How Many Times Can You Say You Have The "Best Team" Before It Actually Means The Complete Opposite?10/24/2016 Real tough look for Aaron Lynch here. I mean, I know what he was trying to do by ignoring the suspiciously accurate NFL lines makers, the results of all-but-one of his team's games, and the wide standing belief of the general public. I just can't help but think that it was completely counterproductive. I couldn't possibly have less faith in the potential of the San Francisco 49er's after watching their starting linebacker repeat how good they are over...and over...and over again. Maybe if he stopped calling a 1-6 squad whose most memorable play happens on the sidelines during the National Anthem the "best team" after the first or second time then I would be more likely to consider the validity of his ludicrous proclamation. However, once you reach 7-10 times you start to sound eerily similar to Stuart Smalley staring in the mirror trying to convince himself of his value as a person. In the beginning of the interview I felt compelled to go take a gander at the stats, but by the time he said "...easily the best team in our conference, for sure" that proverbial cold water had hit my face and I realized just how completely full of shit that he was. You want to talk about ever-so-slight, unfortunate mix-ups? He doesn't "go to sleep at night knowing" he's a part of the best team, he tells himself he's a part of the best team so that he's able to sleep night. I know that because I have an elementary understanding of the NFL and a rudimentary knowledge that a person that feels the need to repeat the same shit every 2.5 seconds is insecurely trying to convince themselves of it's truth.
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I know, I know. It's basically cheating to use the 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' theme as the backdrop to any situation in which a person looks baffled, shocked, confused, embarrassed, or in desperate need of a discount double check and a ticket on the next departing 'Southwest' flight. Still, as much of a guarantee laugh as that catchy little jingle is, it's appropriateness in this clip can't possibly be overstated. I can legitimately squint and picture Larry David's face on Pete Carroll's body as he looks around in disbelief after watching a sure victory get booted further in the wrong direction than LD's hairline. If I didn't watch the game last night I would assume this Vine was a result of Petey completely misreading obvious social cues and offending an entire room full of people. It's that reminiscent of the final seconds of an episode of 'Curb'. This video should be submitted to non-sports fans with this poll question... Did this man just... A) Coach to a tie in the best worst football game of all-time? B) Get accused of having an erection in public because his pants bunched up in the crotch when he sat down? I am a little confused, however. Surely in most situations you don't assume your once trusted kicker is going to botch a chip shot into the next county, but if there was going to be a time when you did it would have been last night. By the time Hauschka cemented that game as an ass-backwards 'Instant Classic' there was no act of tomfoolery that would have surprised me. I was just watching on television as an objective fan and I genuinely thought he was going to miss that kick as soon as he started his follow-through, so I'm only stunned by his Head Coach being stunned. That final score was written in the stars long before last night's conclusion. How can you do anything but pray for the best and expect the worst when a game has gone that poorly? I don't feel one bit of sympathy for Pete Carroll, because that FG attempt was as guaranteed to have a laughably cringeworthy ending as any episode of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' ever has. I'm going to be honest here. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw Ryan Lochte wish his dog a happy 8th birthday three years in a row was shame. Your favorite idiot's favorite idiot who "misremembered" getting "robbed at gun point" less than 12 hours after it happened has a better memory than I do when it comes to recalling his loved one's special days. I don't even care that the date in question probably isn't correct. The fact that he was diligent and aware enough to nail it on the nose three years in a row serves as quite the reality check to someone (myself) that is lucky to catch his own birthday in passing. The second - and more important - thing that came to my mind was that we shouldn't treat this as yet another reason to criticize a man that can't take a leak outside without causing an international incident. Instead, we should relish in the legitimacy of his stupidity. Given the current state of the internet, we need people like Ryan Lochte. It's become so hard to suspend disbelief and treat a good viral story like it's anything other than an elaborate publicity stunt. However, if there is one thing we can be certain of it's that the big, dumb swimmer that had no idea that "Jewish thanksgiving" wasn't a thing is literally too unintelligent to be used as a gimmick. He believed that yesterday was his dog's 8th birthday as much as he believed that October 23rd, 2015 was his dog's 8th birthday. He believed that October 23rd, 2015 was his dog's 8th birthday as much as he believed that October 23rd, 2014 was his dog's 8th birthday, and he believed that October 23rd, 2014 was his dog's 8th birthday as much as he believed that his drunk ass got held up by the Brazilian police force. If he didn't then he wouldn't have attempted to correct his original post only to get his dog's (presumed) age wrong AGAIN...
During a time period where a premium has been put on attempting to outsmart the masses, Ryan Lochte's level of genuine idiocy is truly something to cherish. Now if we can just avoid sending him overseas then we can really learn to appreciate him as the national treasure that he is. The Seahawks And Cardinals Were So Bad That They Made The Colts Feel Good About Themselves10/24/2016
For shame Seattle. Someone give Arizona's wrist a hard slap. Do they even see what they have done?! Forget subjecting the decreasingly viewing public to 5 complete quarters of offensively offense-less football, because doing so in such impressively incompetent fashion that they made it okay for one of the worst teams in the entire NFL to pat themselves on the ass is the true travesty here. Do you know how shitty two teams have to perform for a decidedly worse team to decide that it's a good time to brag about their middle-aged kicker? I love Adam Vinatieri as much as the next guy, but when he's your franchise's claim to fame then you're a team that probably shouldn't do too much thumping of your chest. Yet somehow, someway, last night's game was so pathetic that I agreed with the Colts social media director's decision to do so. Who cares that Indianapolis' defense is so mind numbingly bad that they transformed Brock Osweiler's bum ass into a clutch quarterback capable of double digit 4th quarter comebacks? Doesn't even matter that the benefit of the doubt that has been granted to their overrated starting quarterback is as overgrown and unwarranted as his neck beard. When fate forced that second chip shot field goal to sail so far in the wrong direction that you'd swear it was using Christopher Columbus' compass, there wasn't a single invested fan that didn't get at least a slight undeserved lifting of their spirits. Considering it ended in a tie both teams did get something out of it, but it was everyone else without a rooting interest that felt like the real winner. Ineptness that's so unsightly that it actually becomes compelling has seemingly become the NFL's formula for success. That must make last night's game the pinnacle of the sport, because sucking so hard that it makes the goddamn Colts feel cocky enough to grab the back of your head while you do so is rock bottom. I'm Not Mad Because The Saints Lost, I'm Mad Because They Did Everything In Their Power Not To Win10/24/2016 This may sound crazy considering the first half of the Saints season has featured two losses on last second plays and a complete shellacking at the hands of their most hated rival, but yesterday's dismissal at the hands of the Kansas City Chiefs was easily the most deflating of the bunch. On paper it's tough to be upset about taking an L from an above average team that's gotten fat of their home-field advantage but - to steal a nauseating cliche from Russell Wilson's seemingly endless barrel of them - the game isn't played on paper. Yesterday I didn't watch one team struggle due to the performance of another team. Yesterday I watched one team struggle to get out of their own way. I won't sit here and solely blame Mark Ingram for a red-zone fumble because he hasn't let the ball hit the turf in well over a year. Nor will I sit here and solely blame Drew Brees for a pick-six because he's the only reason this team is watchable and - truth be told - it was really more of a bad bounce than an awful decision. I won't even sit here and solely blame Nick Fairley for taking a selfish, brainless penalty that cost his offense one last opportunity to tie or win the game. Partly because I don't feel it's right to put that on him when he played despite dealing with the recent death of his mother (R.I.P.), but also because that play - much like the interception and the fumble - was merely representative of the host of ways in which the Saints beat themselves yesterday. For the first time this year injuries and/or a lack of talent can't be used as an excuse, because New Orleans loaded that pistol and blew off both of their own damn feet. I can live with making Alex fucking Smith look like a gunslinger and Jairus Byrd finding creative new ways to avoid tackling. Those are problems that are reflective of the personnel. What I can't live with is taking so many 'Delay Of Game' penalties that I'm half surprised we aren't still waiting for the game to end. Wasted timeouts? Unforced, pre-snap errors? Those are characteristic of bad football teams, and after 3 weeks without a loss (always count the BYE) I was beginning to think the Saints had the chance to be something slightly better than bad. As has remained the case in previous years, the door was open for them to make headway in the division (seeing as Atlanta ended up losing) and all they did was everything in their power to slam that door shut. Piss poor pass defense and letting opposing running backs literally have a field day are things that I have come to expect, but I thought this team was past the turnover and penalty ridden performances that could render even the most formidable roster a losing one. It's games like that which limit the amount of optimism one can feel for the impending return of Delvin Breaux and Sheldon Rankins, because there's no amount of talent that can overcome stupid. The Devils Treated Some Familiar Faces To An All-Too-Familiar Performance Over The Weekend10/24/2016
I'm certainly not going to compare this Devils team - that is still trying to find it's footing and develop an identity - to the championship level Devils teams of years past. I'm just saying that if the two men that were most responsible for those championship level teams squinted really, REALLY hard then they would probably caught a mean case of deja vu. This current version of Devils hockey has been more of a display of offensive incompetence that's willed primarily by a respectable defense and an exemplary goaltender. However, if you ignore the less-than-passable passing and multitude of mistakes then that 2-1 score could have potentially reminded two men that backed an opportunistic offense with defensive brilliance and goaltending excellence of their glory days. As long as Marty turned his back to the ice while Cory Schneider was playing the puck (and forcing the entire of the attending fanbase to hold their breath) then it must have felt mighty familiar to see someone that appears unbeatable between New Jersey's pipes. If Scott Stevens was distracted by a fly as his new team took advantage of a net-front breakdown to score their only goal then Saturday night probably brought back that feeling of helplessness that he knowingly gave to oh-so-many foes in the past. They say the more things change the more they stay the same. This Devils team couldn't possibly look any different than it did in the mid 90's-early 2000's, but I'll be damned if they don't look like they love winning games in a similar - albeit far less impressive - fashion. It was mildly bittersweet to see two players that have since changed organizations come "visit" the franchise whose winning culture they were imperative in molding. Still, watching the guest of honor get immortalized by the team that he was the face of for as long as I can remember made Saturday a little more special. Watching his captain - whose play could often be deemed 'heartless' - get brought to the brink of tears by a video of the memories he created help to remind the fans how lucky they are that their building is the one in which his number is retired. It probably also opened people's eyes to how far this team has to go before they are adding any banners to the rafters, but at least they've already got the close, low scoring victories thing down pat. Martin Brodeur and Scott Stevens will always be Devils and their home will always be New Jersey. No matter what the circumstances, their homecomings will always bring back a feeling of nostalgia that only their "home videos" could replicate. This past weekend was no different. "Crying? Who's crying? I'm not crying. YOU'RE crying." And just like that, Cardale Jones words have never rung truer... In all seriousness... Forget "tens of thousands", why would one single person think that Ben Simmons was "politically savvy" just because he said he had the inability to listen to Donald Trump? Donald Trump isn't a politician, so having a low threshold for the complete and utter bullshit that's constantly pouring out of his mouth actually have nothing at all to do with one's familiarity with politics. From college dropouts to valedictorians, his unbearable bigotry transcends level of education. In fact, the one "positive" about this election is that the candidates are so fucking terrible that you don't actually have to know a single goddamn damn thing about their policies to know that they should both be shot straight to the fucking moon. It's first time that loyal CNN viewers and your average, everyday jackass like myself are on an equal playing field come election day. Trump sucks. Hillary sucks. One sneakily grabs pussies. One sneakily deletes emails. Who needs higher learning to hash out those logistics? I mean, did Kyle Allen even watch the debates? Being politically savvy in 2016 is an art as lost as the mid-range jumper. You're basically the equivalent of an unathletic, back-to-the-basket big man if you're going to try to use what you learned in school to pick the new President. The process that Ben Simmons is a part of (h/t Sam Hinkie) is legitimately more trustworthy than one that's responsible for picking the new leader of the free world. Therefore, he should use the fact he doesn't have to know shit to currently talk politics to put one in some know-it-all's earhole.
Respect. You simply have to find ways to keep yourself entertained while sitting in traffic after repeatedly punching the steering wheel proves fruitless. All things considered, busting out the rock to work on a behind the back crossover that - to be honest - could use the work isn't the worst way to pass the time. Unfortunately - while I love where his head was at - it's not the best way either. You can only dribble in place for so long before you get bored again, and when this guy inevitably does he's going to have swamp ass like a motherfucker. Doesn't matter how nice it is outside, because if I learned anything from going to Catholic high school it's that khakis are more unforgiving than the camera that makes this kid look like he hasn't seen the hardwood in a decade. No doubt those Dockers are breathing less than Robert "Tractor" Traylor in the 4th quarter. So after my man gets done trying to convince himself that he has a legitimate reason to keep a basketball in his car at all times he'll soon realize that also gives him a legitimate reason to keep an extra pair of gym shorts in his car at all times. Bet those 5 minutes were fun until he put the ball away, closed the trunk, and felt the thin layer of sweat he unknowingly worked up. Wish we had footage of that because it was surely followed by an ass pick for the ages. A Canadian Youth Hockey Coach Was Suspended For Making His Team Do Postgame Pushups After A Loss10/21/2016 FoxSports- A youth hockey coach in Quebec will have to sit out the rest of this season after forcing his players to do push-ups after a loss.
According to the Montreal Gazette, Lac St-Louis AAA pee-wee team coach Louis Isabella was extremely displeased after his team of 11 and 12-year-olds lost a game 7-2 on Sept. 18. The coach was particularly irked by the bickering from his players during the game, and he responded by allegedly making them do anywhere from 100 to 350 push-ups following the game. Parents were outraged, as some of the kids were said to have missed school and seek medical assistance the following day. After several complaints, Isabella was suspended indefinitely and called in front of the hockey association's disciplinary committee. On Thursday, they ruled that his tactics were "abusive" and that he should remain suspended until the conclusion of the season in May. Tony Horton? Is that you? Seriously though, THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY PUSHUPS! I can't recall the results of my grade school fitness tests, but I don't think I hit 350 collective pushups until my twenties and these 6th graders were forced to bang them after getting slapped around the rink for the entirety of three periods. I'm usually disgusted by the vaginalization of youth sports, but I definitely can't consider this an instance of it. Not when I had to call out of the work the day after the first time I went to the gym unsupervised and was too sore to lift myself out of bed in the morning. These kids sound like little bitches for seeking medical attention until you realize that 11-12 year olds are supposed to be little bitches when it comes to physical activity. That entire team probably has like 3 total pubic hairs, so of course their underdeveloped bodies couldn't withstand the brunt of an upper body workout that would literally make Joe Thornton quit the sport. I'm all for disciplining athletes at a young age, but I'll be damned if I'm not glad that someone took this guy's whistle. Hopefully he only gets it back after he finds his calling as a drill sergeant, because training for battle is the only time when demanding that your underlings touch their tits to the floor 350 times before they leave the room can prove beneficial. Plus, a man that gets that infuriated by whiny, prepubescent dickheads was liable to hit one of them the next time the game got away from him. Lost: Hand-Eye Coordination Please Return To: Prudential Center I tried to make excuses for them. Were they just gripping their sticks to tight? Nah, that doesn't make sense coming off an inspiring victory. Was the ice in Boston as shitty as the Devils' botched breakout passes and completely whiffed shots made it look? If it was then you certainly couldn't tell from the play of the home team. Fact of the matter is that the Devils didn't just look like they were outclassed last night, they looked like they hadn't put their equipment on in 6 months. I know that Mike Cammalleri spent the better half of last season in a luxury suite and that Reid Boucher is probably playing nervous as he's still working to gain the trust of the coaching staff, but - my god - is asking them to treat the puck like it's something other than a fly that just landed on their food too much to ask? I understand this team needs to develop chemistry, but I would hope that a professional hockey team wouldn't have to develop fundamentals. Hell, I'm almost willing to give them a pass for spending - what felt like - 80% of the game running around in their own end because it's gotten to the point where expecting anything other than an ugly, lopsided one goal loss against the Bruins is like rooting against the sun rising. What I won't give them a pass on forgetting to pack their tenacity and talent before getting shipped up to Boston. Coming out looking like the bus just picked them all up from a 3 hour "team meeting" at the Sam Adams Brewery is unforgivable. It wasn't the lack of cohesion that disappointed me the most last night. It was the lack of focus. The lack of purpose. The lack of pretty much all the things that helped them overachieve last season. I know this roster is largely new so if you were expecting them to come out like a house on fire then your irrational expectations are probably already up in smoke. That said, the expectation that they show up and make enough tape-to-tape passes for their Head Coach to justify keeping lines intact for longer than your average cokehead feels like it should be attainable. This team still has a lot of growing to do, but performances like that are only going to water the seed of doubt. Oh yeah, and why isn't Jacob Josefson selling hot dogs? Doesn't Travis Zajac know that he plays OFFENSE?! Can Adam Henrique be more lazy? How overrated is Kyle Palmieri? Don't you think Beau Bennett could provide more from the IR than he can from the 3rd line? Why isn't Steve Santini in the lineup when he's CLEARLY the next Scott Stevens? Those aren't my questions, but I would be willing to bet that the dickhead that will undoubtedly be yelling "SHOOT!" from within a few seats of me on Saturday is desperately looking for those answers.
Look, I'm pretty sure that Charlie Sheen just nominated himself to throw out the first pitch of the World Series unprovoked because he could use some good pub after that little "I slept with 1,000 women while I knowingly had AIDS" snafu. However, now that he did, this absolutely has to come to fruition. I know the MLB doesn't care about ratings since every postseason game has ended as the sun was coming up, but hitting his music and having 'Wild Thing' take that lonnnng trek to the mound would be must watch television that would hit everyone with a goddamn pulse directly in the feels. There's no better promotional tactic than nostalgia, and just thinking about Ricky gassing up "the terminator" for old times sake already has me setting the DVR. Also of note, isn't it a little bit ridiculous that Charlie Sheen's ACTUAL life was more a shit show than the fictional life of a pitcher nicknamed 'Wild Thing' whose performance in the California Penal League was responsible for him getting his start in the Majors? Shit, Charlie Sheen probably had to be locked in a room without drugs and hookers for a month just so that he had a clear enough head to play a womanizing drunk who was stealing cars well before he stole our hearts. Chuck was out there contracting HIV by drinking tiger blood (and raw-dogging whores) while the worst thing Rick Vaughn ever did was unknowingly bang out his teammate's wife. With what we know now, they probably had to give Charlie Sheen a goddamn exorcism just so he could get into character as the over-the-top loose cannon in an 'R' rated movie. If those two went out for a night on the town it would ultimately culminate in Charlie Sheen calling Rick Vaughn a pussy, slapping the skull-and crossbones right off his glasses, and screeching away on his Harley. That said, I have no interest in seeing Charlie Sheen throw a baseball so the only way I'm on board with this is if he gets zig-zags shaved into his head and channels the chutzpah of the sum' bitch that walked Beck to get to Parkman. Josh Norman Is Planning On Doing A Beer Drinking Celebration Since The NFL Runs Alcohol Ads On TV10/21/2016 ForTheWin- “I’ll say this,” Norman said in the Washington locker room after practice on Thursday, when asked for a hint. “Since they sell beer on TV while kids are watching it, I’m thinking I might open a keg on the field, and I’m going to drink it on the field. And I don’t see that being on the rule book.”
Norman then pretended to open an invisible keg, pump it, and lift it above his head. It definitely wouldn’t have been immediately obvious what he was doing had he not just explained it. So the question is: Will the good people of America who’ve tuned into to watch the game know what he’s up to? “If they don’t, I’ll explain it afterwards,” Norman said (or before, as it turns out). “I was kind of like, if they’re doing that, then why can’t my celebration be legal? I mean, you’re selling ads on TV, so why can’t my celebration be legal? It’s a catch-22, man. These guys are serious.” I appreciate the message that Josh Norman is trying to send to a league that never quite gets the message. That said if you needed him to start tapping imaginary kegs in the end zone to realize that the NFL is a hypocritical organization then you've probably been a "victim" of far too many of those beer ads that he apparently intends to use as his "muse". Surely he has a point, but it's been a point that's been driven home so many times that it could probably benefit from mixing in a few waters or hiring a personal chauffeur. We get it. The NFL - without fail - does what's best for them financially even it goes directly against the "...but, but, but kids are watching" philosophy they have suddenly adopted to justify outlawing every dance move other than the two-step. It doesn't matter how many cans Josh Norman crushes during his binge drinking impression, I am not going to become anymore aware of or appalled by the NFL's shady business practices. That's not to say that I am against him doing the celebration, I just think that it's not going to make much of a difference because it sounds like it really fucking sucks. Full disclosure? I haven't seen Josh Norman's rendition of 'Animal House', but - considering he had to explain what he was doing to a bunch of media members - my expectations are quite low. I mean, a group of reporters witnessed a professional athlete do a full on charade mocking the NFL's disciplinary policy and all they walked away thinking about was how little they would wanted to be teamed up with Josh Norman on game night. I would suggest he go back to the drawing board before he's standing in front of a 100,000 people looking like he's giving someone an under the table handjob while trying to make sure his fictitious beer is foamless. Doing a poor job of reenacting a full-on frat party after making a play probably falls under the category of "excessive" so it undoubtedly IS banned by the ever-changing rule book, but - more importantly - it makes a mockery of the game day habits of those that use booze to help them forget how watered down professional football has become. Victor Cruz Voiced His Support For Josh Brown...Then Got Mad At The Media For Talking About It10/21/2016
Original comment:
Post-backlash reaction:
Fucking media strikes again, huh? Jeez, it's almost like they'll do anything for a story. Even if it requires taking a phrase like "I'm behind Josh Brown" and twisting it so that it sounds far too sympathetic to a man that admittedly treated his wife like uncooked ground beef. It's shameful really. Goddamn reporters just doing all that reporting of the word-for-word answers given to them by athletes. They should take a closer look at the context of the conversation before being so irresponsible in posting direct quotes from it. Especially when those quotes could make players that play for an organization that is STILL employing a deranged, abusive psychopath look bad. Look, I get it. Victor Cruz had diarrhea of the mouth. He probably didn't mean to support Josh Brown. Unfortunately, he - fairly directly - did just that. It's no one else's fault but his own that he decided that a question about domestic abuse didn't deserve a response that was nothing more than some stupid cliche that is generally reserved for a player that's suffering from an actual disease. I don't want to be overly critical here, but maybe think about the ramifications of your words before thoughtlessly spouting them off to someone whose job is to tell the world what you said. Maybe don't "stand behind" a guy that should already be rotting in a prison cell. In fact, sit as far away from him as possible, because the whole "being a good teammate" rhetoric is far less honorable when your teammate is a known scumbag with a full fledged diary full of thoughts that seem more characteristic of the main character in a two part episode of 'Criminal Minds'. How is this still going on? How is Josh Brown "not traveling with the team" or "facing an indefinite suspension"? How is him playing another game for the Giants - or anyone else for that matter - even a remote possibility? We are talking about a FUCKING KICKER that very well might be more mentally unstable than Greg Hardy and he is certainly more of a danger to those around him than Ray Rice. I'm pretty sure Sean Payton has cut kickers because they missed kicks for his son in 'Madden', yet the Giants are basically doing everything in their power to keep this shitbag employed. The franchise can't make a comically obvious personnel decision and one of it's players can't even take responsibility when he - intentionally or not - downplays the crimes that said shitbag has committed, but sure...it's the media's fault.
You know what, I'm not even excited. Saints best cover linebacker set to return against a team that utilizes their tight ends and running backs damn near exclusively in the passing game and I can't even get a little happy because of how poorly the personnel is being mismanaged. Seriously, what the HELL is Danelle Ellerbe doing practicing? The guy has approximately 8 healthy hours of football in him per year and we are wasting it on practice?! We're talking about practice? Not a game, not a game... Will someone pull that man off the field, wrap him in bubble wrap, and stuff him in a hyperbaric chamber until 5 minutes before kickoff? I don't know about anyone else, but I would like to see him bat down a pass intended Travis Kelce or tackle Jamaal Charles for a short gain before he's writhing around on the ground in pain. Just knowing that he's up and walking is already getting my all-too-optomistic hopes up, and I would prefer to inevitably be let down by his eventual setback during the 3rd quarter on Sunday instead of quarter past the next team walk through. If his official status is going to be 'Limited' then let's limit him to meaningful 3rd downs in a must win game. Danell Ellerbe has proven he can be an asset to a defense that needs assets almost as much as it needs an ungodly amount of Drew Brees touchdowns passes, and I think I am willing to sacrifice some reps to see him do it when it actually matters. “You are Nothing More than an Entertainer. Just Shut and do what we say. You have No rights as along as you are working for me.. there are other places for you to fight and stand for what you believe...Smh Maybe I read something different..one things for sure I know my husband was told Not to take a Knee and he went with his heart and he took one. And that cost him his Job.. and Clearly this Statement backs that up… Just a Paid To put on a show.”
The problem I have with criticizing this relatively baseless accusation is that we would all say something similar if we were in this situation. Your husband who - at one point - was one of the more talented players in the league gets axed just days after taking a knee during the National Anthem by an owner who has made it pretty clear how he feels about taking a knee during the National Anthem and it's human nature to assume he got screwed. Especially since you're inherently going to glorify your significant other's performance on the field. Now, do I agree with her? Not really. I'm pretty sure that Antonio Cromartie's play had fallen off a cliff prior to getting cut, and his current status of 'unemployed as fuck' speaks to that exact sentiment. The Colts owner might be a diabolical, drug sniffing drunk, but I know that there aren't 31 other NFL GM's that are so adamant about "supporting the troops" that they'll let someone that can provide depth in a secondary go unsigned. Therefore, I have to assume that dude just wasn't getting it done anymore. Was his decision to take a knee and raise a fist what finally prompted Jim Irsay's pill poppin' ass to officially let him go? We will never know, and that has everything to do with Antonio Cromartie's failures as a football player. The fact that it took a family member bringing it up weeks later due to a dumbass quote speaks volumes about how justified people thought his release was. If anyone - and I mean ANYONE - other than his wife had an inkling that this was a vengeful, reactionary move to a public protest we CERTAINLY would have discussed it before right now, but I certainly respect her loyalty. h/t CBS Local The Devils Should Change Their Logo If They Hope To Make The Playoffs This Year: A "Think" Piece10/20/2016 THW- How long ago was the 1992-93 season? The Devils played in the Meadowlands, at the Brendan Byrne Arena. They played in the Patrick Division of the Wales Conference. Herb Brooks was head coach. Scott Niedermayer was a rookie. Martin Brodeur was playing with the AHL Utica Devils.
Whether changing the color scheme, logo or adding a third jersey, an alteration wouldn’t be the worst idea for a team with a design which has gone virtually unchanged in more than 30 years of operation. Though somewhat cliche, some say the club should roll out an alternate black jersey. Another idea floated is having the outline of the state serve as the jersey crest. In addition, a New Jersey version of the defunct AHL Lowell Devils, featuring a devil holding a pitchfork, could be another option. Maybe add some flames and fire to the uniform. Perhaps the organization changes the colors to align with another local major-league team. Plus, after a handful of seasons without a playoff appearance, a fresh new design may be warranted with a new era of New Jersey hockey. There it is folks. The question all Devils fans have been asking themselves over the offseason. No, it's not whether or not the Taylor Hall trade will end up being as much of a steal as we all hope. It's not whether a patchwork defense will be able to withstand the loss of Adam Larsson. It's not even whether or not the infusion of youth and speed will be able to provide some much needed goal support for Cory Schneider. No sir. The main question plaguing this franchise is whether or not they should change the logo that literally everyone that's not high on bath salts absolutely loves. Seems like it should be an easy question to answer, right? WRONG. Sure, the Devils have had some of the most classic, understated-yet-underrated looking jerseys in the NHL for decades now. I know the interlocking 'N' and 'J' has been around for as long as hockey in New Jersey has been around, and it is synonymous with every single achievement the organization has to call their own. Unfortunately, it's also synonymous with approximately 5 absences from the postseason since the real Clinton was jamming Cohibas up interns' tailpipes so can you really say it's not what's holding this obviously rebuilding team back from adding another championship to the rafters? I can't believe we didn't think to bring this up during the last THREE MONTHS where there wasn't one ounce of meaningful hockey being played! Oh well, better late than never I guess. If Ray Shero really wants to put a better product on the ice then he should really consider cloaking them in uniforms that look like Lucifer's toilet the morning after a long night at the bar. How can a player possibly embrace what it means to be a Devil if there isn't any semblance of a generic, cartoonish pitchfork emblazoned upon their chest?! You want more winning? Fuck talent. We need more fire! Give me all the brimstone! I'll go to hell and back if that's what it takes to put the Devils in XFL jerseys that will undoubtedly propel them back to the promised land. Tradition? Doesn't something have to be old and played out to become "tradition"? Fuck that shit. New era, new fashion. Give me something I can spend $200+ on and walk down the street looking like I need to be put out by a firehose. They say if it's not even remotely close to being broken then don't fix it, but they didn't say anything about slapping a bunch of stereotypical crap on it and turning it into a slutty college girl costume. NYPost- An Iowa teacher-turned-stripper claims she’s the real victim of an illicit tryst she had with a teen student because he “duped” her by using “elevated vocabulary.”
“Many people see him as the victim and me as the perpetrator,” disgraced educator Mary Beth Haglin told the “Dr. Phil” show earlier this week. “From a psychological standpoint and from every other standpoint, I feel like I am the victim.” Haglin, 24, who now works as a stripper named “Bambi,” said the 17-year-old boy wooed her with romantic notes and texts, making him irresistible. “He did so with such intelligence and such an elevated vocabulary that I was completely duped by the whole facade,” claimed Haglin, who worked as a substitute teacher in the Cedar Rapids Community School District in 2015. I was almost proud of this chick. Almost thought she had somehow spun her sexcapades with a teenager into some diabolical praise of her own teaching ability. After all, how could you fire a girl that was so good at teaching English that one of her students was able to use what he learned from her against her? If that were the case then it would be tough for Cedar Rapids to say they really valued education above all else since that would mean they clearly had it placed behind maintaining school grounds free of promiscuous sex. Last time I checked a school's primary job wasn't to cock block it's students, but produce intelligent individuals that were prepared for the rigors of higher learning. Trust me when I say this, no one was more ready for college than the kid that was already talking his way into the panties of mentally unstable 24 year olds with "fuck me" eyes. For a second I thought she was going to proclaim that she was largely responsible for his "elevated vocabulary" that was apparently - for the first ever - extremely useful during sexting. Unfortunately, she can't. Not because it isn't a spin so hellishly brilliant that it would make Dwight Freeney blush, but because this broad was nothing more than a substitute and substitutes don't teach anyone anything. I guess it was bound to happen. If she couldn't even wait until she was full time to get texted into the sack by a high schooler than she was probably off to the pole sooner rather than later. Still, would have at least been interesting to watch her try to make the case that her sluttiness was a byproduct of her extraordinary ability to instruct students on the intricacies of the English language. Too bad the only time she spent with students was when she turned out the lights and played a video as she diddled herself under the desk while biting her lip and staring at the "lingual prodigy" sitting in the front row. ESPN- Yes, for all the offseason stories about Eddie Lacy following a more strict diet regimen, his weight definitely has returned to the 2015 frame when team sources say he was anywhere from 255 to 265 pounds. But unless somebody ties his latest foot/ankle injury to his extra pounds, it has been difficult to argue with the results this season. Lacy is averaging 5.1 yards per carry in 2016.
Of all the bets you could have made prior to the season, Eddie Lacy ending it fat should have been the absolute lock of all NFL picks. Blows my mind that people were putting their money on win totals and championship odds when they could have gotten rich on the most guaranteed over of them all - the perennially overweight. Sure, his offseason look was impressively slim after spending the entire summer with a glorified babysitter that runs a fitness cult-glomerate, but China food is an addiction that you simply don't kick when left to your own volition. There ain't no amount of core strength that can fight off the craving for some sesame chicken. I don't care how good you wake up feeling if you can't walk out of your house without having to step over Wok Garden's list of combo specials. If you're a Chinese food guy you're a Chinese food guy for life, and that's ESPECIALLY true if you became a starting running back in the NFL as a Chinese food guy. How can you possibly expect someone who reached the pinnacle of his profession eating whatever the fuck he wanted to avoid making justifications when he "accidentally" opened up his drawer full of delivery menus? The vast majority of us didn't even consider a gym membership until were wheezing at the top of our staircase, but Eddie Lacy is supposed to convince himself to toss up a salad when egg rolls have fueled his journey this far? Get the fuck out of here. Why would a tiger change his stripes when he's one of the top 15-20 tigers in existence? Just take a look at the numbers on the scale and in the box score. What the average person calls "bloated", Eddie Lacy calls mid-season form. I say we let the big dog eat, because the only time he's comfortable in his own skin is when it's in the process of developing stretch marks. P.S. I have little to no doubt that he worked out vigorously for 90 days, ordered one massive cheat meal on Day 91, and his body went full 'Nutty Professor' the second a grain of fried rice touched his lips. No woman has ever gained weight easier than Eddie Lacy gains weight, and that includes Kirstie Alley.
Rough translation: “Preparing for Halloween, but it looks like this year won't require a mask”.
I'm not sure what Jaromir Jagr has planned for Halloween, but I would like to be the first to suggest that he just go as himself. He might not win any contests, but he'll get points for originality because he's probably the only 44 year old man that could create an Instagram account to talk about his costume for a children's holiday and have the consensus reaction be "finally". I don't think I have followed someone faster than I just followed Jags and all he did was post a selfie in glasses with a caption that I needed to do research to understand. I barely even proofread my own damn writing but I'll immediately start fact-Czeching the second Jagr has anything to say. Honestly, if I were as timelessly awesome as Jaromir Jagr I wouldn't waste one single night pretending I was someone - or something - else. Of course he's not wearing a mask. If you were the ageless wonder you would never let anything cover your face either. An internationally known hockey player that's still dominating on the ice AND in the bedroom well into his 40's? He's rapidly approaching social security, but still has the skills and the personality of someone that's still using a fake ID to get into the bar. You're damn right his costume doesn't currently consist of anything more than some eccentric shades. They are the only thing that could make him look more untouchably cool than he already is. If he really wants to switch things up and think outside of the box he could dress up in something that will remind people that they were diapers when he first entered the NHL. If he really wanted to shock others he would try his 40's on for size, because the only way he could appear his age to those that have watched him play or heard him speak is to put an honest effort into completely altering himself.
I'm not in the locker room. I can't take the pulse of the team. I don't know what makes them tick. What I do know is that if there is a group that needed to be negged it's the one that being touted as younger, faster, and vastly improved without having the track record to back it up. After a promising offseason, the New Jersey Devils are basically the girl at the bar that's coming off a brand new boob job. Yeah, she's looking a lot better, but she needs to be taken down a peg simply so that her other character traits don't falter. Keep praising her chest and there's a good chance that she too will start giving her belly less attention. Keep staring at her tits and there's less incentive for her to continue working on her personality. After all, complacency is the primary rival of success. That's why the Devils need to be told that their outfit makes them look skinny and that they are only gorgeous after they put makeup on. They need the acknowledgement of their achievements to be so subtle and fleeting that they begin to think that their head coach is coaching another team behind their back. They need the compliments directed at them to be so backhanded that Cory Schneider would have trouble judging them. I appreciate the fact that John Hynes' main motivational tool is a double-edged sword and he's using it trim the fat off this roster, because that's the type of encouragement that keeps people on their toes. I hope this New Jersey Devils team scores a Stanley Cup winning overtime goal and then - and only then - are they told that it's okay to start feeling themselves. There's just no way this team performs to the best of their abilities if they truly believe they are more talented than they are. That's why I love John Hynes message which is really nothing more than "occasionally you're pretty, but you're not naturally beautiful". That's how you inspire improvement. If you don't believe me then do a Facebook search of the hottest girls from your high school, because chances are they aren't lifting any trophies over their head anytime soon. Shades of...well... |
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