Damn, it's too bad it had to come to this. Nothing signals the end of an NFL career quite like a self shot Instagram video of one of most explosive football players ever providing an extensively drawn out buildup before running through a handful of cones. Don't get me wrong, the change in direction is still pretty impressive to me, but the fact that it's being posted on social media in the heart of training camp and mere weeks before the season kicks off is a surefire sign that it's featured act won't be one of the people that's returning those kicks. Hey, there is a bright side. Who would have thought it would take until 2016 before we had to bid farewell to someone that was responsible for as many absolutely electric moments as Devin Hester? One trick ponies aren't supposed to last a decade in a sport like football, and that's especially true when that one trick is predicated on their blazing speed and sheer athleticism. By all measures other than his numbers, the most decorated kick/punt returner in history should have been put out to pasture years ago. It's to his credit and for our enjoyment that he wasn't, but - let's be serious - this video would have felt more appropriate if it concluded with him sprinting off into the sunset. I appreciate his persistence, but we've likely seen the end of someone that - at times - provided more offense than his own quarterback. I'll never forget that "here we go" moment when the ball would land in his hands, because it seemed like more often than not it was in the opposition's end zone seconds later. "You never ask a woman if she's pregnant, you never go for half price sushi, and you NEVER kick to Devin Hester..."
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Every team needs a shit stirrer. More importantly, every team needs a shit stirrer that knows it's their role to be the shit stirrer. That's why I can't help but appreciate the Saints decision to add Cortland Finnegan. For one, he's a savvy veteran amongst a position group made up entirely of first and second year players. More importantly, he's the type of person you love to have on your team and HATE to play against and he knows and embraces it. If multiple well publicized scuffles with men twice his size weren't enough to prove that then his outright declaration that he's seen as a "dirtbag" certainly is. Now, of course that means that his teammates might end up with their cars stuck on top of a tow truck for hours as he drives away hysterically laughing at them from time to time. However, it's that same shamelessly over-the-line attitude that will be appreciated when he's doing everything in his power - in and outside of the rules - to help his team win on Sundays. You won't get an argument from me if you say that Cortland Finnegan is a scumbag, but he's New Orleans scumbag this season so I will be deriving every ounce of pleasure for every one of his antics until further notice...
Alright, let's start by saying that RG3 and his new collegiate girlfriend are the WORST kind of couple. Not that I had any interest in grabbing a beer with Robert Griffin in the future, but this all but slams the door shut on any prospects of a future friendship between the two of us. I don't even know if he has other people in his life that genuinely enjoy spending time with him, but I can tell you that if he does they have already grown tired of him somehow relating every single piece of subject matter back to how much he loves his new significant other. A visible tattoo of her name on his arm? Public displays of affection at practice? I'd be willing to bet that the over on 50% of his sentences starting with "Grete says..." or "Grete thinks...", and if you're a Browns fans that has to have you a little concerned, right? Well, as concerned as fans that have been beaten down by decades upon decades presumed failure - especially at the quarterback position - can be anyway. I mean, maybe the fact that RG3 is acting like a lovestruck teenager going though his first honeymoon phase is a sign of good things to come in September. However, I know it's almost assuredly a sign that his play will suffer in a few months when he understands that his 23 year old girlfriend isn't the most perfectest little life partner on the planet. Those two preseason touchdowns passes were exciting as can be, but his reaction to a couple meaningless plays gave a pretty good glimpse into how high he is currently riding. Dude might be on 'Cloud 9' right now, but something tells me by Week 12 it's going to hit him that he's got a scorned ex-wife, a young baby, and a new girlfriend that's too hot not to be high maintenance. If a demotion to backup had him punting and fetching footballs alone then that realization certainly will too. h/t BustedCoverage LBS- Brees told CBS Sports Radio’s Tiki and Tierney on Wednesday that a multitude of factors have combined to bring about the erosion of trust.
“I certainly don’t feel like things should be as contentious as they are,” Brees said. “Having been on the NFLPA Executive Committee for eight years and being a part of those negotiations back in 2011, I feel like I’ve got some interesting perspective, and then obviously going through the Bountygate debacle here and then seeing how that carried over to the way things were conducted with Deflategate and then the Ray Rice issue. It’s unfortunate because I feel like the league has lost so much trust from players and just the public in the way that they’ve handled these investigations, the lack of transparency. They’re certainly in a position where nobody believes anything that comes out of the league office right now as it pertains to really much of anything. You always feel like there’s an agenda at play and nobody’s ever telling you the truth. So, I think that’s the real issue here, the lack of trust.” It's actually incredible what the NFL, and mainly Roger Goodell, has done. They have done such a horrific job fulfilling their job that the notion that NONE of their employees (sans the owners) trust them is no longer news. I didn't even want to write about this quote today. Not just because I have written about a similar one from the same person before, but because it's so blatantly obvious at this point. Think about that for a second. Drew Brees - a top 5 quarterback in the National Football League - just publicly questioned the integrity of it's Commissioner and it's hardly even worthy of a front page. One of the most well respected players in football just criticized the morals of the most profitable football league on the planet and it's nothing more than a title you skim past and say to yourself "yeah, no shit". Who would have ever that it would get to a point where society would feel oversaturated with factual critiques of a multi-billion dollar corporation that's clearly acting unethical (albeit within their contractual rights) directly in the face of the general public? The only thing crazier than that is taking aim at someone that has shown that he doesn't need anything more than a suspicion to drag someone's entire reputation, career, and livelihood through the mud. Hopefully Roger Goodell already unloaded all the unjust punishments he planned to send the Saints way with DeflateGate, because I'm sure he could concoct a reason that Drew Brees deserves to sit out a quarter of the season if he was feeling sensitive enough. Something tells me his skin has been hardened by endless backlash, but you never know with someone whose one wakeup on the wrong side of the bed away from an 18 month circus over a couple of squirts of air pressure. YardBarker- Gabby Douglas is used to judges determining her fate in competitions, and now the 20-year-old gymnast will get an opportunity to see what it feels like to be on the other side.
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Douglas has joined the panel of judges for the upcoming 2017 Miss America pageant, which will take place on Sept. 11. The three-time gold medalist’s fellow judges will include singer-actress Laura Marano from the Disney Channel, Sara Foster of VH1’s “Barely Famous,” singer-songwriter Cole Swindell and former Miss America Sharlene Wells Hawkes among others who will be named later. “Miss America has been such an amazing event for so many years and I am excited to have the opportunity to judge the competition this year,” Douglas said. “The contestants are a great example of strong women across America and I especially look forward to hearing the platforms that each of them will represent.” How do you make it up to a woman whose facial expressions were excessively critiqued online despite the fact that she successfully represented the home country of those critiquing those facial expressions? Give her a platform where her "resting bitch face" is not only accepted, but welcomed! Gabby Douglas shouldn't be required to smile or put a hand over her heart every time there is a camera on her. Fuck every idiot trying to shame her into "instinctively" reacting however they deem appropriate. That's not what America is about. America is about freedom and that means Gabby Douglas should feel free to look unenthused by anything and everything she pleases. What better place to do so than the judge's table at a 'Miss America' pageant? It's the ultimate redemption! Every overly critical, outspoken asshole had their chance to disparage her for not forcing a grin during competition, and now it's her turn to disparage others whose success in their competition is dependent on their ability to force a grin. Finally her impulsive nostril uptick and condescending glares will be productive! Hopefully the people that mercilessly belittled her perceived Patriotism will watch 'Miss America' and see how superficial and absentminded it is to grade the entirety of someone's emotions by a momentary look on their face. That likely won't happen because those that did are too simple to make that connection, but at least Gabby Douglas should feel a sense of vengeance by testing the tear ducts of a bunch of uppity suburban girls in dresses with a stare that could pierce their soul. If there's anything that'll be sure to coerce a smile out of her it's revenge!
One of two things happened here. Either this dude was afraid of the ball - which is inexcusable considering the protective helmet he's got on - or he was too embarrassed to look stupid putting a full effort into fielding a grounder and still failing to corral it. That's why I have a little breaking news for him... Hey kid, you've been entrusted with passing out souvenirs to fans under the age of 6 and they didn't even feel comfortable letting you do so without headwear. You can't possibly look more silly than you do riding the pine in full uniform so you might as well take your father's age old advice and get your knees dirty by squaring up the ball. (Cue second 'Major League' reference in two days) As fictitious Indians Manager Lou Brown once said, "C'mon Dorn, get in front of the damn ball, don't give me this oleeee bullshit!". You want to act like a ball player for a day then act like a damn player and at least pretend your trying to cleanly field a solidly hit ground ball. At least pretend you were listening to your friend's parent when he was repeating the first line from Page 1 of 'Coaching Baseball 4 Dummiez' when you were younger. Even the mic'd up 'Little League World Series' coaches heading out to the mound to tell their kids they love them would have an expletive or six for that lousy ass effort. In my opinion you deserve all the ruthless mocking at the hand's of major leaguers that they see fit so keep those arms crossed and try not to get too embarrassed because that's what got you into this whole mess in the first place...
Adidas' Brand New, Triple Black 'Harden 1's'
I don't want to interrupt anyone that's still getting a well deserved crying face emoji out of James Harden's new all purpose industrial shoe. The truth is that they are worth more ridiculously hilarious/hauntingly accurate jokes than even the funniest of Twitter personalities could come up with. I just want acknowledge that as many laughs as they are worth, we won't be getting the last one. You see, I don't know much about sneaker design but I do know how the internet works. When you're a company like Adidas it's just far easier to make a ridiculously bland shoe that are people are going to mock, criticize, and spend days/weeks talking about online than it is to try to "wow" the public with a product they are already looking to disparage because of it's brand. Yes, the James Harden's are egregiously boring, but the endless free publicity they are getting absolutely isn't. The truth is that if your are not Jordan or Nike the only way in which to get guarantee yourself a wealth of attention is to put a comically lazy effort into making a grotesque pair of kicks. Now, how does that translate into sales? I'm not quite sure, but I do know that Under Armour isn't crying into their cereal over the profits they made off the Steph Curry 'Widowed Nurse Airs' that were ruthlessly crucified on the internet. Maybe there are just enough contrarians to make this shoe popular. Maybe there are enough L.L. Bean loyalists, bar backs, motorcycle riders, and quidditch players out there looking for a "refreshing" new line of footwear to boost Adidas' sales. Whatever the case may be, these companies are far too smart to continue to keep putting out ugly sneakers unless it's beneficial to their bottomline. It might be a reflection of the hipster-esque culture we live in, but the fact that everyone hates these shoes will someone make them more sought after than if Adidas actually tried to make something that looked halfway decent.
You know what fosters a learning environment in college? Fine, you're right. I skipped far too many classes to know what best fosters a learning environment in college, but I do know what doesn't and it's an 11 year old asshole that's smarter than everyone else in the room. Feeling inferior is without a doubt the fastest way to get a group of hungover co-eds to call it quits on studying. I know this because I took AP Chemistry as a senior in high school and the rest of the class was made juniors that were far more intelligent than myself. Bet your ass I struck a deal for a guaranteed 'C' before that semester was even halfway over, because feeling stupid doesn't make anyone want to be smart. It makes you want to murder the know-it-all showoff that's about 8 grades above his age range. I don't think I have ever considered bullying an 11 year old but if that little fucker showed up in my 8AM freshman Calculus class back in the day I wouldn't have lasted two weeks before I silenced him by threatening to steal his TI-83. You think I'm going to start an e-mail chain with a condescending, pre-pubescent genius when I need help with my organic compounds? Ha! That'll be the day. Rather scare that little brat right back to the 5th grade classroom he came from. Go outsmart your peers but don't try to bring that high brow bullshit up the educational food chain, because the big fish will eat you alive...or more likely toss you in a campus garbage can. Russell Wilson And Ciara Moved Their Wedding From North Carolina Due To The LGBT Bathroom Laws8/23/2016 FoxNews- Ciara and Russell Wilson‘s wedding may have looked like a fairy tale, but planning the lavish affair was nothing short of a nightmare.
“I did the whole thing — three times,” wedding planner Mindy Weiss recently revealed to The Knot. “They were first getting married in North Carolina, but they called it off due to the transgender bathroom laws. They were gonna go to Paris and it ended up being [Couture] Fashion Week and it was really difficult.” Weiss ultimately delivered the destination wedding of her clients’ dreams, as Ciara, 30, and Wilson, 27, exchanged vows at Peckforton Castle in Cheshire, England last month. “We ended up in London. They wanted it to be away. And we found a castle that was an hour out of Liverpool and they had about 110 guests,” she said. Tough year for North Carolina, huh? I mean, finding out they were losing the NBA All Star Game was surely a gut shot to their economy and overall reputation, but losing the nuptials of a born again virgin quarterback and his former sex icon of his fiancee must have been a knockout blow. Can't imagine they haven't already started putting the wheels in motion on getting that whole "piss wherever the hell you want" law changed before they lose anymore odd couple celebrity weddings. More importantly, I think the happy couple deserves a shoutout here. Nothing worse than an inconvenient wedding. Can you imagine all the transgenders in attendance that would have had to sneak off to the men's room in full length gowns or the women's room in suit jackets? Jesus, that sounds like a gender neutral's goddamn nightmare. They almost had to move the service out of North Carolina, and what better way to appease those that were set to attend then by scheduling it overseas on a Wednesday?! Whew, nightmarish circumstances averted! Everyone can go to the lavatory where they see fit and not a single person's life was made troublesome. Bet if they took a poll on the time and location that best suited all that RSVP'D it would come back "mid-week in London" in a landslide victory. Saved one or two people an uncomfortable experience relieving themselves and all it took was shipping 110 people off to the UK! P.S. Jimmy Graham - after being on the Seahawks for one season - was in the WEDDING PARTY!?!? Just when you think you didn't need anymore reasons to question Russell Wilson's likability he's asking guys that don't even know him well enough to dislike him to share in an honorary part of his most special of days. Challenge the ruling on the field, because Jimmy Graham already being in Russell Wilson's "inner circle" is the BIGGEST red flag of all time. Uproxx- “Well, it’s funny because my wife bought [it earlier]. She asked me who my favorite wrestlers of all time were, and I told her Sting, ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin, Ultimate Warrior, The Undertaker, and Ric Flair. Those are some of my favorite guys ever from growing up.
“So, one day I get home from practice, and there are these T-shirts laying in my bedroom, and my wife purchased them from a store. I packed them all throughout the playoffs. And the shirt that I had on to come home in, I wore in Vegas, and my teammates sprayed me with Champagne. It got soaking wet, so I had to throw it in the trash, and the only other shirt I had in my bag was my Ultimate Warrior T-shirt….That was the only one because all our bags were underneath the plane. So the only one I had was the Ultimate Warrior T-shirt that was packed in my travel luggage. And that’s what I put on. Everybody thinks it was set up that way, but it really wasn’t. It kind of worked out that way.” Hmm. So the most attention seeking athlete in all of sports didn't intentionally troll his opponents with the most appropriate shirt of all time following a historical comeback in the NBA finals? Is that what are telling me? His wife just happened to buy him an 'Ultimate Warrior' shirt, and it just happened to be the ONLY clean shirt in multi-billionaire's bag before he exited a plane in front of hundreds of news cameras after stomping all over the Golden State Warriors championship hopes? Shucks, I was really hoping LeBron decided to embrace his role as the villain for once. Guess not. It appears we were all just witnesses to the most coincidental wardrobe change since the creation of novelty t-shirts. Talk about irony! The chances that LeBron's outfit would incidentally rub his outspoken opponents' noses in shit might even have been more unlikely than coming back to win a championship after being down 3-1 to a 73 win team! Seems a bit odd that a hat that featured Kermit sipping tea was also amongst the slim pickings of his carry-on, but hey - that's none of my business. P.S. LeBron remains the strangest liar ever. First he watched 'Godfather' 18 times in a week, and now this? There wasn't a person not affiliated with the Golden State Warriors that didn't LOVE his obvious decision to wear that shirt. It was the ultimate "fuck you" to a team that talked far too much shit before having theirs pushed in. It was likable and funny and now I can't even appreciate it anymore because he has an undying need to talk straight out of his ass months after the fact.
USAToday- That finger issue was a room-service related injury, which took place while he was holding the door open for room service. It’s tough not to feel for Reddick. He’s struggling on the field, and room service should be a therapeutic escape — it’s impossible to beat the delightful convenience of food brought straight to your room. To get hurt in the process of opening a door for room service must have been devastating.
I know it's fun to pick on athletes whose bodies are their "temples" when they hurt themselves doing stupid, everyday shit like the rest of us, but it's situations like this where I am really left scratching my head. Situations that are so innocuous that I can't even picture a way in which someone could injure themselves to the point where they can't do their job as a pro ball player. I read that tweet and I actually started to question whether or I not I remembered how doors worked. No joke. I literally just got finished doing everything short of intentionally slamming my finger in the nearest hinge and I am still absolutely perplexed as to how Josh Roddick knocked himself out of the lineup with a "room service related finger issue". I'm so distraught trying to concoct a reasonable mental image of what happened in that hotel room that I'm hoping that it turns to be a lie. Somehow, someway, fabricating a Ryan Lochte-esque story about hurting your finger as your being served food makes more sense than actually doing it. This feels like 'Major League II' when Bob Uecker suspects that Hiroshi "Kamikaze" Tanaka is intentionally knocking himself unconscious against the centerfield wall to get out of the lineup, because I genuinely believe you have to try to get banged up operating a door. Even if you do have the motor skills of a .149 hitter. YardBarker- Tampa Bay Buccaneers kicker Roberto Aguayo found kicking pretty simple in college. However, the rookie is having a rough time of it in the NFL so far, and he’s trying to take corrective measures.
Aguayo, who famously never missed an extra point or a field goal from inside 40 yards while at Florida State, has already missed two field goals and an extra point in the first two preseason games. In response, he has reached out to former NFL kicker Ryan Longwell and former Buccaneers special teams coordinator Billy Miller to help him with his mechanics. He has also contacted a mental coach, admitting that his confidence has been shaken slightly by the misses. “I’m just focusing on relaxing and sometimes not thinking about it too much,” Aguayo said, via Roy Cummings of 620 WDAE in Tampa. “When you’re overthinking like, ‘OK, I have to do this and this and this,’ you get too many thoughts in your head. Sometimes you have to sit back and relax and just kick it. That’s the mindset going into practice and throughout this week.” Poor bastard never had a chance. Before we know it his NFL tombstone will read "Here Lies Robert Aguayo, Crushed By The Weight Of Never Before Seen Expectations, 2016-2016". I honestly think that when it comes to pressure it's MUCH easier to be a quarterback taking first overall than a kicker taken in the second round. That might sound ridiculous, but Robert Aguayo is already seeking THERAPY and not a single meaningful snap has been taken. I said it - slightly sarcastically - when he missed his first extra point, but it bears repeating. A kicker only gets so many chances to prove himself. The times where he is successful have to far outweigh the times in which he fails and three missed kicks in two games is a traumatic start for a position that is reliant on keeping a clear head. If it wasn't then the person who was nearly automatic in college wouldn't already be questioning his technique. He wouldn't already be seeking mentorship from any kicker that's ever made an NFL field goal. I honestly feel bad for him, because he hasn't played in one game where the outcome is relevant and his career in already in dire straits. It took Chuck Knoblauch like two years of launching routine ground balls into the 5th row before he had to take such extreme measures to fix his game, and Robert Aguayo is laid up on a psychologist's couch before he's even made it to the most "important" preseason game. Can you imagine the tricks his mind will be playing on him once those kicks actually effect the jobs of 53 players and over a dozen coaches? The guy's not going to get a wink of sleep on a Saturday night from September-December. He'll be seeing footballs clinking off uprights in his nightmares. He'll need an exorcism by mid-season with the amount of demons already residing in the back of his head. I am almost feel inclined to suggest retirement, but surely he'll get things back on track with like five 50+ yarders the first time he plays the Saints. TMZ- NBA star Dwight Howard is a huge UFC fan -- so when we got him leaving UFC 202, we had to ask ... who would win if you stepped into the Octagon with LeBron James??
“That’s tough. Obviously, I have to go with myself, I can’t say, “LeBron’s gonna knock me out.” I can’t do that. Let's just get this out of the way real quick. LeBron would absolutely win an MMA fight against Dwight Howard and I hate myself for even saying that, because the truth is it would be the most painfully unentertaining cat fight in history. Obviously LeBron incessant flopping wouldn't translate to well to the octagon, but he might not have to worry about that considering his competition is the most passive aggressive competitor in sports history. It's really unbelievable to think that two of the most physically imposing athletes of this era would look like teenage girls if they were put in a position where a "hold me back" push became a truly threatening shove. If I had to make a list of the top 5 NBA players that can't take a punch I'm not entirely sure that I wouldn't put the two men that look like they were carefully constructed in the vein of Greek Gods in a laboratory somewhere at the top of it. I am not going to get into the height, weight, reach, and athleticism differences. Why even bring up the fact that LeBron has never been injured and Dwight Howard's majestic shoulders can't even carry the weight of expectations without needing a few games off to heal back up? When I picture this fight taking place I see two men aggressively tap dancing around each other for 5 rounds and LeBron winning on a technicality because the judges thought Dwight was mocking the institution of mixed martial arts by grinning ear-to-ear like an asshole the entire time. Unanimous decision. Sean Payton Responded To The Supposed Keenan Lewis/Dennis Allen Beef With Some Cold, Hard Truth8/23/2016 “Dennis Allen, we never got along since day one. It was something that happened years ago. Like he told me seven years ago, I didn’t have what it takes to make it. He told me face-to-face that I wasn’t going to make it. So I always used that as my motivation every time I see him.” - Keenan Lewis
Short and...not-so-sweet. I said it when he was released and I'll say it again. I wish Keenan Lewis' health allowed him to be a contributor for a defense that looks - fingers crossed - to be much improved for the 'Rocky Horror Pick-less Show' that it was last year. It sucks that his body kept him from doing so, but let's be clear - his absence from the field as well as the success of the younger, more able bodies behind him on the depth chart were the only reasons he was cut. That's not to say there wasn't some unspoken feud between he and Dennis Allen. Where there's smoke there is fire so I'm sure that wasn't completely fabricated, but Defensive Coordinators that are given the job of correcting the WORST PASS DEFENSE IN NFL HISTORY don't release cover corners that can help them win games based on their personal feelings toward them. At the end of the day, Dennis Allen is going to what he has to to keep his job and cutting a player that can help his unit get stops runs counterproductive to that. Never mind the fact that he's not the person pulling the trigger on roster moves anyway, because even is he was he wouldn't have left a defensive back that has proven effective when healthy sitting out on the curb if there was any indication that he was going to be healthy. The idea that Keenan Lewis didn't fit the scheme that Dennis Allen runs is merely a hypothetical, because he hasn't even been on the field for more than one practice since that scheme has been fully instituted. I actually appreciate the fact that Keenan Lewis pointed a finger somewhere other than the lower half of his body when he was let go because his somewhat delusional belief in himself is what's helped him get this far in his career. Still, Sean Payton made it very clear...any contentious feelings that existed between him and Dennis Allen weren't nearly as damning to his stay in New Orleans as a 30 year old hip that wouldn't heal. That might seem harsh, but if he didn't want the truth then he should have stuck to telling himself lies instead of bringing them to the media. WashingtonPost- Well, maybe he is. Norman is on the cover of ESPN the Magazine’s latest issue — which focuses on NFL defenses — and the story by my pal Kevin Van Valkenburg has enough choice Norman moments to create four or five different buzzy Internet headlines. Let’s just look at one notable excerpt.
“Spend any time around Norman and it’s easy to understand how he became one of the NFL’s most interesting, and polarizing, players. Riding in an Uber past the Eiffel Tower and during hours of idle conversation over the next two days, he offers thoughts on everything and everyone, including NFL commissioner Roger Goodell (“Horrible. He’s straight horrible.”), the league’s crackdown on big hits (“What happened to us? Society is so soft.”) and Washington’s nickname (“Redskins is not offensive to me. I’m part Native American on both my mom’s and my dad’s side. It’s kind of a funny thing, though. A redskin playing for the Redskins.”). Welp, that'll about do it. Sorry Native Americans but you might as well hit the tanning bed, reinvest in some hatchets and war paint, and embrace your ever-so-stereotypical past because it's pretty clear the fight against the term 'Redskins ' has reached it's conclusion. I know, I know. It doesn't seem right to me either, but it's one of your own - well, one fraction of your own - that doesn't deem the name offensive and you can't really argue with that. Especially when that person plays for the 'Redskins' AND is such a perfect portrayal of what it means to be American Indian in this country. He might look like your average black man on the outside (largely because he is), but his blood runs as red as the oft-exaggerated skin color of your marginalized forefather's and that is obviously enough to make him the authority on slurs directed towards them. Seriously though, Josh Norman thinking he has the right to refer to himself as a 'Redskin' in a non-football sense is so ridiculously offensive that it actual renders the social acceptability of the word a secondary argument. Imagine if my white ass had one black grandparent and went around checking 'African American' on standardized tests and declaring that I didn't find the 'N' word discriminatory? It would be World War motherfucking III. In fact, that plays even more to the fact that Native Americans have caught such a raw deal in this country. Even random African American athletes - that have surely faced their fair share of racism themselves - won't even acknowledge the prejudice that they face. Not only that, but one of them - whose great grandfather knocked up an Apache or some shit - feels comfortable giving the green light on specific slurs? Obviously Josh Norman is all about shock value so you can take the genuineness of this quote with a grain of salt, but it's actually just as misguided as refusing to change the name of your sports team that doubles as a ethnic epithet. I least he's fitting in with his new organization, I guess... (begin at 1:30)
Look, it's completely outlandish to imply that a Presidential candidate who once fell down and got a headache has a degenerative brain disease made infamous by football players that are constantly butting skulls with the biggest, strongest, and fastest men on the planet. I don't think you would find too many people that would argue that. That said, if we are judging the direction that Trump's constituents are heading in with this campaign then this has to be considered a step in the right direction. Not because it's at all rooted in reality, but because it's not easily unsubstantiated with one Google search. I would bet all but my life on Hillary Clinton not having a neurological condition that is generally reserved for people that partake in the most violent of athletics over a lengthy period of time. Can I definitively prove that to be true? Nope, and that makes it more legitimate than approximately 92.7% of the endless stream of crap that's continuously flowed from Trump's mouth over the last few months. More than likely a bunch of Trump supporters just sat down at a roundtable, wrote "stuff that's bad" on top of a sheet of looseleaf, and starting listing them out in an attempt to attribute them to Hillary in whatever way possible, but I got to give credit where it's due. As far as things that are currently popular and universally feared go, CTE was a hell of a choice. Hillary Clinton suffering from a lifetime of brain damage after bumping her head and spending the next few years walking around as a forgetful shell of a human is exponentially more believable than Barack Obama founding ISIS. That's got to count for something, right? If his team - led by whatever high school dropout inhabited the brain of Rudy Giuliani - is just trying to be better than they were the day before then they are certainly heading down a more believable track to inevitable defeat. At Least Jimmy Vesey Used Sound Logic In Signing With The Rangers Due To The Decreased Expectations8/22/2016
You know what, if a much sought after second tier prospect had to pick the Rangers over the Devils then I am at least glad he had a sound justification for doing so. After all, nothing says "now you're in New Yorrrrrk!" quite like tempered expectations? What's more representative of the big city than it's biggest sports fans giving it's athletes time to gain experience before criticizing the mixed results of their inexperience? If there's anything I know about the Big Apple it's that there's nothing forbidden about that fruit. No inherent evils like unwarranted scrutiny and the crushing weight of inordinate pressure awaiting just beyond the initial bite. If Jimmy Vesey wanted to fly under the radar as a young player providing depth to a contender then he totally did the right thing by playing for a team with first round talent and Stanley Cup aspirations that plays in the media capital of the world. No chance he'll have to jump through hoops trying to navigate that 3 ring circus. Surely Barnam, Bailey, and Larry Brooks won't expect him to throw an elephant on his back as he tries to help a mediocre team reach the loftiest of goals. If I know Susan Sarandon like I think I do then she definitely had third line grinder in mind when she was using her oh-so-precious tweets in the recruiting process. If Run DMC and Jerry Ferrara knew how hockey lineups were constructed they would surely be hoping that Jimmy Vesey turned out to be a middle-6 forward that's unspectacularly reliable. That's just what it means to be a professional athlete in New York. Blue collar mentality. Bring your lunch pail to work everyday and they hardly even care whether or not you contribute way above your pay grade offensively. And yes, I am aware that I am taking one - likely out of context - quote to sarcastically disparage the thought process of a young kid that seems relatively mild mannered and just got out from roasting under the brightest of spotlights because there's nothing else for hockey fans to talk about in August. I also know that all teams make empty promises when trying to bring in new talent, but Jimmy Vesey didn't take to my team's empty promises so fuck him and the horse he rides in on. If he thinks this semi-bitter, little lighthearted jab is bad then just wait until he's responsible for a game winning goal against in front of the Garden "faithful". Well see how fast the boo-birds interrupt that hero's welcome for a player that's not expected to be "a savior". It Appears The Unbridled Stupidity Of Ryan Lochte Is Characteristic Of His Girlfriend As Well8/22/2016 Ahhh, that diving timing. Nothing can help a decorated, American Olympian recover from an unforeseen amount of completely justified scrutiny like that angelic, diving timing. When fabricating robberies spirals out of control and subsequently creating international incidents has got you down, you have to use the universe's springboards to get past it. Just hang tightly onto that faith while you take your leap and pray that you don't land in some discolored, Brazilian fart water. Seriously though, I've made it pretty clear that I think Ryan Lochte's inherent lack of knowledge, savvy, and/or general life skills are detrimental to the country from which he resides. The last thing the United States needs is the rest of the world thinking that a green haired asshole who probably knows less English than half the residents in Rio is somehow representative of it's population. That said, there is something intriguingly innocent about his - and apparently his girlfriend's - complete absence of any/all intelligence. It's legitimately stupidity in it's purest form. Obviously I am not giving a 32 year old man a pass after he tried to make an entire country look worse than the comical amount of errors they committed in hosting an international competition, but I am saying that I genuinely don't think he had ill intentions when he did so. He's legit too dumb to be that calculated. In his head he really thinks he got robbed, and in his girlfriend's head 'divine' is spelled with a 'G' and her boyfriend is an innocent victim. While I don't think we should praise that utterly baffling shortage of self awareness, I think we can appreciate how nice it must be to live in that world. A world where common sense is the equivalent of rocket science and a world where you can feel better about your significant other's intercultural crimes by searching misspelled inspirational quotes on Twitter. P.S. Think we got our answer to "how ignorant does an American have to be before other Americans feel inclined to apologize on his behalf?"
h/t BustedCoverage
I am going to give Jon Jones the benefit of the doubt here, and say that he'll be glad it became public knowledge that he occasionally needs help getting his dick up if it means he gets to continue his oft-abbreviated career in the octagon. I am just saying, given his line of work don't you think that - if given the choice - he would have to think long and hard about telling the world he can't always "rise to the occasion"? Turning over a suspension that allows you to keep making paychecks as one of the most revered fighters in all of mixed martial arts is a pretty big deal, but so is being the trained killer that's perceived as having a dysfunctional manhood. We are talking about one of the most physically gifted fighters in the world. A man whose mere presence is intimidating to other men that have dedicated their lives to hand-to-hand combat. Taking knockoff erection inducers would cause quite the chink in the armor of someone with such a bad ass aura, no? Nothing wrong with taking Cialis or any of it's cracked out cousins that you can scoop at your nearest shady rest stop bathroom or from the counter at your local 7-Eleven for a dime a dozen. I personally have never used them - despite a couple awfully embarrassing instances where I wish I would have - but even if I did they wouldn't be nearly as harmful to my public persona as they are to someone who competes in the most hyper masculine of professions. I'm not saying that the ability to get hard on his own testicular merit is something that a fighter needs to be successful, but it's seems like something that he needs his competition to think he has to be successful. I guess when it comes down to it, you would have to choose a job and prescription woodies over no job and artificial strength, but I'll be damned if announcing that your most important muscle needs to be unnaturally stimulated would be an easy call to make. P.S. Hey Jonesy, might be time to lay off the nose candy so you're not stuck looking like this when you're trying to sneak in a nightcap after a drug fueled bender... Uproxx- As Ethiopia’s Feyisa Lilesa crossed the finish line in the Olympic marathon, a new silver medalist, he raised his hands above his head and crossed them at the wrists. To most people, this would look like a form of celebration affected by exhaustion – raised hands that needed to rest against each other because of the effort of finishing a 26.2 mile race. However, the gesture was much more risk-laden and meaningful than that and has ties to dangerous protests happening all across Ethiopia.
Last fall, protests began in Ethiopia that have now blossomed into the widespread “Oromo Protests,” as they are called. One of the first protests resulted in government forces firing into a crowd of innocent protesters, killing and injuring many. Throughout the last few months 400 or more people have been killed and many more taken into government custody for their outspokenness. Crossed hands have become a shorthand for the cause. Feyisa Lilesa told the 'Sydney Morning Herald', “If I go back to Ethiopia maybe they will kill me. If I am not killed maybe they will put me in prison. [If ] they [do] not put me in prison they will block me at airport. I have got a decision. Maybe I move to another country.” Whew, I believe that's what we call bad timing. The moment in which Feyisa Lilesa was at his most physically and, more importantly, mentally drained was also the moment in which he was standing smack dab in the middle of the biggest spotlight that Ethiopia - as a country - has ever been given. Tough to come back from throwing up a nationally frowned upon political gesture on an international stage when your nation doesn't have much else to occupy it's focus. I can't believe I am going to say this, but it might not be such a bad idea to turn his trip to the Olympics into more of an extended Brazilian sabbatical. Normally, I wouldn't recommend staying in a 3rd world country that's main source of refreshment is a poop reservoir, but - as long as he doesn't start wearing a 'Ryan Lochte' name tag - it's got to be safer than what's awaiting him back home. On the other hand, he probably could benefit from seeing Ryan Lochte's hairstylist before he tries he schedules his return flight, because a drastic change in appearance might be the only thing that's capable of keeping out of a casket (if they are even nice enough to perform a proper burial). Talk about a tough day. One second he's coming within a couple strides of bringing home a Gold for his country after running 26.2 miles and literally the next second he X-communicates himself from said country with one Dez Bryant-esque celebration. That'll swing the old mood faster than a positive pregnancy test at a high school dance. Dude might as well have dropped a HARD 'N' bomb at the BET Awards with how quickly he silenced such a large, volatile group of people. Something tells me they won't be so quiet when they get wind of his impending arrival. |
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