Super Emo Tweet All But Guarantees A Rutgers Victory Come Saturday Night10/20/2015
Controversy. Give me more of it. I NEED more of it. Ohio State isn't in your corner Cardale. They don't care about you. You should have went to the NFL when you had the chance. They used you because you were their only chance at a National Championship, and now they are throwing your broken and bruised ego to the side like last year's version of 'Madden'. Braxton Miller? Isn't that the guy that used to be good for them like 5 years ago? What are you still doing there Brax? They are never going to let you throw the ball. Transfer. Prove your worth as a quarterback. You won't. I knew you were too brainwashed by Urban Meyer to achieve your full potential. C'mon Zeke, you don't think you can do better than getting 15 carries a game? Urban Meyer doesn't want what's best for you. He is holding you back. He's holding you all back. Too many playmakers. Not enough balls to go around. Just killing your draft status one game at a time, one play at a time. Real men would start a mutiny, but what do I know, I'm just a guy whose seen you all perform far better than you have this season. Must be a coincidence.
This fucking Ohio State team man. They don't know what it's like to face their hardships head on. Best team in all the land. Supposed to be dominating their opposition and they cant even figure out who to start at quarterback. The hardest thing they have dealt with this year is trying to cover a fucking spread. Team is lucky it's got talent, because it certainly lacks gumption. Rutgers has had their whole fucking secondary arrested. They had their best player's entire college career put at risk. They had their Head Coach suspended for three games. They've faced a decade's worth of adversity in like three months, and they still came back from down 25 in the second half to beat Indiana by nearly as much as Ohio State did. There is something to be said for toughness, especially in a hostile environment. Rutgers may not have a future NFL quarterback or a defense that's worth damn, but they definitely have toughness. Toughness that Ohio State seems to lacking in every sense of the word. Please keep tweeting Cardale. Show me that weakness. Feed me that vulnerability. There's no way the image of Cardale Jones sleeping in until 3PM with a pillow pulled over his head doesn't provide Rutgers the mental edge that it needs to win. A house divided cannot stand. Someone has to bring it down, so let me ask you, why not us? Ready the axes...it's time to CHOP the Buckeyes down to size... NJ.com- "I love New Jersey,'' Meyer said Monday during a news conference to preview Saturday's Big Ten clash at Rutgers. "I recruited there for many, many years."
'Pressed on why he "loves'' New Jersey, Meyer said New Jersey's high school coaches are "some of my favorite guys out there.'' "Personally, I love going,'' Meyer said. "I think it's very much like Ohio. I think the respect I have for the high school coaches, the seriousness they take, not just in coaching football, but you get those really good New Jersey high schools, I think it's a lot like here about the attention to detail, about the academic, about the character, about all the things that you look for, and that's normally what my history is. That's what you get out of New Jersey, and that's why we love it.'' Dear Urban Meyer, Fuck you. With love, New Jersey I don't think you get how this works Urban. You can't just pop in for a visit or two with a recruit and start using the 'L' word in reference to New Jersey. You can't love Jersey unless you've lived there. That's written in stone. If you claim you hate it we'll tell you you don't know what you're talking about. If you claim you love it we'll tell you you don't know what you're talking about. The only proper response to "what do you think of New Jersey?" is "it's cool I guess". Jerseyians are very protective of the state they call home. You don't love Jersey. This is like a girl your dating for 3 weeks hitting you with an "I love you". Love me? Bitch, you don't even know me. Urban Meyer doesn't know New Jersey well enough to be declaring his love for it. Just because he got a 4-star or 5-star recruit from here one time doesn't mean it's love. He's letting that one good experience cloud his brain. It's like dropping an "I love you" during sex. That shit doesn't count. That's lust, not love. We're in a long term relationship with this state Urban. You can't just ring it up at 3AM on a Friday looking to get your rocks off. Especially is you are going to start comparing it to Ohio. That's like complimenting a woman by telling her she looks like your chubby ex-girlfriend. Get that backhanded bullshit out of my face Urban. We're next to beaches and cities, Ohio is literally next to nothing. Cincinnati can suck my dick, Cleveland can suck my dick, LeBron can suck my dick, and so can you. The #1 team in the nation has got a price to pay when they enter the Garden State, and love don't cost a thing. Whatever, this is exactly what I want to hear. You know how many Head Coaches have proclaimed their love for New Jersey and then proceeded to win there on a Saturday night in primetime? Zero. All this proves is that we are in Urban Meyer's head. He's got some fabricated soft spot for Jersey, and it's about damn time we penetrate it and make these naive Midwesterners submit in front of tens of thousands of the Rutgers faithful. Before you even ask Urban, it's Exit 9. Expect traffic and keep an eye on the rearview mirror, because them Rutgers boys are coming for that ass. Bitch, who do ya love....
Immaculate conception! I got to say, I thought this whole "closer to God, WWJD" lifestyle was complete bullshit, but you can't argue with that belly. Russell Wilson doesn't even need to fuck Ciara, he just had a little talk with God, his BFF, and God miraculously placed his seed inside her stomach. Doesn't get much more Catholic than helping to raise the new baby Jesus. Where is the nearest confessional booth? I have got a lot of sins to absolve after spending the last year saying that Russell Wilson was a complete fraud. Got to get back in his good graces if he's going to be in the same immediate family as our savior's replacement. Jesus, the born again virgin Ciara, and Russell Wilson as Joseph. Jesus is finally going to be black! Time to trade in your nativity scenes. Who needs wisemen bringing frankincense and myrrh? Tell the 'Legion of Boom' to bring cash and jewelry, this is 2015 for Christ's sake, get that old testament nonsense out of here. Everyone still wondering what's wrong with the Seattle Seahawks? Guys, their quarterback has a biblical bun in the oven. He's a little preoccupied. Playing winning football comes second to making sure the future of Catholicism is in good hands.
“Of course not. You know it’s so funny, I might have had a cheeseburger a little too close to showtime. What’s funny is that I’ve learned after pregnancy your body changes differently. Listen I can have a salad and it’ll be like ‘aww junk!’ It [my stomach] was not that big, they exaggerated that. […] There are other photos from that night where you see how it really was. I’m not carrying anything in my belly but good food.” What's that you say, Ciara just had a double cheeseburger before her performance? Psh, she just went from the Mother of God to a disrespectful public performer. Talk about fall from grace. No one is paying hard earned money to see Ciara with a food baby. Either get pregnant or show up looking unpregnant, you can't have it both ways. Probably broke Russell Wilson's little heart when he found out the little blessing in his girlfriend's stomach was compliments of a cheat meal. Now there's no one to blame for his terrible start to the season other than himself and his offensive line. Poor Russell, now the only baby he is responsible for keeping happy is Jimmy Graham...
h/t BSO
I know this is just one of those spiritual messages that players post to help them feel better about being injured, but yeah bro, we know you would do it all again. Not only because you're a football player and putting your body on the line for your teammates is just something you signed up for, but because you're a redshirt freshman that just became a fucking hero. You're a backup defensive back, that's barely on the 2-deep, and has three more years at Michigan State. For someone that primarily plays special teams, that play was a dream come true. You'd be a goddamn idiot not to do it again knowing the result. This would be like a lottery winner saying he would play the lottery again. A freshman, that only plays sparingly, making this play is like his equivalent of winning the Heisman. Fuck a hip. Most players would give both legs and an arm to be responsible for that big of a play in that big of a game.
That play is going to be broadcast on like 100 different commercials over the next year. It's going to be an iconic play that symbolizes one the of the biggest rivalries in college football. Jalen Watts-Jackson's kids are going to see that play before they even know it was their dad that made it. Decades down the line there are going to be people banging on his door looking for an interview on the 20th or 30th anniversary of that play. I'm almost insulted that he thought that this was something that needed to be said. "Oh, look at Jalen, he's so selfless to make a miraculous play that will go as the craziest finish in college football history". Don't worry man, you're never going to have to make that play again because it was, quite literally, a once in a lifetime play. That's why you should cherish every second in that hospital bed and every second it takes you to recover from that hip surgery. It's a small price to pay to be remembered as a legend. Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever.
Okay folks, here's the good news. This guy was probably only squirming in the grass because he was nursing a bug bite or something, and I don't think you can re-aggravate that by being dropped from a stretcher a couple times. As a matter of fact, there really is no bad news, because this video is as hilarious as they come. You just know this dude that went down was like the 4th or 5th person on that team to get "injured" by tripping over a blade of grass or making minimal contact while going for the ball. That's why the opposition was so insistent on having him dragged off immediately. I am not a big lip reader and I have no idea what language these guys speak. However, I am pretty sure the guy that literally tried to stand his opponent up like it was 'Weekend At Bernies' was saying "oh for fuck's sake, get up you pussy".
You can sit here and say that these trainers only had one job and they didn't even do that right, but it's pretty clear, to me anyway, what happened here. You know when you move into a new apartment and you give an extremely thorough cleaning? Then like three days later when it's messy again you just start shoving shit in your closets and kicking dirty clothes into the corner? This guy that got dropped from the stretcher, TWICE, was that dirty laundry. Whether his injury was severe or not, and I'm leaning heavily towards not, you can't be the 3rd or 4th person during a game to need a stretcher. These guys were already careful in carrying the first couple players off, but now they couldn't give a fuck about how well their job gets done, as long as it gets done in a timely manner. This guy in yellow is basically the spreadsheet that you start at 4PM on Friday afternoon. It's only natural that it's not getting the same attention to detail as the one you start at 10AM on Tuesday. Look, if we are being completely honest, the guy that is able to maneuver from his back to all fours and still lets himself get put on a stretcher deserves to get dropped. Stretchers are always a worst case scenario. If you look like you're able to breathe and move your limbs then you should never let yourself get carried off on a medical hammock. If you do I have a hard time even pretending to care what happens to you. Especially if it's as funny as two dudes tripping over their own feet and dropping your helpless ass all over the pitch. Chicago Sun- Still, he loathes reliving the past—so much so that he has removed the rearview mirror on his car (yes, really) as a symbolic reminder to never look back. His coach at Marquette University, Buzz Williams, says Butler was so sensitive about his upbringing that he swore Williams to secrecy while playing for him.
Okay, first and foremost let me stress that you can definitely refuse to look back without removing the rearview mirror from your car. I just want everyone to know that's not a prerequisite to live in the present. It's definitely not necessary, and more importantly, it's definitely not safe. With that said, I'm not so sure I completely disagree with Jimmy Butler's thought process here. You know how easy it is to frivolously throw around phrases like "I'm never going to look back"? Most of us do it on a daily basis. "I'm never drinking again", "I'm going to start eating healthy", "I'm not going to call anyone a cunt". How often do those things get said without any intent of even trying to follow through on them. That's the main reason why, conservatively speaking, 110% of New Year's resolutions are mere afterthoughts by February. Jimmy Butler might not be someone you want to share the road with, but he very well may be someone you want to share a mentality towards life with. Taking your rearview mirror out to make sure you don't look back is like covering your room in mirrors to make sure you go to the gym. Sure, it's drastic, but don't say it won't provide you with daily reminder that you need. I suppose the negative side of things of things is that you could learn to hate your body pretty goddamn quick if you saw it from every angle every time you changed, but you wouldn't forget about signing up for that gym membership. Jimmy Butler may get in a tragic, completely avoidable accident tomorrow, but at least he won't be focusing on his rough upbringing when he does. Big rewards require big risks, and there's no bigger risk than blindly trusting those driving behind you. Once he gets that monster contract he won't have to worry about driving himself anywhere anyway. He just needs to stay off those damn highways for the next year or so. Either that or he can just tattoo "never look back" on is wrist or something, but hey, what the fuck do I know? I lie to myself all the time. Maybe the only real way to keep a promise to yourself is to drive a motor vehicle without peripheral vision, it's got to work better than whatever I'm doing. LBS- On Monday, Pagano told reporters he is disappointed with the way the Indianapolis Colts executed their bizarre fake punt play, but he said he does not regret calling it.
“No, not at all,” Pagano said, per Kevin Patra of Around the NFL. “Not pleased obviously with the way that we prepared the guys or coached the guys to go out and execute the play. That’s on me. I talked about that at great length and I got to be better. But I don’t regret the play call at all” You know what they say the true mark of a man is? Hint: It's not being a stubborn asshole that's too proud to admit when they are wrong. As a matter of fact, it's the complete opposite, go figure. I don't understand why coaches do this. They know that it makes them look even dumber, right? Like if Chuck Pagano said he regretted calling this play then at least I could relate to him. At least I could forgive him for having a brain dead moment. We have all had those. Maybe not on the sidelines of nationally televised NFL game, but we have all had those. However, blaming the execution when, according to you, you didn't even plan on it being executed is the craziest thing I have ever heard. I don't doubt that his player wasn't supposed to snap the ball, but do you know the best way to avoid your wide receiver over anxiously snapping the ball? DON'T PUT YOUR FUCKING WIDE RECEIVER AT CENTER. This play is so fucking dumb that anyone that stands by it should be fired. Not only that, but if you can't regret calling it then you probably need to be put in a psych ward. I'll stop short of saying he should be put to death, but I got to be honest, that was my first instinct. If you think it's okay to justify that play call then there's simply no longer a use for you on this planet. Get this "no regrets" shit out of my face. If everyone that said they had "no regrets" really had no regrets then everyone would be perfectly content with their lives. I bet there are Colts fans that regretted becoming Colts fan after watching that play, but Chuck Pagano doesn't even regret being responsible for it? Don't tell me you don't regret anything when a play that stood less than zero chance of working could, and definitely should, end up costing you your job. You should regret that, because head coaches are supposed to regret putting their players in a position where failure is imminent. Murderers that don't regret murdering someone should never be let out of prison, and that's exactly what Chuck Pagano did, he murdered the Colts chances of winning that football game. |
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