Pretty sweet move by Senators newly appointed captain, Erik Karlsson. Saves the fans a couple bucks. Can't hate that. More importantly, finding the captains patches and the Stanley Cup Playoffs/Finals patches for sale separately is enough to make you punt a cat into oncoming traffic. At the end of the day it's not a huge gesture from someone making millions upon millions of dollars. However, it is a gesture that shows that hockey player's just 'get it'. Generally speaking, they appreciate their fan base, and understand they are in a privileged position.
Just Tyler Seguin and Jamie Benn being a bunch of clowns. It's stuff like this that is relatable to fans young and old. Not taking life too seriously and messing around doing stupid shit (albeit requiring a ton of talent). Most of the time we don't get a look into players as people. It's good to know they are just children at heart like most of us. Reminds me of all the times we would just make up random games in a friends backyard. Plus, I would love to drink and pick up women with both these idiots. Well ignore that since it's a PG video.
Cool video of Jonathan Quick sneaking an autograph to a young boy through the boards. Clearly he's not supposed to be doing as evidenced by his subtlety. As the backup goalie for the game he could just sit there and be bored all game. In fact, that's probably exactly what he did. But it was cool for him to bend the rules a little to make a kid's day.
At the end of the day, it's the little things hockey players do off the ice that make them most down to earth professional athletes. Whether it's taking time out of their day or messing around on camera, the players you see take the ice are just average people with extraordinary talent.
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I'm tempted to say yes. Yes, it is the greatest shirt ever. This legitimately made me laugh out loud. What makes it so much better is the fact that Jeremy Guthrie, the one wearing the shirt, used to play for the Orioles for a number of years. 2007-2011 to be exact. Before the Orioles turned around and traded him to the Rockies. Needless to say, Orioles fans were NOT happy.
These O's ain't loyal, I think Guthrie's time in Colorado speaks to that. And these O's definitely ain't Royal, A 3-0 series lead for Kansas City speaks to that. Not only is that shirt funny, it is oddly accurate. I've heard it called 'classless'. Psh, there's no room for class in sports, give me hilarious 1000% of the time. Anyway, Guthrie apologized...
But, like, not really…
Ahhh, the old 'I'm sorry you're mad'. We have alllll busted this out before. The only thing more insulting than not apologizing is half heartedly apologizing. All I know is the entire situation is entertaining and the hurt butts of Orioles' fans are only adding to my amusement. Hey Orioles fans, be mad at your team. Guthrie isn't wearing that shirt if you actually win a game or two.
I would like to thank Chris Brown and Lil' Wayne for the assist, because these hoes definitely ain't loyal either. http://www.al.com/news/tuscaloosa/index.ssf/2014/10/alabama_football_player_caught.html
AL.com- A search of a University of Alabama football player's dorm room in Bryant Hall last week yielded more than 100 grams of marijuana and almost $5,000 in cash, court records filed Monday show. So, I am going to have to assume this isn't your run-of-the-mill dorm room, right? I have heard of people keeping weed in a shoe box. Granted, not 112 grams of weed, but none the less. That's exactly what a college dorm room is, a shoebox. Shit, I couldn't even eat italian in my dorm room without it smelling like garlic for 2 weeks. It's amazing he wasn't busted earlier. Confidential informant? Well, we can narrow that down to anyone that came within 25 feet of his door. His entire floor probably smelled a cafe in Amsterdam. Hey Kurt, ever heard of a bank? At least if you only get busted with 4 ounces of pot you can play it off like you are a major stoner, or at the very least give yourself a fighting chance. Can't just have 4-5K laying around the dorm room too. You're a college student. Anything more than $200 in cash is a huge red flag. Way to 'okay' the search too. You don't seem like a rap guy, but listen to '99 Problems' for me one time dude! Rule #1 of drug dealing is stay under the radar. Playing for the biggest football program, with the biggest national spotlight, isn't exactly low key. You're 6'4, 255 pounds Kurt. Pretty easy to draw attention. Especially when you walk outside to the street corner every 10 minutes. Got to give some of the blame to Alabama too. You have to protect your recruits. Give 'em what they need to survive. If Kurt wants to sell weed, get the kid a green house and a storage basement. Some kids want cash and cars, all he wants to do is peddle dope around campus. Is that too much to ask? This is how you know the Alabama dynasty is over. Couple years ago they would have covered up all his transgressions and let him provide his public service. Grow up Bama. http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2014/10/dear_prudence_my_teen_son_is_pleasuring_himself_too_much_and_in_odd_places.html Slate- Dear Prudence, Q. My Son Can’t Keep His Hands Off Himself: I am a single mother with a 14-year-old son. I knew this time was coming but now I fear I am close to my wit’s end. I have seen evidence in his bedroom, the laundry room, and the kitchen. I know this is normal, but how much is too much? Things escalated last week when his hockey coach called me in for a conference. I have noticed my son has been taking a lot of penalties this season. It turns out he has been intentionally going to the penalty box to pleasure himself. I lashed out at him when about this and things have been awkward around the house this weekend. Am I overreacting? I know I have to talk about this with him in a calm setting, but I always find the thought of this type of discussion horrifying. I am losing sleep and I don’t want to succumb to letting his father deal with this, but what should I do? Atta boy! Just trying to get your protege his cup of coffee in the one man show! Jesus, let the kid plant some seeds in the penalty box. Giving new meaning to the term 'sin bin' one stroke at a time...
This is kind of has to be the first step in the 'Mom, I'm gay' talk, right? I have played hockey for a long, long time. Spent probably 10% of my life in the box. I have also gotten aroused in a variety of inappropriate situations. Not once have I pitched a tent mid game. That's some crazy shit. On top of that, to intentionally take penalties to get back to your beat sesh is utter lunacy. You really have to be turned on to be that committed to the cause. Know who gets really aroused in front of sweaty 14 year old boys? Sayreville football players, Jerry Sandusky, and gay adolescents. You know when you're a young teen, trying to sneak in a few grabs at your groin before someone else walks in the room? Couple minutes here, somebody comes home, couple minutes there. It's the absolute worst. Now imagine doing that in like 30 second intervals. It's not like the engine is already running once you get in the box. You got to undo your equipment and get your soldier to stand at attention. I don't care how young and horny you are, by the time you're at half mast the penalty is about to expire. Even the craftiest of stick handlers can't work under those conditions. Here we have one fantastic reason not to coach youth sports. How the hell do you have this conversation with a mother and keep a straight face? I'm assuming this is a recreational league where everyone is allowed to play. I mean, the kid clearly cares nothing about winning. If it were a competitive league it would be pretty easy to justify his dismissal from the team. So, what do you do as the coach? Keep playing him and be on the penalty kill the whole game? You can't bench him. Any 14 year old crazy enough to grease the pipe in a penalty box will crank shank on the bench too. Awwwwkward. Just a no win situation for everyone. Well, almost everyone. Let the kid finish or kick him off the team, either way it's a dishonorable discharge. P.S. Wouldn't need an advice column if the father was involved. Doesn't take a genius to tell your kid to stop pulling his piece out in public. Figure it out Prudence... Starring Steven Stamkos Whoooaaaa baby! 3-0! 95 wins short of my prediction. Starting to not look that crazy, eh? Yeah, it wasn't the prettiest win in the world. the Devils spent a majority of the night getting outplayed. That's why Cory Schneider was signed for 7 more years. Just a great performance from him, a great performance from the Cammalleri, Zajac, Jagr line, and a mighty slow performance from Michael Ryder. I know when I watch on television the players don't look nearly as fast as they are. I have watched enough games from up close to realize that. These guys are ridiculously fast. Still, it's kind of ridiculous that Ryder has managed to stay in the league based solely on a strong wrist shot. I mean the guy can barely get to the red line to dump it in without being caught from behind. Whatever. If we win despite that loser for the rest of the season I'll be happy. Just chip in a few goals here and there and try not to get in the way Michael. The end of the second period was prettttty ugly. Passes nowhere near connecting. Turnovers in our own zone. Glad we were able to clean it up a bit in the third. Cammalleri really paying dividends thus far, and a GREAT pass by Elias on the winner. I'm fully expecting some upcoming growing pains with the young defenseman but the offense they have been bringing is certainly lighting a fire under this team. One thing that is noticeable is that this team has managed to avoid disastrous meltdowns at the end of games. Really, thats 'll you can ask for coming off last year. Keep it up boys! Let's Go Devils!!! http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2791640/football-star-loses-scholarship-penn-state-getting-caught-high-school-hazing-scandal-freshmen-players-sexually-abused-daily.html DailyMail- A star player at the high school football team caught up in a allegations of sick hazing rituals carried out on freshman has lost his scholarship to Penn State University.Myles Hartsfield, 17, a cornerback in his final year at the beleaguered Sayreville War Memorial School in Parlin, New Jersey, was dropped by coaches today. Seven players have been charged with sex crimes over allegations that older team members would routinely hold new players down, anally penetrate them with their fingers, then stick it in the boy's mouth. Free Myles. How are we going to blame a high school kid for trying to fit in? He was just preparing himself for Penn State. Big deal. If you are going to attend a major university you have to get used to their locker room culture. Maybe Myles was focused on his studies during the Sandusky scandal. He probably saw kids chanting Paterno's name in the streets and thought order had been restored. I mean, supporting Paterno is basically like touching children yourself. Hartsfield just thought the fad was back. Forced anal is back like bright colors and high tops. You can't just walk into a college locker room and become acclimated with the anal fixation. A little post game ATM was just his way of furthering his education. Advanced sexual misconduct college preparatory classes. Or is it college predatory classes? Eh, semantics. Seriously though. How retarded is this kid? He shouldn't even be allowed to go to college. If he can't make it through high school football without playing 'taste my finger' he has scandal written all over him in college. Haven't we had enough college football rape allegations recently? Let this kid stay home, go to community college, and learn how to lube up and ask first before tickling anuses. Worst case he ends up in prison. At least he'll know the routine when the soap drops. At least they are committed to something... BONUS MEME!
LeBron loves his city. That's why he is a Yankees, Kentucky, and Cowboys fan. Duh. Everyone in Ohio is a fan of those 3 teams. Comes as no surprise. Listen, I don't really care that LeBron is a Cowboys fan. Quite possibly the least surprising thing I have ever heard. There are a bunch of front running little twats that chose the Cowboys as their team in the heart of their dynasty. Just be a Cowboys fan at all times. Don't start littering social media with your fandom once the Cowboys are actually good for the first time since the 90's.
This is just soooo LeBron. Goes to Miami to play Wade and Bosh, they both start to age in dog years, bolts to play with two young studs in Cleveland, and tries to play it off like he missed his city. You're kidding yourself if you think that Love trade wasn't all but done when James signed in Cleveland. Fuck you LeBron. Just tell the world what they already know. You want the best chance to win. You want to be a fan of a winner. This isn't a new concept. A lot of athletes do it. I haven't heard James mutter a syllable about the Cowboys in years. Now they beat the defending champs on the road and he's sporting all the newest Cowboys gear. Such a herb. Such a tool. Such a wannabe winner. Don't tear your ACL jumping on and off bandwagons LeBron, or God forbid you get a cramp. http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local/South-Bay-Barber-Slices-Customers-Neck-Officials-279090351.html
NBC- An Imperial Beach barber is accused of slicing his customer’s throat after the victim was found bleeding profusely on the shop’s floor Monday, according to San Diego County Sheriff’s officials. As someone that literally just got a straight razor shave for a wedding no less than 3 days ago, this is strikingly horrifying. Don't get me wrong, I will still be getting them. Rule number one of getting a hot shave is don't piss off the guy with the razor in his hand. Yeah, its kind of an unspoken agreement that he won't be slitting your throat, but everyone has their off days. I'm not a huge fan of small talk, but I realize my surroundings. You sit in that barber chair, put a smile on your face, and chat that fucker up before he goes all 'Edward Scissor Hands' on you. I would rather have a great shave and a meaningless chat than a hospital visit with a blade in my neck. Kind of a bad look for the barber, no? Like even if he wanted to slice this guy throat he could have been a little less obvious. Pretend it was an accident. Maybe don't take off down the street and leave the customer bleeding to death in the chair. Maybe cut him once instead of treating his neck like an overcooked steak. Biggest takeaway from this is don't let a 22 year old give you a hot shave. If you're putting a razor to my neck I am going to make sure you are a veteran. Old italian guy for the motherfuckin' win. Give me someone that is schooled in the art. Someone that has gone 30 years without being charged with attempted murder. P.S. They stayed open and kept giving haircuts after some guy was carted out in a gurney. I don't know whether to be impressed or frightened by their dedication to the craft. Hey Nick, nice shirt buddy. Almost gives off the impression that your a personable guy. No one in a turquoise shirt is supposed to fly off the handle, save that shirt for the family summer vacation at the beach. Should have rocked the classic, bold Alabama polo for this press conference. Fits the mood better.
You don't get to be mad about high expectations Nick. You have unreasonably high expectations for your players every year. Isn't that why you ditched the Dolphins? To have a better team with a better chance of winning. That's the reason you pull the best recruits in the country every year. It's not because Alabama is some incredible place to live. It's because there is a culture of winning, and winning big. It's because the players expect to roll over each and every opponent and be molded into dominant NFL players. I get it. Saban is pissed because he is coming off a loss followed by an underwhelming win. He is trying to protect his players from facing scrutiny after a win, but spare us. No one feels bad for a team that is a national power and championship contender each and every year. With a winning culture comes expectations. This is no surprise. The last thing people want to hear is Nick Saban bitching that people expect them to win because they have won so much. Don't spit in the face of your success. It is pretty much a given that Alabama mailed in their appearance in the Sugar Bowl last year when Oklahoma laid a cool 45 on the Crimson Tide defense. Saban couldn't get his team up for that game, and he couldn't get them up after a loss at the hands of Ole Miss. So maybe the problem isn't the fans Nick. Maybe the unrealistic expectations that you're THAT much better than everyone else has gone to their heads. That lies directly on your turquoise shoulders, Coach. First of all, William Will? Really? Be better for me Mr. and Mrs. Will, one time. You can't even shorten it. William Will and Bill Will are equally awful names. However, not the point.
Have a day Willy! Kicker redemption! Putting up 6 for every kicker across the country that will never get to. Pretty impressive too, might I add. That was a hell of a scoop and score for someone who never gets their hands on the ball in traffic. I would go out on a limb and say he could probably play another position other than kicker. Looks like he's got some ball skills and breakaway speed. I mean, he isn't exactly playing for Florida State. Looks like his entire depth chart is a bunch of white dudes his height. He could probably beat one of them out on a good day. That's a ton of hustle from the kicker too. Like if I'm the kicker I'm not even close to being in the mix of that play that quickly. My man was right next to the ball carrier in seconds. Almost like he knew he was going to take one to the chopper. Important question here, what's the next move for Marist football? Kind of have to abolish the program, no? At least for a year. You can't just have kickers ramming touchdowns down your throat. Unacceptable. http://www.cbssports.com/nba/eye-on-basketball/24751249/phil-jackson-says-spike-lee-doesnt-know-anything-about-basketball
CBS Sports- "As most people know, Spike is an avid Knick fan that doesn't know anything about basketball," Jackson said, drawing laughs from the crowd. "He knows how someone makes a shake and bake move and might dazzle the fans and make a shot." Oh really Phil? Spike Lee doesn't know shit about basketball? You know who really cares about that? No one. No one expects Spike Lee to know basketball. They expect him to be a loudmouth boisterous bastard. They expect him to be dressed to the nines in orange and black shit, and be the biggest Knicks fan in the building. Why would I expect Spike to know anything about the strategy invoked in basketball? His role is to be the front row celebrity. You know when they show Spike Lee? When Melo makes a fadeaway after holding the ball for 23 seconds, or when JR Smith pulls up and nails an ill advised 3 from 7th fucking avenue. He is the biggest fan of chuckers I have probably ever seen. Did I expect him to know about basketball because he produced a movie about the sport? Hell no. The basketball scenes in that 'He Got Game' were probably the worst scenes in the movie. Besides the scenes where he played his father one on one, and those didn't go to far to showing me Spike Lee knew a lot about basketball. The best part about 'He Got Game' was that it was mostly life problems and behind the scenes shit. To me this is equivalent of expecting Jack Nicholson to be basketball educated. And that guy probably hasn't shot a ball since he was 15 years old. Both of their roles is to be the token celebrity fan for better or for worse. Also, I like to think I know about basketball. At the very least I know what is a good or bad shot, and what constitutes a productive possession. However, I don't know dick about the Triangle Offense. I don't think anyone does. They just know it's worked really well a bunch of times and you are the best at running it. That's good enough for Spike, and that's good enough for the rest of the Knicks faithful. I am not saying it is all hockey fans. I am not even saying it is most. However, come this time of year you will undoubtedly see many fans of the sport arguing on behalf of its' credentials. Far too often there are tweets and facebook updates about how hockey players are so much tougher than players in the other professional sports. Memes discrediting aspects of the other major sports in part to justify their love for hockey become common place. Maybe a picture of Steven Stamkos taking a slapshot to the face only to return later in the game. Maybe a picture making light of LeBron James being carried off due to cramps. Possibly a tweet about diving in soccer or lingering turf toe injuries in football. Is there some accuracy to these claims? Possibly. I just fundamentally don't understand why they are necessary.
The only logical thing I can think is that hockey fans feel that more people should love the sport they love so much. Personally, I consider myself a sports fan. Mostly a hockey, football, and basketball fan, but I can appreciate what each professional sport entails athletically. I don't need other people to love hockey like I do, I watch it because I enjoy watching it. Most people aren't exposed to hockey as much growing up. Whether that be because of popularity, or financial restrictions, or just general disinterest. Can someone explain to me how degrading the toughness of other professional athletes helps advance hockey in anyway? The truth is it doesn't, and it makes those people that do it look like uncultured assholes. The fact is that every single sport requires a very specific skill set. In general, basketball and football require a much higher level of overall athleticism. If you can't see that you are being objectively blind. The running and jumping required in those sports are otherworldly. The fact that basketball players can jump out of the gym and you have football players running 4.3 40 yard dashes is insane. Hockey, on the other hand, requires a very different skill set. Hand-eye coordination, body control, and yes, a certain degree of toughness. However, all these athletes perform at the top of their craft and deservingly so. If a hockey fan can't appreciate another sport for what it is, it is their loss, not of detriment to the sport. If hockey fans really want to get upset about the toughness of other sports they are going to have to look within as well. Go watch an NHL game from 1995, the sport was extremely tougher than it is now. That is for a variety of reasons. Whether it be the focus on punishing head shots, the changes to increase scoring chances, or an increase in players diving. If we are speaking solely on toughness, the sport has been watered down. Part of that is dependent on player safety and also maximizing the profit and interest in the sport, but it doesn't make it less true. I have grown up playing hockey. I play the game like an idiot, and put my general well being on the line more often than I should. It is a sport that requires a high amount of toughness. Generally speaking, hockey players are nut cases. It's something that is engrained in us from the first time we lace up the skates. It's admirable, even semi expected, for a player like Patrice Bergeron to play with a partially torn lung and broken ribs. That doesn't mean it's feasible for a basketball or football player to be out there on a bad ankle. Comparing hockey to soccer, or basketball, or football is completely nonsensical. It's apples to oranges. Just enjoy each sport for what it is. If you can't do that then don't watch, because all those athletes whose resiliency is in question are lightyears tougher than the people questioning it. For a little context on what I mean, I compare the Giants to my current landlord. My landlord once asked us, when we experienced some leaks from our apartment to the downstairs apartment, if we had intentionally overflowed our own bathtub as a prank. He also asked us if we had been showering without a shower curtain up. That's the kind of stupidity I am dealing with. That man, with no plumbing history, then decided to spend an entire Sunday on his hands and knees taking apart the cause of the issue, which was the toilet. Granted, he had no plumbing history, but that didn't stop him. He took it all apart, 'fixed the issue', and then put it all back together. One problem, 10 minutes after he left the toilet was flushing on it's own about every 30 seconds. This may all seem irrelevant, but I have a point. The only type of person more dangerous than a stupid person is a stupid person that thinks they are smart. You have to have the ability to know what you are.
For that reason I hypothesize that the Giants are the most dangerous team in the land. They have no idea what they are. Sometimes that materializes in games like last night. And sometimes it materializes in ridiculous Super Bowl runs they have no business making. Don't get me wrong, the Giants aren't one of the worst teams in the league. However, sometimes you would swear they are. Sandwiching 3 wins, The Giants have three losses where they looked like a high school team, one of which was a shutout. I don't even understand how a team could be so wildly unpredictable. It's like they can't figure out if they suck or not. This isn't a 6 game realization. For a team that has sported the same QB/head coach duo for almost a decade, it is amazing there isn't some level of consistency. The New York Giants don't even realize they are bad at football, and somehow it occasionally manifests itself in wins. In the same way that I don't understand how someone as dumb as my landlord could possibly own several houses, I don't understand how a team that spends so much time looking awful could possibly make 2 separate championship runs. I have a hard time ever talking shit on the Giants because I never know when they are going to turn it on and make me look stupid. As someone that has played hockey for a long time, I can say with certainty that the hardest players to play against are the ones that have no idea what they are doing. How can you possibly know what they are going to do if they hardly do? I liken those players to the Giants. Just a team full of players out there winging it with no expectation of success or failure. I mean, the only reason we have the 'Is Eli Elite?' argument annually is because of the New York fan base, right? No one actually thinks he is an elite quarterback. I would make the argument he is the most inconsistent QB to have held a starting role for as long as he has. Granted, those championships will buy some time, but his interceptions numbers have always been through the roof. How come we never ask if Jay Cutler or Philip Rivers are elite? Is it because of the lack of championships? If so then why don't we ever catch ourselves asking if Ben Roethlisberger is elite? He has won 2 Super Bowls with one where he didn't particularly set the world on fire. Truthfully, Eli isn't close to elite. More so, he is just good enough to not get benched and bad enough to look like he doesn't belong on a football field at times. For this reason I really think the New York Giants are the biggest conundrum in sports. A team that can never be counted on, nor counted out, and has no idea what it's identity is. http://www.nj.com/essex/index.ssf/2014/10/prudential_center_adds_3d_projection_system_to_devils_fan_experience.html NJ.com- The Prudential Center unveiled its newly-installed 3D projection imaging system, which can display interactive, three-dimensional images onto the ice. Devils management says the NHL team is the first in the U.S. to permanently install the technology. This development if going to add a few months to my life. My liver just let out a sigh of relief, and the bartender just got a another day job. Beer consumption will be down. Those last two beers I pound 15 seconds before puck drop before sprinting down Lafayette to the arena are a thing of the past. I will be sitting in my seat quarter of 7 every home game on the dot. Can't risk missing this boner inducer. I have never been more turned on by something less erotic in my entire life, and I haven't even seen it yet! If this intro is anywhere near the same realm as the Montreal Canadiens video I am going to have to start wearing a condom and 2 pairs of boxers to the games. I want this video to sit on my face as of yesterday. I would probably turn down sex to watch this video, although that hypothetical situation will probably never arise. Here's the Canadiens video... P.S. No blog on the win over the Florida Panthers. Why you ask? Because they are the Florida Panthers. If a tree falls in the forest does it make a sound? If the Devils demolish the Panthers in October and there are only 6 people there to see it does it even count? Both equally perplexing questions. Good to see Clowe's brain isn't complete mush yet. Severson coming in soooo hot early in the season. I still think Larsson is the next Nik Lidstrom. It helps me justify purchasing his jersey years back. I don't care if it doesn't make sense. However, If Seversen keeps this up and we continue to average 5.5 goals a game I will burn Larsson's jersey while pissing on a Swedish flag. Team Czech all day. Just win baby!
http://www.buzzfeed.com/richardhjames/this-is-why-the-pornhub-advert-in-times-square-was-taken-dow#4et34yw Buzzfeed- A spokesman said the advert had been mounted on a building occupied by the Hilton DoubleTree hotel. The reason it was taken down was due to complaints by the hotel’s general manager. The general manager of this hotel is the biggest herb in the world. What a grade A pussy. That ad isn't even offensive. It is 2014, EVERYTHING is overly sexualized. I know as a society we mostly ignore the existence of masturbation. However, everyone does it. A billboard acknowledging that isn't the biggest deal in the world. A world where I can't openly talk about touching my piece is a world I don't want to live in. Is there anything else in the world that is more prevalent but never gets talked about? It's amazing that this is the first porn billboard I have seen. It is a billion dollar industry. I'm surprised we don't have 12 foot ass to mouth visuals plastered all over the city. Money talks. Also, this might be in the least sexual billboard in billboard history. I have seen more sexual ads for herpes medication. Two hands in a heart and a semi-subtle reference to finger fucking? Don't see the big deal. They will probably replace it with a 16 year old celebrity modeling underwear, and then claim that the problem is solved. Fundamentally do not understand this. Is the ad to the right also part of the PornHub ad? It has to be right? Either that or it is the most well timed coincidence on the planet. Like the fact that that visual popped up next to a porn ad is fate. If I wasn't sure that this billboard belonged in the heart of the city before, I sure as shit am now. Could 'All You Need Is Hand' be any more perfect? Absolutely golden slogan. I just got back from a wedding so for the next few days I actually believe in love. But that slogan is soooo much more true than 'All You Need is Love'. It can't be argued otherwise. Oh, all you need is love? Fuck the Beatles. Love is pretty fucking hard to find you dicks. Meanwhile, I have 2 hands 7 days a week. I can wake up hungover next to a transgendered troll and not have to worry about being handless. The same can't be said for love. Biggest takeaway, however, is still that this general manager is a prude little fairy that should have to trade in his dick or tuck it between his legs. Most underrated song in the entire history of discography... http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/spain/11154107/Dwarf-stripper-gets-bride-pregnant-on-her-hen-night.html
Huffington Post- A newlywed who slept with a dwarf stripper on her hen night surprised her husband nine months later – by giving birth to a dwarf. First of all, nailed it with politically correct title. If you follow up midget by calling them small people they offset. Everyone knows that. Also, what the fuck is a 'hen night'? That's got to be a Spanish thing, right? Fuckin' spaniards always trying to reinvent the wheel. Just call it a bachelorette party and be done with it. Plus, if you call it a bachelorette party the whole 'fucking a midget' thing can kind of be excused. 'Hen night' sounds so admirable and pure. You aren't allowed to let halfies* inside you on a hen night. I'm pretty sure the creator of the term would agree with me. Midget sex was not on the agenda when they created the concept. On a more serious note, women should be able to do what they want with their bodies. There's not question about that. Pro choice for the fucking win. However, when you get impregnated by a midget stripped that baby has to get aborted 112 times out of a 100. I think that should be a standard rule. We have to limit the amount of morons we allow on this earth. The baby of a midget stripper and a person that cheats with a midget stripper is destined to be an unproductive member of society. That kid has no chance. For every dredge of humanity that grew up in a nice home with good parents, there are 5 kids born from tranny sex in the back of a pinto. By no means should you be out there ignoring all forms of birth control and then treating abortions like they're haircuts. But, let's look at the risk/reward here. You could have avoided the 'honey I boned a halfie' conversation. Even if you are pro life, sometimes you got to let your morals slide a little bit. We have all compromised our morals once or twice. She should have got the abortion and then had every single one of her eggs fried. No more fertility for you lady. You had your chance. You can definitely sell this is as only half cheating, no? I think you can. Also, no one wants to get cheated on, but I would feel a little better about it if it was a midget stripper. It's like when your ex-girlfriend starts dating someone uglier than you. You get to walk around with that smirk on your face knowing she downgraded. Sure you feel like less of a man when you get cheated on, but that doesn't hold true when you are 3 feet taller than the other guy. *trademarked it Devils Net 6 In Victory Over Flyers And Probably Won't Lose A Game For The Foreseeable Future10/10/2014 Can you win a Stanley Cup in October? Wait, stupid question.The Devils just did. Was there ever any doubt? Pour the champagne. Reserve the table at the titty bar. This team has got the stuff legends are made of. Or maybe half the players are just old enough to be legends…either way. Sure they blew a 3 goal lead faster than a prepubescent boy blows his load. Whatever, they can't all be pretty. When you sleep with a 4 you still tally it on the stat sheet. When you have lavish plans of going 98-0 you are going to need a little puck luck. Cammalleri on pace for 164 goals. I wouldn't bet my house on it, but you probably should. Easy money. Great signing. Going to fit in perfectly with that puck wheelin', dick slingin' duo of Zajac and Jagr. Ryder coming in hot game one before he pulls his annual 20 game disappearing act, that was nice to see. I would have more to say on the specifics of the game if I wasn't two beers short of all out blitzed in the suite level. Did Schneider just get goal support? A fuckin' 6er on a Thursday night? Thought that stopped after college. Must be Christmas. I told y'all! It's a new season! If we plan on winning a lot of games in that fashion I am going to need an economy size box of diapers. I was sweating like a hooker at the pearly gates during the 3rd period. It is what it is though. A win is a win is a motherfuckin' win, as they say…I think. Shower me with Marty jokes Philly fans. It reeks of jealousy. We know you haven't found a goalie that is capable of backstopping a Fisher-Price net with any consistency. Making fun of our wealth at the position isn't exactly the direction I would go. The Devils are the 1% in terms of goaltending while the Flyers have been cashing welfare checks since Hextall retired. Nice save on that Zubrus shot Mason ::fart noise:: There's only one way to start a season. Gotta give the Flyers a good ass pounding to get things rollin' in the right direction. That sodomy special would make a Sayreville football player blush. They should probably post the highlights of the game of PornHub. #1 result under 'Forced Anal'. Bite the pillow Philadelphia, we just went in dry! Looks like the fan in the background is enjoying how that dick tastes. Remember bro, spitters are quitters.
This is another older article I wrote that was never published. The way things look now Marty may just ride it out and retire having only worn a Devils' jersey. Let's hope for that. When this was written it was pretty much a foregone collusion he would finish his career elsewhere though. Take that into account when reading. Enjoy... Michael Jordan is mentioned hundreds of times a week on sports networks everywhere. When's the last time you heard anyone talk about him as a member of the Washington Wizards? How About Emmitt Smith? Does anyone view him as a Arizona Cardinal? Does anyone fondly recall Shaquille O'Neal in a Phoenix Suns uniform, or Jerry Rice in a Seahawks uniform? The answer is no. And that answer is the reason why the concept of 'ruining a legacy' by playing past your prime is ridiculous and outdated. A prime example of that currently is one the greatest goaltenders in NHL history, Martin Brodeur. Let's start with the facts. Martin Brodeur, without question, is one the greatest goaltenders (arguably the best), and greatest hockey players of our time. His list of accomplishments read longer than a grocery list for a Super Bowl party. 3 Stanley Cup Championships, 4 Vezina Trophies, 2 Gold Medals, the most wins by a goaltender in history (..and counting), the most shutouts by a goaltender in history (…and counting), etc, etc. Despite the growing list of achievements, he has also revolutionized the goaltender position. While he wasn't the first goalie ever to play the puck, I can say with certainty he is still the best to do it. The "trapezoid rule" (AKA most ridiculous rule in modern sports) was put in place because of the prolonged success of Martin Brodeur and the New Jersey Devils. It would be very difficult to argue otherwise. Marty has been mentioned a multitude of times, by his opposition, as a 3rd defenseman. He, to this day, still makes better outlet passes than a lot of actual NHL defenseman. Brodeur, unlike most goalies, never adapted to playing the butterfly, and plays a style uniquely his own. A style that, to this day, is maintained by his superior athletic ability. Jordan, Smith, O'Neal, Rice. That list includes 4 hall of fame athletes. Why do we view these athletes as so great? Is it just their statistics? Their number of championships? I would argue otherwise. All the statistics matter, don't be fooled, but the dedication and work ethic these athletes put in to be the best in their craft is second to none. It is no doubt this list of individuals were blessed with incredible talent. However, their ability to maintain that talent for an extended period of time is what sets them apart from the rest. I am of the opinion that any athlete that dominant, for that period of time, should play for as long as they see fit. Did these athletes dominate their sports, like years past, when Father Time was pushing them into their 40's? Absolutely not. Were they out of place being on the field of play? Absolutely not. The great thing about generational talents is that their love, and passion for the sport is what keeps them so great. They genuinely live for their sport, their craft. So when I hear people say "Marty should just retire" I see it as incredibly short sited.. As a person who has played hockey my entire life I am almost ashamed of that opinion. Hockey players should know better. Hockey is a sport that has 30+ and 40+ age leagues all over the country. It is one of the sports that once you start playing it is almost impossible to completely stop without regret. There is some 45 year old man sitting down with his friends right now in a locker room icing his knees and drinking a beer. How could that person possibly be of the opinion that Marty should retire? It's not that easy. Some overweight schmuck that can barely skate can always find a league to play in. If Brodeur retires from the NHL he is done with competitive hockey, likely forever. That thrill of competing is unlike any other thrill in life. If Brodeur was outclassed by every other goalie in the league I would change my tune. However, he could still start for a number of teams in the NHL, or be one of the best backup goaltenders in the league. Generally speaking, you don't walk away when you can still compete. Sadly, it is time for Marty to walk away from the New Jersey Devils. Sports are a microcosm of life. Things rarely happen as they should. In a perfect world Marty plays his remaining games in the red and black jersey. That isn't going to happen though. Marty will end up signing with a team, likely in a backup role, and continue his career. The Devils' needed to move on and give Cory Schneider, one of the better goaltenders in the league, a chance to carry them into the Post-Marty era. Although it felt so wrong at first, I have come to grips with it being the best option for both parties. Next year will be interesting no doubt, as I can't, in good conscience, root against Marty Brodeur. Hopefully, if it is not the Devils hoisting Lord Stanley's precious trophy; It will be Marty sailing into the sunset as the champion he is.
I find it hard to wrap my mind around what 'ruining your legacy' means. Isn't your legacy what you leave behind, what you have accomplished, and what you are remembered for? Despite whatever happens in the next year or two, How could anyone argue that Brodeur's legacy isn't the following? "One of the greatest goaltenders and hockey players in history, a generational talent, a 3 time champion, and the face of the New Jersey Devils." Like it or not, almost everything of substance the Devils franchise has accomplished directly correlates to the years Brodeur has been their backstop. So if he spends a year or two wearing a blue, or green, or yellow, or purple sweater…So be it. Let the man add to the records he already owns, and ride off into the Hall of Fame on his own watch. At the end of the day Martin Brodeur is a New Jersey Devil, and we will see his true legacy, in all it's immortality, when it is raised to the rafters at the Prudential Center. http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nhl-puck-daddy/mike-milbury-says-it-s-time-to--grow-up--and-ban-fighting--video-034233669.html Yahoo Sports- “I think it’s telling me that it’s time to get rid of fighting. It’s telling me that it’s over. As much as I like a good scrap in my day, too many issues here involving concussions. Too many problems. The teams are going away from it. Let’s grow up and get rid of it.” Can you just untuck it for two seconds and stop being such a pussy Mike? It's the first day of the season and I already have to hate you? Can't we just all agree to play nice for the first week while we get back into the swing of things? I get it. Anytime you have two grown men throwing haymakers at each other it is dangerous. Especially when they are world class athletes. Sure there has been some concussions, some broken jaws, some broken hands in the past. However, can we stop pussifying sports? Yeah, I understand the injuries sustained in athletic competition can affect these guys further down the road when hockey is no longer an option. The focus on head shots in the NFL is justified. The focus on high hits in the NHL is justified. But far be it for me to tell two grown ass adults they can't drop the mitts and give the crowd a show. Much like sex, as long as it's two consenting adults they can do whatever the fuck they want in my book. They understand the risks they are taking when their gloves hit the ice. The amount of fights in the NHL has died down drastically already, but you can't tell me they don't occasionally serve a purpose. You can't tell me that a well timed fight doesn't serve as a momentum shift. You can't tell me a fight isn't the right way to settle things following a cheap shot. It's not like they happen every 5 minutes. Once the playoffs start you hardly even see them anymore anyway. Full disclosure, I'm not even a fan of fights. I rarely stand up and get into like a majority of the crowd. Not really my thing. If two guys fight just for the sake of fighting then I am vehemently against it. I think it is a waste of time. With the increasing exclusion of the 'enforcer' role you rarely see that anymore anyway. I would say 80% of the time when there is a fight in 2014 it is for good reason. That's why it's nice to have players like David Clarkson or Wayne Simmonds. Players who are capable of both hitting the twine and throwing some bows. Sometimes a good old fashioned fist fight is the only way for a couple men to settle their differences. We shouldn't take that away from them. Even if they do make Mike's mangina drier than his humor. Grow UP Mike! LONG LIVE THE SCRAPE! Eat fist Schenn. Real Talk. I actually appreciate this. We all see the glitz and glamour involved with being a professional athlete, but we don't realize all that goes into it. Someone will always have it better than you. Whether you're working on Wall Street or making your living from playing a sport. There will always be someone that you would trade lives with.
What strikes me about this is that it wasn't them bitching and complaining about their career choice. Far too often athletes will come out and say some shit that just gives you the impression they are completely detached from reality. Off the top of my head, the Latrell Sprewell 'I've got my family to feed' quote, while he was making 14 million a year, comes to mind. Your average middle class family, who actually does have to respect money to keep food on the table, doesn't want to hear those outrageous proclamations. Chris Johnson used to be an absolute monster. Had otherworldly talent. Was at the top of his craft for a good 3-4 years. Now he's 29 years old and basically an after thought on the Jets roster. The age of 30 is a death sentence for running backs. The physical toll that it takes on the body, and the requirements it entails, are like no other position in football. Do you know when men reach their physical peak? The answer is late 20's. Chris Johnson should be in his prime right now. The only reason he isn't is because of the wear and tear he has taken from the running back position. If he had become a corner at a young age there is no doubt a person with Johnson's abilities would still be a high quality cornerback in the NFL. Lendale White's answer is equally as grounded. NFL athletes have to maintain top physical condition or they will soon become an afterthought. Prince Fielder has never met a donut he wouldn't have oral sex with and he's in the middle of a 9 year, 200 million dollar contract. Generally speaking, the body of a baseball player takes nowhere near the beating an NFL player does. The most important factor? Guaranteed contracts. Baseball players make astronomical amounts of money and it is all guaranteed. As an NFL player you can be a productive player with a nice contract and be out of the league a year later. Lendale White would know. The guy basically disappeared off the face of the planet in 2009. It's good to see he's still alive. Especially since he's been knocking on diabetes' door since his days at USC. Basically I just liked how the two of them carried themselves in answering this question. The life of a running back isn't all touchdowns and end zone dances. It was nice to see them portray that while still maintaining that they love (loved in White's case) their jobs. Off topic: Lendale White used to be known as 'bitch titties' in my college house. Can you blame us? |
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