Source- Eleven people were sent to the hospital after a 17-year-old girl allegedly let go of the steering wheel to kill a spider one mile east of Great Bend in Barton County.
At 1:36 p.m., Diana Nicole Bell, 17, of Claflin, was driving east on U.S. 56 when she noticed a spider on her lap, let go of the steering wheel and started swatting at the spider, according Kansas Highway Patrol reports. She crossed the center lane and reportedly struck the vehicle of Felix Perez, 62, of Liberal head on. Perez’s vehicle then bounced off and struck the eastbound vehicle of Charleeann Dailing, 33 of Satanta head on. The debris from the second collision struck and damaged the vehicle of Dean C. Bell, 53 of Lansing, according to the report. Listen, I would love to sit here and a bash a 17 year old girl for literally anything she does behind the wheel of a car. However, if you can't sympathize with this girl then the real person that shouldn't have a license is you. How am I supposed to get mad at a teenager for ignoring her surroundings and swatting at a spider when it's exactly the same thing I would do? In fact, it's the very same thing that 95% of society would do. You want to criticize someone? Criticize the person that says they would calmly pull over to the side of the road, get out of their car, and brush the spider on to the ground. They are either lying or they are the real danger to society. The person that can make eye contact with a spider and not freak the fuck out is the person that I don't want inhabiting my roads. This girl may have injured 11 people, but a person that would act any differently probably already has at least 11 skeletons in their closet, and I mean actual human skeletons. Shit, if I walked into a spider web and happened to have a knife in my hand it quickly turn into the most gruesome suicide of all time. Fuck that, fuck spiders, and fuck people that say they aren't scared of them. Trying to kill a spider and injuring a dozen people in the process is the most responsible thing that a teenage girl has ever done in a car, and even her victims should realize that. P.S. Back in my youth hockey days we had a prank war going on. Stolen clothes, hidden equipment, post-its on cars, etc. Well, there was a brief minute where the idea of throwing a tarantula in a teammate's car was being thrown around. It was a fleeting moment because that's basically the same thing as murdering someone, but it was discussed. Just had to get that off my chest.
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News10- A Baltimore man is no longer an Anne Arundel County police officer after he was charged for public intoxication and accused of biting another man’s testicles during a fight outside a bar while he was off-duty on Cinco de Mayo.
County police spokesman Lt. Ryan Frashure tells The Capital of Annapolis (http://bit.ly/1QDnjZ6 ) 31-year-old Cpl. Michael Flaig is no longer employed by the department as of Sept. 23, but he wouldn’t elaborate on why he left. Flaig was involved in a fight in May after the victim accused Flaig of groping his female roommate. After the incident, police told local news outlets that during the fight, the victim straddled Flaig to keep him from getting away and Flaig bit his testicles. Well, there you have it folks. All you people out there clamoring that cops can literally get away with murder? You're right, they can, but don't you dare say they can get away with teething on another man's testicle. It might be the smallest of victories, but it is nice to know that my balls are safe from an officer's jaw. By definition that means they don't get away with "everything". There is a line they can't cross and apparently that line is a citizen's waistband. I guess this just means that if you are unjustly being harassed by the police you have to do your damnedest to get them to put their face against your genitalia? That's the only way to ensure that you will be viewed as the victim. I can't fully criticize this officer either. You never know unless you try. I mean, generally that phrase is used to get 6 year olds to eat their broccoli, but I don't see why that logic can't be used here too. I bet you can't point out in the handbook where it says that cops can't bite balls. At the very most it's just an implication. I think we, as a society, need to realize that things can't go unsaid anymore. Too many stupid people exist in every profession to think that common sense is actually common. There's a reason this guy looks so concerned and confused and it's not because he lost his job or because he may go to prison. It's because he doesn't understand why. Poor guy thought he memorized the entire manual and now he's getting laid off for something he didn't know he wasn't allowed to do. I don't blame the department for firing him, but I also don't blame fucking Johnny Bravo for being a meathead that doesn't understand how then world works. P.S. Pretty interesting sequence to go from groping an unsuspecting female to biting an unsuspecting scrotum. He's not the most subtle of (now former) police officers. Way too into surprise tactics.
This is why I have no faith in any team beating the Patriots. It's not that they are that good of a team. I mean, they are a good team, but they aren't THAT good. They aren't unbeatable. Hell, we saw it in the Super Bowl. They were beat. Hand the ball to Marshawn Lynch and run right into the history books as back-to-back champions. I think we all remember what happened there. In a way I think we took a little solace in the fact that Pete Carroll and company gave the game away. It allowed us to say that the Seahawks lost the game instead of the Patriots winning it, because, well, that's exactly what happened.
However, what happens when that becomes a trend? I hate to say it but I think that Bill Belichick is like the ridiculously hot girl standing alone at the bar. You know exactly what to say or do until you are face to face with her and you start stuttering uncontrollable. The Colts drooled on their shoe. They spilled their beer down their shirt. They pissed directly down their pant leg. They let out the loudest of farts during the most precarious of situations. It just doesn't make any sense. A blind kid playing 'Madden' wouldn't call that play, and it's not because he can't see, but because that play is literally too stupid to exist in a video game. The Colts can't even lose to the Patriots because they have already lost to their inability to look past who they are playing before they even start playing them. This game was over the second that Chuck Pagano drew up this strategical abortion and had his team start practicing it. Tom Brady is a great quarterback. Bill Belichick is a great Head Coach. They don't need teams to do them any favors, so when will teams stop doing them favors? I just have a hard time believing it's a coincidence that the two most mind numbing plays of the last year happened against the same team. It makes you question whether Bill Belichick is that smart, or if his mere presence is just stupefying? At this point I'm not even mad that the Patriots are good at football, I am impressed that they are better at mind games. Well, that and the Colts are really, REALLY bad at them. (Also See: DeflateGate)
I have never had my hopes crushed as badly as Michigan fans did on Saturday. As a Rutgers fan, that is QUITE the statement. That's why I am not even sure I can criticize this guy for being reduced to tears. I don't know what I would have done if I was on the losing end of the most bizarre ending in football history. Part of me thinks that no reactionary behavior would have been too over the top given the situation. I probably would have just stood there paralyzed by shock until the entire building emptied, but reality hits some of us quicker than others. I don't think I have ever cried after a loss, but if I was going to it probably wouldn't have happened until I tucked myself safely into bed and realized what I witnessed. If I were to give a word of advice to this guy, it would be to do the same.
It's not so much the crying that's unbearable, it's this guy's specific cry. Jesus Christ, pray for his wife, or his girlfriend, or his future wife, or his future girlfriend, or whoever he has to pay to have sex with him because no one can stand him long enough to be a in relationship with him. If you cry over college football you'll pretty much cry over anything, and you can't be a habitual cryer when you have the most irritating cry known to man, woman, or child. This guy is like the Dakota Fanning of crying. He's making my ears bleed. I went into it wanting to feel bad for him, and I wanted to put a muzzle on him 10 seconds into the video. He has to be single because you literally can't take this guy anywhere. His cry doesn't even sound like a cry. He basically owns the world's worst cry that's wearing the disguise of the world's worst laugh. Imagine trying to bring this guy to a funeral. The whole family would turn around like "what's so fuckin' funny?". God forbid someone took him to see 'The Notebook' in theaters. There would be so much popcorn thrown that they would have to pause the movie. There's not a single sad situation that this guy couldn't turn awkward with one single pout. If Michigan fans want to cry it out then be my guest, just make sure you don't sound like a cartoon while you're doing it. Cheer up Charlie, you'll get 'em next time...
h/t YardBarker
Outside Of The Whole "Almost Dying" Thing, It Appears That Lamar Odom Has No Brothel Ettiquete10/19/2015 Page Six- A “shady” character who claimed to be Lamar Odom’s manager showed up at a Nevada brothel just hours after the former NBA player was discovered unconscious and demanded to take all Odom’s things, the whorehouse owner told The Post.
Bunny Ranch owner Dennis Hof said the man came and took Odom’s cellphone and belongings, but another man, who claimed to be Odom’s bodyguard, came by later and said he had no idea who the first guy was. “I don’t know if I got conned,” Hof told The Post. “I think when this all shakes out, this a shady motherfu–er. I didn’t recognize him. Something was up.” I hope Lamar Odom gets well, I really do. I was never a huge Lamar Odom fan on the basketball court, and I definitely don't watch the Kardashians, but supposedly I'm a human with a heart so I hope he overcomes the addictions that plague him. With that said, I can't feel too bad for him here. I mean, I can feel bad that he almost died, but I can't feel bad that he got his belongings stolen after he almost died. You just have to be a better brothel goer than that. I have never been to a brothel, but I would imagine it works much the same as prison. Anything that goes into the brothel with you, might not come out with you. That's probably why most people pay their sex workers in cash. You don't want your phone taken then don't bring it to places where it's most likely to get taken. It's not like you need to stay connected to the world when you're going on a weekend bender filled coke, dick pills, and whores. It's actually probably better you leave your ability to contact others at home. Hey Dennis, did this "shady motherfucker" happen to look anything like your brother in a ski mask? Like, come on, we are talking about the owner of a sex ranch. If Lamar Odom's shit was stolen then it was stolen from the guy that had already stolen it. Probably would have been a good idea to pack Lamar's bag for him and throw it in the ambulance with him, no? I don't take Dennis Hof to be the type to sit there scrolling through contacts, calling people to let them know that someone left their phone. That fucking thing was one visit to Verizon away from being given to some random hooker as a Columbus Day bonus. Brothels don't have 'Lost and Found's' as far as I know. I think it's one of those situations where anything left gets treated as a tip for fulfilling the undoubtedly disturbing fantasies of men. If you had a prostitute over your house and she stole your wallet would you call the cops, or cancel your credit cards and call it a day? Just because these pros are technically legal, doesn't mean that they play by a different set of occupational rules.
Fire&Ice- After Stempniak's shot bounced back out of the net, Rangers center Derek Stepan, who was the lone defender back on the 2-on-1 rush, turned and flipped it up into the netting behind the goal, probably in frustration, and it fell into the stands where a female fan ended up with it.
“So, I grabbed a puck from the score box and found the girl behind the net and asked her to switch pucks by the Zamboni doors and she just switched pucks,” Greene explained. “So, that was nice of her.” Greene then presented the puck to Hynes in the postgame locker room. “It feels great,” Hynes said of getting his first win. “I am really happy for the team. I feel like we've gone through a lot of changes since training camp. I really credit the players' attitudes every day. They have worked to get better and it is gratifying for our guys to get a win after all of their hard work.”
Fret not Devils fans, for while the weather gets colder, you can rest easy knowing that the team is keeping warm in their Derek Stepan skin suit. All up under that epidermis like a bacterial disease. Festering and rotting, minute after minute, hour after hour. John Hynes and Co. get their first win and send Derek Stepan directly to the IR. Now that's what I call a "staff" infection. Will someone get this guy a doctor? The Devils are dancing around in his head like sugar plum fairies. He's like two minutes away from a mental breakdown. You let this linger and he may never recover physically or emotionally. Poor guy scored two minutes into the game and convinced himself it was over. Hope he wore his reading glasses for overtime or being on the receiving end of some bukkake from Stempniak and the boys might blind him for the foreseeable future.
I'm not even hating on Derek Stepan for shooting the puck into the crowd. He had no choice. The Devils invaded his home and stole a win from right under his nose. That will force any man to act irrationally. Hide ya kids, hide ya wife, but we're taking that 'W'. Might not be easy, but that door is coming down and that rat trap you call "famous" is getting violated. If shooting John Hynes first game winning puck into the stands makes you feel better about that then so be it. That won't change the outcome, and the outcome is years of therapy to help Derek Stepan mentally overcome that time the Devils sodomized him in front of all of his fans. Pray for Steppy, he's going to be hearing the sound of crossbars in his sleep. Might as well get him a straight jacket now. He's been reduced to merely a puppet and the Devils are the ones pulling the strings. P.S. Of course Greeney got the puck, of course he did. That's what Captains do. When defeat seems imminent they stop pucks at the goal line, and when their opponent flips memorial pucks into the stands out of frustration they go retrieve that shit. Got to be the mediator between the coaches and the players and nothing will do that better than than getting the former a token to celebrate the achievements of the latter.
Okay, so maybe "waxed" is it a bit extreme, but it's my blog so fuck you. As far as I'm concerned nearly 60 minutes of shutout hockey is domination, so now that I think about it, "waxed" might actually be too kind. Either way, don't look now Devils fans, but this team is actually capable of competent hockey, and no I am not basing that off one Sunday afternoon game against the cross river rivals. The Devils, outside of two of the worst first periods of hockey you'll EVER fucking see, have played a pretty good brand of puck the last two games. Consider that they were a bullshit disallowed goal (really wish the NHL was fluent in common sense) from potentially beating a talented Sharks team in regulation. Consider that they took the Rangers best shot and responded with a come from behind road victory. I'm not saying they are going to get mistaken for a playoff contender anytime soon. I am saying that if these games, and specifically the win over the Rangers, didn't excite you then I would stop watching Devils hockey, because it might not get too much better than that.
I think everyone, that understands the state of the franchise, knows that John Hynes is going to be here for a while. With that said, it's about to be a long season, and even if they play "faster" it's still going to feature a bunch of speed bumps. Speed bumps that will undoubtedly be blamed on the coaching staff. Well, if John Hynes wanted to do his best to avoid criticism, getting his first win at Madison Square Garden is a hell of a way to do it. That's got to buy him at least 20 games of good will. John Hynes could pull the goalie in a tie game on the penalty kill and I would still be like "ehh fuck it, he beat the Rangers, he must know something I don't".
I have a proposal for Rangers fans. I think Adam Henrique is really starting to kill Lundqvist's confidence. I mean he literally scores on him every fucking time they play. Would you be open to starting down 1-0 if we sit Henrique for the first two periods of every head to head matchup? I'm just looking out for you guys, because 60 minutes of the real Henrique appears to be far too much for Lundbutt to handle. With the playoffs undoubtedly in your future I wouldn't want one lowly Devils player to be the reason Henrik finally cracks emotionally. Laugh now, but there will be a day, hopefully prior to a game 7, when Chris Kreider walks in on Henrik Lundqvist crying on the toilet while reading his stats against Adam Henrique. Just don't say I didn't warn you.
Listen, this team still isn't good. They are still heavily reliant upon Cory Schneider to stay in games. They still have their moments where they make Bantam level passes look like rocket science. They still refuse to shoot in obvious shooting situations, and miss the net 75% of the time when they do. However, they have shown an ability to create scoring chances. They have shown an ability to bend but not break on defense. They have shown an ability to play competitive hockey. I'm glad the Rangers were the ones that were there to witness that ability first hand. So close, yet far away. Better luck next time...cocksuckers...
See, that's the funny thing about sports, because as much as we use the term "Cinderella story" in reference to athletic competition, there was no one that got the life ripped out of them in Cinderella's story. Michigan State may have found their glass slipper, but it wouldn't have been possible without Michigan tripping over the curb, breaking their face, and dropping it at their feet. It's sports. It's euphoria. It's heartbreak. One doesn't happen without the other. The feel good moments just don't feel as good without someone on the other side feeling equally as bad. The bad times wouldn't feel nearly as shitty if there wasn't someone on the other sidelines celebrating. With that said, let's do a little dissecting of these radio calls from, quite possibly, the most unlikely ending in college football history. Probably best to start the Michigan call just in case there are any Wolverines fans reading this. Wouldn't want to help the ink dry on their suicide note by subjecting them to Michigan State's happiness before their own misery...
Oh man, have I been there. Well, not exactly there. I have never had to remain professional while watching my team viciously murder my spirit as a sports fan. However, I have been in a situation where something so tragic happens in a sporting event that you go into immediate denial. The first half of this call was exactly that. Just conducting business as usual, announcing it like it was any other play. Not acknowledging how crazy, or how meaningful, it actually was. You want to know the exact time that this guy realized what happened? When he paused for a second and said "...on a punt". That's when misery and reality teamed up, reached into his chest and pulled his still beating heart directly out of his body. You can tell from his change in intonation. Thats when it became real, and if you have never had an instance like that in your life then stop claiming you're a sports fan.
Okay so, slightly less professional, but honestly who could even blame them? This feeling right here? The unbridled, childlike joy? It doesn't get any better than this. The involuntary screaming of "ball" like a Tourette's patient that went off his meds? The short pause, that seems like it lasted forever, where the announcers were in utter disbelief of what they were watching? Looking for flags and asking "are you kidding me?" because what's happening is simply too good to be within the rules? Screaming the same thing over and over as they were undoubtedly jumping up and down with the enthusiasm that can only come as the result of being far too invested in the performance of college athletes? That right there is why we deal with all the bad times. That's why we deal with all the heartache. They make times like this so much more enjoyable. Sometimes you go to feel like Michigan before you ever get the opportunity to feel like Michigan State. Sure, these kids in Ann Arbor might drink themselves into an early grave tonight, but if they don't, surviving today will make for a better tomorrow. Well, not actually tomorrow, that was a figure of speech. Tomorrow they are probably still going to be in a deep, deep depression, but regardless it should pay off in the long run. Either that or it's just something that I tell myself, as a Rutgers fan, to keep justifying my purchase of season tickets.
Rutgers Overcame A 25 Point 2nd Half Deficit To Win, For Tonight 'Redemption' Is Spelled 'Federico'10/18/2015 I...I just...I don't...I have nothing. I can't even fathom how I am supposed to fit an analysis of that game into one post. It's probably deserving of at least 3-4 blogs all featuring a vastly different attitude and tone. If you asked me to script my feelings after the first half they may have actually read like the thoughts of a rational, mild mannered human being. If I were to start writing during the third quarter you would have sworn I had my laptop out on the ledge of a 20 story building with me. If you asked me to start typing with mere minutes left in the 4th quarter it would have been a completely blank slate. Partly because I was in shock, but also because by the end of that game there were so many words for it that there were truly no words for it at all. I started the game wanting Head Coach Kyle Flood fired. By the end of the 3rd quarter I wanted him tarred, feathered, and burned at the stake. When the clock hit zeros, for a brief second, I wanted him canonized. Now, I still think he should be fired, for reasons I have already gotten into, but holy shit did Rutgers refusal to give up breathe life back into a program that was on life support. Listen, as Rutgers fans, we don't have to lie to ourselves. As impressive as that comeback was, it was just as much a product of Indiana having a collective stroke as it was Rutgers playing flawless football. I mean, for fuck's sake Rutgers missed two extra points and failed on two two-point conversions. An Indiana botched punt and two incredibly ill advised throws were instrumental in helping Rutgers overcome it's own futility to reign victorious. With that said, Rutgers fans shouldn't feel any less ecstatic about this win. This is a season that was marred by negative publicity and countless arrests before it even began. A season that has seen a head coach get suspended for basically editing papers that a 7th grader should be able to write. A season that saw Rutgers best player face the potential end of his college career for something he didn't even do. A season that has featured a fanbase wide quarterback controversy that the coaching staff apparently doesn't even know about. A season whose one highlight, a hard fought loss against Michigan State, ended in the most 'Rutgers' way possible with a 4th down spike. Let's just say that the sun hasn't exactly been shining on the Rutgers faithful. In fact, the last few months have been a pretty trying time to justify supporting this team. So while Indiana contributed as much to their collapse as Rutgers did to their own triumph, I refuse to make any apologies for how that game turned out. Not now, not never. We needed this one.
The stats are unbelievable. I was trying to find the shortest way possible of telling my brother what happened during the game. "Rutgers was up 27-24 at half, down 52-27 towards the end of the 3rd, and won 55-52 on a last second field goal". Uhh, what? I could just see the confusion on his face receiving that text. That's how little sense that one sentence breakdown makes. A 28-0 run, answered by another 28-0 run, ALL IN ONE HALF OF FOOTBALL. It's only made more nonsensical by the fact that the latter was completed largely without the help of the freakishly good Leonte Carroo. Before his injury he proved why he's a Rutgers great. Robert Martin proved why he needs more carries. Chris Laviano proved that he can, at times, actually be a capable college quarterback. Paul James proved that he has exceptional hearing, because as soon as I started bitching about him getting carries he busted off a game tying touchdown run. The defense proved that even in a game when they look less than incompetent they can still make plays when it matters most. The coaching staff proved, at the very least, that it won't let this team quit on itself. Most importantly, Kyle Federico proved that the only thing a couple of missed extra points does is set the backdrop for the most unlikeliest of redemption narratives. Rutgers wins! Rutgers wins! I honestly don't know how the FUCK it happened, but Rutgers wins! This Couple That Resisted Arrest To Have Sex One Last Time Showcases The Irrational Loyalty Of Women10/17/2015 Mirror- A man and his girlfriend reportedly refused to surrender to police as a SWAT team surrounded their house - because they wanted to have sex "one last time".
Ryan Patrick Bautista and Leanne Hunn, both 34, refused to leave their mobile home as they made love during a night-long stand-off with cops in Florida on Wednesday, the Times-Union reported. Hunn allegedly told police over the phone that she would turn herself in once she had had sex with Bautista for the final time, the newspaper reported. The couple were finally arrested at 4am on Thursday morning after police arrived at the scene at 9.30pm the night before, the paper reported. Bautista was wanted for armed burglary, the newspaper reported. This doesn't sound like all that bad of an idea. I mean, if you are going to prison for armed burglary then you might as well get one non-conjugal visit in before you're behind bars, right? WRONG. It seems pretty praiseworthy until you realize that only the guy was getting arrested initially. I know this chick isn't winning any beauty contests herself, but does that look like the face of a man whose got some dick worth going to prison for? Girlfriends. So loyal. So naive. If the roles were reversed this guy would have bolted out of that RV with hands raised like he was at a 'Naughty By Nature' concert. I know, I know. A lot of you are thinking "but guys will do anything for sex", and that is partially true. Men will do anything for sex...with a new partner. Lame, monotonous relationship sex? Meh, we could it or leave it. Now generally we take it, but if the repercussions are sitting in a cell for an undisclosed period of time then we are leaving it faster than an open beer around Bill Cosby. We might take a bullet in pursuit of a new piece of ass, but we're not inconveniencing ourselves for even 5 minutes to get up in the same girl we've been in 1,000 times before. Especially if that girl happens to the Hanson brother that didn't make the cut and has been chained up in the basement for all these years. I respect this women and her blind devotion to her felonious husband, but she should know that there's no chance that he would do the same for her. Simply put, the best sex is the sex that you haven't had yet. First of all, huge disappointment for Max to delete this tweet. Sure, it's not the most politically correct thing to say, but none of it is untrue. Losing sucks. Getting knocked out sucks more. Getting knocked out by a 25 year virgin that's never had a soda sucks the worst. Plus, there's nothing better than some good old fashioned self depreciating humor. Everyone loves the guy that can laugh at himself, especially when he can find a way to insult his opponent simultaneously. Should have kept this tweet up and claimed head injuries if he was called out for it. What good is a concussion if you can't use it as scapegoat for hilariously inappropriate blurbs on social media?
If you go to BYU are you allowed to have Twitter? I know that sounds like a ridiculous question, but if you aren't allowed to have sex in college then what the fuck are you allowed to do? If BYU players are allowed to have Twitter then Max Morrison may have unintentionally tapped into a foolproof strategy. If you were playing BYU, why wouldn't you start tweeting at their players all week poking fun at their lack of a sex life? That's guaranteed to get in their heads. You either kill their confidence by making them feel bad about themselves, or the players who undoubtedly are fucking finally lash and unveil their premarital sex filled personal lives. Doesn't matter how good you are athletically, that'll get you an indefinite suspension every time. Talk about a win-win for any team that has to play against them. Max Morrison didn't make a mistake by teasing them for not knowing what a vagina feels like, he made a mistake by doing it after the game instead of prior. C'mon Max, how about you and that white trash goatee have a winner's mentality for me one time? In 2009, A Lawyer For the NHL Told Them To Stay Away And Let The NFL Handle The Concussion Issue10/16/2015 Puck Daddy- An NHL lawyer intimated via email that long-term problems associated with head injuries should be tackled by another league dealing with concussions amongst its former players. A 2009 communication being used as evidence in a lawsuit from former players against the NHL said that the League shouldn’t study the long-term impacts of concussions on retired players, leaving that to the NFL, another contact sport league. This comes from NHL deputy general counsel Julie Grand to commissioner Gary Bettman and deputy commissioner Bill Daly. “Personally, I am … least interested in [performing studies on ‘the long-term neurocognitive and psychological effects of repeated concussions among retired NHL players’ because] I’d rather focus on the here and now and leave the dementia issues up to the NFL!” The document states “the NHL has never done a study on the long-term neurodegenerative effects of those concussive blows amongst retired players.” The NFL settled a lawsuit with former players for near $1 billion. Okay, story time... Back in my college days my roommate and I were looking for a bullshit class to take as a schedule filler. We, probably drunkenly, decided on 'Sociology of Women'. It may sound ridiculous that two oft-hungover college guys decided to take a class that would undoubtedly be filled with rows and rows of feminist women, but whatever, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway, upon arriving we realized that the class was made up of about 120 women, us, and one other male. A male that turned out to be far too outspoken for his own good. Let's call him Mike....because his name is Mike. Also, we found out he worked at Applebee's and if his use of discretion hasn't changed, he probably still does. You see, Mike never had a problem voicing his feelings. Feelings that went over about as well as a yarmulke in Nazi Germany. One day a girl was discussing how a guy tried to kiss her twice at a party, and she had to reject him both times. No big deal, except for the fact that she described this as an instance of rape. Well, Mike didn't agree with that. The point I am making is that neither my roommate or I agreed with this girl's premise either, but we certainly weren't about to stand up in a room full of a 100 dry vaginas and tell one of them that she was overreacting. The reason being is simple. My penis is much more valuable attached to my body, but also because unless it's absolutely necessary, you should never go out of your way to associate with something that is so blatantly frowned upon. For us, it was girls frivolously crying rape, but for the NHL it's the concussion issue. I look at it from the perspective of a family. The NFL and concussions are brothers, and the NHL and concussions are cousins. You always have to support your brother, but if your cousin is being a real asshole you can choose to ignore his existence. If someone came to your brother's house claiming he killed someone you would undoubtedly get caught up in the riff raff. If someone showed up to your cousin's house claiming he killed someone you would probably shorten the Thanksgiving roster. The NFL has no choice but to do a bunch of tests, because they seemingly have a new player succumbing to head injuries every day. They have Will Smith starring in a movie that basically takes a 'Cleveland Steamer' all over their reputation. Concussions and the NFL are living under the same roof. I'd have to double check, but I am pretty sure they have bunk beds. Concussions are just the drunk Uncle that occasionally shows up at the NHL's house for a BBQ and ends up spilling all the family secrets. I'm not saying the NHL doesn't have a problem, and I am not saying it doesn't need to be corrected, but the NHL isn't as popular as the NFL. It would be a mistake to engage in something that sheds such an awful light on their product. Maybe the NFL can just fax over the results of their findings, because without taking a disastrous hit to their image the best the NHL can do is offer up some fines, suspensions, and rule changes. Need not look further than Bettman's face in this picture to understand that... Carey Price Says He Didn't Intentionally Take Out Chris Kreider Because He's A Filthy, Filthy Liar10/16/2015
The truth will set you free Carey! Just embrace it. No one will blame you. The New York Rangers went to the Stanley Cup Finals strictly because Chris Kreider took you out of the series. He stole your opportunity to compete on the biggest stage the NHL has to offer. If you want to put that little goalie running bitch on his back then go right ahead and do it. Don't make any apologies. Don't claim ignorance after the fact. That's something your victim would do. You plant him in the ice like the delicate little pansy he is, and when someone asks you about it you plead guilty and drop the mic. Chris Kreider doesn't just need to feel like less of a man, he needs to be told he's less of a man.
You know how I know that Carey Price intentionally hit Chris Kreider? Well, for one, goalies try to take the hit and draw the penalty 95% of the time in that situation, and about about 90% of the time they are successful. Even more telling than that is the fact that Carey Price stood over him like he was staring into a casket. I swore he was going to remove his equipment, bounce off both ropes, and put an elbow directly into his chest. That was such a blatant taunt that even the NFL wanted to step in ad fine somebody. It's a shame that Carey Price didn't have a puck in his glove or he probably would have dropped it next to Kreider like Julie "The Cat" Gaffney in 'Mighty Ducks 2' and skated away snickering. If he didn't have so much padding on he probably would have unnecessarily sauntered over him like Allen Iverson stepping over Tyronn Lue. That's series of events was so emasculating for Chris Kreider that I would be upset if it wasn't n purpose, but let's be honest, it clearly was. LBS- ABC 5 in Cleveland reports that a witness called police after Manziel passed her at a high speed on the shoulder of the highway in his white Nissan. The witness claimed to have seen Manziel and his girlfriend Colleen Crowley arguing and said Crowley tried to exit the vehicle while it was still moving.
According to a police report, Manziel admitted to having an argument with Crowley, who allegedly threw a wallet out the window. Manziel stopped his car once on the side of I-90 and again in an Avon neighborhood and continued arguing with Crowley. After a second witness called police, officers stopped Manziel’s car and spoke with the couple. Both admitted they had been drinking, and Crowley told police that Manziel had pushed her head into the window. She claimed she wanted her cell phone because she was concerned for her safety and wanted to go back to Texas. The police report stated that Crowley had an abrasion on her arm, but police apparently determined that it was the result of Manziel trying to prevent her from not exiting the moving vehicle. While the couple admitted to drinking earlier in the day, officers did not feel that either one was intoxicated and Crowley declined to press charges. Both were allowed to leave the scene. Disclaimer: I am about to give Johnny Manziel FAR too much credit. I am going to assume he was below the legal limit, because, well, he's not important enough to the Browns success to be given preferential treatment in the eyes of the law. Let's talk about what Johnny Manziel's biggest mistake here was. It wasn't consuming a drink or two. His biggest mistake wasn't getting into a pushing match with his girlfriend. His biggest mistake wasn't doing both of those things while being behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. His biggest mistake was staying in his stupid, meaningless relationship after he went to rehab. Oh course Johnny Manziel and his girlfriend are getting into ridiculously public, ridiculously stupid fights. His girlfriend isn't even dating the same person anymore. Let's assume he has cut down on the alcohol abuse since exiting rehab. Let's assume he's trying to turn his life around. His girlfriend didn't sign up for that shit. She signed up for reckless drunk Johnny. She signed up for blow lines off a mirror and talk into a stack of money like it's a telephone Johnny. She signed up for the Johnny that was a champagne spray away from negative publicity at any given moment. She's a smoking hot 20-something that is undoubtedly addicted to money and fame. By going to rehab Johnny Manziel might as well have joined the priesthood. She doesn't understand all that he has to lose. She doesn't understand what a privilege it is to be an NFL quarterback. She's probably an entitled little brat, and I feel comfortable assuming that because when she started dating Johnny Manziel he was an entitled little brat. Birds of the same feather fly together. That is, until one bird goes to rehab and gets his wings clipped. Ever tried to maintain a relationship with someone when they are constantly drunker than you? It's fucking impossible. The sole explanation for like 90% of arguments in your 20's is "he/she drank too much". Although, in her opinion one person didn't drink enough, and I can't even blame her. This relationship died as soon as Johnny Football started caring about life. Alcohol was probably the only thing they had in common. You don't date someone that's straightedge and then stay with them when they develop a heroin addiction, so why would the opposite be true? Relationships are volatile entities, and Johnny Manziel threw off the delicate balance of his by trying to be an adult. Source- Dear Lobo Parents, This morning we received a report from a student that there was allegedly a weapon on campus. After investigating the concern, it was determined that a student thought he heard the word “gun,” but in fact it was another student asking for some “gum.” The safety of our students is always foremost on our list of priorities, so we take these concerns seriously. We continue to encourage students to report anything they see or hear that causes them concern. Fortunately, in this case, it was a misunderstanding and there was no threat to our school or need to conduct a lockdown. Because we are conducting the PSAT, we were able to hold students in their extended class periods to investigate the concern with little to no disruption to their schedule. Sincerely, Michelle Chae Principal, LHS This is the kind of shit we have got to get out of our schools, and no, I don't mean guns. Okay fine, we should get guns out of our schools too, but for the sake of this story, we need to get students that don't understand context out of our schools. I'm telling you, it's the kids that can't figure out sentence structure that are the real dangers to our children's futures. Just running around inserting words where they don't belong. They aren't just below average students, they are rapists of the English language. They don't stand to gain anything from high school. Get those idiots out of our classrooms and into our fast food restaurants. I get it, "gum" kind of sounds like "gun". There could be some confusion there. However, that confusion is easily erased once you use the two words in a sentence. "Can I have a piece of gun?". "Do you have anymore gun?". "I got gun on my shoe." The only statement that really makes sense is "there's gun stuck to the bottom of this desk" and I am going to go out on a limb and say that's not how it was used. Basically what I am trying to say is that kids are ruining the lives of other kids, and it's not always by bringing a firearm to school. It's by slowing down the learning process by literally being too stupid for words. I don't blame the school that overreacted once someone said "gun", because it's better to be safe than sorry. I blame the moron that started running around like a chicken with it's head cut off without even saying "what?" first. A little "excuse me?" goes a long way. Especially when it could result in a school being locked down for a misunderstanding. P.S. The fact that this happened during the PSAT increases the likelihood of the word "gun" being used exponentially, but not enough for me to think this kid has a college degree in his future. Should have gotten booted from the pipeline after he drew a blue duck. Daily Surge- A racial equality officer, gay rights, and anti-rape activist at Oxford University is resigning her positions after admitting she engaged in “not consensual” sex while at a student conference.
Annie Teriba appears to have sterling credentials as an activist. She edited the journal No Heterox**, targeted at Oxford’s “queer and trans*” communities, was a member of the black students’ committee for the U.K.’s National Union of Students (NUS), and worked as a racial equality officer at Oxford. “At this year’s NUS black students’ conference, I had sex with someone,” Teriba said, according to The Guardian. “The other party later informed me that the sex was not consensual. I failed to properly establish consent before every act. I apologise sincerely and profoundly for my actions.” “I should have taken sufficient steps to ensure that everything I did was consensual,” she continued. “I should have been more attentive to the person’s body language. In failing to clarify that the person consented to our entire encounter, I have caused serious irreparable harm.” Teriba further chastised herself for violating NUS’s “safe space” policy and said she would avoid NUS events in the future as a result. Anti-rape activists should always be our first suspects. I want every anti-rape activist brought in for harsh interrogation right now. I'm not saying they are all bad people, but I am saying that they are more likely to rape people than non anti-rape activists. What do anti-rape activists even do? Explain to us how awful rape is? It's not like she's a woman's rights activist that could potentially make a difference. People that rape other people know rape is wrong. They don't need an activist to tell them that it's wrong. I am going to assume that this woman is smart since she went to Oxford. That means she knows her job as an anti-rape activist had no real purpose. The only reason to even do it was to hide the rape-filled life she led. Annie Terriba was just the gay kid that picks on other gay kids because he is not comfortable with his own sexuality yet. She's the morally inferior version of Rachel Dolezal. Just joining an organization to prove to others that she is exact opposite of what she actually is. Common sense says that white people don't work for the NAACP, and rapists don't work as anti-rape activists. Sometimes you just got to hide in plain sight. I love how this chick is talking about rape like she put a piece of her meal on someone's plate and they happened to be allergic to it. Like she bought someone a gift they didn't like. "Oh, yeah, I asked him after and it turns out he didn't want it. Who knew?". I got to say, the way the definition of rape has been transformed is rather unsettling. Am I a rapist? I mean, I don't THINK I am, but I have always viewed rape from the standpoint that you shouldn't have to ask someone after the fact to find out if you did it or not. I always thought it was pretty cut and dry. Have sex with someone that doesn't want to have sex with you or isn't coherent enough to know the difference? Rape. Have sex with someone whose eyes are open, lips are moving, and isn't saying "stop", "no", or "don't"? Not rape. If I have to start asking "may I lick your nipple?" before I lick a single fucking nipple then I might be out on this whole completely consensual sex thing. The progressive rape movement is fucking confusing. Hey Annie, you got a rulebook I could borrow? You're clearly not using it. P.S. This better have been lesbian rape, because if there is some dude out there making women resign after getting a nut then he needs to man up and resign from life.
We aren't even going to get into how terrible of person you have to be to sit by a keyboard and mock someone for having one of the most crippling, tragic diseases known to man. We aren't going to discuss how much of an witless coward you have to be to stoop to that level out of anger induced by a football game.
What we need to be discussing is our plan of action. On behalf of Steve Gleason, in the court of law, I would like to argue that those that suffer from ALS should not be forced into serving jail time, even if the charge is murder in the first degree. Steve Gleason just took this morally deprived bastard and killed him, in broad day light, in front of all of his peers. He beat him to the ground, burned him alive, and then shoveled 6 feet of dirt on top of him. My God, say your prayers for the Atlanta Falcons. Their previously undefeated team had their souls taken by a bad Saints team, and their fans are getting the life ripped out of them by people that look helpless on the outside, but are stronger than they could ever imagine on the inside. What did Steve Gleason do next, you ask? Why, of course he dug him back up, dusted him off, and somehow healed his third degree burns. That's just the type of person that Steve Gleason is. He is the type of person we all, besides this scumbag Ben Tennant, strive to imitate. He is the type of person that is able to forgive and forget, even when the person he's forgiving doesn't deserve to be forgotten. He is the type of person that makes us all better people just by being himself. If ALS absolutely had to exist than it had to be someone like Steve Gleason that got it, because he's one of the only people strong enough to fight it. The real crime in all of this is that ALS stole our chance of ever sharing a beer with Steve Gleason. Okay fine, that's not the "real" crime, but you know what I mean. It's clear that he, even with the disease that has disabled him, is still the same guy he's always been. I'm just not sure any of us can say that would be the case if we were in that wheelchair. Gleason is funny, strong, and inspiring whether in sickness or in health, and that only becomes more clear when he is faced with people like Ben Tennant. People that should feel blessed that they even share this Earth with a person of Steve Gleason's caliber. I would tell Ben to delete his account, but surprise surprise, he already did. Another internet bully dies at the hands of wit and intelligence.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. To say the least, Sean Payton has not done his best work coaching the New Orleans Saints this year. That is for a variety of reasons. A lack of talent, a high volume of roster turnover, injuries, etc, etc. Still, the point remains he hasn't done a good job. If he leaves the Saints following this season, a decision that will likely be made by him, the rest of this year will go a long in way in showing whether or not that is a decision that could benefit both parties. I don't want to say whether or not it could or should happen, because I think there is a lot of football left to be played before it's even remotely close to becoming a major concern.
With that said, of course he is willing to listen to offers. He's a football coach. A football coach with strong ties to the Saints franchise and the city of New Orleans, but a football coach nonetheless. If you are surprised to hear that he's open to hearing out potential employers than you would probably also be surprised to hear that the NFL is a business. Guess what guys? Loyalty only goes so far. I love my kidneys, but I'm "open to listening" to offers if the price is right. I love my manhood, but I'm open to throwing on a dress and getting fake tits if you want to fatten my wallet, make me the focal point of award ceremonies, and give me a TV show. I love my country, but if you offered me enough money, power, and respect I would rule Zimbabwe with a cigar behind my ear and big fat smile on my face. Shit, I'll even listen to an ex-girlfriend if it means sex might be on the table. It might not always be financial, but every one has a price. Sean Payton refusing to listen to those potential prices would be a disservice to himself and his family. If the Dolphins step in and offer Sean Payton an insane contract and free reign over their entire operation then he would be stupid not to take it. That doesn't mean they will and it doesn't mean he will, but of course the potential for it is out there. However, let's not act like Sean Payton already has one foot out the door, because if last night is an indication then that is far from the truth...
Whoa, looks like somebody heard footsteps, and by footsteps I mean the ball bounced near him and clearly caught him off guard. Got to stay on your toes, and most importantly your feet, out there sound guy. Keep your head, and your satellite dish, on a swivel. Either that or you risk being responsible for the most unenthusiastic mic drop in the history of mic drops.
I want to feel bad for him, but it's too funny for me to truly be sympathetic. You remember that YouTube video of the woman getting hit in the head with a shovel? On the surface it was funny, but the sound that it made when shovel hit skull made it hilarious. Kind of reminds me of this. If I only had video of this guy falling it would only be worthy of a smile, but add on the fact that his job requires him to be mic'd up and it becomes an instant classic. Let that be a lesson to you audio guys. If you are going to do something stupid, make sure you aren't loud about it. Just an occupational hazard of the job. I actually may have missed this if the expected sound of the ball landing wasn't followed by a speaker rattling 'thump' out of nowhere. That'll get the eyes and ears on you every time. A kickoff, literally the only time of the game when this guy was going to be seen on the screen AND heard through the speakers and he takes a tumble. I am not a religious man, but that's got to be the Lord's work. Who says the football gods don't have a sense of humor? I think for most Saints fans the Katrina narrative has gotten extremely old. Not because 2006 isn't something that we look back on fondly, but because the NFL has a tendency to shove it down our throats at every single turn. Seriously, go back and watch every Saints primetime game for the last 9 years and tell me you don't see the infamous Steve Gleason blocked kick get shown at least 5 times. Yeah, it was the most special of moments, but it happened during a special season. A special season that stands alone. A special season that holds it's own distinct place in history. A special season that definitely shouldn't be compared to the proverbial dumpster fire we have laid witness to in the first 5 weeks of 2015. With that said, it's impossible to ignore the the wave of nostalgia when something like what happened last night happens. With Steve Gleason sitting front row, the Saints, and Mike Mauti specifically, did their damnedest in recreating the play that pretty much defines the entire city of New Orleans. A play that spring boarded the Saints from the doom and gloom of 2005, to the miracle of 2006 and the Super Bowl of 2009. A play that will live on forever, not only because it's likeness has been sculpted outside of the SuperDome, but because it is the single most meaningful play in Saints history. That play, the one that is responsible for making Steve Gleason the legend/hero he is for the city of New Orleans, couldn't have looked more like the blocked punt last night. A punt that was blocked by Mike Mauti, a New Orleans native that happened to be in attendance on that fateful night in 2006. Talk about deja vu. Talk about divine intervention. It was one of the those moments that make you realize how fucking awesome sports can be. A sequel so perfectly scripted that it's amazing the story wasn't written in fiction. If you wanted to create parallels to the 'Rebirth' of nearly a decade ago, last night was as close as you're going to get. Steve Gleason, once a symbol of hope on a football field and now a symbol of strength and perseverance off of it, trolling the Falcons with a perfectly time hashtag is as good as it gets. The man is battling the most debilitating of diseases (ALS) and still has the sense of humor of the Steve Gleason that played his way into the hearts of Saints fans. If that doesn't put a smile on your face then nothing will. If that doesn't give the ability to stay positive in life then nothing will. If that doesn't remind you that, no matter what happens, everything will be okay then nothing will. Thank you Steve Gleason. Not just for blocking a punt 9 years ago, but for reminding us that life is what you make it. I like to think that play last night was the universe's way of giving back to you what you have given to so many others over the years. Hope, faith, and a reason to smile. |
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